My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,

[Imraan]

Assalam Walaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakathu

I am at a very difficult stage in my marriage and it is constantly eating me up inside, I have been married for for about 16 months and from day one my marriage seems to have been going more downhill than up-hill. Please be gentle in your criticisms (if any) as I know for sure we have 'with the fullest regret' sinned.

I came to a point in my life where I was aged about 33, I had been searching for a wife for around 3 years and still no joy. I came to a point where I was just depressed with my single life and the lack of progress. I do my hajj with my mum and sister and I come back and I meet someone off a matrimonial site (March 2014). We talk, we're getting along and I'm serious about marriage, so is she 'she claims' so I quickly try and get our families to meet, because I didn’t want a pre marriage relationship.

So i take my family down from Leicester and we go down to London and meet her face to face (May 2014). I liked her and my family liked her. So we left that day thinking yeah, we're happy. We start to enquire about the family from locals and our relatives. No one can vouch for the family, we search high and low. Eventually a close relative, my uncle basically gave some negative feedback on this girl and my uncles son mention that the family isn’t right. few weeks have gone by now since the first family meet and my family are asking her family but her family aren’t giving any answers except... its too far for them. We took the hint, so by now I’m asking the girl 'what’s happening, do you want to proceed or not?", girl responds yes she does want to proceed, her parents are still deciding.

In various nagging conversations I kept asking her, what’s wrong, why aren’t they moving things forward, is something wrong, I’m getting paranoid that somethings not right, maybe my uncle and his son are right so I confront her on the phone and ask her straight out, she denies that anything is wrong and says my uncles family are jealous that’s why they do not want this wedding to go ahead because they approached this family for the same girl and they got turned down on two occasions for each brother.

So we continue to liaise over the phone to a point where we now have feelings for each other. On the telephone we form this long distance relationship with no physical contact whatsoever for one year. In the interim between the first family visit and February 2015 my family called numerous times only to be to be told they haven't decided yet, blimey its pushing on to nearly one year, it’s our fault entirely we should have taken a hint from her parents, but the girl had a stronghold on me and convinced me she was the one for me.

By this time, our bond is strong, there is a significant amount of trust and there is a lot of affection, bottom line I was blinded by love (I’ve so let myself down as I’ve seen fellow childhood friends go through blind love numerous times and its effects, yet here I am falling for the same trap!). My feelings for this girl are so strong we eventually meet in Feb 2015 and would meet on a irregular random basis.

Bear in mind me, my family and the girl are praying and praying and praying for this wedding to go ahead so we can end this struggle

Anyway I’m thinking 'I like the girl, I trust her so I’ll wait for her, so waiting waiting, one delay after another, her parents go abroad on 3 occasions in 2015 (India, Saudi, Bangladesh) and my family call them in between (when they come back to England) and we just never got a straight answer, the marriage proposal is just continuously delayed and delayed, yet me and this prospective bride are yearning to get married but it isn’t happening. Finally in May 2016, things start moving, we visit and in turn the family come to visit my family home in Leicester.

So then my family say we would like the wedding ASAP, like September, but her family still isn’t having it, they just wanted to delay and delay, I’ll skip the gory nitty gritty frustrating details and the turmoil my family (maybe there’s as well) faced in organising the wedding, at one point they were like 'can it be April 2017?' we responded It's got to be December the latest, after they kept pushing the date forward one more than two occasions , a) September, then it was b) first week of October then c) end of October, d) then sometime in November eventually leaving us with a date in December 2016. So I'm thinking to myself getting married at 35, Alhamdulillah, and she's 33,

We agreed on things like after marriage if she wants to work she can work here in Leicester and to start off with she can visit family like once a month due to distance and eventually tone it down.

So we get married, and consummate after making dua'z, On Day one i check my wife’s phone (on the off chance) and I find 3 months worth of texts and video call recordings with her and some guy, she communicated with him up until her mendhi day as in had an affair with the guy. This is like nightmare for me, I’m in tears , heart broken to pieces, i confront her and she's begging me holding my feet asking for forgiveness, i ask is the child mine? she says yes, "get a morning after pill if you don’t believe me". I thought to myself we fought hard and waited a long time, I’ll look forward only so I forgave her thinking "she isn’t going to go back to that workplace again, so I got nothing to worry about" ... boy was I wrong...

Month 1, my wife starts crying, she; s missing her parents, that upcoming weekend I take her to my in laws, she says she wants to stay one week, I’m like ok, she extends it to two, I’m not happy but I say ok, my family tell me I should be kind. come week, she's asking for an extra week, I rejected thinking she's taking the mick. these situations bring sourness to a relationship when you have to say 'no' to your wife.

So she comes back to Leicester and she takes the test, Alhamdulillah within 1 month of consummation we have good news, my wife is pregnant..

her parents set off to go abroad mid Jan for a three month trip

meanwhile we plan a trip for Ummrah for end of Jan, me, wife, and my two other family members, knowing my wife is pregnant my wife says she is willing to go. After I place the booking, got the visas, five days before our flight my wife says its too much for her, she cant travel and quickly flees home desperately (picked up by her brother) saying she's only going for two nights even though both her parents aren’t in the country. She's ill, how can i stop her. So I let her go. She ends up in hospital for one night and while our flights are literally days away we continue with our ummrah trip, even my wife says 'go, you shouldn’t miss out'. Selfish of me I'm thinking if my wife really wanted to go she could have, loads of pregnant women fly / travel, anyway i gave the benefit of the doubt whilst i wasn’t still happy about the situation thinking this girl did not want to go with me. I start to become paranoid about my wife. So to summarise that, my wife is at her parents house away from me for 3 weeks... yet again. Paranoia kicks in... inevitably.

Anyway we come back from Ummrah and she comes back to Leicester and lives with me until the end of March. her parents come back from abroad and guess what, we are back at her parents again (with all kindness and good intentions off course) and she stays for one or two weeks. She also takes the wedding gold from the marital home and puts it in her dads safe. (im thinking no big deal, she’ll bring it back, d like her to wear it again) She comes back to Leicester and she breaks it to me that she's going back to work in London at her old place, we argue, argue and argue and I mention her affair and so on. I consult my family, what should I do, my family respond, let her go back to her parents house and work, otherwise she'll be miserable at home. I cut a deal with her, saying you want to work in London? I expect you back every weekend, can you do that?.... she replies yes yes off course yes off course a thousand times.... me being the gullible one thinking a pregnant lady going to put herself through that when she couldn’t even go abroad with me????, she isn’t going to come back every weekend.... I’m thinking she's taking me for a ride... guess what she did in the end, she came home once a month. When asked "when are you coming?", "why aren't you coming?" all I got in return was attitude and the 'lamest school homework type' excuses. we continue to argue, eventually i gave up on that, I’d had enough.

FYI she isn’t that bright or matured unfortunately, she is easily influenced. Half of the stuff she is doing is coming from other members in her family, and she; s determined to see it through.

Ramadan is here.... in a ideal family husband and wife spend the whole ramadan together without miss, i only got two or three days with her at most out of thirty, another heartbreak, she did come for Eid though.

At some point later I'm thinking .... is my child going to even be born in my home town, i was born in Leicester I’d like my child born here please..... if all is well.

at this stage none of the medical records had transferred to Leicester yet, everything is still in London. So I have this discussion with my wife... based on the past few months doesn’t seem like your settling in here... your address and everything is still at your parents...? what’s the plan? still denying there isn’t a plan, she says she will join our surgeries after she finishes her 4 month stint at work and claims the maternity pay, so i get a definitive date from her and she says 2nd week of August and guarantees our baby will be born in Leicester (she even says her parents swear by it too), she even places her hand on our holy book and swears on her life etc etc.

Off course out of suspicion and curiosity I go through her things, I find a thaweez in her purse, I photograph, I didn’t confront her or on it because then she’l wonder why I went through her things, fact is I didn’t trust her then, wont trust her ever,

August comes and there’s still no sign of her registering here in Leicester, after continuous arguments it came to surface that she was indeed having the baby in London, my family didn’t have a problem with it, however it made it difficult for me as Id always hoped everything wold be at home, you know.... local to me in Leicester.

I was just angry I feel like I’ve been lied to constantly. She's always wanting things her way, arguing with me, pushing me to the limits

We have our baby in September, Alhamdulillah its a healthy baby girl, I coped ok in another town (but its selfish of me to think about me after all it wasn’t me giving birth), would have preferred bringing my baby daughter home to Leicester first thing but its not in my fate, after staying in hospital for 5 days (due to 2nd degree tear and blood loss) and after me being told by my wife that 'our child is not legally mine' (after which she apologised for saying) we ended up in our in laws, stayed the night, at which point my mother in law picks an argument with me, persisting our baby has her birth certificate registered to the London address so my wife can claim x y z benefits and tax relief etc and I’m arguing for my daughters birth right that it should have her home address on, but my wife and my mother in law weren’t having it. We have a full on head to head heated argument and I’m highlighting the past 10 months of lies which caused me distress), mid way through I realise I shouldn’t be arguing with elders so I took all my mother in laws #r#p in from of the rest of the family. Inna Lilla Hi wa inna ilayhi rajioon, what has the world come to. The room darkened for me very much and I couldn’t wait to leave this awkward scene and this house.

the following morning I was able to bring her back to Leicester. The first thing we do is transfer mother and baby's medical records to Leicester and continue to attend the check ups and appointments and immunisations here in Leicester, convenient for me so I could take them to the doctors and hospitals.

Meanwhile, my mother in law names the baby, and I’m like 'don’t I get a say', my wife says yeah you pick the name and let your mum pick a house name'. She also wants to contribute to the name. So we have three names and a nickname. Again I consult my family about the birth certificate thing, and my family tell me 'its only a paper', so I allow my wife to use her parents address.

I name first name, I take the name my mother in law gave (out of respect) and place it as a surname, the middle name which my wife gave, out of anger i exclude it because my wife has got a lot of stuff her way and caused a lot of arguments, anyhow she will benefit from whatever claims she makes so why should she upset, she'll be getting her money???? My mother gives the home nickname and we start calling her that at home, turns out when our daughter goes back to my in laws, they all call my daughter the name my mother in law gave, are they making a statement? I don’t know.

Anyway due to resentment and bitterness and the hate I have for my wife, our relationship is literally zero contact, we are only here for our daughter, we can’t seem to agree on things and I feel like my wife just wants to do what she wants regardless of committing to our marriage, Several times I have said would we be better off if we separated, things isn’t working out, you isn’t settling in, I don’t know what’s round the corner, her responses seem to consist of 'not bothered', 'do whatever you like' attitude. She's constantly looking for faults and I’m too busy highlighting the instances where she has hurt me through lies, betrayal, dishonesty and her argumentative approach to me.

We have some intimacy, speechless intimacy, we hardly talk, its as if we are already divorced. We had an immunisation appointment in Leicester, I’ve booked a day off from work all ready and prepped, my wife goes back to her parents, I say stay one week and come back for our daughters immunisations as I’ve made arrangements, my wife insists on staying for two, the day after I drop them off i receive a text saying "I’ve booked her a appt for her here in London so cancel the other one and book another one 4 weeks from that date for next set of injection" Verbatim...... I feel she's undermined me

I know the mother has more rights on the child than the father, but come on be fair and behave maturely and act in the best interest of your marriage, not yourself.

I feel there’s no respect, no commitment to the marriage, getting her to live with me seems to be a big big challenge and I feel I don’t have a say about our child.

My family treat her like a princess and believe it or not whenever my wife’s at home, its as if she's a temporary guest, she’s been married a year she asks me where stuff is in the kitchen. She doesn’t look after my house, doesn’t clean the room, just helps with cooking and some kitchen cleaning, she has said to me and I quote "once you are gone (as in passed away), I have no rights to the house, so will leave everyone and leave Leicester and flee back home with my child"... I'm immediately thinking "do i want to die whilst being married to her, NO!!"

Some of the stuff she says or does to tick me off comes across as provocation, its as if she's trying to annoy me so much that I’ll submit to a divorce so she can continue with her life guilt free

I have suggested to her for us to jointly do charity work, get more involved in selfless acts so that it may soften our hearts, lets go Islamic marriage courses, she isn’t a single bit bothered..,..

Life is very difficult, marriage is very difficult. Life was supposed to get better, happier, instead its a constant everyday battle with my heart, my emotions and my resentment. I can't erase it, its traumatic. What’s the point erasing it, something new will pop up, something always has in the past one year. I feel like ending the whole thing, but I remember my daughter, (I’m not ready to pay child support and have limited access just yet), I pray everyday, ask my wife to pray everyday, ask her to think about our child, our marriage, but I’m not enough for her, its as if she's longing for something else or she just wants to make life difficult. She does not value our marriage.

now criticise me if you will. After marriage I did make some payments to my wife as a husband does, but it wasn’t regular, however shelter, food etc- was never a problem, Alhamdulillah we have two houses and I’m always at home and make sure we are fully stocked up, yet its not enough for my wife. I take her to London and I pick her up, I refuse for anyone else to do that chore, yet I feel greatly unappreciated. When I asked my wife why isn’t this enough, she responded, modern age, women expect more than basic necessities, so this coincides with my mother in law, "if you aren’t going to pay my daughter £250 a week, then let her claim all the benefits, she needs to spend and be independent".

I fear there are bad events round the corner, I continuously pray my salaah, make dua for myself, my daughter, my wife, my family, her family and muslim immah, pray isthikhara, I worry about my daughter, not so much my wife because I know she will continue to do whatever makes her happy

I've been talking about this to a select few, and the feedback I get is "the longer I leave it, the worse it will get", or set her straight, send her back and tell her to come back when its ready.... the fact is they don’t need us, my wife does not need me, she'll happily go back to London back to her parents and her two unmarried brothers.... together they will support her.

Next thing you know its January 2018 first week, my mother in law (without asking me) although she asked my mother arranges for my wife and child to be picked up without my approval. Im thinking I cant take this anymore, I ask my family for advice, they advised me and my wife sit with the imam who performed the nikkah ceremony on the wedding day, I suggested to my wife and she agrees to sit down. so after I week I go to pick her up and we both and baby go and visit the imam. I explain the history to the imam, she also complains to him saying she doesn’t like the water in Leicester, she has a man come into her dreams and tells her things, she feels a burning sensation over her body when I touch her etc etc… the imam, gives us advice on how to deal with problems when they occur outside the marriage, I.e we shouldn’t confront etc or accuse anyone etc. Then the imam asked us if we wanted to continue with the marriage, I said yes only if she keeps to certain conditions, i.e. don’t say bad things about me to her family, I want her 100% co-operation and commitment to the marriage and that we both abide by sharia law. She agrees, vice versa I agree too. I also state no one is taking my wife and child without my permission anymore. If they do its over. Within three weeks she accuses my mother of black magic, my wife tells my mother to go and touch the Kaaba sharif in Makkah and do some kind of kosom (who imposes such requests at the age of 34?, who does that regardless of age?) to prove she hasn’t done it, my wife accuses my mum of taking her London house keys when all along she had it in her handbag, I only found it in her handbag because her accusation against my mother drove me crazy. Her family have been told by pirs or magicians or mullahs etc that someone from my side of the family has done black magic, she confronts my mum on this as well saying we are into thaweez etc and degrades my family. My mother didn’t say anything to me about the accusations as this would cause problems….. until one week before she decides to go abroad to visit her family as her brother is terminally ill, she wanted to focus on her brother and seeing her mum. I then remember the thaweez that has been sitting in her personal belongings all this time, and im thinking if she is so against thaweez, why the hell does she have one?

Its now March 2018, somehow we’ve peddled on whilst there have been some arguments here and there, her parents come back from ummrah, she tells her brother to tell me he’s coming to pick her and my child up, im furious as im not going to take orders like that so i confront my wife, I tell my wife I’l take you on my next day off in two days time, wife says what you going to do if I go now, I said if you go, don’t come back. Big hoo haa argument and wife gets her mum involved and is ready to leave, im crying I get my family involved as it could be the end, later we worked things out, the following day my mother in law is insistent on having my wife picked up, and sends my brother in law. I say to my wife, if you leave today then it has ended, wait 2 days as agreed or else we will need to sit down and end this. My brother in law arrives and questions me why cant his sister come home, I said I haven’t given the permission for her to leave, shes coming in two days time on my day off, he replies make sure you ask my dad for permission before you take her back, I replied, no, that is between me and my wife, he storms out saying is “is she a slave in this house”. I replied off course she isn’t. I re-iterated to her she is not a slave for me or my family and she is welcome to leave anytime she wants (told her to explain to her family as well that she is not being kept in this marriage against her will), she doesn’t even have to do anything for me (forget doing anything for my family), that stuff only comes from the heart if it exists. Although her brother came to pick her up, my wife remained.

Now we have an issue with the wedding gold, ive asked our imam, and he said the wedding gold should be in the marital home, I kindly request to my wife to bring the wedding gold back home, she then replies she wants to sell it and accuses me that I might sell it and keep the money. I wouldn’t sell it without my wifes permission I have no right. Despite being in debt after the wedding, I would not even ask my wife to sell the wedding gold. So although I cant value or claim rights to her wealth (apparently according to her boasting and broadcasting to my family she has over 100 grams of gold and 0.75 million pounds (shes even said she can buy my house 3 times over, ive got a substantial mortgage btw)) she is still adamant in keeping the wedding gold and / or selling it, but she wont do anything with any wealth prior to the marriage? Does that say something about my wife???? Im going to try and get her to sit with the imam again as we have lots to discuss about how the contract was breached etc, she refuses to sit with him, she wants someone else, seems like if it doesn’t work her way it shouldn’t work at all. I have a wife who seems to implement double standards in her life, traditional when it suits her and her family, modern when it suits her and her family?- What do I do?

I worry about my daughter so much... I don’t want her growing up in that family, they come across as dysfunctional to me... but my daughters rizq and fate has already been written, all I can do is try my best but I cant let go of my wifes conduct, behviour, decisions against me and her character, I hate it! I cant live with someone like that for the rest of my life.

There is nothing I can do, its all in Allah's hands, Allah knows best, I pray Allah swt makes it easy for me and my family and for my daughter..... I so regret getting married to this girl, I don’t know what to do.

May 2018: One week after I took her to see a raqi and her being diagnosed with evil eye. She has decided to leave my residence today after an argument we had. I tried to keep my answers to her short and brief. Tried to maintain the peace while we were both fasting in the month of ramadan. She still continued to debate and argue. I out of provoked anger as she started disrespecting my family members told her if she wants to go before eid 'to pack up and go and await a sit down with elders and imaam shortly after Eid' so in a split second she arranged her travel and took the baby. Allahu Aaalaam she has made her decision. Please remember us in your duas. Jzk.

[Abz2000]

It appears that both of you are measuring by selfish standards, if you both choose to measure by the eternal standard - that of your Creator and Sustainer, you would both have been able to "get along jus' fine", a house divided does not stand for long, whoever of you manage to get in line with your Creator's standard (if not both of you) will be the most successful - and you'll definitely realise this when you wake up after the 70ish year term that it takes to drop to the bottom of hell.

Read surah at-Tahrim.
Also, your family and hers are helping to mess things up by conspiring in secret - indicating a lack of trust - and no intelligent person is able to put up with such an insult and lack of due respect for long.

[Supernova]

Is there another Chapter to follow ?

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Is there another Chapter to follow ?

[Abz2000]

Is there another Chapter to follow ?

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Is there another Chapter to follow ?

There are 114.

Ekhsho souddo ta ase

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[xboxisdead]

It appears that both of you are measuring by selfish standards, if you both choose to measure by the eternal standard - that of your Creator and Sustainer, you would both have been able to "get along jus' fine", a house divided does not stand for long, whoever of you manage to get in line with your Creator's standard (if not both of you) will be the most successful - and you'll definitely realise this when you wake up after the 70ish year term that it takes to drop to the bottom of hell.

Read surah at-Tahrim.
Also, your family and hers are helping to mess things up by conspiring in secret - indicating a lack of trust - and no intelligent person is able to put up with such an insult and lack of due respect for long.

A) That guy lost all his right to his daughter. So as far as he is concerned he have bills to pay and no daughter. If he stays with her his daughter will back her mother up against the father and there will be two women working in unit against this man. It is worse to live like this than to divorce her and lose 100% contact and relationship with the daughter. If I was him (I would never be in this situation period) I would consider this a lose and pay for my mistake. I will attempt to form contact to the child and if the mother prevents me from having any contact and her family poison the child I will clean my hand and have something against them in the afterlife. I will simply make dua against them because I am the person in the weakest point (fathers are the weaker parents are in the weakest point than the mothers) so all I have with me is my heart and dua.

B) That brother missed the red sign so all blame goes to him. Sorry. It is your fault. You made research and people told you there is something wrong with this girl and then marriage get delayed that much..it is already a telltale sign it is going to get worse

C) You had a baby fast. You should have waited and got all these sign appear so when you divorce her there is no issue of children. You did not do that. I would wait five years before I conceive a child. I will go as far as get those awesome medical birth contraceptive pills that are reversible that prevents me from producing sperm and having a wife have babies. This will be an agreement to the wife before marriage and the contraceptive will be only accessed by me. If my wife decides to drug me without my consent to have the child...I will curse her until the last of breath, divorce her and have nothing to do with her and HER baby. If it is fine with her then it is fine with me.

D) I am happy you had a daughter vs a son, it would be another generation of weak men had it being a son and you have that for a mother.

E) Your wife does not need you. Majority of women don't need men anyways. It is in their nature. Women by nature can live in an a planet where no men exist and they can do fine with it and be happy. So do not feel bad if you feel some sort of resentment that she acts like she does not need you, because she doesn't. You need to learn to move on when you have a broken heart and not need her. This is where your true masculinity and being a man comes in.

F) This is a power struggle and she is winning the struggle by you submitting. If you don't put your foot down at the beginning of the relationship she have won the power struggle and she is the one driving the ship. Ones that happens you can never regain that power back. Sorry. You lost. So you can be the day-youth and submit to her well and her family and live a miserable life and obey her every whim and desires and her mother's desires and family and be just a handy man and human bank machine while her law goes or you leave.....and if you intend to sacrifice all that for what exactly? A daughter? Pfft. That is stupid. Sorry. Whether it be a daughter or son it is stupid. These children will grow up and throw you in the old home age anyways......you will be left unhappy, emasculated, powerless and miserable for people who would not even do dua for you when you die or care for you! This my friend is worse than living alone and paying child support and have zero access to the children and the children hate you.

G) Remember children by nature hate their fathers...by default. Understand, wife and children majority of them are your enemy. So please....stop having all this drama in your life. My advice: divorce her. Simple. Divorce her. Make this a learning lose. The more you need someone the more that person have power over you and can step on your face. Again...don't right away break relationship with your daughter..do your best and act to have contact with her and have proof to your daughter you attempted it. Let her mother and grandmother and family member be the evil people by preventing you seeing the children. 80% of the time women do this. Let your ex-wife poison the child on you. You have Allah (Subhhanahu Wa Talaa) to back you up. You are doing the act for Allah and not for your daughter and for anyone else. So when the time comes in day of judgement you have something to show to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and say that I have done this but they have waged war against me..so this way you can benefit from your daughter in the afterlife by getting her good deeds and you can benefit from the ex-wife by getting her good deed. The pleasure of this world are only children and wealth here...but the greatest pleasure in the afterlife. Use the resources here to gain the real reward and gift in the afterlife...even if it comes through the expense of your ex-wife, wife or children. That day...is truly the definition of survival to the fittest and in this case the most pois one and the one with imam and the one who got the most oppressed by other people when you are in the weakest point. If I was you..I would take advantage of the situation to gain success in the afterlife and leave and find a better woman. Learn from this experience. Or stay single and sponsor a child.

[Futuwwa]

They kept on stalling and stalling the decision to accept the proposal, and then after having stated their acceptance of it, kept stalling the actual wedding. Also, you found out that she has had an affair with another man up until she got married to you, despite being in the process of arranging to get married to you.

Am I the only one connecting the dots here? She wanted the other man all along, but he took her for a ride, took advantage of her and her hopes to marry him. You were her fall-back option. Chances are that she just married you because her family convinced her that it's either you or ending up as an old maid forever.

You did the right thing standing your ground in April 2018. You should have done way more of that, and way sooner. That she did not go with him even as her brother picked her up shows that you have authority if you only choose to use it, and act like you have it.

I'd advise the following:

If she ever contacts you again, tell her the only way you will ever accept her back is for her to confess that she has sinned against you, and that she will obey you from now on. That she must recognize that you are the head of the family, no exceptions or limits. If she agrees, hold her accountable to that, don't reward misbehaviour by abiding it or through patience in the hopes she will improve, you did far too much of that already.

Know that if you divorce, you have the option to contest custody of your daughter. I don't know how British law on the matter works, but might be her behaviour towards you would count against her in divorce and custody proceedings.

Oh, and get your daughter DNA-tested. Considering her relationship with the other guy, it's entirely possible she is not your daughter at all. At the very least, if she means to claim child support from you, you have (as far as I know British law on the matter) the legal option to contest paternity and have a court-ordered DNA test done.

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They kept on stalling and stalling the decision to accept the proposal, and then after having stated their acceptance of it, kept stalling the actual wedding. Also, you found out that she has had an affair with another man up until she got married to you, despite being in the process of arranging to get married to you.

Am I the only one connecting the dots here? She wanted the other man all along, but he took her for a ride, took advantage of her and her hopes to marry him. You were her fall-back option. Chances are that she just married you because her family convinced her that it's either you or ending up as an old maid forever.

You did the right thing standing your ground in April 2018. You should have done way more of that, and way sooner. That she did not go with him even as her brother picked her up shows that you have authority if you only choose to use it, and act like you have it.

I'd advise the following:

If she ever contacts you again, tell her the only way you will ever accept her back is for her to confess that she has sinned against you, and that she will obey you from now on. That she must recognize that you are the head of the family, no exceptions or limits. If she agrees, hold her accountable to that, don't reward misbehaviour by abiding it or through patience in the hopes she will improve, you did far too much of that already.

Know that if you divorce, you have the option to contest custody of your daughter. I don't know how British law on the matter works, but might be her behaviour towards you would count against her in divorce and custody proceedings.

Oh, and get your daughter DNA-tested. Considering her relationship with the other guy, it's entirely possible she is not your daughter at all. At the very least, if she means to claim child support from you, you have (as far as I know British law on the matter) the legal option to contest paternity and have a court-ordered DNA test done.

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What's wrong with the forum? Why did my post end up having the text twice, with a dotted line with "Updated" in the middle?

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What's wrong with the forum? Why did my post end up having the text twice, with a dotted line with "Updated" in the middle?

[xboxisdead]

They kept on stalling and stalling the decision to accept the proposal, and then after having stated their acceptance of it, kept stalling the actual wedding. Also, you found out that she has had an affair with another man up until she got married to you, despite being in the process of arranging to get married to you.

Am I the only one connecting the dots here? She wanted the other man all along, but he took her for a ride, took advantage of her and her hopes to marry him. You were her fall-back option. Chances are that she just married you because her family convinced her that it's either you or ending up as an old maid forever.

You did the right thing standing your ground in April 2018. You should have done way more of that, and way sooner. That she did not go with him even as her brother picked her up shows that you have authority if you only choose to use it, and act like you have it.

I'd advise the following:

If she ever contacts you again, tell her the only way you will ever accept her back is for her to confess that she has sinned against you, and that she will obey you from now on. That she must recognize that you are the head of the family, no exceptions or limits. If she agrees, hold her accountable to that, don't reward misbehaviour by abiding it or through patience in the hopes she will improve, you did far too much of that already.

Know that if you divorce, you have the option to contest custody of your daughter. I don't know how British law on the matter works, but might be her behaviour towards you would count against her in divorce and custody proceedings.

Oh, and get your daughter DNA-tested. Considering her relationship with the other guy, it's entirely possible she is not your daughter at all. At the very least, if she means to claim child support from you, you have (as far as I know British law on the matter) the legal option to contest paternity and have a court-ordered DNA test done.

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They kept on stalling and stalling the decision to accept the proposal, and then after having stated their acceptance of it, kept stalling the actual wedding. Also, you found out that she has had an affair with another man up until she got married to you, despite being in the process of arranging to get married to you.

Am I the only one connecting the dots here? She wanted the other man all along, but he took her for a ride, took advantage of her and her hopes to marry him. You were her fall-back option. Chances are that she just married you because her family convinced her that it's either you or ending up as an old maid forever.

You did the right thing standing your ground in April 2018. You should have done way more of that, and way sooner. That she did not go with him even as her brother picked her up shows that you have authority if you only choose to use it, and act like you have it.

I'd advise the following:

If she ever contacts you again, tell her the only way you will ever accept her back is for her to confess that she has sinned against you, and that she will obey you from now on. That she must recognize that you are the head of the family, no exceptions or limits. If she agrees, hold her accountable to that, don't reward misbehaviour by abiding it or through patience in the hopes she will improve, you did far too much of that already.

Know that if you divorce, you have the option to contest custody of your daughter. I don't know how British law on the matter works, but might be her behaviour towards you would count against her in divorce and custody proceedings.

Oh, and get your daughter DNA-tested. Considering her relationship with the other guy, it's entirely possible she is not your daughter at all. At the very least, if she means to claim child support from you, you have (as far as I know British law on the matter) the legal option to contest paternity and have a court-ordered DNA test done.

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What's wrong with the forum? Why did my post end up having the text twice, with a dotted line with "Updated" in the middle?

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What's wrong with the forum? Why did my post end up having the text twice, with a dotted line with "Updated" in the middle?

Wait brother! Hold on. Isn't Islamic law it is illegal or father is forbidden to have custody of his children until the child reaches age seven. At that point then the father can have custody of his children? My understanding that is how it works. No? And you know British law favors mothers over father 100% in everything up to and including if the mother is a drug addict, lesbian or kafir she still have custody of the child vs the father who is Muslim, saleh, good person he is forbidden to have custody. Isn't that how it is in British law? Also isn't in British law a man have to pay child support even if the child doesn't belong to him as long as the mother put his name as the father to the child, DNA or no DNA he have to pay child support until the child reaches like 21 or something, no?

You cannot possible believe that British law by any mean have any justice in them. It is impossible to ask that from man made law...man.

As for the brother telling her he is the head of the household..that ship sailed at the beginning. He cannot be the head of the household or even if he tried there will be no harmony in this relationship, because his wife will make sure no harmony is ever possible. Honestly in my humble opinion this relationship is over. But..meh...what do I know!

[M.I.A.]

That's a huge amount of text...

But I stopped reading at this point.


"she denies that anything is wrong and says my uncles family are jealous that’s why they do not want this wedding to go ahead because they approached this family for the same girl and they got turned down on two occasions for each brother."

Your obviously leaving out all the complicated stuff.

A matrimonial site hooked you up with the same girl your uncle's two sons were rejected by?

What is it tinder?

You have 4 pizza shops in your area.

..no I'm sorry, I will read the rest of your post.. slowly.

You know the world is an extremely small place for some.

I'd much prefer the company of strangers.

..no I'm not a slaaayg.

I just don't like being followed.

"So we get married, and consummate after making dua'z, On Day one i check my wife’s phone (on the off chance) and I find 3 months worth of texts and video call recordings with her and some guy, she communicated with him up until her mendhi day as in had an affair with the guy. This is like nightmare for me, I’m in tears , heart broken to pieces, i confront her and she's begging me holding my feet asking for forgiveness, i ask is the child mine? she says yes, "get a morning after pill if you don’t believe me". I thought to myself we fought hard and waited a long time, I’ll look forward only so I forgave her thinking "she isn’t going to go back to that workplace again, so I got nothing to worry about" ... boy was I wrong..."

Wow.. I'm kinda hoping you did a paternity test.


"FYI she isn’t that bright or matured unfortunately, she is easily influenced. Half of the stuff she is doing is coming from other members in her family, and she; s determined to see it through."

I don't know what you married!

Ok so basically..at the end of it, you have to stick it out.

She basically hasn't liked the life you have provided and wants to move back into her comfort zone.

You don't want to split up.

So two things.

..have you considered moving to London?

And are you sure she isn't still cheating on you?

..Life for the most part is uphill.

[xboxisdead]

That's a huge amount of text...

But I stopped reading at this point.


"she denies that anything is wrong and says my uncles family are jealous that’s why they do not want this wedding to go ahead because they approached this family for the same girl and they got turned down on two occasions for each brother."

Your obviously leaving out all the complicated stuff.

A matrimonial site hooked you up with the same girl your uncle's two sons were rejected by?

What is it tinder?

You have 4 pizza shops in your area.

..no I'm sorry, I will read the rest of your post.. slowly.

You know the world is an extremely small place for some.

I'd much prefer the company of strangers.

..no I'm not a slaaayg.

I just don't like being followed.

"So we get married, and consummate after making dua'z, On Day one i check my wife’s phone (on the off chance) and I find 3 months worth of texts and video call recordings with her and some guy, she communicated with him up until her mendhi day as in had an affair with the guy. This is like nightmare for me, I’m in tears , heart broken to pieces, i confront her and she's begging me holding my feet asking for forgiveness, i ask is the child mine? she says yes, "get a morning after pill if you don’t believe me". I thought to myself we fought hard and waited a long time, I’ll look forward only so I forgave her thinking "she isn’t going to go back to that workplace again, so I got nothing to worry about" ... boy was I wrong..."

Wow.. I'm kinda hoping you did a paternity test.


"FYI she isn’t that bright or matured unfortunately, she is easily influenced. Half of the stuff she is doing is coming from other members in her family, and she; s determined to see it through."

I don't know what you married!

Ok so basically..at the end of it, you have to stick it out.

She basically hasn't liked the life you have provided and wants to move back into her comfort zone.

You don't want to split up.

So two things.

..have you considered moving to London?

And are you sure she isn't still cheating on you?

..Life for the most part is uphill.

Stick it out? :heated::exhausted:facepalm:

[M.I.A.]

Yeah, it's just his perspective of the relationship..

It's the same guy that stuck it out at the beginning.

And then again when he found the texts that haven't fully been explained.

And then had a baby.


If anything, life is the path you persue.. and all the old wounds can be overcome.

But if what he wants is not actually what he wants..


Then it's just another choice to be made. It's as easy as steering a conversation.

To be frank.

You know, if the word ever overtakes you.. you should at least know about it.

See how long it takes to regain clarity of thought and integrity.

Or just whack on a taweez and visit a chemist for a regular one.

..because who wants to stay on topic?

Just waiting for clearance to work and I can disappear for a while again.

..and be well again.

Nudge*nudge*wink*wink

[hinabutt]

I agree Abz.

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I agree Abz. You are absolutely right.

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I agree Abz. You are absolutely right.

[Nashita]

Assalam Walaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakathu

I am at a very difficult stage in my marriage and it is constantly eating me up inside, I have been married for for about 16 months and from day one my marriage seems to have been going more downhill than up-hill. Please be gentle in your criticisms (if any) as I know for sure we have 'with the fullest regret' sinned.

I came to a point in my life where I was aged about 33, I had been searching for a wife for around 3 years and still no joy. I came to a point where I was just depressed with my single life and the lack of progress. I do my hajj with my mum and sister and I come back and I meet someone off a matrimonial site (March 2014). We talk, we're getting along and I'm serious about marriage, so is she 'she claims' so I quickly try and get our families to meet, because I didn’t want a pre marriage relationship.

So i take my family down from Leicester and we go down to London and meet her face to face (May 2014). I liked her and my family liked her. So we left that day thinking yeah, we're happy. We start to enquire about the family from locals and our relatives. No one can vouch for the family, we search high and low. Eventually a close relative, my uncle basically gave some negative feedback on this girl and my uncles son mention that the family isn’t right. few weeks have gone by now since the first family meet and my family are asking her family but her family aren’t giving any answers except... its too far for them. We took the hint, so by now I’m asking the girl 'what’s happening, do you want to proceed or not?", girl responds yes she does want to proceed, her parents are still deciding.

In various nagging conversations I kept asking her, what’s wrong, why aren’t they moving things forward, is something wrong, I’m getting paranoid that somethings not right, maybe my uncle and his son are right so I confront her on the phone and ask her straight out, she denies that anything is wrong and says my uncles family are jealous that’s why they do not want this wedding to go ahead because they approached this family for the same girl and they got turned down on two occasions for each brother.

So we continue to liaise over the phone to a point where we now have feelings for each other. On the telephone we form this long distance relationship with no physical contact whatsoever for one year. In the interim between the first family visit and February 2015 my family called numerous times only to be to be told they haven't decided yet, blimey its pushing on to nearly one year, it’s our fault entirely we should have taken a hint from her parents, but the girl had a stronghold on me and convinced me she was the one for me.

By this time, our bond is strong, there is a significant amount of trust and there is a lot of affection, bottom line I was blinded by love (I’ve so let myself down as I’ve seen fellow childhood friends go through blind love numerous times and its effects, yet here I am falling for the same trap!). My feelings for this girl are so strong we eventually meet in Feb 2015 and would meet on a irregular random basis.

Bear in mind me, my family and the girl are praying and praying and praying for this wedding to go ahead so we can end this struggle

Anyway I’m thinking 'I like the girl, I trust her so I’ll wait for her, so waiting waiting, one delay after another, her parents go abroad on 3 occasions in 2015 (India, Saudi, Bangladesh) and my family call them in between (when they come back to England) and we just never got a straight answer, the marriage proposal is just continuously delayed and delayed, yet me and this prospective bride are yearning to get married but it isn’t happening. Finally in May 2016, things start moving, we visit and in turn the family come to visit my family home in Leicester.

So then my family say we would like the wedding ASAP, like September, but her family still isn’t having it, they just wanted to delay and delay, I’ll skip the gory nitty gritty frustrating details and the turmoil my family (maybe there’s as well) faced in organising the wedding, at one point they were like 'can it be April 2017?' we responded It's got to be December the latest, after they kept pushing the date forward one more than two occasions , a) September, then it was b) first week of October then c) end of October, d) then sometime in November eventually leaving us with a date in December 2016. So I'm thinking to myself getting married at 35, Alhamdulillah, and she's 33,

We agreed on things like after marriage if she wants to work she can work here in Leicester and to start off with she can visit family like once a month due to distance and eventually tone it down.

So we get married, and consummate after making dua'z, On Day one i check my wife’s phone (on the off chance) and I find 3 months worth of texts and video call recordings with her and some guy, she communicated with him up until her mendhi day as in had an affair with the guy. This is like nightmare for me, I’m in tears , heart broken to pieces, i confront her and she's begging me holding my feet asking for forgiveness, i ask is the child mine? she says yes, "get a morning after pill if you don’t believe me". I thought to myself we fought hard and waited a long time, I’ll look forward only so I forgave her thinking "she isn’t going to go back to that workplace again, so I got nothing to worry about" ... boy was I wrong...

Month 1, my wife starts crying, she; s missing her parents, that upcoming weekend I take her to my in laws, she says she wants to stay one week, I’m like ok, she extends it to two, I’m not happy but I say ok, my family tell me I should be kind. come week, she's asking for an extra week, I rejected thinking she's taking the mick. these situations bring sourness to a relationship when you have to say 'no' to your wife.

So she comes back to Leicester and she takes the test, Alhamdulillah within 1 month of consummation we have good news, my wife is pregnant..

her parents set off to go abroad mid Jan for a three month trip

meanwhile we plan a trip for Ummrah for end of Jan, me, wife, and my two other family members, knowing my wife is pregnant my wife says she is willing to go. After I place the booking, got the visas, five days before our flight my wife says its too much for her, she cant travel and quickly flees home desperately (picked up by her brother) saying she's only going for two nights even though both her parents aren’t in the country. She's ill, how can i stop her. So I let her go. She ends up in hospital for one night and while our flights are literally days away we continue with our ummrah trip, even my wife says 'go, you shouldn’t miss out'. Selfish of me I'm thinking if my wife really wanted to go she could have, loads of pregnant women fly / travel, anyway i gave the benefit of the doubt whilst i wasn’t still happy about the situation thinking this girl did not want to go with me. I start to become paranoid about my wife. So to summarise that, my wife is at her parents house away from me for 3 weeks... yet again. Paranoia kicks in... inevitably.

Anyway we come back from Ummrah and she comes back to Leicester and lives with me until the end of March. her parents come back from abroad and guess what, we are back at her parents again (with all kindness and good intentions off course) and she stays for one or two weeks. She also takes the wedding gold from the marital home and puts it in her dads safe. (im thinking no big deal, she’ll bring it back, d like her to wear it again) She comes back to Leicester and she breaks it to me that she's going back to work in London at her old place, we argue, argue and argue and I mention her affair and so on. I consult my family, what should I do, my family respond, let her go back to her parents house and work, otherwise she'll be miserable at home. I cut a deal with her, saying you want to work in London? I expect you back every weekend, can you do that?.... she replies yes yes off course yes off course a thousand times.... me being the gullible one thinking a pregnant lady going to put herself through that when she couldn’t even go abroad with me????, she isn’t going to come back every weekend.... I’m thinking she's taking me for a ride... guess what she did in the end, she came home once a month. When asked "when are you coming?", "why aren't you coming?" all I got in return was attitude and the 'lamest school homework type' excuses. we continue to argue, eventually i gave up on that, I’d had enough.

FYI she isn’t that bright or matured unfortunately, she is easily influenced. Half of the stuff she is doing is coming from other members in her family, and she; s determined to see it through.

Ramadan is here.... in a ideal family husband and wife spend the whole ramadan together without miss, i only got two or three days with her at most out of thirty, another heartbreak, she did come for Eid though.

At some point later I'm thinking .... is my child going to even be born in my home town, i was born in Leicester I’d like my child born here please..... if all is well.

at this stage none of the medical records had transferred to Leicester yet, everything is still in London. So I have this discussion with my wife... based on the past few months doesn’t seem like your settling in here... your address and everything is still at your parents...? what’s the plan? still denying there isn’t a plan, she says she will join our surgeries after she finishes her 4 month stint at work and claims the maternity pay, so i get a definitive date from her and she says 2nd week of August and guarantees our baby will be born in Leicester (she even says her parents swear by it too), she even places her hand on our holy book and swears on her life etc etc.

Off course out of suspicion and curiosity I go through her things, I find a thaweez in her purse, I photograph, I didn’t confront her or on it because then she’l wonder why I went through her things, fact is I didn’t trust her then, wont trust her ever,

August comes and there’s still no sign of her registering here in Leicester, after continuous arguments it came to surface that she was indeed having the baby in London, my family didn’t have a problem with it, however it made it difficult for me as Id always hoped everything wold be at home, you know.... local to me in Leicester.

I was just angry I feel like I’ve been lied to constantly. She's always wanting things her way, arguing with me, pushing me to the limits

We have our baby in September, Alhamdulillah its a healthy baby girl, I coped ok in another town (but its selfish of me to think about me after all it wasn’t me giving birth), would have preferred bringing my baby daughter home to Leicester first thing but its not in my fate, after staying in hospital for 5 days (due to 2nd degree tear and blood loss) and after me being told by my wife that 'our child is not legally mine' (after which she apologised for saying) we ended up in our in laws, stayed the night, at which point my mother in law picks an argument with me, persisting our baby has her birth certificate registered to the London address so my wife can claim x y z benefits and tax relief etc and I’m arguing for my daughters birth right that it should have her home address on, but my wife and my mother in law weren’t having it. We have a full on head to head heated argument and I’m highlighting the past 10 months of lies which caused me distress), mid way through I realise I shouldn’t be arguing with elders so I took all my mother in laws #r#p in from of the rest of the family. Inna Lilla Hi wa inna ilayhi rajioon, what has the world come to. The room darkened for me very much and I couldn’t wait to leave this awkward scene and this house.

the following morning I was able to bring her back to Leicester. The first thing we do is transfer mother and baby's medical records to Leicester and continue to attend the check ups and appointments and immunisations here in Leicester, convenient for me so I could take them to the doctors and hospitals.

Meanwhile, my mother in law names the baby, and I’m like 'don’t I get a say', my wife says yeah you pick the name and let your mum pick a house name'. She also wants to contribute to the name. So we have three names and a nickname. Again I consult my family about the birth certificate thing, and my family tell me 'its only a paper', so I allow my wife to use her parents address.

I name first name, I take the name my mother in law gave (out of respect) and place it as a surname, the middle name which my wife gave, out of anger i exclude it because my wife has got a lot of stuff her way and caused a lot of arguments, anyhow she will benefit from whatever claims she makes so why should she upset, she'll be getting her money???? My mother gives the home nickname and we start calling her that at home, turns out when our daughter goes back to my in laws, they all call my daughter the name my mother in law gave, are they making a statement? I don’t know.

Anyway due to resentment and bitterness and the hate I have for my wife, our relationship is literally zero contact, we are only here for our daughter, we can’t seem to agree on things and I feel like my wife just wants to do what she wants regardless of committing to our marriage, Several times I have said would we be better off if we separated, things isn’t working out, you isn’t settling in, I don’t know what’s round the corner, her responses seem to consist of 'not bothered', 'do whatever you like' attitude. She's constantly looking for faults and I’m too busy highlighting the instances where she has hurt me through lies, betrayal, dishonesty and her argumentative approach to me.

We have some intimacy, speechless intimacy, we hardly talk, its as if we are already divorced. We had an immunisation appointment in Leicester, I’ve booked a day off from work all ready and prepped, my wife goes back to her parents, I say stay one week and come back for our daughters immunisations as I’ve made arrangements, my wife insists on staying for two, the day after I drop them off i receive a text saying "I’ve booked her a appt for her here in London so cancel the other one and book another one 4 weeks from that date for next set of injection" Verbatim...... I feel she's undermined me

I know the mother has more rights on the child than the father, but come on be fair and behave maturely and act in the best interest of your marriage, not yourself.

I feel there’s no respect, no commitment to the marriage, getting her to live with me seems to be a big big challenge and I feel I don’t have a say about our child.

My family treat her like a princess and believe it or not whenever my wife’s at home, its as if she's a temporary guest, she’s been married a year she asks me where stuff is in the kitchen. She doesn’t look after my house, doesn’t clean the room, just helps with cooking and some kitchen cleaning, she has said to me and I quote "once you are gone (as in passed away), I have no rights to the house, so will leave everyone and leave Leicester and flee back home with my child"... I'm immediately thinking "do i want to die whilst being married to her, NO!!"

Some of the stuff she says or does to tick me off comes across as provocation, its as if she's trying to annoy me so much that I’ll submit to a divorce so she can continue with her life guilt free

I have suggested to her for us to jointly do charity work, get more involved in selfless acts so that it may soften our hearts, lets go Islamic marriage courses, she isn’t a single bit bothered..,..

Life is very difficult, marriage is very difficult. Life was supposed to get better, happier, instead its a constant everyday battle with my heart, my emotions and my resentment. I can't erase it, its traumatic. What’s the point erasing it, something new will pop up, something always has in the past one year. I feel like ending the whole thing, but I remember my daughter, (I’m not ready to pay child support and have limited access just yet), I pray everyday, ask my wife to pray everyday, ask her to think about our child, our marriage, but I’m not enough for her, its as if she's longing for something else or she just wants to make life difficult. She does not value our marriage.

now criticise me if you will. After marriage I did make some payments to my wife as a husband does, but it wasn’t regular, however shelter, food etc- was never a problem, Alhamdulillah we have two houses and I’m always at home and make sure we are fully stocked up, yet its not enough for my wife. I take her to London and I pick her up, I refuse for anyone else to do that chore, yet I feel greatly unappreciated. When I asked my wife why isn’t this enough, she responded, modern age, women expect more than basic necessities, so this coincides with my mother in law, "if you aren’t going to pay my daughter £250 a week, then let her claim all the benefits, she needs to spend and be independent".

I fear there are bad events round the corner, I continuously pray my salaah, make dua for myself, my daughter, my wife, my family, her family and muslim immah, pray isthikhara, I worry about my daughter, not so much my wife because I know she will continue to do whatever makes her happy

I've been talking about this to a select few, and the feedback I get is "the longer I leave it, the worse it will get", or set her straight, send her back and tell her to come back when its ready.... the fact is they don’t need us, my wife does not need me, she'll happily go back to London back to her parents and her two unmarried brothers.... together they will support her.

Next thing you know its January 2018 first week, my mother in law (without asking me) although she asked my mother arranges for my wife and child to be picked up without my approval. Im thinking I cant take this anymore, I ask my family for advice, they advised me and my wife sit with the imam who performed the nikkah ceremony on the wedding day, I suggested to my wife and she agrees to sit down. so after I week I go to pick her up and we both and baby go and visit the imam. I explain the history to the imam, she also complains to him saying she doesn’t like the water in Leicester, she has a man come into her dreams and tells her things, she feels a burning sensation over her body when I touch her etc etc… the imam, gives us advice on how to deal with problems when they occur outside the marriage, I.e we shouldn’t confront etc or accuse anyone etc. Then the imam asked us if we wanted to continue with the marriage, I said yes only if she keeps to certain conditions, i.e. don’t say bad things about me to her family, I want her 100% co-operation and commitment to the marriage and that we both abide by sharia law. She agrees, vice versa I agree too. I also state no one is taking my wife and child without my permission anymore. If they do its over. Within three weeks she accuses my mother of black magic, my wife tells my mother to go and touch the Kaaba sharif in Makkah and do some kind of kosom (who imposes such requests at the age of 34?, who does that regardless of age?) to prove she hasn’t done it, my wife accuses my mum of taking her London house keys when all along she had it in her handbag, I only found it in her handbag because her accusation against my mother drove me crazy. Her family have been told by pirs or magicians or mullahs etc that someone from my side of the family has done black magic, she confronts my mum on this as well saying we are into thaweez etc and degrades my family. My mother didn’t say anything to me about the accusations as this would cause problems….. until one week before she decides to go abroad to visit her family as her brother is terminally ill, she wanted to focus on her brother and seeing her mum. I then remember the thaweez that has been sitting in her personal belongings all this time, and im thinking if she is so against thaweez, why the hell does she have one?

Its now March 2018, somehow we’ve peddled on whilst there have been some arguments here and there, her parents come back from ummrah, she tells her brother to tell me he’s coming to pick her and my child up, im furious as im not going to take orders like that so i confront my wife, I tell my wife I’l take you on my next day off in two days time, wife says what you going to do if I go now, I said if you go, don’t come back. Big hoo haa argument and wife gets her mum involved and is ready to leave, im crying I get my family involved as it could be the end, later we worked things out, the following day my mother in law is insistent on having my wife picked up, and sends my brother in law. I say to my wife, if you leave today then it has ended, wait 2 days as agreed or else we will need to sit down and end this. My brother in law arrives and questions me why cant his sister come home, I said I haven’t given the permission for her to leave, shes coming in two days time on my day off, he replies make sure you ask my dad for permission before you take her back, I replied, no, that is between me and my wife, he storms out saying is “is she a slave in this house”. I replied off course she isn’t. I re-iterated to her she is not a slave for me or my family and she is welcome to leave anytime she wants (told her to explain to her family as well that she is not being kept in this marriage against her will), she doesn’t even have to do anything for me (forget doing anything for my family), that stuff only comes from the heart if it exists. Although her brother came to pick her up, my wife remained.

Now we have an issue with the wedding gold, ive asked our imam, and he said the wedding gold should be in the marital home, I kindly request to my wife to bring the wedding gold back home, she then replies she wants to sell it and accuses me that I might sell it and keep the money. I wouldn’t sell it without my wifes permission I have no right. Despite being in debt after the wedding, I would not even ask my wife to sell the wedding gold. So although I cant value or claim rights to her wealth (apparently according to her boasting and broadcasting to my family she has over 100 grams of gold and 0.75 million pounds (shes even said she can buy my house 3 times over, ive got a substantial mortgage btw)) she is still adamant in keeping the wedding gold and / or selling it, but she wont do anything with any wealth prior to the marriage? Does that say something about my wife???? Im going to try and get her to sit with the imam again as we have lots to discuss about how the contract was breached etc, she refuses to sit with him, she wants someone else, seems like if it doesn’t work her way it shouldn’t work at all. I have a wife who seems to implement double standards in her life, traditional when it suits her and her family, modern when it suits her and her family?- What do I do?

I worry about my daughter so much... I don’t want her growing up in that family, they come across as dysfunctional to me... but my daughters rizq and fate has already been written, all I can do is try my best but I cant let go of my wifes conduct, behviour, decisions against me and her character, I hate it! I cant live with someone like that for the rest of my life.

There is nothing I can do, its all in Allah's hands, Allah knows best, I pray Allah swt makes it easy for me and my family and for my daughter..... I so regret getting married to this girl, I don’t know what to do.

May 2018: One week after I took her to see a raqi and her being diagnosed with evil eye. She has decided to leave my residence today after an argument we had. I tried to keep my answers to her short and brief. Tried to maintain the peace while we were both fasting in the month of ramadan. She still continued to debate and argue. I out of provoked anger as she started disrespecting my family members told her if she wants to go before eid 'to pack up and go and await a sit down with elders and imaam shortly after Eid' so in a split second she arranged her travel and took the baby. Allahu Aaalaam she has made her decision. Please remember us in your duas. Jzk.

I think you both need love and also romance. True love can conquer many things.
Firstly, both of you need to let it go, relax and forgive eachother. You both need to think about your daughter and her bright future. Tell her everyday, how much you love her, try being romantic with her most of the time. See it's easy to destroy but it's not that easy to maintain a relationship. We all have flaws and we have to live with them. Try melting her with some romantic dates . I can understand how much of trouble you went through and it's all because you love her truly! No one could ever go through so much for someone if they never loved them . You truly love her and tell her this, try to be great friends . Every relationship needs friendship. And she loves you too and that's the reason why she didn't give up on you even after so much of problems.

Arguments never helps, turn it to a discussion instead . Appreciate her , compliment her , surprise her these are ways in which you can make her interested in you. Both of you are equally to be blamed for all this, you both lack understanding. Just tell her to forget about everything and be your love forever.
It's always good to apologise in relationships, apologising doesn't mean that it's your fault , it's just that you value your relationship more than your ego . Tell her sorry for every mistake you did, hug her tight and shower all the love in the universe. Love is so beautiful and precious.
I am sure, she will definitely melt, she's a human afterall .
Allah knows the best, I pray that He blesses you both with all the love in the universe .

[xboxisdead]

I think you both need love and also romance. True love can conquer many things.
Firstly, both of you need to let it go, relax and forgive eachother. You both need to think about your daughter and her bright future. Tell her everyday, how much you love her, try being romantic with her most of the time. See it's easy to destroy but it's not that easy to maintain a relationship. We all have flaws and we have to live with them. Try melting her with some romantic dates . I can understand how much of trouble you went through and it's all because you love her truly! No one could ever go through so much for someone if they never loved them . You truly love her and tell her this, try to be great friends . Every relationship needs friendship. And she loves you too and that's the reason why she didn't give up on you even after so much of problems.

Arguments never helps, turn it to a discussion instead . Appreciate her , compliment her , surprise her these are ways in which you can make her interested in you. Both of you are equally to be blamed for all this, you both lack understanding. Just tell her to forget about everything and be your love forever.
It's always good to apologise in relationships, apologising doesn't mean that it's your fault , it's just that you value your relationship more than your ego . Tell her sorry for every mistake you did, hug her tight and shower all the love in the universe. Love is so beautiful and precious.
I am sure, she will definitely melt, she's a human afterall .
Allah knows the best, I pray that He blesses you both with all the love in the universe .

:slap::facepalm:

[M.I.A.]

:slap::facepalm:

Hey what can I say.. some people are just rubbish at playing the game.


Why even pretend to love someone or make effort to love someone..

When the dream of it was better.

The dunya is a lie for the most part.

We hear and we obey.


It's just a different sort of understanding to your own.

Kind of like those people who say, do good things to other people and good things will happen to you..

And you think..

Is that why you do good things?
..
..
..But they ain't wrong. Living the lie or loving the lie.. It's a superficial place.


..But I wouldn't mind going back to work soon.

So survival is a little more comfortable.



O men! Here is a parable set forth! listen to it! Those on whom, besides Allah, ye call, cannot create (even) a fly, if they all met together for the purpose! and if the fly should snatch away anything from them, they would have no power to release it from the fly.Feeble are those who petition and those whom they petition! (Surah Al-Hajj, 73)


The joke is that everything you do has reprocussions..

So who wrote the bee?

Maybe the other guy just wants it more.

..sad to be replaced in your own life.

[hinabutt]

I loved what you said... you really know your way with your words :)

[Futuwwa]

Wait brother! Hold on. Isn't Islamic law it is illegal or father is forbidden to have custody of his children until the child reaches age seven. At that point then the father can have custody of his children? My understanding that is how it works. No? And you know British law favors mothers over father 100% in everything up to and including if the mother is a drug addict, lesbian or kafir she still have custody of the child vs the father who is Muslim, saleh, good person he is forbidden to have custody. Isn't that how it is in British law? Also isn't in British law a man have to pay child support even if the child doesn't belong to him as long as the mother put his name as the father to the child, DNA or no DNA he have to pay child support until the child reaches like 21 or something, no?

You cannot possible believe that British law by any mean have any justice in them. It is impossible to ask that from man made law...man.

As for the brother telling her he is the head of the household..that ship sailed at the beginning. He cannot be the head of the household or even if he tried there will be no harmony in this relationship, because his wife will make sure no harmony is ever possible. Honestly in my humble opinion this relationship is over. But..meh...what do I know!

Perhaps that is how Islamic law works, I wouldn't know. That is hardly relevant though, they do not live in a jurisdiction that recognizes such law. It is absurd to expect or require him to abide her picking and mixing Islamic and British law according to whatever currently advantages her over him.

Don't believe everything you read on the manosphere. Under British law, the man can contest his paternity if he's ready to pay for the DNA test. If the test shows negative, no more child support, and he gets the test refunded too.

I know well enough how over the relationship is, one might even say it never truly began. That's why, if she wants to come back, he will have to insist on an extreme show of good faith from her. Unconditional submission would be a start.

[hinabutt]

Intresting... ! ;)

[Futuwwa]

I think you both need love and also romance. True love can conquer many things.
Firstly, both of you need to let it go, relax and forgive eachother. You both need to think about your daughter and her bright future. Tell her everyday, how much you love her, try being romantic with her most of the time. See it's easy to destroy but it's not that easy to maintain a relationship. We all have flaws and we have to live with them. Try melting her with some romantic dates . I can understand how much of trouble you went through and it's all because you love her truly! No one could ever go through so much for someone if they never loved them . You truly love her and tell her this, try to be great friends . Every relationship needs friendship. And she loves you too and that's the reason why she didn't give up on you even after so much of problems.

Arguments never helps, turn it to a discussion instead . Appreciate her , compliment her , surprise her these are ways in which you can make her interested in you. Both of you are equally to be blamed for all this, you both lack understanding. Just tell her to forget about everything and be your love forever.
It's always good to apologise in relationships, apologising doesn't mean that it's your fault , it's just that you value your relationship more than your ego . Tell her sorry for every mistake you did, hug her tight and shower all the love in the universe. Love is so beautiful and precious.
I am sure, she will definitely melt, she's a human afterall .
Allah knows the best, I pray that He blesses you both with all the love in the universe .

I would say this is good advice if both husband and wife are sincerely committed to marriage. If what he says though is even remotely true and representative of the situation, she evidently is not. To blame them equally is absurd. He has been patient, she has broken commitments and trust time and again, and made no visible effort towards the marriage whatsoever.

[xboxisdead]

Perhaps that is how Islamic law works, I wouldn't know. That is hardly relevant though, they do not live in a jurisdiction that recognizes such law. It is absurd to expect or require him to abide her picking and mixing Islamic and British law according to whatever currently advantages her over him.

Don't believe everything you read on the manosphere. Under British law, the man can contest his paternity if he's ready to pay for the DNA test. If the test shows negative, no more child support, and he gets the test refunded too.

I know well enough how over the relationship is, one might even say it never truly began. That's why, if she wants to come back, he will have to insist on an extreme show of good faith from her. Unconditional submission would be a start.

I never said he should mix man made law with Allah's law to meet her desires. I am saying he should only follow Allah's law and not man made law. He should not rely on man made law at all...that is wrong. He should put all his trust exclusively into Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa). As for him asking for unconditional submission..that ship have sailed, man! At the beginning of the relationship is when the man puts his foot down...right at the beginning. Ones he fails and let her have her way he lost all control of his ship. He simply have handed her his pants and said to her you are my boss..I obey and submit to your will (I would not mind that myself had he get the exact same reward if a wife did obey her husband. Picture entering from seven doors of Jannah if a husband obeyed his wife, but since that is not the case and there is no ahedth that says a man get to enter from seven doors of jannah by obeying his wife, it is not a very enticing thing to do to lose your right and give it to your wife. There is no gain in this, except hardship and misery with no reward in the end).

Concerning the custody rights, do not get me wrong in one ounce bit. I am saying this because I only fear Allah (Subahanahu Wa Tala). I only obey Allah and all his prophets (peace be upon them). If Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) was to say that only women have right to children and there is no such thing as father's right and fathers are irrelevant, I will obey and submit. Regardless of my desires. No question about it. But Allah (Subhanahu Wa talaa) did not decree that, Al-hamdolilah he did not. Allah (Subhanahiu Wa talaa) have given fathers their right at a certain point of time. I obey and do not object. I follow Islamic law regardless if I live in Atheist law world. Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Talaa) decree that only the female have custody of children during certain age range starting from the mother and going down the list. I do not object or complain or question it. If the mother is unfit and her mother is then her mother get custody. At that point her mother have more right to the custody of the child than the actual father. If her mother is unfit it goes down the list of female family line. However, there is this huge misconception when the female get custody of the child the father have no right in raising the child and he have no right in seeing the child and he have no right in bonding with the child and he have no right period. I want an actual ahadeeth that back the idea that when the mother have custody of the child, the father have zero right and she can prevent him from seeing the child or bonding with the child. Show me this ahadeth. Please. Where is it?

Now, ones the child reaches age seven then the father have right of custody of the child. Sadly...majority of the time and I would say huge amount of the time..ONLY MEN actually fear Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) in this regard and obey the rule of Allah. Majority of the time women do not fear Allah at all when it comes to custodial right of the father. The proof is in the putting. Majority of the time women poison the child against the father at the young age in hopes when the father actually get his right the child does not want to leave his/her mother because father is a bad person. Majority of the time the mother cut ties between father and child and when the child reaches age 7 she refuse to give the father custody of the child until the child reaches adult hood. So we have majority of the time children being raised by single mothers....and majority of them barely have any connection between their fathers and we have a new generation of this. Now it is getting worse and worse, because majority of the time we fulfill only our desires and that is that. No one cares about even obeying Allah's law when it comes to family matters and rights, even in many other laws Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) decreed. So please do not complain or feel shocked what is happening in our Muslim countries. You are aware that in the African community over 70% of children are raised by single mothers and over 70% of men are in prison and majority of girls are over sexualized and being raped and molested and have children while they are children themselves and repeat the cycle. So many now men are unfit to be men period, have little education, school drop out, anti-social behavior, have no lineage, raised by single mothers, etc, etc. It is a disaster. Why? Because we have the misconception that only women are fit to be parents. Men are not fit to be parents and not designed to be parents. Why? Because he does not breast feed and his raising method is different than a mother. Just because it is different it is wrong!

No one question that the child need different raising that only fathers can bring to the equation and no mother can do it as good as a father no matter how hard we try to marginalize his role. Even outside male role models like uncle, grandfather are simply bandage to an open wound (when the child have no dad in his life).

If you think I am trying to give her more power to go against him for custodial rights, you are 100% wrong. I am saying we should obey Allah and all his prophet and not man made law and the OP should fear Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and not fight for custody when the child is infant stage. He should wait until she reaches a certain age and make sure he is constantly in contact with the child and have say in raising the child.

BIGGEST mistake he opened to himself is married that. That is the biggest mistake ever. He really should have waited before having a child. Serious. :hiding:

[MuslimahRo]

Assalam walaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu. This sounds like yet another wacky, seriously crazy story on a Muslim discussion forum. If she is as you describe, she sounds like a very selfish and manipulative woman who only married you for gold and maybe status as somebody's wife. She definitely seems to have given her heart to the other guy who might be a married man. If that's the case, you can't win her back. Consider a divorce before she continues manipulating you for not 4 but 40 years!!!

[Imraan]

It appears that both of you are measuring by selfish standards, if you both choose to measure by the eternal standard - that of your Creator and Sustainer, you would both have been able to "get along jus' fine", a house divided does not stand for long, whoever of you manage to get in line with your Creator's standard (if not both of you) will be the most successful - and you'll definitely realise this when you wake up after the 70ish year term that it takes to drop to the bottom of hell.

Read surah at-Tahrim.
Also, your family and hers are helping to mess things up by conspiring in secret - indicating a lack of trust - and no intelligent person is able to put up with such an insult and lack of due respect for long.

I tried to guide her, bought her books, encouraged her to learn about our sunnah, sat down with imam for guidance, she learnt some stuff i.e. her rights, however she missed out everything else and was reluctant to sit down with the imaam again cos she knew she broke the agreement we made back in Jan 2018 where the imam advised us and made us agree, we had to sign his document. however in her eyes she says the imams advice and agreement doesnt really hold any substance for her.

she broke the trust at an early stage, i wanted to act and address it, but my family advised against it, they didnt want a broken marriage especially as she was pregnant. It was after the birth i was no longer reluctant to resist speaking up.

i've read the translation of surah at-tahrim, thank you, it has given me further insight.

JazakAllah.

[xboxisdead]

I tried to guide her, bought her books, encouraged her to learn about our sunnah, sat down with imam for guidance, she learnt some stuff i.e. her rights, however she missed out everything else and was reluctant to sit down with the imaam again cos she knew she broke the agreement we made back in Jan 2018 where the imam advised us and made us agree, we had to sign his document. however in her eyes she says the imams advice and agreement doesnt really hold any substance for her.

she broke the trust at an early stage, i wanted to act and address it, but my family advised against it, they didnt want a broken marriage especially as she was pregnant. It was after the birth i was no longer reluctant to resist speaking up.

i've read the translation of surah at-tahrim, thank you, it has given me further insight.

JazakAllah.

Brother, I would not wish to happen to any man :cry::cry: May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) make it easy for you ameen. - brother hug -

[Imraan]

Assalam walaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu. This sounds like yet another wacky, seriously crazy story on a Muslim discussion forum. If she is as you describe, she sounds like a very selfish and manipulative woman who only married you for gold and maybe status as somebody's wife. She definitely seems to have given her heart to the other guy who might be a married man. If that's the case, you can't win her back. Consider a divorce before she continues manipulating you for not 4 but 40 years!!!

Walaikum Salaam Sister, sounds whacky I know but it is 100% true, I cant help blaming myself for the most part, how stupid am I, all my life i conducted our family matters cautiously but my impatience, desperation, lack of self control, love for this girl put me in this tragedy. circumstances which I will have to i've with for the rest of my life. What hurts the most is the life of my daughter, knowing that she will most likely be brought up like her mother in the Brick Lane area.

As for the other guy, she keeps on denying anything happened after the wedding, but i'm having a hard time forgiving her for this and everything she did to me after the wedding. my suspicions over her have grew tremendously over time, does she have any self respect, does she have any sincere respect for anyone else, she definetely aint got it for me, maybe she's too good for me, too rich for me, better looking than me, I pray everyday that Allah swt forgives me for 'ill' following my desires through self rightousness. All i wanted to do was get married, picked the wrong girl, who was to know?

if the will was from Alah swt, then we as servants of Allah have a duty to take precautions, which I didn't. I'm a failure, big failure, big massive failure, Asthagfirullah.

Part of me thinks she will change, part of me thinks she will never change. I do want to show mercy towards her for the pleasure of Allah swt as divorce is the last resort but I don't want to be hurt again, i've been doing Isthikhara with a hope that Allah puts all my affairs in order, if she is meant for me she'll apologise to me my family , declare submission etc and come back, if not then let her stay with her family, she doesn't need me 100% anyway. Never has to that scale. Nothing I can do.

[Umm♥Layth]

I couldn't read everything, but man oh man. That's a ton of drama! I feel for you and I know what a situation like this can do to a man.

If you want a relationship with your daughter GET MOVING NOW. The longer you do nothing, the easier it will be for her to take all your rights away as a father. Status quo is what will be followed and this is being set every day that goes by. Mot western countries work the same so I'm pretty confident in what I'm telling you.

Demand to take your daughter as often as possible and get the court involved RIGHT NOW. You will regret it if you don't! Don't try to play the nice guy and be lenient because like I said, status quo will win almost every time.

[Umm♥Layth]

Sister, you do know there is a huge sexism toward fatherhood, right? There is anti-father society we live. Society is content to give the child to a monkey than to let the child be given custody to the father.

I am absolutely well aware of this, however, heed my advice. You need to do something now instead of letting time go by. When I said status quo takes priority I meant that whatever normal you and your ex wife establish, that is going to be what the courts use to establish visitation.

With all due respect, if this child is yours and you wish to be a part of her life, you need to not be a wimp about it. Yes in western countries women have the upper hand with children, but men who want to be a part of their kids lives manage at the very least, every other weekend. Is it fair? Not in many cases, but that's what you are facing. You have to try though and you have to give it your all.

You have to do something as well as turn to Allah to make things right. I am no lawyer but I am very familiar with how child custody proceedings work. If you don't move and get visitation going now, your lack of interest will work against you. The clock is ticking. Before you even decide on divorce, establish visitation.

Edited to add: This message was meant for the original posted. Not xboxisdead.

[Imraan]

FYI, we didnt register the marriage in the office, we did nikkah only, ordained by the imaam and we have the islamic marriage ceritificate. Got a feeling they may demand it to be registered, but without trust and a 'sound and stable relationship' at this point it would be a very foolish move. Then she may target my house, she did in the past ask about titleship to property here in the UK and in my motherland. Again this speaks volume about a persons character in my opinion.

- - - Updated - - -

FYI, we didnt register the marriage in the office, we did nikkah only, ordained by the imaam and we have the islamic marriage ceritificate. Got a feeling they may demand it to be registered, but without trust and a 'sound and stable relationship' at this point it would be a very foolish move. Then she may target my house, she did in the past ask about titleship to property here in the UK and in my motherland. Again this speaks volume about a persons character in my opinion.

- - - Updated - - -

in the 18 months of marriage she's only lived with me since the baby was born in Sept 2017, thats when she transferred the surgery details and when we registered the child at my local surgery. Only after that event she stayed under my care 80 - 90% so its been what just over 8 months.

[Imraan]

but before the baby's birth, my wife came and stayed with me on a part time hotel guest basis, thats how it felt.

[MuslimahRo]

Assalam walaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu, brother. You deserve better than a part-time nominal wife. Talk to a lawyer. The fact that you didn't do a civil marriage might work in your favor. Talk to a regular lawyer and an Islamic shariah lawyer if you can find one.

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

It's wrong to make speculations about someone without knowing 100% the truth; we shouldn't pass our judgements based on some messages between her and a guy. I'm not saying what she's done was right, but it's not adultery and we don't know the nature of the messages to make it sound as if it were. We need to be careful not to slander or cause more fitnah.

@Imraan , this is a very difficult time for you and I believe that you should seek some help both legally and Islamically. If there is any way to work it out with her, then that is the best course of action. If there isn't, then you should both try to be civil through this process and make arrangements with her to see your daughter. Make du'a and seek help from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. You never know; things can change. It's easy to be hateful, angry, and look for all of the reasons it went wrong, but just take it as a test as any test in life and try to do the things which will please Allah.

[Imraan]

Assalamu Alaikum

It's wrong to make speculations about someone without knowing 100% the truth; we shouldn't pass our judgements based on some messages between her and a guy. I'm not saying what she's done was right, but it's not adultery and we don't know the nature of the messages to make it sound as if it were. We need to be careful not to slander or cause more fitnah.

@Imraan, this is a very difficult time for you and I believe that you should seek some help both legally and Islamically. If there is any way to work it out with her, then that is the best course of action. If there isn't, then you should both try to be civil through this process and make arrangements with her to see your daughter. Make du'a and seek help from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. You never know; things can change. It's easy to be hateful, angry, and look for all of the reasons it went wrong, but just take it as a test as any test in life and try to do the things which will please Allah.

I want to but i have some major trust issues with my wife and her family, the stuff that has happened seem to me like they want to put me at an disadvantage. I don't have any financial unity with this person, i have debt, i asked for assistance once, but i never got anything helpful back. Her mum back in Sept 2017 said how they lived their lives in London, they wanted to implement the same with me, they as a family lived their financial lives as follows, her mum prescribed to me: the father goes out to work, with that money he pays for the house, the bills, the food and some support to his wife and kids. the mother works/claims benefits and she spends on herself and her kids. Personally I did not like the segragative approach. On top of that my wife took her wedding gold to her dads and to put in his safe 2 months after the wedding, then challenged me on her working back in london which she somehow managed to make happen. I can;t help thinking some of this was premeditated as they were prepared for any seperation at an early stage, why do people get married then?

as for the messages with the guy, i'll have you know when i found it on her phone the day after the wedding, i read through it, she sent her good looking pics and there were video recordings of their facetime, i took proof of it and sent it to my phone, i have pictures of her with her hair out video chatting to a guy lying on his bed. this is the proof ill be presenting at the 'sit down' with elders, i don't care who it upsets in their family, i'm the one who is hurt, its my duty to demand justice or let her go, she ain't trustworthy or good for me. I don't even want her to mother any of my offspring after everything. I pray everyday for a solution, i want everyone to be happy but it seems impossible at times.

i tried a civil separation discussion with her, she said "i'll claim the child support off you but i think it would be better for her if you didn't visit her". "Why?" I asked, she said "then she won't wonder why someone comes periodically to visit her or take her home", my wife is probably thinking if she can get married then maybe our daughter won;t notice a change in the father and life will go on as nothing ever happened.

[*charisma*]

as for the messages with the guy, i'll have you know when i found it on her phone the day after the wedding, i read through it, she sent her good looking pics and there were video recordings of their facetime, i took proof of it and sent it to my phone, i have pictures of her with her hair out video chatting to a guy lying on his bed. this is the proof ill be presenting at the 'sit down' with elders, i don't care who it upsets in their family, i'm the one who is hurt, its my duty to demand justice or let her go, she ain't trustworthy or good for me. I don't even want her to mother any of my offspring after everything. I pray everyday for a solution, i want everyone to be happy but it seems impossible at times.

I understand, but it is still something which doesn't mean she actually committed zina. She did commit a form of it, but you have to be careful with that. If you want to divorce her, you have that right and you have enough valid reasons already to divorce her, but you shouldn't expose her sins.

i tried a civil separation discussion with her, she said "i'll claim the child support off you but i think it would be better for her if you didn't visit her". "Why?" I asked, she said "then she won't wonder why someone comes periodically to visit her or take her home", my wife is probably thinking if she can get married then maybe our daughter won;t notice a change in the father and life will go on as nothing ever happened.

It wouldn't be her choice to keep your daughter away from you if you could get visitation rights. You should inquire about that soon.

I know you feel hurt and betrayed, but at the end of the day, you can at least say that you tried your best to work it out and it just didn't work out. THat's Allah's decree. If you don't believe you put in enough effort, then you can keep trying. You will move on with your life inshallah and this is definitely a lesson learned I hope because both of you have made mistakes from the very beginning. It may not seem like anything makes sense now, but perhaps things will be more clear later on and you'll understand why everything happened the way it did. I just urge you to try to keep your calm and don't do anything based on just your emotions. You seem to have a good support system, so consult with them and try to look at this as more of a learning experience rather than as a failed marriage.

[Imraan]

We are now in September. So far the following has happened.

In regards to the sit down, the day she left, i told her not to apply for maintenance until the elders have sat down. it was agreed that she would come back to me with a sit down date ( i even have her message "wait for my father to call you with a sit down date). I followed up with her every week for about 9 weeks about the sit down date only to be told in the 9th week "oh we are waiting on your family for a sit down date", that didn't go down to well with me. By that time relatives were abroad in the UK six week summer holidays etc so we are waiting on their return which should be within the next 2 weeks.

After Ramadan i requested to see our daughter for the first time, my wife would oblige and me and my family would meet our daughter in a shopping centre in London and spend about 4 - 5 hours with her. so i would again request to see our daughter every 3 or 4 weeks (due to distance), so we did that on 4 occasions. On the 4th occasion my wife starts talking about money saying "my father can look after and finance me, but he's not willing to finance our daughter, therefore im going to have to go through child maintenance, i responded ok, its best to keep it private for now until we sit down so i agreed an amount and told her i would pay on Monday every week, which i did. On the fifth occasion when i asked to see the baby, she said she's not well, she's doesn't leave the house etc and that i would have to go to her parents house to see the baby, i replied "are you mad, you know that's awkward with everything that's going", she said "sorry that's the way it is". I requested a few times to see if her health has improved, but i kept getting the same responses back. Eventually she gets spotted at another shopping centre far away, i (via text) confront her saying why did she say she's not well and that she doesn't leave the boundaries of her house when she was spotted in a shopping centre 10 miles away? no valid answer could be obtained, she even topped it off with "I'll go out again if i have to, its no ones business!". I stopped the conversation, when it came to pay day she contacted me asking me why i hadn't paid. i said i'll pay when i see the baby, she says that's not possible and that i leave her with no choice but for her to go claim via the child maintenance service. I received the preliminary letter today to which i phoned them up saying i would like to be doubly sure she's my kid by requesting the paternity tests.

It looks like the legal proceedings for custody is inevitable now especially as someone has started making arrangements outside of the islamic marriage by going all 'civil law on me'. of course i have a duty to defend myself and fulfill any duties required of me islamically, insh Allah i will.

In regards to the sit down with elders... it doesn't look anything good can come from it apart from highlighting complaints from both parties both true and false with and without evidence. My wife has already told me her people wont punish her nor does anyone value the 'imam's recommendations', so is there any point? ive been advised to end it amicably, but how, both parties need to be willing to end it amicably and accept their faults.

i don't plan to bring her back to my house where my mum is living, no way unless she agrees to all my requests re: apologies, character/behaviour rehabilitation, bring the wedding jewellery back etc. which i think the chances are 99.9% very unlikely.

advice from people i know include:

- don't issue talak to her especially if you can prove she was negligent towards the marriage from the beginning (i can prove it)
- make it look like so that i will take her back (call her bluff) if she does pledge to improve herself and after i find her separate accommodation, she can apply for a council flat right? as a single parent
- if there is no sit down with elders, then she will have to consult the Islamic shariah council to request the talaq from me or even the khula. Am i entitled to get the 8k GBP and Mahr back? if i am, who enforces that if they refuse to give it back?
- She cannot make any claims to my assets due to her being a 'financially non-contributing cohabitee' in the eyes of UK civil law.
- Should i initiate the custody application now or still await a sit down with elders, i think i should as precious time is being wasted (although we need to await paternity test results). If i do apply, does it by any way imply anything in terms of Islam that i have made my decision not to take my wife back?
- Likewise my wife has initiated the child maintenance claim, to me it gives the impression my wife is definitely not coming back.

All these events seem too much sometimes, i feel I'm at my limits, too many headaches and instances of tension, the only thing stopping me from suicide is my religion, my responsibility to my family, my mum, sisters, nephews, daughter (paternity test permitting) and the constant reminder that i should be grateful for all i have achieved to date and all i have at present.

please remember me in your prayers
-to make us understand that these calamities are actually blessings for us
-to help us through these tough times
-so that Allah swt makes it easier for us
-and remember the innocent child caught up in this marriage issue
-pray that i get full custody of her, although she is the mother i am not fully confident that she is fit enough to be one unfortunately, i have evidence for that too (where she sent me pictures of the baby (at 4 months old) on the baby bouncer chair upside down with the baby's head on the kitchen floor tile), my wife thought that was entertaining for her and that she would share that with me on a joking level. Are mothers allowed to do what they like with their children? no, if its not humane and ethical then they shouldn't!. people say that islamically the mother has 3 times more HAQ on the child than anyone else related, should i just leave everything in Allah swt's hands?

Jzk for your time in reading this and please remember me, my family, the whole muslim ummah, humanity and mankind in your dua's.

Assalam Walaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakathuhu

[Shamnadanu]

We are now in September. So far the following has happened.

In regards to the sit down, the day she left, i told her not to apply for maintenance until the elders have sat down. it was agreed that she would come back to me with a sit down date ( i even have her message "wait for my father to call you with a sit down date). I followed up with her every week for about 9 weeks about the sit down date only to be told in the 9th week "oh we are waiting on your family for a sit down date", that didn't go down to well with me. By that time relatives were abroad in the UK six week summer holidays etc so we are waiting on their return which should be within the next 2 weeks.

After Ramadan i requested to see our daughter for the first time, my wife would oblige and me and my family would meet our daughter in a shopping centre in London and spend about 4 - 5 hours with her. so i would again request to see our daughter every 3 or 4 weeks (due to distance), so we did that on 4 occasions. On the 4th occasion my wife starts talking about money saying "my father can look after and finance me, but he's not willing to finance our daughter, therefore im going to have to go through child maintenance, i responded ok, its best to keep it private for now until we sit down so i agreed an amount and told her i would pay on Monday every week, which i did. On the fifth occasion when i asked to see the baby, she said she's not well, she's doesn't leave the house etc and that i would have to go to her parents house to see the baby, i replied "are you mad, you know that's awkward with everything that's going", she said "sorry that's the way it is". I requested a few times to see if her health has improved, but i kept getting the same responses back. Eventually she gets spotted at another shopping centre far away, i (via text) confront her saying why did she say she's not well and that she doesn't leave the boundaries of her house when she was spotted in a shopping centre 10 miles away? no valid answer could be obtained, she even topped it off with "I'll go out again if i have to, its no ones business!". I stopped the conversation, when it came to pay day she contacted me asking me why i hadn't paid. i said i'll pay when i see the baby, she says that's not possible and that i leave her with no choice but for her to go claim via the child maintenance service. I received the preliminary letter today to which i phoned them up saying i would like to be doubly sure she's my kid by requesting the paternity tests.

It looks like the legal proceedings for custody is inevitable now especially as someone has started making arrangements outside of the islamic marriage by going all 'civil law on me'. of course i have a duty to defend myself and fulfill any duties required of me islamically, insh Allah i will.

In regards to the sit down with elders... it doesn't look anything good can come from it apart from highlighting complaints from both parties both true and false with and without evidence. My wife has already told me her people wont punish her nor does anyone value the 'imam's recommendations', so is there any point? ive been advised to end it amicably, but how, both parties need to be willing to end it amicably and accept their faults.

i don't plan to bring her back to my house where my mum is living, no way unless she agrees to all my requests re: apologies, character/behaviour rehabilitation, bring the wedding jewellery back etc. which i think the chances are 99.9% very unlikely.

advice from people i know include:

- don't issue talak to her especially if you can prove she was negligent towards the marriage from the beginning (i can prove it)
- make it look like so that i will take her back (call her bluff) if she does pledge to improve herself and after i find her separate accommodation, she can apply for a council flat right? as a single parent
- if there is no sit down with elders, then she will have to consult the Islamic shariah council to request the talaq from me or even the khula. Am i entitled to get the 8k GBP and Mahr back? if i am, who enforces that if they refuse to give it back?
- She cannot make any claims to my assets due to her being a 'financially non-contributing cohabitee' in the eyes of UK civil law.
- Should i initiate the custody application now or still await a sit down with elders, i think i should as precious time is being wasted (although we need to await paternity test results). If i do apply, does it by any way imply anything in terms of Islam that i have made my decision not to take my wife back?
- Likewise my wife has initiated the child maintenance claim, to me it gives the impression my wife is definitely not coming back.

All these events seem too much sometimes, i feel I'm at my limits, too many headaches and instances of tension, the only thing stopping me from suicide is my religion, my responsibility to my family, my mum, sisters, nephews, daughter (paternity test permitting) and the constant reminder that i should be grateful for all i have achieved to date and all i have at present.

please remember me in your prayers
-to make us understand that these calamities are actually blessings for us
-to help us through these tough times
-so that Allah swt makes it easier for us
-and remember the innocent child caught up in this marriage issue
-pray that i get full custody of her, although she is the mother i am not fully confident that she is fit enough to be one unfortunately, i have evidence for that too (where she sent me pictures of the baby (at 4 months old) on the baby bouncer chair upside down with the baby's head on the kitchen floor tile), my wife thought that was entertaining for her and that she would share that with me on a joking level. Are mothers allowed to do what they like with their children? no, if its not humane and ethical then they shouldn't!. people say that islamically the mother has 3 times more HAQ on the child than anyone else related, should i just leave everything in Allah swt's hands?

Jzk for your time in reading this and please remember me, my family, the whole muslim ummah, humanity and mankind in your dua's.

Assalam Walaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakathuhu

Is there any way you can maker her fall in love with you again.?

[Imraan]

I must reiterate, based on my experiences of her character and ethics, the likelihood of her falling in love with me again is zero. The magnitude of the issues (whilst it could have been much worse) have been significant from my perspective. I have been advised to forgive her for everything as long as she accepts fault, pledges to fulfil the basics of her husband's right and repents for her sins (and I genuinely would forgive her for the pleasure of Allah swt if she did) but I'm quite sure she self righteously thinks she has done nothing wrong.

[BeTheChange]

Asalamualykum

Please could you seek the advice of a respected islamic teacher/counsellor?

I believe this would be better for you insha Allah.

Please pray to Allah swt to guide you to the right decision. Allah swt is always there for you.

From what i have read the effort and input is only from one side. This can only last so long. This is a matter of your sabr levels. I was told forgiveness should have limits. How many times do we keep forgiving a person for the same or different crimes? Again a test of your patience. Seek Allah's Almighty help. Allah swt is there for us.

[xboxisdead]

Asalamualykum

Please could you seek the advice of a respected islamic teacher/counsellor?

I believe this would be better for you insha Allah.

Please pray to Allah swt to guide you to the right decision. Allah swt is always there for you.

From what i have read the effort and input is only from one side. This can only last so long. This is a matter of your sabr levels. I was told forgiveness should have limits. How many times do we keep forgiving a person for the same or different crimes? Again a test of your patience. Seek Allah's Almighty help. Allah swt is there for us.

Problem with over forgiving is that it gives the other person to keep pushing and pushing and going beyond the limit. If Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) where to forgive all his creation to a point that even he forgive people who are to die a mushirk and and kuffar to paradise then no one will worship Allah, everyone ill do the most vile evil thing...murder, stealing...evil sexual act, list goes on will be the norm and we will push beyond the limit and go destroying everything in the wake...we will be boosting of arrogance and haughtiness because in the end we will be forgiving. Allah is all forgiving..no doubt...his forgiveness is infinite..but he also puts boundaries to how far we can go that if we die in that state...the door of forgiveness is closed on us. I.e, shirk..kuffar are greaat examples that if the person DIE in that state...the door of forgiveness is closed on that person.

Humans are limited beings...there is so much far we can go before we cannot forgive anymore. To OP, you are more patient than me. Not every man is as forgiving as you are..if I get married and I got half of her attitude that you went through...I will divorce her next day. Sorry. I do not have the patience you do.

Women of today must understand that men of today are not the same as men of the day of the prophets and sahaba. There are more men with short fuse than men like the OP. I might even say men like OP nowadays are the exception and not the rules. I will go even as far as men nowadays are reaching their limit when they have to deal with terrorism. Women terrorizing men under the guise he have children with her and use the children as weapon against the men and men submitting to such terrorism are thankfully becoming short supply. If you are blessed to be with a man who you can terrorize and dominate and treat him like a dog and he submit to you ...I say to sisters with such men...grab him with both hands and do not let go of such men. More men are ready to disown their children and want nothing to do with them and do not care if their own children commit suicide or go to jail than have to deal with you. If I had a son with you sister and you use him against me...TALAQ..he is your property. You can castrate him and turn him into little girl..I will simply laugh and do not care what you do with him. He is not my child..he is yours. I will simply shake my head and move on. So for the OP...I salute you. I respect you. I bow down to you to be this patient. You have strength I do not have. I look up to you actually, you got real strength and I envy you. Mash'allah. But brother I will not be against you if you divorce her or cannot take it anymore. If I was you I would pack my bags and accept my lose and move on. You cannot fix her. You cannot change her. This is who she is. If you cannot take it, I by all means do not blame you...find yourself a better wife than her. If you do not want to get married anymore I also salute you and a sympathize with you and agree with. May Allah Subhanahu Wa talaa make your life easy and give you a happy life, ameen.

[Imraan]

Assalam Walaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

dear beloved brothers and sisters.... here's an update on my situation

Paternity test came back positive, daughter is mine, thus child maintenance payments are being paid monthly as per the Child Maintenance Service as of 1st week of September 2018.

C100 court application initiated beginning of September starting off with a compulsory mediation process which meant waiting another month roughly before I could begin to fill out the form. By the time I had researched the process and had help completing the form myself, copies made etc and submitted etc, it was beginning of November. Phoned them this week and they said possible hearing date is end of January in a family court in East London (i did send the application to 2 other courts 'which delayed the application further' prior to the last court hoping the hearing could take place on the outskirts of London, but it was outside the jurisdiction of where my daughter is staying). Spoke to several solicitors and read forums online, i got mixed views. Some fathers really have lost the battle with minimal visitation rights (if any given there's no brainwashing of the kid leading the kid to refuse to see the father), other views say i should be allowed at least a day or a two every two weeks depending on how far father lives etc. Me living so far away I think it would be hard for me, but i'm going to try 'one full weekend once every three weeks inshallah'. All depends on the judge on the day and how many hearings it takes to get the child arrangement order, simple cases take up to 3 hearings, complicated hearings including true or false allegations of danger/hazards etc can take more. The more hearings = the more the case is stretched out.... i haven't held my daughter for 4 months now, how long more do i have to wait, life is hard but i'm patient. I do ask about my daughter and request photos of my daughter vie her mother so i know she's OK. Got it all in text so even if court asks i can prove that I am a concerned parent.

in regards to my property,
- according to shariah law, my daughters mother doesn't get anything apart from keeping the mahr £8k paid 2 days before the wedding (but we also have a right to ask for that back if there has been foul play (btw mixed views on this). My daughter is due financial support from me (which i'm paying) and my daughter does inherit a portion of my assets (when i die).

-according to UK law, based on cohabiting couple scenarios, mixed views from solicitors etc. Some say the mother can claim on her own account and on behalf of the kid but would be lengthy/costly.

Regarding the sit down with the elders, it is proving to be somewhat difficult, getting their relatives involved... we contact their relatives, their relatives get in contact with my mother in law, the relatives get shut out. We are trying to get some elders and the imam involved, my family and her parents and brothers should be there too, we won't sit down otherwise. The sit down is to realise the financial loss from my part and to try and claw back anything that im due islamically. Our Imam has advised me that I am due at least the gold back. We won;t be sitting down to reconcile differences, my daughters mother has said "she's not willing to apologise for anything she or her family has done and that even if i can prove her negligence towards the marriage and the acts she carried out to sever marital ties with me and the ties and kinship between the families that no one from her side will hold her accountable, no one is bothered, no one cares. I was utterly disgusted, is it even worth liaising with such shameless people? For some reason I feel we have a duty to sit down to get a resolution, someones got to give the divorce and give back whatevers due, right?

Their alternative which is common in the UK now, is 'avoid the sit down and the female applies directly to the shariah council with a £300 and applies for a Khula, which she eventually gets without being held accountable for any wrong doing she did in this marriage'.

Dont know when this will be over, seems to be taking ages. I can't even think about moving on whilst i have all this hanging over me and other elements in my circumstances...

in the meantime have been praying, reciting, giving charity, developing spiritual self further with an attitude of accepting that Allah swt is in control of all my affairs, insh Allah. I do get occasional moments of contemplating my full history of good times and bad throughout my whole life, asking myself if I made the right decisions etc, feeling insecure or downhearted about my future here in this life and wondering what is round the corner, natural right? .... I will only get what is decreed for me. Pray it is made easier for all of us.

Please remember me in your prayers... I would appreciate it very much.

Jazak Allahu Khayran

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum,

Please remember me in your prayers... I would appreciate it very much.

Jazak Allahu Khayran

Brother, I suggest you hire an attorney or seek the advice of one. Continue to attempt to see your daughter, even if it is frustrating, and pray for the guidance of your ex-wife and her family. You should read up on custody law in your area and present yourself in a matter that is befitting to the court system. I know there are a lot of emotions involved here, and I hope that Allah will grant you what is best and never prevent you from your child. Make sure that anything that you send to your ex-wife is not demeaning or shows irrationality or abuse on your part as she would be able to use this against you. Try to keep a journal of events that occur between you and your wife concerning the divorce and the attempts to see your daughter. Since your marriage has ended and I know it's painful, try to put those emotions aside and focus on your future inshallah. I know you did not expect or want your life to have gone in this direction, but everything happens for a reason and it isn't the end of the world alhemdulilah, you can still have a wonderful and happy life after all of this inshallah. Consider it a lesson learned for the future. Focus on being able to bond and have a relationship with your daughter as that is the most important at the moment. I hope the best for you.

[xboxisdead]

Assalamu Alaikum,



Brother, I suggest you hire an attorney or seek the advice of one. Continue to attempt to see your daughter, even if it is frustrating, and pray for the guidance of your ex-wife and her family. You should read up on custody law in your area and present yourself in a matter that is befitting to the court system. I know there are a lot of emotions involved here, and I hope that Allah will grant you what is best and never prevent you from your child. Make sure that anything that you send to your ex-wife is not demeaning or shows irrationality or abuse on your part as she would be able to use this against you. Try to keep a journal of events that occur between you and your wife concerning the divorce and the attempts to see your daughter. Since your marriage has ended and I know it's painful, try to put those emotions aside and focus on your future inshallah. I know you did not expect or want your life to have gone in this direction, but everything happens for a reason and it isn't the end of the world alhemdulilah, you can still have a wonderful and happy life after all of this inshallah. Consider it a lesson learned for the future. Focus on being able to bond and have a relationship with your daughter as that is the most important at the moment. I hope the best for you.

I disagree! My best advice on this matter is he keeps the money and put it toward her education and inheritance. He should save the money toward when the time comes to paying child support. He shouldn't wait for his daughter to come to him and he should seriously consider moving on. He should focus helping himself psychologically and health wise. He shouldn't cut ties. The best way to avoid cutting ties is to send her letters by mail or e-mail. See if the wife agrees he can have social relation with her via skype? If not and the mother refuses then ask the mother's permission if he can talk to his daughter by mail or email. If the mother refuses then at the sight of Allah, he have tried but he have no means so the one who is cutting ties is the mother and not him.

[*charisma*]

I disagree! My best advice on this matter is he keeps the money and put it toward her education and inheritance. He should save the money toward when the time comes to paying child support. He shouldn't wait for his daughter to come to him and he should seriously consider moving on. He should focus helping himself psychologically and health wise. He shouldn't cut ties. The best way to avoid cutting ties is to send her letters by mail or e-mail. See if the wife agrees he can have social relation with her via skype? If not and the mother refuses then ask the mother's permission if he can talk to his daughter by mail or email. If the mother refuses then at the sight of Allah, he have tried but he have no means so the one who is cutting ties is the mother and not him.

Unsure what you're disagreeing with as you just reiterated everything I said :/

[xboxisdead]

Unsure what you're disagreeing with as you just reiterated everything I said :/

At all. My disagreement is him going through mountain and up to have contact with her. My disagreement is going and fighting to have access or shared or custodial right to his daughter. That is a big mistake men do a lot. He should focus on saving his money and trying to use any technological means of contacting her by asking the permission of the mother. If the mother disapprove she holds full responsibility in the day of judgement. If the mother poison or cause cutting ties that is at the hand of the mother not the father. His real responsibility and Allah will ask him even above having any relationship with his children is...did he pay them financially and supported them financially first? Did he give them money until they mature into adulthood? Did he make sure they inherited from him correctly? Those he should truly focus on. As a man he does not get pregnant so he can have more children with other woman...and EVEN BETTER than his daughter ten times over. Who knows how his daughter could end up...for all he knows she could lead him to hellfire. You don't know. Men make mistake with his children act like mothers and that is a big mistake men make. Children are risq and wealth of this world...there are better than them in the afterlife...he should focus on shaping himself and don't even give her the power by manipulating him through the children. A mistake men makes. But if you are saying he should move on, take care of himself, try to form some sort of communication with his daughter and don't fret and be thankful then in that part I agree. The part I disagree is him jumping hoop to have access to his daughter or contacting her physically. It is up to the mother to make sure there are ties between child and father and as such she will be questioned in the day of judgement and punished if she cut ties. She is the ameer of the children and she have authority if he have relationship with his children and she have to give father permission to accessing the children.

[*charisma*]

At all. My disagreement is him going through mountain and up to have contact with her. My disagreement is going and fighting to have access or shared or custodial right to his daughter. That is a big mistake men do a lot. He should focus on saving his money and trying to use any technological means of contacting her by asking the permission of the mother.

With all due respect, it's none of your business how willing he is to try to remain in his daughter's life. If he has the means to do it, he should do so and he should be encouraged to do so. The success of it is in Allah's hands, but we need to put the effort. Fatherhood is not simply financial sponsorship. You having grown up without a father should know that best.

You're also proving to disagree for the sake of being disagreeable and argumentative even when there is nothing to argue against. This is not a good trait. May Allah guide you.

[xboxisdead]

With all due respect, it's none of your business how willing he is to try to remain in his daughter's life. If he has the means to do it, he should do so and he should be encouraged to do so. The success of it is in Allah's hands, but we need to put the effort. Fatherhood is not simply financial sponsorship. You having grown up without a father should know that best.

You're also proving to disagree for the sake of being disagreeable and argumentative even when there is nothing to argue against. This is not a good trait. May Allah guide you.

I agree it is none of my business and by all means I am not offended that you said that. Also I appreciate you where respectful and said "with all due respect" to that I am sincerely thankful. Now what you said there I also agree. You said "if he has the means to do it" which to this I do not deny or disagree. However, if he is not it is not his fault, he should not feel bad or think he is a deadbeat dad. Because he is not. He should not get depressed or feel suicidal at all. I worry about men who are in this situation because women usually use the children to hurt him in hopes he commit suicide. That is what majority of women love to see. When he does kill himself she act innocently and does not know why he killed himself. So I am just scared he does not be part of that statistic. So i worry for him and any man who are in his situation. I also agree 100% that any success is in the Allah's hands so for that reason alone I am telling him if she cut ties between him and his daughter not to fret. Allah is seeing and watching and commanding the angels to write the deeds of the evil woman who do this. Don't fret if your ex-wife cut ties between you and your daughter take this opportunity to know that Allah is raising you high, high, high level in Jannah and you will be the one who will have the last laugh (even though she is laughing at this world) and she will be the one who will taste the crackling fire of hellfire.

Fatherhood is not simply financial sponsorship is what you said, right? But I am sorry to say, you are wrong. He is nothing more than a bank machine or human wallet. Want proof?

Ok.

if a divorce happens what is the first thing the world demand from him?

---------CHILD SUPPORT---------

Not is he a good dad? Does he play with his children? Is he compassionate to them? Is he loving to them? Does he see them everyday to make sure there is strong bond between them? etc....

The answer is NO. What is the main focus? Child support.

If he is the best father on Earth but he does not pay child support what do people label him? A DEADBEAT DAD! he is a loser.

Ok...let us reverse it.

He barely communicate or talk to them or have almost zero contact with them...but he pays them child support and not never fail ones...do people call him A DEADBEAT DAD? NOPE!

Does the court enforce that the father have contact with his children? Nope.

....I am sorry...i cannot help but show proof to your statement the he is nothing more than money bank...but in truth he is. We accept mother cutting ties and denying father visitation to his children and we are living in a society that is going to run in single mother world....in USA majority of children are raised by single mothers.......may I ask why is there no million march rally against the laws that make it happen? May I ask why women not carrying their children and bringing the sign and saying "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! WE NEED FATHERS! WE NEED FATHERS! WE NEED FATHERS!!"?

I want to see people throwing stones at the police and government demanding change in the law that makes it easy to separate children from father, before I start to believe that fathers are nothing more than financial sponsorship.

[Imraan]

Just for the record. I have to pay the maintenance, I don't have a choice. It is the law here in the UK. The government knows how much we earn (those if us in tax paying jobs) and a percentage is calculated from that.

The contact custody application is a must. The kid has rights over me just as well I have rights over the kid. If the mother is refusing to co operate, I at least have to get the law involved. The same way the mother got the law involved over maintenance.

For my own sake and the same of the court (should i be questioned about my concerns) I do ask the mother via text about the kid every 3 or 4 days and request the current pictures. I do get somewhat response 90% of the time although how consistent it will be I don't know.

Hiring lawyers is very expensive. My current financial situation won't allow it so I will try my best to represent myself.

I will be asking for a weekend every 3 weeks. Video audio call every three days via the mother's phone. A prohibited steps order, a interim contact order as these cases can take ages to finish and also to be kept in the loop of all aspects of my daughter's life. Let's see how it goes.

I accept whatever is decreed for me. Its not going to be easy.

[xboxisdead]

Just for the record. I have to pay the maintenance, I don't have a choice. It is the law here in the UK. The government knows how much we earn (those if us in tax paying jobs) and a percentage is calculated from that.

The contact custody application is a must. The kid has rights over me just as well I have rights over the kid. If the mother is refusing to co operate, I at least have to get the law involved. The same way the mother got the law involved over maintenance.

For my own sake and the same of the court (should i be questioned about my concerns) I do ask the mother via text about the kid every 3 or 4 days and request the current pictures. I do get somewhat response 90% of the time although how consistent it will be I don't know.

Hiring lawyers is very expensive. My current financial situation won't allow it so I will try my best to represent myself.

I will be asking for a weekend every 3 weeks. Video audio call every three days via the mother's phone. A prohibited steps order, a interim contact order as these cases can take ages to finish and also to be kept in the loop of all aspects of my daughter's life. Let's see how it goes.

I accept whatever is decreed for me. Its not going to be easy.

As long as you have contact relationship somehow you have not cut ties. Even if you never see her physically at all (that is not a problem), but you can talk to her ones in a while like she is talking to a relative or uncle that is not considered cutting ties. She then will not have anything against you in the afterlife. You pay child support, contact her ones a while...ask how she is doing, is everything ok, etc listen to her and do your duty at a distance it is great. Make sure you record all sessions electronically. You want to avoid any open door of false allegation happening to you. Ask the permission of the mother before contacting her that she agrees that the conversation is going to be recorded. If she refuses then do not talk to her until she agrees. You want to protect yourself from any lawsuit, sexual false allegation, etc. The mother could go vindictive and decide she does not want you to have any relation with the child period and my even put you in prison just to hurt you. You have to protect yourself completely. Women in UK are the property of the government. The government is her father and protector and the government owns her and she is part of the state (if only women knew). As such you need to protect yourself completely from any potential harm against the state.

But don't forget...that your ex-wife could make it harder and harder for you to even contact her through skype, email or any form of communication. She might say oh she is sleeping right now. Or she might say ohh..she is sick. Or she might say ooh she is with her friends and you have to go through the process of fighting again through the court to enforce the law for you to see your kids and the cycle of insanity will continue. She might go droplets and droplets like tiny water drops from the sink to formulate some type of parental alienation where the mother comes out innocent but the daughter decided on her free will she wants nothing to do with you. The mother might slip that you are bad. The mother might slip that you may have touched her somehow....etc. Whatever the case base this is not a battle that will be over and you come out the winner. Do you plan to exhaust your emotional bar, physical bar, financial bar, spiritual bar for something that you will end up coming a loser and society will not applaud you. Society will not feel sorry for you. Society will still blame you as a deadbeat dad at the end. If you don't do anything you are a deadbeat dad, if you do everything in your wake you are a deadbeat dad. So don't think you are going to come out a hero here. Many men come out insane, commit suicide, end up in the street and as you can see their names are not mentioned in the media or talked about and there are no social revolution from people to fight against this. It is normalized and accepted.

My advice to you..is to do everything in your wake to please Allah alone and no one else. You are doing this for Allah and not for your daughter and not for society. You are going to go through the process so that in the day of judgement when your daughter comes in front of the court of Allah and says to Allah, "MY FATHER FAILED ME! HE ABANDONED ME! HE HATES ME! HE NEGLECTED IN HIS DUTY! ALLAH GIVE ME HIS PARADISE! GIVE ME ALL HIS GOOD DEEDS!" You will have proof in that day that it is not true...that you actually went through the effort and climbed for her, but you had obstacles that prevented you. Her mother and the laws are set against you and you had no power over forces you cannot handle. Even if the daughter are the day of judgement will scream "IT IS NOT ENOUGH! HE FAILED! HE SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE!" Allah is all knowing and Just and knows your limit and he is all merciful. HUMAN BEINGS ARE HEARTLESS and UNMERCIFUL....except for the prophets (of course) and his friends...but Allah is the one and only true God and merciful to his creations and he knows your capability and circumstances. He will reward you for your efforts and punish the ones who oppressed you. Even if that oppressor is a woman.

Just don't feel it is the end of your life and move on! Seriously...move on. Whether your children love you or hate you...move on..it doesn't matter :D

[Imraan]

As long as you have contact relationship somehow you have not cut ties. Even if you never see her physically at all (that is not a problem), but you can talk to her ones in a while like she is talking to a relative or uncle that is not considered cutting ties. She then will not have anything against you in the afterlife. You pay child support, contact her ones a while...ask how she is doing, is everything ok, etc listen to her and do your duty at a distance it is great. Make sure you record all sessions electronically. You want to avoid any open door of false allegation happening to you. Ask the permission of the mother before contacting her that she agrees that the conversation is going to be recorded. If she refuses then do not talk to her until she agrees. You want to protect yourself from any lawsuit, sexual false allegation, etc. The mother could go vindictive and decide she does not want you to have any relation with the child period and my even put you in prison just to hurt you. You have to protect yourself completely. Women in UK are the property of the government. The government is her father and protector and the government owns her and she is part of the state (if only women knew). As such you need to protect yourself completely from any potential harm against the state.

But don't forget...that your ex-wife could make it harder and harder for you to even contact her through skype, email or any form of communication. She might say oh she is sleeping right now. Or she might say ohh..she is sick. Or she might say ooh she is with her friends and you have to go through the process of fighting again through the court to enforce the law for you to see your kids and the cycle of insanity will continue. She might go droplets and droplets like tiny water drops from the sink to formulate some type of parental alienation where the mother comes out innocent but the daughter decided on her free will she wants nothing to do with you. The mother might slip that you are bad. The mother might slip that you may have touched her somehow....etc. Whatever the case base this is not a battle that will be over and you come out the winner. Do you plan to exhaust your emotional bar, physical bar, financial bar, spiritual bar for something that you will end up coming a loser and society will not applaud you. Society will not feel sorry for you. Society will still blame you as a deadbeat dad at the end. If you don't do anything you are a deadbeat dad, if you do everything in your wake you are a deadbeat dad. So don't think you are going to come out a hero here. Many men come out insane, commit suicide, end up in the street and as you can see their names are not mentioned in the media or talked about and there are no social revolution from people to fight against this. It is normalized and accepted.

My advice to you..is to do everything in your wake to please Allah alone and no one else. You are doing this for Allah and not for your daughter and not for society. You are going to go through the process so that in the day of judgement when your daughter comes in front of the court of Allah and says to Allah, "MY FATHER FAILED ME! HE ABANDONED ME! HE HATES ME! HE NEGLECTED IN HIS DUTY! ALLAH GIVE ME HIS PARADISE! GIVE ME ALL HIS GOOD DEEDS!" You will have proof in that day that it is not true...that you actually went through the effort and climbed for her, but you had obstacles that prevented you. Her mother and the laws are set against you and you had no power over forces you cannot handle. Even if the daughter are the day of judgement will scream "IT IS NOT ENOUGH! HE FAILED! HE SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE!" Allah is all knowing and Just and knows your limit and he is all merciful. HUMAN BEINGS ARE HEARTLESS and UNMERCIFUL....except for the prophets (of course) and his friends...but Allah is the one and only true God and merciful to his creations and he knows your capability and circumstances. He will reward you for your efforts and punish the ones who oppressed you. Even if that oppressor is a woman.

Just don't feel it is the end of your life and move on! Seriously...move on. Whether your children love you or hate you...move on..it doesn't matter :D

Jazak Allah.

FYI
Court date for the first hearing in London family court is end of Jan 2019. Everyone, Please remember me and my family in your prayers and may Allah swt make it easy for us, forgive us for all of our sins and reward us for our calamities insha Allah.

[Imraan]

Everyone in this forum reading this, please, I humbly request duas from everyone. May Allah swt make it easy for and and everyone struggling with calamities in this life.

My initial first court hearing regarding child access is this Monday 28th january. After which there will be subsequent hearings until I get the court order. Despite getting the order if allah wills i don't know what's round the corner anymore. May ALLAH swt prevent us from facing further calamities and pray he makes it easy for me and everyone.

I will be representing myself in court and I have been trying my best to prepare paperwork and procedural research and tryjng to build up the courage to go to court in london. I keep telling myself.... whatever happens whether i succeed or not.. whether good or bad...... it is all from Allah swt. Ya Allah, he will look after me insh Allah.

It's not an easy life. Nor am I the worst off, there are so many others with calamities which are much much worse. Yet I strive for recompense and justice. Want my life to be worry free. I have been patient. It can get frustrating sometimes. Innallaha ma'as swaabireen.....

Jazak Allah.

[xboxisdead]

Everyone in this forum reading this, please, I humbly request duas from everyone. May Allah swt make it easy for and and everyone struggling with calamities in this life.

My initial first court hearing regarding child access is this Monday 28th january. After which there will be subsequent hearings until I get the court order. Despite getting the order if allah wills i don't know what's round the corner anymore. May ALLAH swt prevent us from facing further calamities and pray he makes it easy for me and everyone.

I will be representing myself in court and I have been trying my best to prepare paperwork and procedural research and tryjng to build up the courage to go to court in london. I keep telling myself.... whatever happens whether i succeed or not.. whether good or bad...... it is all from Allah swt. Ya Allah, he will look after me insh Allah.

It's not an easy life. Nor am I the worst off, there are so many others with calamities which are much much worse. Yet I strive for recompense and justice. Want my life to be worry free. I have been patient. It can get frustrating sometimes. Innallaha ma'as swaabireen.....

Jazak Allah.

I am happy and I am proud you put your trust completely on Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa). I am going to say this one more time....put all your best...if after all your best you still have no right to that child and the mother of the child successfully used the court to cut ties between you and that child.....it is not your...fault. Don't cry. Don't fret and don't give up. Make sure you have money for your daughter's education and make sure you save up for her inheritance. You are a good dad. You are a good person and Allah knows what is in your heart. All I ask...is that you be patient. All I ask is that you simply make dua and move on.

[*charisma*]

Everyone in this forum reading this, please, I humbly request duas from everyone. May Allah swt make it easy for and and everyone struggling with calamities in this life.

My initial first court hearing regarding child access is this Monday 28th january. After which there will be subsequent hearings until I get the court order. Despite getting the order if allah wills i don't know what's round the corner anymore. May ALLAH swt prevent us from facing further calamities and pray he makes it easy for me and everyone.

I will be representing myself in court and I have been trying my best to prepare paperwork and procedural research and tryjng to build up the courage to go to court in london. I keep telling myself.... whatever happens whether i succeed or not.. whether good or bad...... it is all from Allah swt. Ya Allah, he will look after me insh Allah.

It's not an easy life. Nor am I the worst off, there are so many others with calamities which are much much worse. Yet I strive for recompense and justice. Want my life to be worry free. I have been patient. It can get frustrating sometimes. Innallaha ma'as swaabireen.....

Jazak Allah.

May Allah ease your affairs, grant you rights to see your daughter, and allow you to raise her under your protection as a god fearing father ameen. May you also be granted a wife better than the one you have lost whether in this world or the afterlife. Continue with your efforts and patience, indeed allah loves those who are patient.

[IslamLife00]

Everyone in this forum reading this, please, I humbly request duas from everyone. May Allah swt make it easy for and and everyone struggling with calamities in this life.

My initial first court hearing regarding child access is this Monday 28th january. After which there will be subsequent hearings until I get the court order. Despite getting the order if allah wills i don't know what's round the corner anymore. May ALLAH swt prevent us from facing further calamities and pray he makes it easy for me and everyone.

I will be representing myself in court and I have been trying my best to prepare paperwork and procedural research and tryjng to build up the courage to go to court in london. I keep telling myself.... whatever happens whether i succeed or not.. whether good or bad...... it is all from Allah swt. Ya Allah, he will look after me insh Allah.

It's not an easy life. Nor am I the worst off, there are so many others with calamities which are much much worse. Yet I strive for recompense and justice. Want my life to be worry free. I have been patient. It can get frustrating sometimes. Innallaha ma'as swaabireen.....

Jazak Allah.

Do your best and leave the rest to Allah. I will make dua for you.

[Imraan]

Update: unfortunately due to the severity of the allegations (falsified and twisted) which the mother has put forward to the court and social workers (cafcass) the court decided not to even give me supervised access until they do more investigation despite no police records or incidents. May ALLAH guide us all and protect us from oppressors. I pray the oppression stop or at least slows down. The next hearing is end of April. Tough times brothers and sisters.

[xboxisdead]

Update: unfortunately due to the severity of the allegations (falsified and twisted) which the mother has put forward to the court and social workers (cafcass) the court decided not to even give me supervised access until they do more investigation despite no police records or incidents. May ALLAH guide us all and protect us from oppressors. I pray the oppression stop or at least slows down. The next hearing is end of April. Tough times brothers and sisters.

I envy you imsadimsadimsad In ways, I wish I was in your shoes! Muslim and got oppressed combination! What better treasure than this!

WHAT BETTER HONOR to be a Muslim and oppressed! I seriously envy you! Here is what you do. Do Dua, clean the dust from your body, stand up and smile. You are one of those men who are oppressed in this world and in the afterlife you will have such reward, such great treasure waiting for you that when you see it...you will cry and wish I was oppressed more in this life. You are THAT MAN BROTHER! YOU ARE THAT MAN and I envy you deeply! I seriously do!! :heated::heated:

Look at it this way...if she turn your daughter against you and make your daughter your oppressor and she ruin your reputation and made the entire community look down at you and oppress you....that means SOMETHING UNIMAGINABLE is waiting for you in the afterlife. Quickly...run and pray and do istigfar and ask Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) for forgiveness and know something great is waiting for you. Take my advice...do dua to Allah (Subhananu Wa talaa) that you die Muslim...the dua of the oppressed is answered and there is no "curtain" between you and Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) and your dua is answered in this world before the afterlife. DO DUA THAT YOU DIE MUSLIM and that Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) make your imaan strong and steady fast and that you pass the exam of agony death when you die and the shaitaan tries to cause you disbelief. Do dua to Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) that you pass that exam and in the afterlife you have weapon...the ammunition...the ball in your court to take all the good deeds of your wife. You brother WON! You brother are the winner!!

[IslamLife00]

Update: unfortunately due to the severity of the allegations (falsified and twisted) which the mother has put forward to the court and social workers (cafcass) the court decided not to even give me supervised access until they do more investigation despite no police records or incidents. May ALLAH guide us all and protect us from oppressors. I pray the oppression stop or at least slows down. The next hearing is end of April. Tough times brothers and sisters.

May Allah grant you patience and strength.

Narrated `Aisha: (the wife of the Prophet) Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn." (Sahih al Bukhari)

There is a dua you can say :

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying, "When a person suffers from a calamity and utters: 'Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un. Allahumma ujurni fi musibati, wakhluf li khairan minha (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return. O Allah! Compensate me in my affliction, recompense my loss and give me something better in exchange for it), then Allah surely compensates him with reward and better substitute." Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said: When Abu Salamah (May Allah be pleased with him) died, I repeated the same supplication as the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) had commanded me (to do). So Allah bestowed upon me a better substitute than him (I was married to Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)). (Sahih Muslim)

[MazharShafiq]

May Allah grant you patience and strength.

[Imraan]

I envy you imsadimsadimsad In ways, I wish I was in your shoes! Muslim and got oppressed combination! What better treasure than this!

WHAT BETTER HONOR to be a Muslim and oppressed! I seriously envy you! Here is what you do. Do Dua, clean the dust from your body, stand up and smile. You are one of those men who are oppressed in this world and in the afterlife you will have such reward, such great treasure waiting for you that when you see it...you will cry and wish I was oppressed more in this life. You are THAT MAN BROTHER! YOU ARE THAT MAN and I envy you deeply! I seriously do!! :heated::heated:

Look at it this way...if she turn your daughter against you and make your daughter your oppressor and she ruin your reputation and made the entire community look down at you and oppress you....that means SOMETHING UNIMAGINABLE is waiting for you in the afterlife. Quickly...run and pray and do istigfar and ask Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) for forgiveness and know something great is waiting for you. Take my advice...do dua to Allah (Subhananu Wa talaa) that you die Muslim...the dua of the oppressed is answered and there is no "curtain" between you and Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) and your dua is answered in this world before the afterlife. DO DUA THAT YOU DIE MUSLIM and that Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) make your imaan strong and steady fast and that you pass the exam of agony death when you die and the shaitaan tries to cause you disbelief. Do dua to Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) that you pass that exam and in the afterlife you have weapon...the ammunition...the ball in your court to take all the good deeds of your wife. You brother WON! You brother are the winner!!

Jzk brother. I never really looked at life from that perspective. Naturally I've always wanted the best of both worlds... and I know deep down inside me I will always want the best of both worlds no matter how much I turn away from blessings that can be received in this world. I've strived for a wife and kids (a family of my own, who doesn't) for a long time. I've strived for a luxury car for a long time. I've strived for other things for a long time. Don't know if I'm going to get it. But I'm grateful for all other achievements to date although sometimes I do feel I took it for granted or did not show enough gratitude to our creator. May ALLAH swt guide us all Insh Allah.

[Imraan]

May Allah grant you patience and strength.

Narrated `Aisha: (the wife of the Prophet) Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn." (Sahih al Bukhari)

There is a dua you can say :

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying, "When a person suffers from a calamity and utters: 'Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un. Allahumma ujurni fi musibati, wakhluf li khairan minha (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return. O Allah! Compensate me in my affliction, recompense my loss and give me something better in exchange for it), then Allah surely compensates him with reward and better substitute." Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said: When Abu Salamah (May Allah be pleased with him) died, I repeated the same supplication as the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) had commanded me (to do). So Allah bestowed upon me a better substitute than him (I was married to Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)). (Sahih Muslim)

Assalam walaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

I deeply appreciate everyone's support and suggestions, Jazak Allahu Khayran. Everyone is included in my daily prayers.

I had my second hearing at the family court on Friday 26th April and I thought it would be good if i gave you all an update.

Prior to the hearing a Cafcass officer came to my house and interviewed me for about 2 and half hours (my daughters mother was interviewed as well). They later produced a report which worked more in favour of my application for contact despite concluding residency should be with mother. We all knew this would happen anyway right? During the interview I was able to point out any concerns I had on the safety of my child and prove misleading statements made by the respondent mother. All was either proven or justified by me and also included in the report which is presented to judges and clerks. Basically the mother was caught lying, she basically exposed herself to taking part in perverting the course of justice. Which is a crime in the UK. Anyway the report outlined a recommendation, like a contact plan for the kid to see her father I.e. progressional contact to develop bond in certain settings I.e. direct supervised, direct supported, direct in the community and eventually leading to direct contact with over night stays. Alhamdulillah you don't know how relieved I was, me and my kid will eventually get to see each other soon insh Allah. Hope i can teach her to be God fearing and wise insh Allah.

So I went into the court room and I think the judges decided theres not enough info or evidence for them to dig any deeper into the allegations as they rendered them conflict between two parents Then the opposition side wanted to negotiate contact, they felt they have too much legal costs. They knew they didn't have legs to stand on, their allegations lacked evidence and clarity. Some of it not even related to my contact application. Their legal position was very weak. The respondents solicitor then went onto saying they wanted to negotiate the contact on their terms, i.e. instead of it eventually being 8 hours they wanted it to be 6, nitty gritty stuff like that and more. I wouldn't give in. I decided that the bare minimum contact I should be entitled to is as recommended by the cafcass social worker. Unfortunately we couldn't agree and the courts ran out of time (despite the judges and court staying behind an extra hour to get this sorted) so the hearing was adjourned to a final hearing in September, where if both parties cant agree the judges set the agreement. On one hand I came back empty handed, Allah swt knows best. On the other hand I came back knowing they couldn't delay the contact any later than September this year insh Allah, especially by using lies and domestic violence or abuse as an excuse anymore. In any case Shukr Alhamdulillah.
However it didn't go the way I planned on Friday. My plan was to initially get contact in the interim (they have to at least grant supervised contact even if abuse or violence cannot be proved beyond any reasonable doubt at that point in time), while we battle the allegations out in detail and I seek the finalised order at a later date. It didn't go to plan for whatever reason and the judges decided to see if we can agree a final order on the day. As a consequence due to running out of time and not being able to agree the contact schedule it had to be concluded to another day. Allah knows best.

Whenever I would read the allegations it used to dishearten me deeply. Due to the character of the mother, some of the allegations were very outragous and very low. I am deeply embarrassed being on the receiving end of such allegations. On top of that the act of misleading the courts like that is atrocious! I hope the courts realise that the origins of these allegations are speaking volumes about ones character. Why do people do it? Don't they know their victims earn their rewards in the hereafter? Ramadan is literally round the corner, her keeping my daughter from me all this time will benefit me somewhat because I'll get her rewards for whatever ibadah she does (if she does), doesn't she know?

Once again I want my journey to be an example to others so maybe it deters them from making mistakes. The reason why I've got this far is because I have faith that Allah is always with me no matter what and the fact that I also have to fulfill a little girls basic rights has made me perservere using what I have, she needs her father too. Whether her attitude towards me will change in her adolescent years I don't know, especially when her upbringing will be in a very typical family in the heart of east London, under the care of a mother who shows no compassion, no moral responsibilities or any mercy to me. Will she turn out like her mum? Hope not.

All your duas and support helped so far insh Allah. May Allah swt guide us all and tighten the hearts of the oppressors insh Allah so that they may be guided on a more righteous path.

Jazak Allah

Imran.

[Imraan]

Assalam walaikum

Lots and lots of Prayers requested please, I have a final court hearing next week concerning contact for my daughter. I haven't seen her for over one year.

I'm just preparing and refreshing my mind and going over the files and paperwork. Everytime I read the statements given by the mothers solicitor it makes me sick and nauseated, nothing but allegations and all falsehood to achieve full custody of child and to oppress me of my child.

There are some evil people out there, I hate her with a passion. The more I think about it the worse it gets. As I prepare for the final hearing and memorize what I'm going to say what I'm going to ask for, i cant help but think I am where I am now because of her.

This life is full of #@€p!!!

Apologies, I humbly request for your prayers even though I've been losing for a long time and who knows what else I will lose later.....

I hope and pray Allah swt makes life easy for me..

[Studentofdeed]

Brother may Allah make it easy for you. Honestly my heart bleeds for you...what you went through is something I never wish on anyone. May Allah bless you and give you the best of the both worlds. May he give you jannah al firdaous al ala. I'm still in shock about this...I know recovering from an abusive relationship is hard but I know the fact that you had it really bad means you can recover from this. Allah loves you for sure brother. I was in a abusive relationship like you too and it has destroyed me. I lost all my happiness and joy and become bitter and depressed. DONT let that happen to you. YOU are a far better man and stronger man that most of us. Please keep fighting brother and dont become like me

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And do not worry my brother, I will make dua for you!

[xboxisdead]

Look at it in the positive side. She toke your role and her role and now she have to be a mother and a father. She have double responsibility over her shoulders now. She have the responsibility of a mother on her shoulder and responsibility of a father on her shoulder. If she fails in raising her daughter (which she will because she cannot be a man and a father but NOW SHE have the responsibility of a man and a father which she cannot be) she will have the punishment of a mother and the punishment of a father and if the law prevents you from access to your children and you have zero power...Allah will not punish you for failing to raise your daughter because your wife toke that role out of your hands. She wants to show the world that she is a super woman and she cannot do it without a man and man are unnecessary, will let her have her cake. Not like you have say on this matter.

Now here is a good advice I can give you. Record everything you do to indicate your daughter you have done everything in your wake to reach her. Record your conversation with the lawyers, record your conversation with her mother, record conversation with the court law...keep records and buy gifts and cards and send them to her birthday. Record all your actions, send emails to your daughter, make recording voices and sing to your daughter as if you are holding her with your hands. Show your daughter that you did not forget her and that you love her and you have attempted every mean to reach her and show your love to her.

Don't waste your money in court fee or fighting for your daughter...it is waste of money. Instead...take this money and invest it on her education, her healthcare, her inheritance, everything. Make sure you have doubled if not tripled the amount of for your daughter. if your daughter hates you, want nothing to do with you, that is fine...don't take it personally, everything you logged and recorded put them in a box and with the money you prepared for her. When your daughter have reached adulthood and she is no more accessed by your mother, send to her address that box (make a copy of the recordings in case your ex-wife attempts to destroy it) ...have the envelope information about her wealth you saved...so she..herself picks them up and wait for her to come.

[Imraan]

Brother may Allah make it easy for you. Honestly my heart bleeds for you...what you went through is something I never wish on anyone. May Allah bless you and give you the best of the both worlds. May he give you jannah al firdaous al ala. I'm still in shock about this...I know recovering from an abusive relationship is hard but I know the fact that you had it really bad means you can recover from this. Allah loves you for sure brother. I was in a abusive relationship like you too and it has destroyed me. I lost all my happiness and joy and become bitter and depressed. DONT let that happen to you. YOU are a far better man and stronger man that most of us. Please keep fighting brother and dont become like me

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And do not worry my brother, I will make dua for you!

JazakAllah brother, hope Allah swt makes it easy for you too, in either of our cases, it could have been worse, its just im struggling to come to terms with this ongoing oppression, when does this end?... the child maintenance payments, the uncertainty to whether i will always see my kid on time. whether i will receive something better than what i have lost from this marriage. I need to just go to Makkah and cry for help, maybe my prayers will be answered then..... I only hope for a little light at the end of the tunnel now, then at least that'll be something.

To survive these struggles sometimes i have to just go into a introvert mode and just stay quiet and shut myself off from this world. Then that isnt healthy either.

Love to get remarried to somone with a caring character, that itself is another challenge alone, where to find, who do you trust? and how many rejections can we actually handle.

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Look at it in the positive side. She toke your role and her role and now she have to be a mother and a father. She have double responsibility over her shoulders now. She have the responsibility of a mother on her shoulder and responsibility of a father on her shoulder. If she fails in raising her daughter (which she will because she cannot be a man and a father but NOW SHE have the responsibility of a man and a father which she cannot be) she will have the punishment of a mother and the punishment of a father and if the law prevents you from access to your children and you have zero power...Allah will not punish you for failing to raise your daughter because your wife toke that role out of your hands. She wants to show the world that she is a super woman and she cannot do it without a man and man are unnecessary, will let her have her cake. Not like you have say on this matter.

Now here is a good advice I can give you. Record everything you do to indicate your daughter you have done everything in your wake to reach her. Record your conversation with the lawyers, record your conversation with her mother, record conversation with the court law...keep records and buy gifts and cards and send them to her birthday. Record all your actions, send emails to your daughter, make recording voices and sing to your daughter as if you are holding her with your hands. Show your daughter that you did not forget her and that you love her and you have attempted every mean to reach her and show your love to her.

Don't waste your money in court fee or fighting for your daughter...it is waste of money. Instead...take this money and invest it on her education, her healthcare, her inheritance, everything. Make sure you have doubled if not tripled the amount of for your daughter. if your daughter hates you, want nothing to do with you, that is fine...don't take it personally, everything you logged and recorded put them in a box and with the money you prepared for her. When your daughter have reached adulthood and she is no more accessed by your mother, send to her address that box (make a copy of the recordings in case your ex-wife attempts to destroy it) ...have the envelope information about her wealth you saved...so she..herself picks them up and wait for her to come.

there is no positive side right now, theres only negative, she holds all the cards
what kind of life would that be anwyay xboxisdead, living everyday knowing you got a daughter living breathing growing up somewhere while you struggle and the mother has had a upper hand the whole time. All this evil doesnt happen without Allah's will. its like theres no right answer apart from "be patient", the same as the expression 'how long is a piece of string....?'

just remember us in your prayers bro. whatever calamity awaits me, just have to take it.

[xboxisdead]

JazakAllah brother, hope Allah swt makes it easy for you too, in either of our cases, it could have been worse, its just im struggling to come to terms with this ongoing oppression, when does this end?... the child maintenance payments, the uncertainty to whether i will always see my kid on time. whether i will receive something better than what i have lost from this marriage. I need to just go to Makkah and cry for help, maybe my prayers will be answered then..... I only hope for a little light at the end of the tunnel now, then at least that'll be something.

To survive these struggles sometimes i have to just go into a introvert mode and just stay quiet and shut myself off from this world. Then that isnt healthy either.

Love to get remarried to somone with a caring character, that itself is another challenge alone, where to find, who do you trust? and how many rejections can we actually handle.

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there is no positive side right now, theres only negative, she holds all the cards
what kind of life would that be anwyay xboxisdead, living everyday knowing you got a daughter living breathing growing up somewhere while you struggle and the mother has had a upper hand the whole time. All this evil doesnt happen without Allah's will. its like theres no right answer apart from "be patient", the same as the expression 'how long is a piece of string....?'

just remember us in your prayers bro. whatever calamity awaits me, just have to take it.

You need to stop looking at things from right in front of your face dunaya perspective for a second. Let me ask you a question, suppose for a split second all this didn't happen. You have a sane good wife and you hold your daughter with your bare hands now and you form some bound together, right? Grreeeat...suppose your wife doesn't nag you (almost impossible), doesn't attempt to take your throne so she leads instead, she is actually a good, chaste woman that the Qura'an talks about. You tried your best to raise your daughter but eventually dunaya toke her from your hands, not the ex-wife, but dunaya toke her from your hands and you fear your environment now is unsafe to continue your religion...you have to pack your bags and leave to protect your afterlife....you tell your wife we must go...but her love and attachment to her daughter is stronger than her love for akhira she wants to stay. She say convincing things about how we as parents must stick together to save our daughter, Allah will question us for our deeeds, we cannot leave our daughter her alone by herself, etc. You love your wife also as much as your daughter. But you know that what she is saying is commendable however it is not possible....if you stay in this evil place you know you will lose the afterlife and there is no returning back, your wife does not want to go...even if she will lose her afterlife, your daughter already lost hers. What will you do? Stay? Or save your skin? I would save my skin. I would pack my bags, ride that airplane and go to a mountain far away from evil where my religion is protected. Because my love...my supreme love to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) should supersede my love to my mother, father, brother, sister, wife, daughter, son, grandmother, ....materialistic objects, etc.

Would you do the same yourself? You need to ponder and ask yourself and look deep into your soul and ask...will you be willing to sacrifice your daughter and family and your loved ones for Allah (Subhanau Wa Talaa)? Would pick your baby girl and put her in front of prophet (peace be upon him) as the snake lounges to his chest as a sacrifice to your love for the prophet (peace be upon him) if he was still alive? Or sacrifice yourself?

Ask these questions yourself. What does this have to do with this scenario? Simple, Allah is testing you with a difficult trail. But he knows this is not beyond your limits, you need to return back to him and remember the verse in the Qura'an that tells people if you love something it could be evil for you and you hate something it could be good for you. He wants something better for you than this world. Maybe if this didn't happen, you will sacrifice your afterlife for your daughter and wife. Maybe your wife will be a controlling psychopath and your daughter will follow her mom's footstep and you have two women whom you cannot control and you have to..."bring peace in this house".....so you become a "cuckold" which means you need to do the ..."leave to the mountain" road so you protect yourself and you are too weak to do that. Your afraid in future she will take half or more of your wealth, she will say like she did now, "you raped her, you did this to her" and your daughter might "join forces with the mother" and you may end up in prison. Ever thought..that could happen? I need you to look at things from..beyond your eyes..from the eagle eyes...there are wisdom as to why Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) have put you in this situation.

Take my advice..do the recording, show your daughter you love her, show her you are the supreme ultra dad but her mother prevented you from achieving bond with her. When she reaches adult show her the proof and form bound that way. Remember in Islam, custody goes to the mother anyways and you do visitation once a week or twice a week to contact your daughter then you go home and she return back to her mother...in this case however, she doesn't mind jumping to the pit of hellfire by doing something haraam which is cutting ties. Put it in your head..the majority of women are in hellfire...they need to do something to earn the ticket to go through..your ex-wife is part of those people who bought a ticket to hellfire..unfortunately you married that person without knowing. Take this as form of sin cleansing and elevate you to the highest level of Jannah. Put your trust on Allah alone. He plans everything and you are just his slave.

[xboxisdead]

there is no positive side right now, theres only negative, she holds all the cards

That is an enormous misconception men and women make all the time. We think she is hold all the cards, she is holding stone from fire that came from hellfire. She is putting in her stomach coal from hellfire. Anyone who do, they are holding hellfire food and they are chewing it and eating into their belly. Your wife does not fear Allah, or even believe of afterlife. You may have married a hypocrite and do you seriously expect any good from such evil heart?

[Imraan]

Had my final hearing today. They had a barrister (instead of their usual solicitor) who stooped to some low levels and against his work ethics. The barrister made even more requests to put me at disadvantage, however my faith in the judges and social worker today paid off, they both were able to maintain a fair stance at most of the unfair requests coming from this barrister. However unfortunately due to slow processing and procedural delays etc we couldn't finish it today given that we had a whole day.

Anyway the magistrates made a decision but didn't have enough time to finalise it. I'm back there next week to hear the final decision and to pick up a final order. I will soon meet my daughter insh Allah. Hopefully the final order is in my favour in the long term, otherwise il be back there again requesting changes in a new application and have to go up against who ever they bring with them to represent them. The mothers side have so much money so they can hire these hot shot legal counsellors, all I have is my faith and my will power.

I want to thank everyone for their dua's thus far. Still I pray things get easier for me and my daughter, hope you all will do too.

[xboxisdead]

Had my final hearing today. They had a barrister (instead of their usual solicitor) who stooped to some low levels and against his work ethics. The barrister made even more requests to put me at disadvantage, however my faith in the judges and social worker today paid off, they both were able to maintain a fair stance at most of the unfair requests coming from this barrister. However unfortunately due to slow processing and procedural delays etc we couldn't finish it today given that we had a whole day.

Anyway the magistrates made a decision but didn't have enough time to finalise it. I'm back there next week to hear the final decision and to pick up a final order. I will soon meet my daughter insh Allah. Hopefully the final order is in my favour in the long term, otherwise il be back there again requesting changes in a new application and have to go up against who ever they bring with them to represent them. The mothers side have so much money so they can hire these hot shot legal counsellors, all I have is my faith and my will power.

I want to thank everyone for their dua's thus far. Still I pray things get easier for me and my daughter, hope you all will do too.

May Allah make it easy for you and have a good bound with your daughter. Remember and make sure your heart is 100% for the afterlife and not for this world...then this world and it's issues become insignificant and irrelevant :D

[Ahmed.]

InshAllah everything will turn out in your favour. Allah will help you I am sure :)

[Imraan]

Assalam Walaikum brothers and sisters,

Hmm, the court order has been issued, not everything i wanted but its a start and the whole court thing has been a 10 month journey. i will get to see my kid before the end of next month and a plan is set out for the next 2 years by order of the court.

whilst this is a positive note, i also have a negative.

my nieces car was set on fire one week ago, we knew it was arson we just didnt know who. the night before the final hearing, some of my relatives houses are called from a withheld number by a bengali lady, where they bad mouthed my family really badly and also claimed credit for the arson attack and ended the call saying something along the lines of "there's more to come". i suspect it is the ex as we don't have any other enemies and given the timing that a court case is in progress and about to finish. Police have been notified but there's only so much they can do. without any proof we cant really say its the ex. unseen evil forces is even more frustrating because you don't know from where or when it will come next.

just when i thought i was making progress i'm slapped with other issues.

what else is round the corner, its times like these i wish i had might, however whats the point of having might if you are a law abiding citizen?.

i think about what myself and my family are now going through, the oppression, difficulties and terror and then i think about the people in the war zones i.e. Palestine, Syria etc. their oppression and terror is amplified and continuous and for some since the beginning of their life, they pray do they not?, when does it end for them if it ends?, and if it doesn't end for them, what chances are it ending for me?

i used to think people who do bad things get their just desserts eventually, now im thinking bad people prosper in this world only it enables them to continue to do bad things without any consequences...

very hard living a life, working, sustaining a house, whilst worrying about close ones and any threats and potential trauma... the thought of my poor niece suffering at the hands of my ex saddens me deeply.

[xboxisdead]

Assalam Walaikum brothers and sisters,

Hmm, the court order has been issued, not everything i wanted but its a start and the whole court thing has been a 10 month journey. i will get to see my kid before the end of next month and a plan is set out for the next 2 years by order of the court.

whilst this is a positive note, i also have a negative.

my nieces car was set on fire one week ago, we knew it was arson we just didnt know who. the night before the final hearing, some of my relatives houses are called from a withheld number by a bengali lady, where they bad mouthed my family really badly and also claimed credit for the arson attack and ended the call saying something along the lines of "there's more to come". i suspect it is the ex as we don't have any other enemies and given the timing that a court case is in progress and about to finish. Police have been notified but there's only so much they can do. without any proof we cant really say its the ex. unseen evil forces is even more frustrating because you don't know from where or when it will come next.

just when i thought i was making progress i'm slapped with other issues.

what else is round the corner, its times like these i wish i had might, however whats the point of having might if you are a law abiding citizen?.

i think about what myself and my family are now going through, the oppression, difficulties and terror and then i think about the people in the war zones i.e. Palestine, Syria etc. their oppression and terror is amplified and continuous and for some since the beginning of their life, they pray do they not?, when does it end for them if it ends?, and if it doesn't end for them, what chances are it ending for me?

i used to think people who do bad things get their just desserts eventually, now im thinking bad people prosper in this world only it enables them to continue to do bad things without any consequences...

very hard living a life, working, sustaining a house, whilst worrying about close ones and any threats and potential trauma... the thought of my poor niece suffering at the hands of my ex saddens me deeply.

What you said in bold black not only confirms it but proofs for the people who disbelieve that Allah is real and Allah is watching and Allah is all knowing. If you read the ahadeeth and you read at the minor signs of Qiyama, the end of time ...there is a part there you read but I want to read it again and ponder on it....who leaves the world and who remains in this world?


...
...
...

That is right!! ALL THE MUSLIMS AND PEOPLE WITH LESS THAN AN ATOM OF IMAAN in their hearts/good THOSE LEAVE THIS WORLD and who remain on the Earth? That is right...THE WORST OF ALL CREATIONS EVER...THOSE who live in this world. Not only do they live in this world...they eat the most delicious food, fornicate like animals, listen to music, dance, party, sing, HAVE GREAT POWER, intelligence, wealth, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ..live like animals......and worse...THOSE who have the best of health and mind and live happily ever after in this world....UNTIL of course Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) destroys them. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) is giving them false happiness and false illusion and hope.......

Yes...this is Dunaya.....the love of Dunaya means you are an evil person...simple put. You need to put love of akhira, strive in Dunaya, yes, not saying not too...but your love should be for the afterlife. Your ex have her heart for Dunaya, she only sees what is in front of her...she cannot see beyond that and the system plant seed into heart to confirm she is right and you are wrong. The system is designed to destroy family, remove fathers from homes and cause social problems and women...sadly are the majority of this contribution to the evil system. Not saying all, but saying majority and only the women who really fear Allah and believe in the afterlife and unseen are the ones who will not fall pray into the system. But women of weak character, weak faith, weak ikhlas, evil in their hearts are the ones who fall pray to the evil system and manipulate it for their own good. They will bring convincing arguments to justify their actions too!!

Brother...put your faith in Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) whatever happens to you is a test...don't despair. Keep fighting. But should you lose the battle it is for your good and not for your bad. Don't let this become a toxic to your vein, don't let it effect your health and heart...follow my advise should you lose the battle. Do it for Allah's pleasure over anything else...even over yourself desires and interest.

Here is something i need you to be careful....never..ever fight for full custody....beside it being against Islam and against Allah's law...he decreed that women have full custody of children not men...beside that major important factor....if you win for full custody 99% of the cases the mother WILL KILL YOUR CHILD SO NOT TO LET YOU HAVE THE CHILD.......I mean it....99% of the time the mother WILL KILL YOUR CHILD AND SHOW video of her killing the child to you...TO HURT you.

For the protection of your daughter DO NOT FIGHT FOR FULL CUSTODY......fight for visitation right and right to see and raise the child.

[Studentofdeed]

Brother I'm so sorry and upset to hear about this. This is just ridiculous. Even in islam divorce is worst case scenario but when it does it occur, they say release your spouse with kindness and ease. This women has no fear of Allah? It disgusts me...Make allah reward you for your patience. All I can say is say the same dua ibrahim said. For allah loves you and is with you. Allah is with the oppressed and his indeed with you brother. Say hasbiallah wanemal wakil

[Imraan]

You know people say whatever bad anyone does to you, you gain lots of reward for the hereafter, your sins are expiated etc etc.

Here I am facing potential arson attacks, terrorism and threats from my ex or her family. We are told to exercise patience. But by not acting or retaliating Doesnt that make me come across as weak? Surely we were not told to wait with our hands behind our backs. Anyway the least I could do was report it to the authorities.

I think I need to do more but I csnt without breaking the law

[xboxisdead]

You know people say whatever bad anyone does to you, you gain lots of reward for the hereafter, your sins are expiated etc etc.

Here I am facing potential arson attacks, terrorism and threats from my ex or her family. We are told to exercise patience. But by not acting or retaliating Doesnt that make me come across as weak? Surely we were not told to wait with our hands behind our backs. Anyway the least I could do was report it to the authorities.

I think I need to do more but I csnt without breaking the law

Man is created weak. We human beings are weak. Allah is with the weak and the oppressed. You my friend follow the two criteria, so put your trust 100% on him! Let her be superior over you and let her fluck her feathers, let her contradict the Qura'an and Allah's law, she is the one who is losing not you. Even if she comes out winner in this world.

Exercise patience brother, exercise patience.

[Studentofdeed]

Honestly brother, if you want it to stop or want justice, make dua against her and them. Let Allah sort it out. His justice is more stronger than whatever small minded revenge we can think of. It may take time but inshallah it will be worth it. A day will come where you will be victorious . No you are not weak st all. A strong man isnt someone who can break bones or destroy others but a strong one is someone who drinks his anger and resists

[Imraan]

Been praying to be free from this oppression for quite some time now. It's only a matter of time and a question of when, a question I ask Allah everyday. Il never give up the prayer and will never understand people that are persistent in making life difficult for others now.

So all this time it was me seeking justice in the courts. Now I'm seeking justice in both via the court and in the world. A very pessimistic view and I fear that my patience may soon run out. May Allah swt guide us all.

['Abdullah]

Been praying to be free from this oppression for quite some time now. It's only a matter of time and a question of when, a question I ask Allah everyday. Il never give up the prayer and will never understand people that are persistent in making life difficult for others now.

So all this time it was me seeking justice in the courts. Now I'm seeking justice in both via the court and in the world. A very pessimistic view and I fear that my patience may soon run out. May Allah swt guide us all.

Assalam O Alaikum Brother,

Keep your trust in Allah and know that He knows what is best for you. Sometime our prayers are answered and we do get reward for patience in this world and sometimes our prayers are not answered and we don't get any reward of good deeds in our life either. Sometimes bad people live a very good life and don't suffer in this worldly life even after all the bad things they do to other human beings. But that does not mean we loose hope and faith in Allah. As I said earlier that put your trust in Allah that He knows what is best for you and just be content with whatever happens.

Look at the life of prophets. Do you think Prophet Noah PBUH never made dua for his son and his wife? He surely did but Allah did not accept it. Did Prophet Noah questioned Allah? No, I knew it was best for him to be happy with what Allah has decreed for him. Prophet Muhammad PBUH would have prayed days and night for his uncles Abu Talib and Abu Lahab to accept Islam but Allah had other plans. Point I am trying to make is that don't expect that because you are praying all prayers, your enemy will be humiliated. May be this is your test. Keep your patience and faith in Allah and don't put any condition to it. Faith and love should be un-conditional. You may not get the decision in your favor and you may not see people who wronged you being punished in their life. Remember that this world is temporary and it is better if our prayers and all good deeds are rewarded in Hereafter which is a permanent abode. May Allah keep you steadfast and reward you for your patience in both worlds.

I have not read your entire story but even if my wife has wronged me and asked for divorce, I would have given her custody of my children. Why? Because Islam teaches us to be kind when we get divorced or give divorce to our spouses. It will be a war of ego now to see who wins and who looses. But you can still turn this around and call your ex-wife. Give her custody of your kid for the sake of Allah and trust me this will give you pleasure you can't imagine. This is just my personal opinion and I probably would have done this without any second thought. Again I am sorry that I don't know your situation and leave it up to you to decide what's best for you. In either case, keep your hope, love and faith unconditional. Love and worship Allah because He is the only one who deserved to be loved and worshipped.

W/Salam

[xboxisdead]

Assalam O Alaikum Brother,

Keep your trust in Allah and know that He knows what is best for you. Sometime our prayers are answered and we do get reward for patience in this world and sometimes our prayers are not answered and we don't get any reward of good deeds in our life either. Sometimes bad people live a very good life and don't suffer in this worldly life even after all the bad things they do to other human beings. But that does not mean we loose hope and faith in Allah. As I said earlier that put your trust in
Allah that He knows what is best for you and just be content with whatever happens.
Look at the life of prophets. Do you think Prophet Noah PBUH never made dua for his son and his wife? He surely did but Allah did not accept it. Did Prophet Noah questioned Allah? No, I knew it was best for him to be happy with what Allah has decreed for him. Prophet Muhammad PBUH would have prayed days and night for his uncles Abu Talib and Abu Lahab to accept Islam but Allah had other plans. Point I am trying to make is that don't expect that because you are praying all prayers, your enemy will be humiliated. May be this is your test. Keep your patience and faith in Allah and don't put any condition to it. Faith and love should be un-conditional. You may not get the decision in your favor and you may not see people who wronged you being punished in their life. Remember that this world is temporary and it is better if our prayers and all good deeds are rewarded in Hereafter which is a permanent abode. May Allah keep you steadfast and reward you for your patience in both worlds.

I have not read your entire story but even if my wife has wronged me and asked for divorce, I would have given her custody of my children. Why? Because Islam teaches us to be kind when we get divorced or give divorce to our spouses. It will be a war of ego now to see who wins and who looses. But you can still turn this around and call your ex-wife. Give her custody of your kid for the sake of Allah and trust me this will give you pleasure you can't imagine. This is just my personal opinion and I probably would have done this without any second thought. Again I am sorry that I don't know your situation and leave it up to you to decide what's best for you. In either case, keep your hope, love and faith unconditional. Love and worship Allah because He is the only one who deserved to be loved and worshipped.

W/Salam

Sir, you act like you had choice on this matter @_@ Custody is the RIGHT OF THE MOTHER by Allah's law. It is not like you are doing her a favor or coming out a hero or good guy on this subject. One of the gender differences that Allah decreed that favored one over the other is that female have custodial rights of children. In Islam..IT IS THE RIGHT of the mother to have custody of the children..not a favor by the father to the mother...It is her right because she is a mother, she is a woman...much like Islam decreed men get more wealth than women, just because he is born a male. Just like Allah decreed that the wife obeys the husband if he is of sound mind, again because he is a male and he is head of the household. Islam is showing us gender roles and gender difference right in front of your face...NOT HIDING it or been political correct. ALLAH is clearly teaching you...THAT MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT THE SAME with all the difference rulings.

The second you remove this boundaries and difference and have women have equal to men in terms of wealth distribution and gender role, the second you have the Western world right in front of you...and as you can see this society is entering into fire and destruction and this you cannot deny.

Sorry for this ramble....but when you said you WOULD give her custody (as if you have a choice) because you want to be nice...I am sorry that made me go :heated: You should have said I would hand the child to the mother because Allah decreed it and it is for the benefit of mankind and that I am a poor slave, weak and ignorant and I do not know what Allah knows and I submit and obey! Then that would made me go ;D instead.

['Abdullah]

In Islam if the mother (who is the first choice for custody over minor children) remarries then her right of custody is thereafter passed on to her mother, children's maternal grandmother then to her mother in-law then to the husband. Anyways thanks for correcting my words. I meant exactly what you said. I hope that makes you go :D

[Imraan]

If only everybody was on the same page. I have to deal with an ex and her family who are hell bent on oppressing me and my family with their inhumane acts. I knew islam gives mothers more rights over children, even the courts and social work give more rights to the mother so what's the point in fighting that argument or battle us fathers are going to lose anyway, shame the court cant deal with evil people who take their privileges for granted, there is no justice, it's not fair but we still have to be the chumps and live with it.

[xboxisdead]

If only everybody was on the same page. I have to deal with an ex and her family who are hell bent on oppressing me and my family with their inhumane acts. I knew islam gives mothers more rights over children, even the courts and social work give more rights to the mother so what's the point in fighting that argument or battle us fathers are going to lose anyway, shame the court cant deal with evil people who take their privileges for granted, there is no justice, it's not fair but we still have to be the chumps and live with it.

Fathers only rents their children and he only have access to them during marriage. Ones the marriage contract is over the rent is over. The father have no right directly to raise the children and can only raise them through the mother (and that can only work only if the wife gives the husband his right by obeying him). So once marriage is over that link to your children is done and now raising the children is exclusive on the mother. Meaning only she will be accounted for the children outcome in the afterlife (after all...how could you be accounted when you have no right? That will be unjust and Allah is NOT UNJUST...Allah is JUST), your obligation only is exclusive is financial even if you could raise your daughter better than her mother. My recommendation is do what I told you to do above and save your skin in the afterlife.

If you really need to build family it have to be outside British, USA, Canada, Australia and any feminist country or any country that believe in gender equality and give women right for divorce and equal treatment as a man....If you live in such a country then don't build a family in it. It will never be successful. Only marry a woman who believe in gender difference, that man and woman are not the same and are NOT EQUAL and don't get equal treatment or punishment and on top of it..believe that no woman should have the right to divorce the husband and only the husband have the right to divorce her. If you found a woman who believe this and fears Allah and understand the husband's right and take the warning that Allah have put on the woman about cutting ties between father and children then that woman is for you to marry and build a family. if she wears head scarf but wear the tightest pants and leave nothing to the imagination (much like what I saw today) those are the woman you need to avoid like the plaque. Once you find that saleh woman...(move on) build your new home and build your new family and make new children with that woman. Allahu Allam...maybe this is the healing process you need. Your daughter have her mother now! She may end up JUST LIKE THE MOTHER and she may hurt men much like your ex have hurt you. How do you know that she will grow up to be good person?

Statistics have shown that children raised by single mothers with no input from the biological father end up screwed up, both boys and girls. Your daughter living in this Western world, with a single mother and a society who literally worship woman...you may have lost her already without you knowing it. She maybe a baby and she may have your blood in her veins, but in the end...when she grows older in such a toxic atmosphere...I am afraid she does not belong to you.

Don't feel bad..yesterday I talked to a poor man, he have prostate cancer, two broken knee joint that will never heal and problem with his heart. He have three sons and a daughter. He is from philistine. He is not well educated (nor his wife), he came to Canada only shortly, right after he came to Canada, his wife called the police on him for domestic violence, kicked him out of his home....toke the money from him that he gets from the government, disability money, prevents him from seeing his children and he now lives in an apartment unable to pay rent and cannot return back home. She figured the government will give her more money than her husband would and she is free from all obligations to her husband and she can raise the children the way she wants. She also did false allegation about his treatment to his children and the family is broken. And that is suppose to be a Muslim woman. Now he doesn't know what to do. Your situation is no different than millions of men who go through what you have went through.

['Abdullah]

If only everybody was on the same page. I have to deal with an ex and her family who are hell bent on oppressing me and my family with their inhumane acts. I knew islam gives mothers more rights over children, even the courts and social work give more rights to the mother so what's the point in fighting that argument or battle us fathers are going to lose anyway, shame the court cant deal with evil people who take their privileges for granted, there is no justice, it's not fair but we still have to be the chumps and live with it.

I understand your situation but do you think if you get the custody of your daugter, you can give her the love of her mother? Are you not taking away the right of your own daughter by taking her away from her mother?

When your daughter grows up, she may side with her mother as its natural and consider you as the one who oppressed her mother.

Her mother may have been evil to you but she is a mother and will do what is best for her daughter. If you get married then this daughter could be a source of contention between you and your new wife and you may end up divorcing another woman or treat your daughter unjustly. You can't work and raise your daughter at the same time and will depend constantly on someone else to raise your daughter.

Just obey what Allah has decreed for us and inshallah you will find its reward both in this world and hereafter. Let go the egos, be kind to your ex and to your daughter and leave your matters with Allah.

Sorry if anything I said hurt you and your feelings. I know it is very sensitive topic for you and I am sincerely advising you as a brother and hope the best for you and your family.

[Imraan]

I understand your situation but do you think if you get the custody of your daugter, you can give her the love of her mother? Are you not taking away the right of your own daughter by taking her away from her mother?

When your daughter grows up, she may side with her mother as its natural and consider you as the one who oppressed her mother.

Her mother may have been evil to you but she is a mother and will do what is best for her daughter. If you get married then this daughter could be a source of contention between you and your new wife and you may end up divorcing another woman or treat your daughter unjustly. You can't work and raise your daughter at the same time and will depend constantly on someone else to raise your daughter.

Just obey what Allah has decreed for us and inshallah you will find its reward both in this world and hereafter. Let go the egos, be kind to your ex and to your daughter and leave your matters with Allah.

Sorry if anything I said hurt you and your feelings. I know it is very sensitive topic for you and I am sincerely advising you as a brother and hope the best for you and your family.

Jazak Allah for your prayers. Let us hope that there comes a stop to even the basic non excusable rights from being violated.

- - - Updated - - -

Fathers only rents their children and he only have access to them during marriage. Ones the marriage contract is over the rent is over. The father have no right directly to raise the children and can only raise them through the mother (and that can only work only if the wife gives the husband his right by obeying him). So once marriage is over that link to your children is done and now raising the children is exclusive on the mother. Meaning only she will be accounted for the children outcome in the afterlife (after all...how could you be accounted when you have no right? That will be unjust and Allah is NOT UNJUST...Allah is JUST), your obligation only is exclusive is financial even if you could raise your daughter better than her mother. My recommendation is do what I told you to do above and save your skin in the afterlife.

If you really need to build family it have to be outside British, USA, Canada, Australia and any feminist country or any country that believe in gender equality and give women right for divorce and equal treatment as a man....If you live in such a country then don't build a family in it. It will never be successful. Only marry a woman who believe in gender difference, that man and woman are not the same and are NOT EQUAL and don't get equal treatment or punishment and on top of it..believe that no woman should have the right to divorce the husband and only the husband have the right to divorce her. If you found a woman who believe this and fears Allah and understand the husband's right and take the warning that Allah have put on the woman about cutting ties between father and children then that woman is for you to marry and build a family. if she wears head scarf but wear the tightest pants and leave nothing to the imagination (much like what I saw today) those are the woman you need to avoid like the plaque. Once you find that saleh woman...(move on) build your new home and build your new family and make new children with that woman. Allahu Allam...maybe this is the healing process you need. Your daughter have her mother now! She may end up JUST LIKE THE MOTHER and she may hurt men much like your ex have hurt you. How do you know that she will grow up to be good person?

Statistics have shown that children raised by single mothers with no input from the biological father end up screwed up, both boys and girls. Your daughter living in this Western world, with a single mother and a society who literally worship woman...you may have lost her already without you knowing it. She maybe a baby and she may have your blood in her veins, but in the end...when she grows older in such a toxic atmosphere...I am afraid she does not belong to you.

Don't feel bad..yesterday I talked to a poor man, he have prostate cancer, two broken knee joint that will never heal and problem with his heart. He have three sons and a daughter. He is from philistine. He is not well educated (nor his wife), he came to Canada only shortly, right after he came to Canada, his wife called the police on him for domestic violence, kicked him out of his home....toke the money from him that he gets from the government, disability money, prevents him from seeing his children and he now lives in an apartment unable to pay rent and cannot return back home. She figured the government will give her more money than her husband would and she is free from all obligations to her husband and she can raise the children the way she wants. She also did false allegation about his treatment to his children and the family is broken. And that is suppose to be a Muslim woman. Now he doesn't know what to do. Your situation is no different than millions of men who go through what you have went through.

Off course. I could have been in a position far worse than the one I am now. Still I pray everyday and I feel I am sinking to the bottom of the ocean.... this despair is hard to get rid of. Its latched on to me, not a day goes by I dont think about it. But I'm sorry I cant just forget a little innocent girl just like that, shes still a little toddler.. innocent soul who doesnt even know what is going on..... I think I'm more worried how I will be accountable in the hereafter if I do give up on her. So many fathers have given up and just abandoned their kids. U till I have no choice i have to keep trying I think... the more I try the more I get beat down is the way I'm feeling. Still I feel I must perservere for Allahs sake..

[Studentofdeed]

Brother do worry, know that you have done all you can and make dua. Do not worry and make dua for allah knows best. Allah can guide even the ignorant amongst the ignorant. Specific case I give you is the story of Salman Al Farai RA. He was a Persian and his family was fire worshipers. Allah guided him all his life to finally accept islam. Allah guides those who have good in them...so many nonmuslims in nonmuslim countries become Muslim...so have hope and make dua that allah guides her. At the end of the day , you did all you could and save yourself. May Allah make it easy for you brother

[xboxisdead]

Jazak Allah for your prayers. Let us hope that there comes a stop to even the basic non excusable rights from being violated.

- - - Updated - - -



Off course. I could have been in a position far worse than the one I am now. Still I pray everyday and I feel I am sinking to the bottom of the ocean.... this despair is hard to get rid of. Its latched on to me, not a day goes by I dont think about it. But I'm sorry I cant just forget a little innocent girl just like that, shes still a little toddler.. innocent soul who doesnt even know what is going on..... I think I'm more worried how I will be accountable in the hereafter if I do give up on her. So many fathers have given up and just abandoned their kids. U till I have no choice i have to keep trying I think... the more I try the more I get beat down is the way I'm feeling. Still I feel I must perservere for Allahs sake..

Dude! Let me repeat this again....Allah does not punish a person who have no power and rights. In the country where you live in...you have no rights....I repeat...in the country where you live in...you have no rights. So how can Allah punish you for not having rights and failing in exercising your no right? During the period of toddler and baby the child is at full custody of the mother. She needs her mother more than she needs you. What her mother is doing wrong is preventing you from seeing the children, using non-Muslim court to harm a Muslim brother, etc all of these stupidity she is doing she is paying for it dearly in the afterlife not you. If you pack your bags and leave the country and pay child support you are doing no wrong.

Those men who up and left their children did the right thing, because they have no right and the law is against them so the best they could do is up and leave and build new society. Now..if he is living in a Muslim country where his rights are actually protected and not just "Muslim country" by name and he then up and left and want nothing to do with his children..then yes in my eyes he is a dead beat dad. Especially if he does not pay the children their finances. However, if he lives in a non-Muslim country and he tries to be part of the children and the mother and the court is blocking the father access to the children no matter how hard he tries...my advice to him is move on. You see...society wants a man to jump up the mountain to proof his a good father...

that is stupid...that is idiot and he should not have to do that. The system is designed to break family and destroy men. It is that simple. System is build so women are not accounted for any crime she commits, even kufr and put all blame on men. Sadly you experienced it at personal level. But there is nothing you could do here...except move on.

Now the part where you are scared that Allah will punish you because you did not try hard enough...you should scroll back up again and read the part what I said. Don't cut ties with your daughter, make videos and audios, check her birthdays and send her gifts (make copy of everything in case the ex will destroy everything you mail to her and then says to your daughter see he did not do his part). Make sure every gift you buy have a receipt with date on it to show her proof of your purchase gifts. Every gift you buy...make sure you buy two of them (like I said in case the ex destroys your gifts). The money that you will actually spend on getting joined custody (which by the way...a terminology that does not exist in Islam and it is against Shariah law) you should spend it on saving your daughter for her inheritance. If you try to always form connection with your daughter..record that you are singing for your daughter as if you are holding her with your hands, record video of your face smiling and waving at your daughter as a baby, talk to her as if she is there....always check to see where the mother have moved her and move close to her so that when she is older you can try to talk to her in skype or email. If the ex refuses to give you her contact information and does not want you to talk to her on skype or email or send the police at you with false allegation you raped her so that you have to live far away from your daughter and lose all forms of communication with her, that is fine..your ex right in front of you is buying ticket to go deeper into hellfire, that is fine with me..I don't care...Allah will create better women than her....do more recording of you talking to your daughter as if you are doing it in front of her on skype...keep letters, write letters..send them to her by mail and keep receipts of sending the letters and make two copies of the letters..until she is grown adult. This point she is free from her mother and you can just mail her the items then (the second copy) and tell her in one of your letters if you still want your inheritance from me...please visit me (at public place please..she is after all...an estrange woman and non-mahram to you now..since these MOTHERS don't understand when you cut ties between father and daughter when she is a baby....many times the father finds the daughter attractive and start raping her or have sex with her and the daughter crave daddy...fall for it :heated::heated::heated:).

When you visit her at public place (make sure she wears Hijab in front of you and she have a mahram with her) give her..her money that you owe her and see if you can build your relationship there (with the gifts you gave her) she will find how evil her mother is. Do not forget to record all the lawyer conversation how your ex is been vindictive at you and how she harmed you and so on...so you can see that it was not you who is at fault but the ex is (if you want to show her that if not..it is even better because you are doing it for Allah's pleasure and not seeking revenge). Allah will punish her. People underestimate the severity of Allah's punishment. To me having seizures or endless vertigo or blindness is unbearable punishment for me...heck..losing my taste or smell make my life a miserable danka and a severe punishment and that is here in Dunaya...I cannot image what it is like in afterlife. Men and WOMEN seem to miss the boat and have ZERO FEAR from Allah (Subahanu Wa Talaa) and fall into ego and dunaya!

Now...MOVE ON...best way you can hurt your ex is move on and find a better woman than your EX. LOOK AT WHAT I TYPED EARLIER ABOUT FINDING the right person and avoid marrying them in modern society (first world countries). When you do get married and your daughter reaches age 10 or older or even adult...NEVER LET HER SEE YOUR WIFE or new children...the ex will use your daughter against you. The daughter will try sabotage your relationship with your new wife and new children. No visiting your home. If you must see your daughter it can only be done at her ex place..public place...park..restaurant...whatever time you can give her and then drop her back to her mother and leave. In front of Allah you have fulfilled your obligation to your old daughter and she have nothing against you...keep paying for education and cloth and food and basic necessity. It is not your DUTY TO PAY YOUR DAUGHTER FOR TOYS OR SMART PHONE or anything else. Don't let your ex manipulate you into paying outrageous expense to your daughter because if you do...you are teaching your daughter to be materialistic and demand and demand and demand and demand and you will destroy your daughter due to your ex manipulation and mind control. Never let your ex control your mind. Simple. If your ex goes to media and say how of a deadbeat dad you are and how you have failed and you have moved on instead of fighting for your daughter and she uses that to show your daughter how bad of a father you are...know that is a form of parental alienation and she is coming a major sin and she will be punished in the afterlife. You have full right to exercise your parental power over your daughter and be ghadbaan at her. Your daughter would have destroyed the door to paradise which is fine by you because in the afterlife when the sun is above her head and hellfire is in front of your daughter that is your cue to take from her good deed from the mistreatment she have done on you. (Your mission is to make sure they have nothing against you in day of judgement...if you follow my advise you are protected in the afterlife) This again shows how stupid your ex wife is and how she is willing to destroy her life and her daughters life to hurt you.

That is unfrotunately what majority of women do.

[Imraan]

Saw my girl for the first time after 15 months yesterday in a child contact centre. Centre fees I have to pay for so you can imagine, I'm paying child support, on top of that professional fees at the centre, now I'm worried if il be able to sustain the costs over long term if the contact doesnt go to plan. I say this because I only got to hold her for a couple of seconds, she was crying the whole time throughout the session resulting in the session being terminated. What if my girl doesnt adapt to me and I end up abandoning contact?

[Ahmed.]

Saw my girl for the first time after 15 months yesterday in a child contact centre. Centre fees I have to pay for so you can imagine, I'm paying child support, on top of that professional fees at the centre, now I'm worried if il be able to sustain the costs over long term if the contact doesnt go to plan. I say this because I only got to hold her for a couple of seconds, she was crying the whole time throughout the session resulting in the session being terminated. What if my girl doesnt adapt to me and I end up abandoning contact?

Brother, you can't beat the law and the more your daughter stays away from you, the more distant she'll become, so really you should try and better your life by focusing upon getting another wife and having more children and this will help you heal

Your only chance with your daughter seems to be, when she is older and understands what 'dad' is, then she'll want to develop a relationship with you, and before that, she may just look upon you as a stranger.

I think you're fighting a losing battle here br, so focus on, marraige number 2

[Imraan]

In the early hours of this morning I've had my house windows smashed by big stones the size of a mans fist. Me and my family have been patient and we pray for protection, we dont retaliate and then this happens.

Man we cant seem to get a break from these people. I don't want to be like a sitting duck while they do all this vandalism and rumour spreading accompanied with threats.

So on top of the court process, we've had a car set on fire, rumours being continuously spread by the ex and the ex's mother, threats made by both of them against my family and my house windows smashed.

This is typical asian honour based vandalism and terrorism. If I had the might and means i would have retaliated and responded in a language they understand, Instead I lie helplessly in wait of their next move. We pray things get better, it seems to be getting worse. Yes it could have been worse than it already is but the stuff that's happened is bad enough. They're asking for a punishment. I've been praying they are punished for their antics, instead I'm getting more rubbish!

I still pray everyday, I complain to Allah swt everyday, I cry to Allah swt, why does this happen even after we have turned to Allah swt, yes he sees and knows everything thats going on but I'm desperate for help, his help.. I'd rather he sort them out in this life but chances of divine justice in this world is slim... look at all the ongoing atrocities going in the world....

Please remember us in your duas. I have an elderly mother, it's not easy for her to be exposed to this kind of evil, not easy for anyone. She just says 'Allah swt is with us always' and we recite duas together and pray everyday. I have nephews and nieces so it's always a worry if they'll strike and put them in danger next, I mean they already burned my nieces car. They threw stones through my house windows, what if I had guests staying in the room I found the stones..

I yearn for the day Allah swt punishes that family. What if he forgives them for Allah swt is the most merciful? What about my loss and detriment.

I dont feel safe and yes life in this world is temporary, but we still got to live everyday and fulfil the needs of our dependents the best we can, these issues drag me down.

Pray that justice is served in this world and all evil from that family comes to a stop, I feel stuck, facing an obstacle I cant overcome. Life was simple before I got married, i used to be able to do more, help more of my relatives, I hope I can go back to doing that again.

We are a good family, my mum has been a great guide in instilling and spreading positivity amongst us siblings, she still does. That generation of people wont be around for long.

What a life. Calamities supposed to make us stronger, instead I find myself sucking it up each time and the police cant do much without evidence so that doesnt help dealing with a cowardly and conniving family.

[xboxisdead]

In the early hours of this morning I've had my house windows smashed by big stones the size of a mans fist. Me and my family have been patient and we pray for protection, we dont retaliate and then this happens.

Man we cant seem to get a break from these people. I don't want to be like a sitting duck while they do all this vandalism and rumour spreading accompanied with threats.

So on top of the court process, we've had a car set on fire, rumours being continuously spread by the ex and the ex's mother, threats made by both of them against my family and my house windows smashed.

This is typical asian honour based vandalism and terrorism. If I had the might and means i would have retaliated and responded in a language they understand, Instead I lie helplessly in wait of their next move. We pray things get better, it seems to be getting worse. Yes it could have been worse than it already is but the stuff that's happened is bad enough. They're asking for a punishment. I've been praying they are punished for their antics, instead I'm getting more rubbish!

I still pray everyday, I complain to Allah swt everyday, I cry to Allah swt, why does this happen even after we have turned to Allah swt, yes he sees and knows everything thats going on but I'm desperate for help, his help.. I'd rather he sort them out in this life but chances of divine justice in this world is slim... look at all the ongoing atrocities going in the world....

Please remember us in your duas. I have an elderly mother, it's not easy for her to be exposed to this kind of evil, not easy for anyone. She just says 'Allah swt is with us always' and we recite duas together and pray everyday. I have nephews and nieces so it's always a worry if they'll strike and put them in danger next, I mean they already burned my nieces car. They threw stones through my house windows, what if I had guests staying in the room I found the stones..

I yearn for the day Allah swt punishes that family. What if he forgives them for Allah swt is the most merciful? What about my loss and detriment.

I dont feel safe and yes life in this world is temporary, but we still got to live everyday and fulfil the needs of our dependents the best we can, these issues drag me down.

Pray that justice is served in this world and all evil from that family comes to a stop, I feel stuck, facing an obstacle I cant overcome. Life was simple before I got married, i used to be able to do more, help more of my relatives, I hope I can go back to doing that again.

We are a good family, my mum has been a great guide in instilling and spreading positivity amongst us siblings, she still does. That generation of people wont be around for long.

What a life. Calamities supposed to make us stronger, instead I find myself sucking it up each time and the police cant do much without evidence so that doesnt help dealing with a cowardly and conniving family.

My Allah make it easy for you ameen.


Al-hamdolillah I am not married! - kicks hand and puts it on forehead - Alhamdollillah I am not married! Alhamdollillah! Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) have been merciful on me! Allah Akbar! Allah Akbar!

Please brother, at this time don't think of getting married. Finish from your calamity and think about yourself and how to improve yourself emotionally and physically! :allahuakbar1::allahuakbar1::allahuakbar1::allahua kbar1::allahuakbar1:

['Abdullah]

Do have any security camera around your house? Does any of the neighbor caught the incident on camera?
You are in my prayers.

May Allah make it easy for you brother! Ameen!

[Imraan]

Do have any security camera around your house? Does any of the neighbor caught the incident on camera?
You are in my prayers.

May Allah make it easy for you brother! Ameen!

No CCTV footage from anywhere, youd never think it would come to this stage and magnitude but it has, my doorbell cam didnt capture it. I will install another camera insh Allah.

Jzk brother for your prayers. Hope they all get answered soon, I feeling like im reaching the end of the line.

[Ahmed.]

So all this is happening over the custody battle or your vistiting rights over your daughter?

Yup try to install cameras that look out into the street too. They may wear hoodies and do it at night so cameras might not be of help

If it's come to this, then I suggest for your and your families safety, just give up your rights brother. Your daughter is in safe hands with her mum.... Just advice them to bring up your daughter Islamically, I'm sure they won't mind that advice. Once your daughter is a teen, she'd be able to come and see you on her own accord

[xboxisdead]

Please look at post #81 My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,

The advice remains the same and unchanged. My advise is follow advice #81 (do recording of the conversation with them). Say it like this, "I understand that you guys do not want me to visit the child and have any right in raising the child. I mean the fact that you guys smashed my car and broke the windows of my house is a big indicative of it. I will make an agreement. It is not for you or for that child, it is for Allah's pleasure I will be paying child support for that child. Until it is Islamically prescribed that I should stop. You raise the child yourself and I will have nothing to do with her. In one condition, you raise her in a proper Islamic way. You make sure she is protected from evil eyes. You teach her between proper right and wrong and you be her protector from evil men and evil women. If you agree to be the mother and the father, I am ok with it. If it makes you happy that you get all the praises and sympathy for been a hardworking single mother and the evil man which is me (because that is the narrative we want to play) have failed in his responsibility and proof politically that only mothers are fit parents and not fathers...I am ok with it, I will take the dirt. I will take the blame. I will take the fingering. I will be the evil monster. Just make sure my daughter is protected and raised well. Finally, please stop destroying my property, please stop destroying my car and let me move on."

Have a lawyer be with you in the same room as her with her lawyer (and do not do this in personal level and be alone with her) in public office (building). Keep this recording so one day when your daughter comes out having boy/girlfriend left and right, not wearing Hijjaab, been raped and molested (which all will happen without a father around), may even become Atheist (which at that point she is not really your daughter), you can send her this recording of the conversation you have done with the mother as proof you are innocent in all regard.

After you have done this recording, move on. Please. Move on. Forget this baby girl, forget this mother and move on. My advise...do not get married again until you fix yourself, until you have bettered yourself, empowered yourself. If I was you...I would get a boy to raise in my home. Sponsor a boy in your home and raise him. Make sure you have a good gift ready for him when he grows older. I would rather see more men not get married..I prefer to see 60% of Muslim men population drop in marriage and only 40% worldwide get married and those 60% sponsor boys from orphanage homes then make their own babies. You want to know why?

So that there will be drop in crime rates in society and drop in serial killers and drop drug dealers and drop in crime rates and even drop in having an increase evil military that will come one day and destroy our homes and our families. Ever wonder what will happen to this little boys who are orphaned, who have no one to love them, who have been physically, sexually and psychologically abused? These boys will be taking by the government to increase in their military power which one day will come back as evil cops and soldiers who would not care to kill, abuse, rape your men and womenfolk. These boys will grow up serial killers and start killing you. These bo....I think you get the point. The best thing a man could do to society is save these boys and make them into proper men, good men, men that follow the ways of the prophet peace be upon him. Because one day, we WILL need these men (after Allah) to protect us from the evil that intend to attack our religion and break down our family.

I do not think nowadays men have it in them to be able to handle a wife, his own kids and sponsor a child. Because the womenfolk nowadays are a bigger burden than help to him. He have to do with all the drama that comes with it!

[Imraan]

It's not just custody battle, alongside islamic divorce not complete yet, Its hate, persecution, defamation of a familys reputation to divert blame away from themselves, intimidation, these people think they are powerful because they are rich and can talk a load of nonsense, they dont fear god and I doubt they will face Allah swt wrath in this life.

The woman wants to keep mahr dowry, the child and wants to destroy me and my family at the same time. They have millions yet they act like beggars!

[BeTheChange]

Asalamualykum

I understand your pain and struggle. I have witnessed close family members go through a very similar experience to such an extent that they were locked up behind bars!! ..even though they were and are innocent! Allah Hu Akbar. The honest people will always be tortured and hurt because the system is set up for liars to excel.

You must NEVER give up hope. NEVER. Turn to Allah swt and understand that noone has greater power and control than Allah swt. Allah swt is testing so why don't you force a smile and be happy amongst family members? The more you smile, the more you will internalise this feeling and feel it. Appreciate the people and blessings you have and insha Allah there is wisdom in this trial you are going through. Insha Allah it will all make sense once you are out of it. Heal your heart by reciting Quraan shareef.

We will be tested with our wealth, children, health etc and the funny thing is none of these things were ours in the first place. Subhana Allah. It is Allah swt who blessed us with these things.

May Allah swt make it easy for you and your family Ameen.

[xboxisdead]

It's not just custody battle, alongside islamic divorce not complete yet, Its hate, persecution, defamation of a familys reputation to divert blame away from themselves, intimidation, these people think they are powerful because they are rich and can talk a load of nonsense, they dont fear god and I doubt they will face Allah swt wrath in this life.

The woman wants to keep mahr dowry, the child and wants to destroy me and my family at the same time. They have millions yet they act like beggars!

Many ways I am jealous of you Imraan. Many ways I wish I was married and have kids just so that my wife deny me my rights and deny my parental rights. Many ways I wish I had an ex-wife who use the kaffir law and man made to oppress me and oppress my children and make me hate my children and make my children hate me. I envy those Muslim men who have ties been cut between him and his children because of the mother of the children and I envy these men who die crying and heart bleeding and I envy those men whose children would not visit them in their graves and I envy those men who have a wife who verbally and physically abuses them and who deny them intimacy.

Those men in day of resurrection will have their sins cleaned and will have high level of Jannah :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: I would love to be in their shoes.

Thank Allah that the family is doing this to you! Thank Allah that your daughter will be your open enemy as she grows older. Thank Allah that your wife is cutting ties between you and your daughter. Thank Allah that your wife is ruining your reputation and destroying your property. Thank Allah that your wife is preventing you from playing your role as a father.

Allah is replacing all this with something better! Imraan, go to your room and lock the door and cry to Allah and thank him for the calamity he have put you on. Come out smiling from that room! GO COME OUT SMILING FROM THAT ROOM AND SCREAM "Yeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been picked! I have been picked! I have been picked!!!!!" Go run and kiss the Qura'an and read it before you go to bed everyday until death takes you!

Lift your heart and smile with joy!! This parenting role is trivial compared to what you are getting in exchange for it!

I want you to post a happy smile face! Thank Allah and move on!! Enjoy your life! Daughter, son who cares...Allah have taken them from you and in exchange he have given you something better!! SOMETHING SUPERIOR! Be grateful and thank him.

[xboxisdead]

Imraaan, go out there and sponsor a Muslim boy in a Muslim country and save a brother from harm! So that Allah (subhanau Wa Talaa) raises you EVEN HIGHER level in paradise! You made a trade. You exchanged your daughter for a higher level of Jannah. What better trade than this? If I had 10 daughters I would sell them all for higher level of paradise. If there is an ahadeeth that says if a man have children you can raise them or sell them to get the top top level of Jannah and that selling means you sell your parental right and let the mother do all the hard job of working and raising the children on her own and been a mother and a father on her own and you never get to see them...even if Allah have given me 30 daughters...like that - flicks finger - I would sell them for higher level of Jannah. I would not even waver.

Here Allah have done that for you...he toke back his property and in exchange is giving you something better for your stress. So my advise is that you smile and be thankful!

[xboxisdead]

Look at that!! A single non-Muslim man who is fine been single, not have a wife and have adopted 5 children on his own to raise him https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzx03mXOUSE

Why should a non-Muslim man be stronger than a Muslim man to be able to take care of a new generation on his own without a wife? No..Imraan.....look at him...look at this man...raising children on his own..not even biologically related to him!! Orphan Muslim children are more deserving to be sponsored (adopted) and taken care of! You will be a hero Imraan...the biggest hero..to remove your self interest and sacrifice...and help children be protected from the hands of the government, from the hand of evil men, from the hand of society who don't care for them! Picture this: In the day of judgement you will see hundreds of men standing in front of you and running to give you a big hug to have saved them in dunaya and akhira! When I was volunteering (this is just volunteering) teaching young boys Qura'an and when he grow to teenager and age 17...he remembered me...he came running to me and gave me a big hug! My eyes nearly moist in tears! My eyes nearly cried and that is just simple thing as just been a tutor! I have not even adopted him! Imagine with your golden heart Imraan when you do adopted (sponsor) them and make them stand on their own feet and teach them what it is to be a REAL man! So many Shkeikhs are saying good men...marriage material men are becoming a rare!

WELL..this is where you come in......to reverse this issue by raising good men who have no parent or family for them.

Personally I want to sponsor children myself....before it is too late for me. I am in my 40's if I don't sponsor them soon enough before I hit 50 or 60.,..it will be too late for me. You still have the energy and youth to back you up! Do it Imraan before sponsoring children becomes too complicated so that the government will be only having access to them.


YOU DO NOT WANT THAT!

[BeTheChange]

One more thing of great importance comes to my mind. All this drama, shouting, arguments etc. takes you away from your real focus in life which is to get closer to Allah swt. To worship Allah swt as HE should be worshipped. Don't waste precious time and energy fighting a losing battle even though you are emotionally invested. Think logically and not with your emotion. Be strong for your mum and go out for daily walks. Insha Allah excercise will release all the mental stress. Set a goal to learn the last 10 surats of Quraan off by heart insha Allah or any other goal. Keep your mind focused on any project and insha Allah you will get through this trial Ameen.

[Imraan]

Every night for the past 2 weeks I have been reading 4 units of nafl prayer and the last 3 ayats of surah bakarah and praying for protection for myself, my family members, our property and all muslims. Last night I finished praying and read surahs and got into bed, five minutes later ....... BANG! Everyone checking and eventually i find Glass smashed front of the house. We got em on cctv this time but faces blurry. It is people from london.

Anyone else face this kind of intimidation and persecution?

[xboxisdead]

Every night for the past 2 weeks I have been reading 4 units of nafl prayer and the last 3 ayats of surah bakarah and praying for protection for myself, my family members, our property and all muslims. Last night I finished praying and read surahs and got into bed, five minutes later ....... BANG! Everyone checking and eventually i find Glass smashed front of the house. We got em on cctv this time but faces blurry. It is people from london.

Anyone else face this kind of intimidation and persecution?

Do you have a camera that points at the parking lot with deep clarity once an event occurs? This way you have some evidence to show it to the police. You need to hire a good lawyer and ask for their advise. You are no more interested in that daughter. Who cares about her, Allah will give you better than her. What you need to do now is protect your sanity, your property, and your mother. Your mother's protection and ease of mind is superior over that daughter. So now you have a duty. As a man. As a son. To be the protector of your mother on her old age as she was your protector on your young age. Be the best son you ever have....stand up....and clean the dust and start a war that have been declared on you and on your mother.

First thing first. Get a lawyer and this time a better lawyer and get a clear understanding of what you must do in your case. Tell the lawyer that you are not interested on your daughter anymore, but you are interested to be left alone and your mother to be safe. What they are doing is criminal, what are the required steps that YOU NEED to take to fight them and to make them stop? The lawyer will tell you what you need to do. Do them 100%. Keep everything digital documented and recorded. You may need to hire an FBI or someone who can find out who is the culprit, follow that person, get evidence against that person and then collect as much as evidence as you can.

GO TO THE MEDIA WITH all the PHOTOS that you have collected. Find famous shows and tell your story, have the community know of your story. Play the video of the crime on TV and ask for the community to help you (after Allah). Tell them all you wanted was to be a good father to your daughter, but now they are terrorizing you and your old mother. Fight with all your might (not to be a dad), to be left alone with peace on your mind. Go to the best scholars or largest Mosque in your community and ask for help. Cry if you must. Show them your weakness and ask that someone could help you. It is a war that you have to fight to be left alone.

[xboxisdead]

Concerning the face been blurry there are very expensive but existing company who they specialize in turning images blurry into clear HD with clarity! If the face is looking at the camera but blurry get it to that company and have the face cleared out. Take the images and send it to the police! If you are able to catch the criminal, prosecute them at the fullest of the law...whatever the law estate they will get years in prison ask for it. If they are to be in prison for 5 years or 10 years....ask for 10 years and have them in prison. When they go there, they will be sodomized, they will be beaten and most of the time they will commit suicide. That is not your intention, I know, but that is what happens when a person goes to prison and since they DO NOT CARE IF THEY GO to prison, it is a war, you shouldn't either. If I come running at you right now with a knife to stab you, I may look nice guy, with glasses and I am a human being who can laugh at your jokes but if I am coming at you with a knife you better come back with a weapon to kill me in self defense. That is exactly what they are doing to you when they are terrorizing you, they will end up in prison and not lots of people can handle it. Majority of them will die in prison by their own hands.

[taha_]

Every night for the past 2 weeks I have been reading 4 units of nafl prayer and the last 3 ayats of surah bakarah and praying for protection for myself, my family members, our property and all muslims. Last night I finished praying and read surahs and got into bed, five minutes later ....... BANG! Everyone checking and eventually i find Glass smashed front of the house. We got em on cctv this time but faces blurry. It is people from london.

Anyone else face this kind of intimidation and persecution?

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.

I live in a small muslim hospital town which is under security protection. So therefore no oppression or any incidents here alhamdulillah.

Allah is testing us. There were many people who faced more difficult tests than you and they became patient. That was prophets who were oppressed, including Muhammad peace be upon him who was abused, insulted, injured by Quraysh. They even tried to kill him, yet to be saved by Abu Bakr, his closest friend.

And when he peace be upon him and his army conquested mecca which a single blood was not even shed. He forgave his enemies and they converted to Islam.

One of the prophet is Job or Ayyub peace be upon him. He faced most difficult test, his family wealth and everything he had was taken away and tested by Allah.

Prophet ayyub was really patient and thankful to his Lord. Allah gave him everything back he had

Prophet Jacob peace be upon him lost his son Yusuf peace be upon him who had great dream. Both were tested, both were patient as they knew that Allah was helping them. After years passed since then they finally met each other.

Prophet Musa peace be upon him and his people was saved by Allah who caused sea to split and took away pharoh and his people.

Put your trust and hope in Allah alone. Never break both. Be patient. We don't know what our future will be. So put hope and trust in Him. In sha Allah, it will be good.

Dont waste time on these people. Spend these times on worshipping Allah, asking Him to help you no matter what. He will be sufficient for you.

Think about Dunya. What is it?

A prison for believers and paradise for disbelievers.

Disbelievers will soon regret it when the Last Day which they reject, comes. This world is temporary. Paradise is eternal. So if you want paradise . Then try be patient and hold rope of Allah. Ask Him to help you

That's my opinion which I shared to you. May be you will understand in sha Allah.

JazakAllah khair

[Ahmed.]

Brother, one of your family members gonna get hurt one day and suffering persecution like that is bad enough.

Can you afford a night security guard to watch over your house? (probably a stupid question as your just working class...)

I'm getting angry at what's happening to you... I feel like telling you to do revenge attacks on their house but that might bring more trouble! :Emoji19:

[xboxisdead]

Brother, one of your family members gonna get hurt one day and suffering persecution like that is bad enough.

Can you afford a night security guard to watch over your house? (probably a stupid question as your just working class...)

I'm getting angry at what's happening to you... I feel like telling you to do revenge attacks on their house but that might bring more trouble! :Emoji19:

- prostrating to Allah and crying - "Thank you Allah! Thank you Allah! Thank you Allah! I thank you Allah that you have decreed for me to not get married! I thank you Allah for making me single! Thank you Allah that I do not have children! I don't deserve your mercy! Allah Akbar!"

New young men who want to get married, read this post first then ponder the risks after all that if you still want to get married, do it.

[xboxisdead]

Every night for the past 2 weeks I have been reading 4 units of nafl prayer and the last 3 ayats of surah bakarah and praying for protection for myself, my family members, our property and all muslims. Last night I finished praying and read surahs and got into bed, five minutes later ....... BANG! Everyone checking and eventually i find Glass smashed front of the house. We got em on cctv this time but faces blurry. It is people from london.

Anyone else face this kind of intimidation and persecution?

Good news! I talked to a very high end professional accountant in my company and he said DO NOT GO TO THE MEDIA...they will make matters worse. He said instead hire a private investigator. They know the laws in your country and they used to be police themselves. They are not very expensive. They will get all the evidence and everything you need to take it to court. The court will stop them and if they still do it, they will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!

[Ahmed.]

- prostrating to Allah and crying - "Thank you Allah! Thank you Allah! Thank you Allah! I thank you Allah that you have decreed for me to not get married! I thank you Allah for making me single! Thank you Allah that I do not have children! I don't deserve your mercy! Allah Akbar!"

New young men who want to get married, read this post first then ponder the risks after all that if you still want to get married, do it.

LOL don't take it to extremes, marraige is a great sunnah and most marraiges work out. This brother has just been unfortunate to have married the 'wicked witch of the east' :(

Bruv, you're missing out big time! Don't you wanna taste the 'pleasures of the birds and the bees? You should get married! :)

[M.I.A.]

LOL don't take it to extremes, marraige is a great sunnah and most marraiges work out. This brother has just been unfortunate to have married the 'wicked witch of the east' :(

Bruv, you're missing out big time! Don't you wanna taste the 'pleasures of the birds and the bees? You should get married! :)

you know you say it in jest but its probably closer to the truth than you imagine.

having a good women with you brings better planning for the future.


..you may become cannibals but at least you would be winning.



most of our souls are wickedly corrupt, its a good thing we dont know about them.


honestly it hurts me more than you know, but what can you do?

feels like i found everything BUT god.


dont get me wrong, im really happy with my family..

i just have a hard time seeing how people use them.

[Ahmed.]

you know you say it in jest but its probably closer to the truth than you imagine.

having a good women with you brings better planning for the future.


..you may become cannibals but at least you would be winning.

LOL @you may become cannibals! I hope that isn't anything rude :Emoji46:

[Ahmed.]

Our Imraan brother is going through serious distress so we shouldn't turn this thread into one of fun and laughter guys!.

@Imraan , I got an idea bro, whether you can manage to get clear images out of the cctv footage or not, you can tell your inlaws family that you got clear images and if them boys return once more, you'll give them to the police!.

[Ahmed.]

you know you say it in jest but its probably closer to the truth than you imagine.

having a good women with you brings better planning for the future.


..you may become cannibals but at least you would be winning.



most of our souls are wickedly corrupt, its a good thing we dont know about them.


honestly it hurts me more than you know, but what can you do?

feels like i found everything BUT god.


dont get me wrong, im really happy with my family..

i just have a hard time seeing how people use them.

Brother, I can hardly understand anything you say. I think you mentioned once that you got some waswas problem.... Just do your prayers brother and everything will be OK :)

[M.I.A.]

Our Imraan brother is going through serious distress so we shouldn't turn this thread into one of fun and laughter guys!.

@Imraan , I got an idea bro, whether you can manage to get clear images out of the cctv footage or not, you can tell your inlaws family that you got clear images and if them boys return once more, you'll give them to the police!.

maybe he should fight, at least then people will know what hes complaining about.

...maybe it will go the other way and he can finally answer the demons in his head.

although intent is everything.. so dont kill anybody.


im kidding, you cant fake it.. some people are just bad news.

[Ahmed.]

maybe he should fight, at least then people will know what hes complaining about.

...maybe it will go the other way and he can finally answer the demons in his head.

although intent is everything.. so dont kill anybody.

Nah he shouldn't fight as they are strong (having goons from London to do their dirty work) but Imraan is a peaceful brother not into fighting.

Fighting will just cause them to get more vicious and attack even more or in worse ways.

I think he should just give his ex the 3 talaqs they're after and get some murabbis to talk and sort it out

[xboxisdead]

Nah he shouldn't fight as they are strong (having goons from London to do their dirty work) but Imraan is a peaceful brother not into fighting.

Fighting will just cause them to get more vicious and attack even more or in worse ways.

I think he should just give his ex the 3 talaqs they're after and get some murabbis to talk and sort it out

Wait! All of this mess is because he have not divorced her yet and they are looking for the divorce? Man! Just divorce her. She will pay the consequence with Allah in the afterlife. Remember the ahadeeth about any woman who ask for divorce for no Islamic reason will not smell the fragrance of paradise? Well in that case let them have that against them. Why do you care? Divorce her man! They are doing all that because they do not want her to pay Khula to you. It is all about money, Khulla and how they want to avoid paying you back. Money comes and goes, children comes and goes, just divorce her and move on. Finish this war once and for all and live your life happily. Is this drama worth it?

[Umm Malik]

....

[xboxisdead]

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1628...reefold-talaaq

Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:

If a man is forced to issue a divorce by means of physical harm or damage to his property, or threats to do such things to him or he is threatened with imprisonment, by a person with power who he thinks most likely will carry out his threat, the divorce does not count as such in that case.

It says in Zaad al-Mustaqni‘: Whoever is forced to do something unjustly by means of harm caused to him or to his child, or by having property taken away from him, or by means of threats to do one of these things by a person with power who he thinks can carry out the threat, and he issues a divorce on that basis, it does not count as a divorce. End quote.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The Sahaabah ruled that the divorce issued by one who is forced to do it does not count as such. It was narrated from ‘Umar that a man suspended a rope so that he could collect honey from the mountain; his wife came to him and said: I shall certainly cut the rope if you do not divorce me. He adjured her by Allah not to do that, but she insisted, so he divorced her. He came to ‘Umar and told him what had happened, and he said to him: Go back to your wife, for this is not a divorce. The opinion that it does not count as a divorce was also narrated from ‘Ali, Ibn ‘Umar and Ibn al-Zubayr (may Allah be pleased with them).

End quote from Zaad al-Ma‘aad, 5/208

And he (may Allah have mercy on him) said: He [i.e., Imam Ahmad] said according to the report of Abu’l-Haarith: If one who is forced issues a divorce, the divorce is not binding. If something similar is done to him as was done to Thaabit ibn al-Ahnaf, then he has been forced, because they squeezed Thaabit’s leg until he issued a divorce. Then he went to Ibn ‘Umar and Ibn al-Zubayr, who did not think it counted for anything. And Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “except him who is forced thereto and whose heart is at rest with Faith” [al-Nahl 16:106]. This verse was quoted as evidence by Imam al-Shaafa‘i (may Allah have mercy on him) to prove that divorce issued by one who is forced does not count as such.

In Sunan Ibn Maajah it is narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has let my ummah off for mistakes, forgetfulness and what they are forced to do.

End quote from I‘laam al-Muwaqqi‘een, 4/51.

Based on that, your divorce does not count as such and your wife is still married to you.

You have to refer your case to the shar‘i court to cancel the divorce and take back your property.

Secondly:

The threefold talaaq counts as one talaaq according to the correct scholarly view. So whoever divorces his wife with a threefold talaaq – willingly – it counts as one talaaq and it is permissible for him to take her back during the ‘iddah.

Thirdly:

If the wife knows that her husband’s talaaq was issued under duress, it is not permissible for her to marry another husband, because she is still married to the first one; her second marriage is invalid and it is zina (adultery).

And Allah knows best.


------------------

HA! Let him divorce her under force and threat like they are doing (all to avoid giving the husband the khula and his right) let them do it! Divorce her Imraan under the intention you are been forced and you don't mean it so that they fall under the misconception that they found a loop hole against Allah's law so that they fall under kuffar. If they are that evil, let them do it. If they don't have the intention of finding a loop hole against Allah's law but believe by forcing you and you issue the divorce they are free from you, let them fall under major sin as when she starts having relationship with other men she is committing zina. EITHER WAY YOU WON and they lost. Either through you and their evil way they have left of Islam or they allow their daughter to commit Zina and steal from you and steal from your property and use Kafir law to oppress a Muslim brother and in return you are getting higher and higher and higher and higher level of paradise.

Also with her evil way she is cutting ties between father and daughter believing like majority of women that THEY HAVE FULL RIGHTS AND CHILDREN ARE THEIR OWN PROPERTY and men are nothing more than a sperm donor....this woman will be punished for cutting ties between child and father and you will be taking and taking and taking and taking and taking and taking and taking her good deeds. Brother....prepare and be ready. You are going to take all the good deeds from your ex-wife, you are going to take all the good deeds from her mother, from her father and from any of her family who did not stop this evil way and who conspired against you...maaaaan.......- runs and gives you a huge hug - Allah loves you! Allah loves! :cry: :cry:

[Imraan]

Our Imraan brother is going through serious distress so we shouldn't turn this thread into one of fun and laughter guys!.

@Imraan , I got an idea bro, whether you can manage to get clear images out of the cctv footage or not, you can tell your inlaws family that you got clear images and if them boys return once more, you'll give them to the police!.

CCTV has already been given to the police... the police in the uk are so slow.

[Imraan]

Nah he shouldn't fight as they are strong (having goons from London to do their dirty work) but Imraan is a peaceful brother not into fighting.

Fighting will just cause them to get more vicious and attack even more or in worse ways.

I think he should just give his ex the 3 talaqs they're after and get some murabbis to talk and sort it out

They look at me and my family as vulnerable, they want to bully us into submission. We want to end it all off course, hopefully the right way. I'm not sure giving 3 talaqs and taking all blame and potentially end up in court over asset claims is the right thing to do, anyway what if they carry on?

Looking for my own might for protection and retaliation. Can be hard getting involved in that especially if we ain't been involved before. Praying and hoping Allah swt will get justice for me in this life... we need his assistance and infinite might right now... been waiting for it for a while actually !!!

[xboxisdead]

They look at me and my family as vulnerable, they want to bully us into submission. We want to end it all off course, hopefully the right way. I'm not sure giving 3 talaqs and taking all blame and potentially end up in court over asset claims is the right thing to do, anyway what if they carry on?

Looking for my own might for protection and retaliation. Can be hard getting involved in that especially if we ain't been involved before. Praying and hoping Allah swt will get justice for me in this life... we need his assistance and infinite might right now... been waiting for it for a while actually !!!

Putting your trust on Allah is the very first thing you need to do. It is requirement on every single human being. Prayer is also another thing you need to do (believe in) and put your trust that Allah is the answer of all prayer. You have done two of three things. Finally, the third thing is action. You need to stand up and play the initiative role and do your action. Don't sit still and wait for your problem to be solved to you. You have to stand up, after doing praying and putting your trust on Allah is to fight. Get the sword that is hanging on the wall collecting dust, wear your chainmail, helmet and gloves. Grab the shield and tell your mom, "Mom! I am going out to fight the war that have been declared on us! Pray for me!" Get out of that four confined walls called your home...slam the door shut...take a deep breath, grin (knowing that Allah is with you), left that sword to reflect on the sun light and shout "AAAAAAaaaahh!" (after shouting "Allah Akbar" of course)!

Chaaaaarge baby! Chaaarge! Fight! Fight like you have never fought before! Fight! All the advise I have given you apply it! Apply it!! - shakes Imraan causing his head to tilt back and forth - Fight for justice!!!!

[Ahmed.]

They look at me and my family as vulnerable, they want to bully us into submission. We want to end it all off course, hopefully the right way. I'm not sure giving 3 talaqs and taking all blame and potentially end up in court over asset claims is the right thing to do, anyway what if they carry on?

Looking for my own might for protection and retaliation. Can be hard getting involved in that especially if we ain't been involved before. Praying and hoping Allah swt will get justice for me in this life... we need his assistance and infinite might right now... been waiting for it for a while actually !!!

BRother it's best to just sort it out as amicably as possible. Giving 3 talaqs won't be rendering yourself liable to blame, it will just free her to marry again and you should do that anyway out of taqwa so she don't fall into zina sin.

Don't take all blame in court, infact don't take any blame in court as she is the guilty one in this break up.

I think telling your inlaws that you have clear cctv footage and threatening to give it to police might get them to stop the persecution

Getting a private detective like xbox suggested is a good idea too. He can gather evidence of them culprit stone throwers' connection to your inlaws...

MY dua is with you and your family bro. I wish I knew you personally so I can send my goons round to threaten the life out of your inlaws and stop this persecution once and for all, however you yourself keep to the peaceful path as fighting isn't worth it,, it will just makes things worse.

[happy muslim]

Just stay patient with them and remember to be good when someone does bad to you. Be strong with iman. Be patient and know that Jannatul Firdaus is for all of us.

[Imraan]

Just stay patient with them and remember to be good when someone does bad to you. Be strong with iman. Be patient and know that Jannatul Firdaus is for all of us.

i have my elderly mom and sister at home. have to look into ways to stopping it, not sit there n take it twice in three weeks and more.... Allah swt is always with us and we pray to him everyday for protection and calamity prevention.... but it still happens. believe we have to take some kind of action, not getting much assistance from police here either so what does a vulnerable family like us do? my mom is always saying dont do anything back or else it will get worse and to just wait it out. but repeat damage and harrassment should never be something an individual should tolerate.

[Imraan]

BRother it's best to just sort it out as amicably as possible. Giving 3 talaqs won't be rendering yourself liable to blame, it will just free her to marry again and you should do that anyway out of taqwa so she don't fall into zina sin.

Don't take all blame in court, infact don't take any blame in court as she is the guilty one in this break up.

I think telling your inlaws that you have clear cctv footage and threatening to give it to police might get them to stop the persecution

Getting a private detective like xbox suggested is a good idea too. He can gather evidence of them culprit stone throwers' connection to your inlaws...

MY dua is with you and your family bro. I wish I knew you personally so I can send my goons round to threaten the life out of your inlaws and stop this persecution once and for all, however you yourself keep to the peaceful path as fighting isn't worth it,, it will just makes things worse.

Thanks for everyones prayers, Jazak Allah, still waiting for relief and justice in this world. @Ahmed. you've got your own goons?

the divorce should be mutual but their mentality is something else. if i give triple talaq and have a islamic divorce certificate issued, having spoken to legal experts in the past, that same certificate can be used in UK courts and they can make all sorts of financial claims.

[Ahmed.]

you've got your own goons?
.

LOL just some friends from back in the days :) who I'm sure will help out if I need help! :)

[Imraan]

Guess what happened last night.. yep. Again.

[taha_]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakutuhu.

what happened, my brother?

[xboxisdead]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakutuhu.

what happened, my brother?

LOL!!! You are serious?? I erm..suggest you start reading this drama/horror novel from page 1 of the book and then come back to the last page. Page 7. Then see if you want to keep that same question or modify it.

[Imraan]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakutuhu.

what happened, my brother?

broken windows, 3rd time in 6 weeks

[taha_]

assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.

My brother, just put your trust in Allah. Ask Him to protect you from oppressors and make things easy for you and your family. The duas of one who is oppressed is always answered.

JazakAllah khair

[Imraan]

- - - Updated - - -

assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.

My brother, just put your trust in Allah. Ask Him to protect you from oppressors and make things easy for you and your family. The duas of one who is oppressed is always answered.

JazakAllah khair

Walaikum salaam, we have been oppressed for a while now. Been praying for a while. Waiting for justice insh Allah

[RisingLight]

- prostrating to Allah and crying - "Thank you Allah! Thank you Allah! Thank you Allah! I thank you Allah that you have decreed for me to not get married! I thank you Allah for making me single! Thank you Allah that I do not have children! I don't deserve your mercy! Allah Akbar!"

New young men who want to get married, read this post first then ponder the risks after all that if you still want to get married, do it.

bro,i literally havent seen a bad marriage expect from paki/desi communities or rarely some arabs......why from these?,because these communities marry smn ''from home'' or have arranged marriages.....this is the problem,people dont follow the proper way to get married and then keep complaining,marriage is not the problem,women are not the problem (mostly :D)....but really if you prepare some really good questions,sit down with the girl face to face and observe her behaviours etc,after a few weeks/months you will discover a good person who will match with you in shaa Allah,and marriage would be so happy...
but if you marry for the sake of desires,culture,reputation,tradition,arranged marriage with rishta aunty bla bla,then ofc it will have problem,im not sorry for these people

i hope you marry an amazing pious girl

[taha_]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.


Marriage is sunnah. Prophet peace be upon him warned about staying away from his sunnah. I am not saying that marriage is obligatory.


Narrated Anas bin Malik:

A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) asking how the Prophet (ﷺ) worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet (ﷺ) as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers).

حَدَّثَنَا سَعِيدُ بْنُ أَبِي مَرْيَمَ، أَخْبَرَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ جَعْفَرٍ، أَخْبَرَنَا حُمَيْدُ بْنُ أَبِي حُمَيْدٍ الطَّوِيلُ، أَنَّهُ سَمِعَ أَنَسَ بْنَ مَالِكٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ يَقُولُ جَاءَ ثَلاَثَةُ رَهْطٍ إِلَى بُيُوتِ أَزْوَاجِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَسْأَلُونَ عَنْ عِبَادَةِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَلَمَّا أُخْبِرُوا كَأَنَّهُمْ تَقَالُّوهَا فَقَالُوا وَأَيْنَ نَحْنُ مِنَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَدْ غُفِرَ لَهُ مَا تَقَدَّمَ مِنْ ذَنْبِهِ وَمَا تَأَخَّرَ‏.‏ قَالَ أَحَدُهُمْ أَمَّا أَنَا فَإِنِّي أُصَلِّي اللَّيْلَ أَبَدًا‏.‏ وَقَالَ آخَرُ أَنَا أَصُومُ الدَّهْرَ وَلاَ أُفْطِرُ‏.‏ وَقَالَ آخَرُ أَنَا أَعْتَزِلُ النِّسَاءَ فَلاَ أَتَزَوَّجُ أَبَدًا‏.‏ فَجَاءَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ ‏ "‏ أَنْتُمُ الَّذِينَ قُلْتُمْ كَذَا وَكَذَا أَمَا وَاللَّهِ إِنِّي لأَخْشَاكُمْ لِلَّهِ وَأَتْقَاكُمْ لَهُ، لَكِنِّي أَصُومُ وَأُفْطِرُ، وَأُصَلِّي وَأَرْقُدُ وَأَتَزَوَّجُ النِّسَاءَ، فَمَنْ رَغِبَ عَنْ سُنَّتِي فَلَيْسَ مِنِّي ‏"‏‏.‏
Reference : Sahih al-Bukhari 5063
In-book reference : Book 67, Hadith 1
USC-MSA web (English) reference : Vol. 7, Book 62, Hadith 1
(deprecated numbering scheme)

There are good women and bad women. Allah gives to whoever He wills. So no good marriage happens except by His will and no bad marriage happens except by His will.

Staying celibate just for worshipping Allah is wrong. Though celibacy is permissible for some reasons.. like having no sexual desire. Then its permissible to be celibate and marriage is sunnah, but if one has problems with his sexual desire. Marriage may be obligatory, Allah knows best .

Even in Paradise no single people will be there.

How to find a pious wife? Simple put your trust in Allah, and then have some sabr.

Correct me if I am wrong

JazakAllah khair

[xboxisdead]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.


Marriage is sunnah. Prophet peace be upon him warned about staying away from his sunnah. I am not saying that marriage is obligatory.


Narrated Anas bin Malik:

A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) asking how the Prophet (ﷺ) worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet (ﷺ) as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers).

حَدَّثَنَا سَعِيدُ بْنُ أَبِي مَرْيَمَ، أَخْبَرَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ جَعْفَرٍ، أَخْبَرَنَا حُمَيْدُ بْنُ أَبِي حُمَيْدٍ الطَّوِيلُ، أَنَّهُ سَمِعَ أَنَسَ بْنَ مَالِكٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ يَقُولُ جَاءَ ثَلاَثَةُ رَهْطٍ إِلَى بُيُوتِ أَزْوَاجِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَسْأَلُونَ عَنْ عِبَادَةِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَلَمَّا أُخْبِرُوا كَأَنَّهُمْ تَقَالُّوهَا فَقَالُوا وَأَيْنَ نَحْنُ مِنَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَدْ غُفِرَ لَهُ مَا تَقَدَّمَ مِنْ ذَنْبِهِ وَمَا تَأَخَّرَ‏.‏ قَالَ أَحَدُهُمْ أَمَّا أَنَا فَإِنِّي أُصَلِّي اللَّيْلَ أَبَدًا‏.‏ وَقَالَ آخَرُ أَنَا أَصُومُ الدَّهْرَ وَلاَ أُفْطِرُ‏.‏ وَقَالَ آخَرُ أَنَا أَعْتَزِلُ النِّسَاءَ فَلاَ أَتَزَوَّجُ أَبَدًا‏.‏ فَجَاءَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ ‏ "‏ أَنْتُمُ الَّذِينَ قُلْتُمْ كَذَا وَكَذَا أَمَا وَاللَّهِ إِنِّي لأَخْشَاكُمْ لِلَّهِ وَأَتْقَاكُمْ لَهُ، لَكِنِّي أَصُومُ وَأُفْطِرُ، وَأُصَلِّي وَأَرْقُدُ وَأَتَزَوَّجُ النِّسَاءَ، فَمَنْ رَغِبَ عَنْ سُنَّتِي فَلَيْسَ مِنِّي ‏"‏‏.‏
Reference : Sahih al-Bukhari 5063
In-book reference : Book 67, Hadith 1
USC-MSA web (English) reference : Vol. 7, Book 62, Hadith 1
(deprecated numbering scheme)

There are good women and bad women. Allah gives to whoever He wills. So no good marriage happens except by His will and no bad marriage happens except by His will.

Staying celibate just for worshipping Allah is wrong. Though celibacy is permissible for some reasons.. like having no sexual desire. Then its permissible to be celibate and marriage is sunnah, but if one has problems with his sexual desire. Marriage may be obligatory, Allah knows best .

Even in Paradise no single people will be there.

How to find a pious wife? Simple put your trust in Allah, and then have some sabr.

Correct me if I am wrong

JazakAllah khair

This post is not about me, it is about Imraan and his calamity! If you have any advise to help him, please....bring it on the table! I feel bad for the man :cry: All he wanted was be a husband and a father. Amazing how such request is so hard! Hey...I just want to be a dad and a husband...why am I not having access to my daughter and why I am been terrorized and why is my mother targeted too? You know when Allah said in Qura'an in how to divorce your partner and how to leave each other...he did not just mean women only to be separated with kindness. He means men too. Men too when he divorces his wife need to have kindness when it comes separation. Otherwise this will bring negative stereotypes at either gender, will make marriage a very toxic act to do, will bring new generation of youth who do not want to get married, will open the gate of Zina, family breakup, single moms and then as it trickles down the very destruction of the very society we live in. I mean...if society DOES NOT care that when a marriage is broken up...people end up bringing the government military to destroy the opposing enemy whether it be the ex-husband or ex-wife...if this...does not bring anger in the Muslim community..then we better not open our mouth as we see our very society fall apart. We better not open our mouth when fornication be widespread, prostitution will become the norm and single mothers will be the new definition of what a family is. You cannot have it both ways. I think not only us as the community have failed...I think the big scholars and shiekhs have also failed. This need to be taught to the new generation and fast...if should a disagreement happens between the spouse and separation is a must...leave with he ihsaaan. Leave with kindness. Leave with civility. Give each their right of separation and move on as if we are strangers. If there are children around..no parent who have authority over that child should be using that child as a weapon against the opposing parent. Teach the new generation that it is ok if a divorce happens and if a woman get divorced her reputation should not be put on the mud..it may mean the man himself is not up to the bar and be responsible to handle her demands, it could be she is stronger than him and need a man that can fulfill her needs and this man is not the one for it, it could be there are incompatibility between each other...even if she had 30 divorces on her resume does not maker her an invalid wife. That is one of the jaahilya that we have in Muslim community that need to be destroyed. If a man get married and the family of that wife starts interfering in the marriage he have the full right to stop the family of his wife to come to his house in order to save the marriage. One need to understand the rights of the spouses and the responsibilities of each spouse before marriage should come in.

[taha_]

LOL!!! You are serious?? I erm..suggest you start reading this drama/horror novel from page 1 of the book and then come back to the last page. Page 7. Then see if you want to keep that same question or modify it.

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother,

Keep in mind i am only 17 years old and not fully mature. Sometime I act ignorantly. No one is perfect, only Allah is Perfect Being. But if you want to criticize me anytime you like, you can also hate me, but I will never return that back, and I do not like to criticize anyone. I would only say this back "May Allah have mercy on you, and guide you to His straight path" :)


May Allah have mercy on you, and guide you to His straight path. Ameen

[Ahmed.]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother,

Keep in mind i am only 17 years old and not fully mature. Sometime I act ignorantly. No one is perfect, only Allah is Perfect Being. But if you want to criticize me anytime you like, you can also hate me, but I will never return that back, and I do not like to criticize anyone. I would only say this back "May Allah have mercy on you, and guide you to His straight path" :)


May Allah have mercy on you, and guide you to His straight path. Ameen

Always finding excuses for one's weaknesses stems from ego brother, it's better to just 'take it on the chin' and admit weaknesses

[taha_]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu brother

All right then I apologise for this. My mistakes.

Sorry, Xboxisdead.

JazakAllah khair

[Ahmed.]

bro,i literally havent seen a bad marriage expect from paki/desi communities or rarely some arabs......why from these?,because these communities marry smn ''from home'' or have arranged marriages.....this is the problem,people dont follow the proper way to get married and then keep complaining,marriage is not the problem,women are not the problem (mostly :D)....but really if you prepare some really good questions,sit down with the girl face to face and observe her behaviours etc,after a few weeks/months you will discover a good person who will match with you in shaa Allah,and marriage would be so happy...
but if you marry for the sake of desires,culture,reputation,tradition,arranged marriage with rishta aunty bla bla,then ofc it will have problem,im not sorry for these people

i hope you marry an amazing pious girl

Arranged marraige is the Islamic way brother, it's the UnIslamic attitude of spouses that lead to break-ups, you're supposed to be patient with anything you dislike in your spouse and not allow it to be a cause for divorce

['Abdullah]

Arranged marraige is the Islamic way brother

That's new to me, where did this come from? I hope by an arranged marriage you mean a marriage in which parents will take a leading role in choosing a marriage partner for their son or daughter. The children still have the final decision? If that's not the case, then it has no basis in Islam.

[Ahmed.]

That's new to me, where did this come from? I hope by an arranged marriage you mean a marriage in which parents will take a leading role in choosing a marriage partner for their son or daughter. The children still have the final decision? If that's not the case, then it has no basis in Islam.

Ofcourse the children have the final say but this final say isn't based on multiple chat meetings with their potential spouse..... The bride and groom do get to see one another in the present of a 3rd person, some conversation may be held but that's exactly what happens in all or most arranged marraige, but as that isn't anywhere near enough to 'get to know' one another good and proper, they both largely put their trust in their parents choice

There is one famous story from the past where a wali Allah had an arranged marraige.... He didn't even get to see his bride-to be and when he saw her after the marraige, he saw she was a black African woman (and maybe not a pretty face either) and he exclaimed 'oh Allah! Is this is what you kept for me in my destiny!', and his bride said, 'I see we're both going to janna' , he said 'how', she replied, 'we both continue to do our worship..... And you be patient with me', he replied 'good idea!'

['Abdullah]

Of course the children have the final say but this final say isn't based on multiple chat meetings with their potential spouse..... The bride and groom do get to see one another in the present of a 3rd person, some conversation may be held but that's exactly what happens in all or most arranged marraige, but as that isn't anywhere near enough to 'get to know' one another good and proper, they both largely put their trust in their parents choice

Okay, I thought you meant a typical forced marriage where boy or girl's consent is not even considered. I agree that boy and girl shall not meet without the presence of third person.

There is one famous story from the past where a wali Allah had an arranged marraige.... He didn't even get to see his bride-to be and when he saw her after the marraige, he saw she was a black African woman (and maybe not a pretty face either) and he exclaimed 'oh Allah! Is this is what you kept for me in my destiny!', and his bride said, 'I see we're both going to janna' , he said 'how', she replied, 'we both continue to do our worship..... And you be patient with me', he replied 'good idea!'

Not an Islamic way I would think, Islam encourages you to see your future wife or husband.
By the way mine was then an arranged marriage. I met my wife only few hours before the Nikkah in the presence of her parents. I had put my trust in Allah and asked Him to bless me with a pious wife. It has been 12 years now and I could not ask for a better wife, Alhamdulillah.
Allah hu Akbar Kabira, Walhamdulillah he Kaseera, Subhanallah he Bukrataon Waseela

[RisingLight]

Arranged marraige is the Islamic way brother, it's the UnIslamic attitude of spouses that lead to break-ups, you're supposed to be patient with anything you dislike in your spouse and not allow it to be a cause for divorce

i dont think it is islamic way...to me its like a gamble...islam makes sense,this makes no sense (no offense to the couples who got arranged married)...your parents choosing a spouse for you?...how do they know that you will fit with him/her?...they are not you,they dont think like you,your personality and hers may not match at all....why would you risk ending up with someone you have to be patient all the time with,when you can try to find one that you would love to be in her presence?..

*you're supposed to be patient with anything you dislike in your spouse*?...exactly why you should meet and make the right questions,so you can know if you can be patient with her or not,you might discover that she is unbareable,imagine if you let your parents choose and they chose her for you

[xboxisdead]

Uuuh....guys...what about the OP? - blinks -

[Imraan]

Uuuh....guys...what about the OP? - blinks -

Remember me and my family in your prayers all of you, seriously please, I dont want another person going through what I did and I want all this to stop at least, getting justice would be better, these people that we are dealing with think they can do all that and get away with it, they deserve to be given an excessive portion of punishment and I want it to come from Al Hakam, Al Adl.... for his wrath is most powerful.

Insh Allah

Ameen

[Studentofdeed]

Your a good man brother, and inshallah Allah will give you justice and save you. Just keep holding on and Allah will give you only the best. May allah bless you with best brother. We love you for the sake of Allah

[Ahmed.]

i dont think it is islamic way...to me its like a gamble...islam makes sense,this makes no sense (no offense to the couples who got arranged married)...your parents choosing a spouse for you?...how do they know that you will fit with him/her?...they are not you,they dont think like you,your personality and hers may not match at all....why would you risk ending up with someone you have to be patient all the time with,when you can try to find one that you would love to be in her presence?..

*you're supposed to be patient with anything you dislike in your spouse*?...exactly why you should meet and make the right questions,so you can know if you can be patient with her or not,you might discover that she is unbareable,imagine if you let your parents choose and they chose her for you

The parents will obviously choose a spouse from the same culture, similar background, etc etc, i.e, they'd choose someone who's compatiable. Allah Himself says in quran, that if you dont like something in your spouse, to be patient and there will be other things you do like, so this guidance is from Allah

non-arranged marriages leads to sex outside of marriage so this is why we do it the safe way... and its not totally that you dont get to talk to your potential spouse; read my reply to Habib above

in the west, non-muslims are living together for many years and then they get married, so they basically can't fail on the 'compatiability' aspect can they?, but yet they have the highest divorce rates, so there's proof that it doesnt work and infact most arranged marriages lasts a lifetime so it is proven to work.

also the 'meaning of life' plays a part why arranged marriage is the right way. unlike kuffar who believe this life is the be all and end all, Muslims believe its just a test for a short while and the real life starts after death, thus one doesnt need to find the perfect soul mate, just a good muslim is enough... we can have 'soul mates' in Jannah! :)

[RisingLight]

The parents will obviously choose a spouse from the same culture, similar background, etc etc, i.e, they'd choose someone who's compatiable. Allah Himself says in quran, that if you dont like something in your spouse, to be patient and there will be other things you do like, so this guidance is from Allah

non-arranged marriages leads to sex outside of marriage so this is why we do it the safe way... and its not totally that you dont get to talk to your potential spouse; read my reply to Habib above

in the west, non-muslims are living together for many years and then they get married, so they basically can't fail on the 'compatiability' aspect can they?, but yet they have the highest divorce rates, so there's proof that it doesnt work and infact most arranged marriages lasts a lifetime so it is proven to work.

also the 'meaning of life' plays a part why arranged marriage is the right way. unlike kuffar who believe this life is the be all and end all, Muslims believe its just a test for a short while and the real life starts after death, thus one doesnt need to find the perfect soul mate, just a good muslim is enough... we can have 'soul mates' in Jannah! :)

i read your reply to habib and thats what i am saying,meeting each other in the presence of a 3rd person,and if the parents suggest one and you meet them and have the final say then thats fine....thats not what i mean with arranged marriages,because i think arranged marriages are marriages where you dont have a say,that others choose and agree who and when to marry..and as far as i know this is agaisnt teachings of islam too?....you said that they largely put their trust in their parents choice because these meetings arent enough to get to know each other....how would your parents know her better than you then? this is what i dont understand....or you mean that after meeting they put their trust in their parents choice?...i agree with that then but thats not called arranged : D

[taha_]

Remember me and my family in your prayers all of you, seriously please, I dont want another person going through what I did and I want all this to stop at least, getting justice would be better, these people that we are dealing with think they can do all that and get away with it, they deserve to be given an excessive portion of punishment and I want it to come from Al Hakam, Al Adl.... for his wrath is most powerful.

Insh Allah

Ameen

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.

May Allah help you and your family and protect you from oppressors. I hope that you and your family will be OK.

How is it going on today?

[Imraan]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.

May Allah help you and your family and protect you from oppressors. I hope that you and your family will be OK.

How is it going on today?

Walaikum salaam.

Our prayers and worship for justice and protection continue. We are trying to get help from police but it's really slow in the UK.

Everyday it's a worry .. when will they come next? What is next on the ex partners agenda? They've perverted course of justice, spread lies about me and my family, burned our car and damaged our house, hopefully they are caught insh Allah.

This person and her family are trying to systematically destroy my family from many angles be it financial, honour, reputation and physically. Bad people out there that continue to do bad, they dont even face consequences most of the time, this allows them to do more... these people will exist for a long time.. as long as they exist they pose a long term threat to the safety of my family and our property.

Hope Allah swt takes care of all of our affairs soon insh Allah.

[Ahmed.]

i read your reply to habib and thats what i am saying,meeting each other in the presence of a 3rd person,and if the parents suggest one and you meet them and have the final say then thats fine....thats not what i mean with arranged marriages,because i think arranged marriages are marriages where you dont have a say,that others choose and agree who and when to marry..and as far as i know this is agaisnt teachings of islam too?....you said that they largely put their trust in their parents choice because these meetings arent enough to get to know each other....how would your parents know her better than you then? this is what i dont understand....or you mean that after meeting they put their trust in their parents choice?...i agree with that then but thats not called arranged : D

Not having a say has nothing to do with arranged marraiges as the couple getting married have the final say. So your error really has been just jumping to conclusions about what an Islamic arranged marraige is rather than finding out about it first

Parents choose from a compatible family and they will look into matters like whether the girl is practicing etc and they'll ask people who know the girl of her character, they can talk to her as much as they like, asking her questions etc and if everything is to their liking they'll pass on that info. To their son, he then can get a meeting with her arranged (with third person present), 1, 2 or more meetings until he's satisfied she's the one he wants. This is basically how an arranged marraige is done

That's not called 'arranged'?, hmmm maybe you should start off a new dictionary then with your own definitions of Islamic terminology :Emoji47:

[taha_]

Walaikum salaam.

Our prayers and worship for justice and protection continue. We are trying to get help from police but it's really slow in the UK.

Everyday it's a worry .. when will they come next? What is next on the ex partners agenda? They've perverted course of justice, spread lies about me and my family, burned our car and damaged our house, hopefully they are caught insh Allah.

This person and her family are trying to systematically destroy my family from many angles be it financial, honour, reputation and physically. Bad people out there that continue to do bad, they dont even face consequences most of the time, this allows them to do more... these people will exist for a long time.. as long as they exist they pose a long term threat to the safety of my family and our property.

Hope Allah swt takes care of all of our affairs soon insh Allah.

Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barkauthu.

Brother, do not lose your hope in Allah. He is Al-Adl, the Most Just. He will deal with your oppressors in sha Allah, don't say that people are testing you. Allah is testing you, that perhaps you will be better Muslim in this world and Hereafter in sha Allah.. be patient and keep your trust in Allah. May Allah grant you n ur family strength against your oppressors. May He forgive you and your family.

JazakAllah khair

[RisingLight]

Not having a say has nothing to do with arranged marraiges as the couple getting married have the final say. So your error really has been just jumping to conclusions about what an Islamic arranged marraige is rather than finding out about it first

Parents choose from a compatible family and they will look into matters like whether the girl is practicing etc and they'll ask people who know the girl of her character, they can talk to her as much as they like, asking her questions etc and if everything is to their liking they'll pass on that info. To their son, he then can get a meeting with her arranged (with third person present), 1, 2 or more meetings until he's satisfied she's the one he wants. This is basically how an arranged marraige is done

That's not called 'arranged'?, hmmm maybe you should start of a new dictionary then with your own definitions of Islamic terminology :Emoji47:

I would start that dictionairy but we have a lot of people with low intelligence in the ummah who dont know what orthodox christianity and arranged marriages are....if they are capable of understanding those one day maybe we can talk in higher levels,though i doubt it....anyway thanks for the advice,please dont give another if i dont ask for it

[Ahmed.]

I would start that dictionairy but we have a lot of people with low intelligence in the ummah who dont know what orthodox christianity and arranged marriages are....if they are capable of understanding those one day maybe we can talk in higher levels,though i doubt it....anyway thanks for the advice,please dont give another if i dont ask for it

Hey its not me you want to blame, go blame the Oxford English dictionary mate! :Emoji48:

[Ahmed.]

Not having a say has nothing to do with arranged marraiges as the couple getting married have the final say. So your error really has been just jumping to conclusions about what an Islamic arranged marraige is rather than finding out about it first

Parents choose from a compatible family and they will look into matters like whether the girl is practicing etc and they'll ask people who know the girl of her character, they can talk to her as much as they like, asking her questions etc and if everything is to their liking they'll pass on that info. To their son, he then can get a meeting with her arranged (with third person present), 1, 2 or more meetings until he's satisfied she's the one he wants. This is basically how an arranged marraige is done

That's not called 'arranged'?, hmmm maybe you should start off a new dictionary then with your own definitions of Islamic terminology :Emoji47:

Let me just clarify my apperant contradiction here where I said earlier that trust is put on parents choice rather then couple meeting 'multiple times'

Traditionally (and still in Muslim countries) the meeting between the couple is done once.....

And the multiple meetings can or is done in the West as Muslims are more accustomed to the western culture here

[taha_]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu brothrr imran.

Hopefully you and ur family are okay now in sha Allah. Hows the situation? It's been weeks since then.

JazakAllah khair

[Imraan]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu brothrr imran.

Hopefully you and ur family are okay now in sha Allah. Hows the situation? It's been weeks since then.

JazakAllah khair

Walaikum salaam brother, thanks for remembering. Alhamdulillah we've been ok for the past three weeks, no malicious damage that we know of, who knows what's round the corner ...

Keep praying for us (message to all brothers and sisters as well), may Allah swt make it easy for us and compensate us for our losses insh Allah.

[Flawed]

Walaikum salaam brother, thanks for remembering. Alhamdulillah we've been ok for the past three weeks, no malicious damage that we know of, who knows what's round the corner ...

Keep praying for us (message to all brothers and sisters as well), may Allah swt make it easy for us and compensate us for our losses insh Allah.

I can't believe you married this thing. She sounds like a pure villian from a Walt Disney movie. honestly she sounds like she knew what she was doing and plotted this in a way where she would be the one sitting pretty at the end of all of this. She was a very good player and I hope you have become wiser from this experience.

I hope you come out stronger and your iman strengthens insha'Allah. :(

[Imraan]

I can't believe you married this thing. She sounds like a pure villian from a Walt Disney movie. honestly she sounds like she knew what she was doing and plotted this in a way where she would be the one sitting pretty at the end of all of this. She was a very good player and I hope you have become wiser from this experience.

I hope you come out stronger and your iman strengthens insha'Allah. :(

Believe me sister, been praying for a long time, past few years have been difficult. Please remember us in your prayers. Waiting for divine justice in this world insh Allah....

[MazharShafiq]

in sha Allah.Allah bless all of us.

[Flawed]

Believe me sister, been praying for a long time, past few years have been difficult. Please remember us in your prayers. Waiting for divine justice in this world insh Allah....

Brother I think you need to just do your part as a Muslim and know that Allah SWT has your back and your results are with Allah. And when those big bad wolves try to shake you again they won't be able to because now your focus has shifted from them.harming you to Allah has your back and you have moved on from them as they are no longer a part of your path to your destined path to Jannah. insha'Allah.

['Abdullah]

Allah breaks us tu build us;
Deprives us, to give us.
The pain in our heart was created to make us yearn less for this life, and to yearn more for Jannah.
I am sure that you have already seen that how Allah has brought you closer to Him by depriving you from things which were not going to benefit you.
Know that Allah knows everything and that should be enough for a believer to put his/her trust in Allah.
Trust me Allah's plan is far better and perfect than we can think. Leave your matters in the hands of Allah Subhanhu Wa Taala and Allah will be enough to take care of your needs in both worlds. In Sha Allah.

I am sure you already know all these things. But sometimes, it helps just to remind each other.
May Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala make it easy for you and bless you and your family with great reward for going through these hardships. Ameen!
Ma'aSalaam

[taha_]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu brother

Any update regarding your incident? May Allah heal you, grant you justice and strength and help you

JazakAllah khair

[Imraan]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu brother

Any update regarding your incident? May Allah heal you, grant you justice and strength and help you

JazakAllah khair

Walaikum Salaam Brother Taha, Jazak Allah for remembering your brother and for everyone's prayers.

The windows (after the 3rd breaking in December) still haven't been repaired yet. I was reluctant to repair it in case they came and broke it again. its costing me a bit repairing windows, they even broke my window frame. I can;t go through insurance, its going to be a tough claim considering the circumstances.
My relatives have had words with them regarding criminal damage, they still deny it. However so far, Alhamdulillah they haven't come back yet. I know if they come back again this time it will get messier, even for them.
Police have got no where with it, i doubt they ever will as all their evidence is circumstantial.

I see my daughter every two weeks, its hit n miss, sometimes she doesn't leave mothers presence at all, mother refuses to be in same room as me so that means although i make my way down to london, i don't always get to see her. I still have to pay the fees.
I am taking the mother back to court to get the order changed so someone is charged with staying with my daughter while im there, that someone has to be a person who she's comfortable with, may Allah swt make it easy for us insh Allah.

This ride is gruesome.

The mothers family are saying they want to sit down with us and our murobbi's to finish the islamic wedding off in a 'bengali' way (i.e. the imam who the mother confessed her negligence to can't be there apparently) so we're standing our ground on this one saying we want it finished in one day in a sharia way with the original imaam who wed us and the same imaam who we went for counselling.....

and

to top it off it can only take place in their house (smell a trap or ambush?)

i don't like staying in this state, these circumstances (from all detrimental angles) has become the 'bane of my life', not a day goes by that I dont think about it.

I feel like just going Saudi Arabia and praying non stop in masjid al haraam in front of kaaaba, doing ibadah, reading quran and zikhr, praying nafl prayers, hoping i'll find more solace thinking ive got a better chance for my prayers for justice and ease being answered there as opposed to here. Allah swt knows, sees and hears everything everywhere, because i've been praying for a long time, i can't even remember the day i started praying for certain prayers i would have thought some justice would have surfaced by now.... insha Allah it will.

Some days I feel like i'm at my end of the tether although recently due to no window breaking incidents lately it has calmed down a bit.

The trauma of this whole journey will stick with me for the rest of my life.

I yearn for the day of justice in this dunya, will i go back to a life full of contentment (even if it means a short period time).... only Allah swt knows....

I'm constantly worrying what other calamities await me around the corner..... it's not just this marriage, other stuff pops up here and there too. Just managing them sometimes becomes too much too bear.

[xboxisdead]

Walaikum Salaam Brother Taha, Jazak Allah for remembering your brother and for everyone's prayers.

The windows (after the 3rd breaking in December) still haven't been repaired yet. I was reluctant to repair it in case they came and broke it again. its costing me a bit repairing windows, they even broke my window frame. I can;t go through insurance, its going to be a tough claim considering the circumstances.
My relatives have had words with them regarding criminal damage, they still deny it. However so far, Alhamdulillah they haven't come back yet. I know if they come back again this time it will get messier, even for them.
Police have got no where with it, i doubt they ever will as all their evidence is circumstantial.

I see my daughter every two weeks, its hit n miss, sometimes she doesn't leave mothers presence at all, mother refuses to be in same room as me so that means although i make my way down to london, i don't always get to see her. I still have to pay the fees.
I am taking the mother back to court to get the order changed so someone is charged with staying with my daughter while im there, that someone has to be a person who she's comfortable with, may Allah swt make it easy for us insh Allah.

This ride is gruesome.

The mothers family are saying they want to sit down with us and our murobbi's to finish the islamic wedding off in a 'bengali' way (i.e. the imam who the mother confessed her negligence to can't be there apparently) so we're standing our ground on this one saying we want it finished in one day in a sharia way with the original imaam who wed us and the same imaam who we went for counselling.....

and

to top it off it can only take place in their house (smell a trap or ambush?)

i don't like staying in this state, these circumstances (from all detrimental angles) has become the 'bane of my life', not a day goes by that I dont think about it.

I feel like just going Saudi Arabia and praying non stop in masjid al haraam in front of kaaaba, doing ibadah, reading quran and zikhr, praying nafl prayers, hoping i'll find more solace thinking ive got a better chance for my prayers for justice and ease being answered there as opposed to here. Allah swt knows, sees and hears everything everywhere, because i've been praying for a long time, i can't even remember the day i started praying for certain prayers i would have thought some justice would have surfaced by now.... insha Allah it will.

Some days I feel like i'm at my end of the tether although recently due to no window breaking incidents lately it has calmed down a bit.

The trauma of this whole journey will stick with me for the rest of my life.

I yearn for the day of justice in this dunya, will i go back to a life full of contentment (even if it means a short period time).... only Allah swt knows....

I'm constantly worrying what other calamities await me around the corner..... it's not just this marriage, other stuff pops up here and there too. Just managing them sometimes becomes too much too bear.

This part is the part I do not understand. Why do you yearn for justice to be in dunya? Wouldn't you prefer the justice to be postpone for akhira (afterlife)? What if the justice have indeed been brought to you in this life and you get justice in additional to that you have full custody of your daughter and you have the power and she have to pay YOU child support? Let us say...you come victorious and all of this have happened. There. You got your justice in dunya. Your daughter loves, your her daddies little girl and everyone is happy ever after. Now when you die and you are resurrected and hellfire is in front of you and you have not much deed to enter paradise and you need every excuse on your baggage to get deeds from other people to save your skin...you go in the afterlife.."AH!" that is right! Those family tortured me so you say to Allah that those families have done this and that to me...but....wait...you already got your justice. You got it in Dunaya, remember? You have won them and they last and your daughter is yours and she was your daddy little girl, remember? Now what?

Wouldn't you prefer instead of having it here and having your daughter and having her be your daddies little girl instead of that you have her your worse enemy, the family cut ties between you and the daughter (because of the mother) and she goes to Operah who endorse male bashing will use you for political reasons to show to the world that men are indeed unfit parents that they are mature little children and that women should be the one who have full custody and raising the children and she bashes you in TV and your daughter hates you and you lose your rights you are oppressed 100% here in this world, no one cares for you (because you are a man and a father) and the daughter want nothing to do with you? I know it sounds perverted but look at it from this perspective:

A) Cutting ties between parent and child is hara'am. The mother and her family is doing the job not you. Now you have huge power over them in day of judgement. People under estimate the horror and the curse and the punishment they will be getting for the cause of cutting ties between one Muslim to another (let alone between child and parent). Mostly, women are the biggest culprit in this regard.

B) Child hating parent and not wanting to do anything with the parent is hara'am in Islam. Your daughter will be poisoned and she will hate you and want nothing to do with you. Now you have more power in your bag in day of judgement. You are getting higher and higher and higher and higher and higher level in Jannah. Why do you want to throw all that away for Dunaya? (IS there any guarantee that your daughter will even do prayer to you when you die?)

C) You go under the category of oppressed. Any single person who is oppressed the curtain (not physical one mind you) between the person who is doing dua and to Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa) is lifted. Anyone! ANYONE! Because Allah hates...HATES OPPRESSION. Look at the GREATEST GIFT you have now. You have Dua that the curtain is lifted...it is immediately answered. Take this opportunity and make Dua that Allah make you die Muslim, that he enters you paradise, that you pass the trail of death, that the shaitan (as you are about to die) cannot have his hands on you, that when the angels ask you in the grave you answer them correctly and easily. Make Dua for the akhira. Make dua that Allah helps the suffering Muslims in the world. Stop focusing on Dunaya and getting Dunaya justice.

[Life_Is_Short]

Assalamu Alykum w. w.

First of all, I am sorry for everything that's happened. Just be patient with your spouse and increase in your prayer.

Marriage is WORK.

Secondly, I can relate to you on two fronts. I got married roughly a year ago, and I am from London while my husband is from Manchester. Also, we sort of met online but we were in a long-distance relationship for a long time.

I know your going through a hard time. Our young immature minds tend to think that marriage would solve everything, it will end all our trials and we would find peace but remember that Allah says that this life is a test and currently you are being tested through your marriage.

Also, I know it's difficult after all that you've been through but you have to focus on your wife's good qualities. You have to put EVERYTHING (the in-laws etc) aside and think about why you married her in the first place. I am sure there must be something good you saw in her.

I would also advice that you go to London and visit her regularly. Stay with her, help her out and show her kindness. The in-laws will also see that you're a good person for doing that. Tell her that you miss her. Try and show her that you care and that you want this marriage to work. After all that, you have to express how you feel. You have to say that you feel disrespected. You have to talk things out (in a nice way, don't raise your voice). You have to put your ego aside. Maybe not for each other's sake but for the sake of your daughter.

There's no relationship, no marriage out there that's perfect. I have had many arguments with my husband, even though we're both passive but we've argued and expressed many times that we want to end the marriage because it's not working out. I storm off to my parents in London. But the underlying feeling remains, he's a good person and I know that I will never find anyone like him. I married my husband on the basis of his character and because we were in a long distance relationship (which isn't good) I tested his character many times. You see you have to look at the positive and work with that.

It's hard (easier said then done) but try to be the bigger person, and instead of focusing on your rights, focus on her rights. That's the best advice I can give you.

Insh'Allah May Allah Make it Easier for you. Ameen

[Flawed]

This part is the part I do not understand. Why do you yearn for justice to be in dunya? Wouldn't you prefer the justice to be postpone for akhira (afterlife)? What if the justice have indeed been brought to you in this life and you get justice in additional to that you have full custody of your daughter and you have the power and she have to pay YOU child support? Let us say...you come victorious and all of this have happened. There. You got your justice in dunya. Your daughter loves, your her daddies little girl and everyone is happy ever after. Now when you die and you are resurrected and hellfire is in front of you and you have not much deed to enter paradise and you need every excuse on your baggage to get deeds from other people to save your skin...you go in the afterlife.."AH!" that is right! Those family tortured me so you say to Allah that those families have done this and that to me...but....wait...you already got your justice. You got it in Dunaya, remember? You have won them and they last and your daughter is yours and she was your daddy little girl, remember? Now what?

Wouldn't you prefer instead of having it here and having your daughter and having her be your daddies little girl instead of that you have her your worse enemy, the family cut ties between you and the daughter (because of the mother) and she goes to Operah who endorse male bashing will use you for political reasons to show to the world that men are indeed unfit parents that they are mature little children and that women should be the one who have full custody and raising the children and she bashes you in TV and your daughter hates you and you lose your rights you are oppressed 100% here in this world, no one cares for you (because you are a man and a father) and the daughter want nothing to do with you? I know it sounds perverted but look at it from this perspective:

A) Cutting ties between parent and child is hara'am. The mother and her family is doing the job not you. Now you have huge power over them in day of judgement. People under estimate the horror and the curse and the punishment they will be getting for the cause of cutting ties between one Muslim to another (let alone between child and parent). Mostly, women are the biggest culprit in this regard.

B) Child hating parent and not wanting to do anything with the parent is hara'am in Islam. Your daughter will be poisoned and she will hate you and want nothing to do with you. Now you have more power in your bag in day of judgement. You are getting higher and higher and higher and higher and higher level in Jannah. Why do you want to throw all that away for Dunaya? (IS there any guarantee that your daughter will even do prayer to you when you die?)

C) You go under the category of oppressed. Any single person who is oppressed the curtain (not physical one mind you) between the person who is doing dua and to Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa) is lifted. Anyone! ANYONE! Because Allah hates...HATES OPPRESSION. Look at the GREATEST GIFT you have now. You have Dua that the curtain is lifted...it is immediately answered. Take this opportunity and make Dua that Allah make you die Muslim, that he enters you paradise, that you pass the trail of death, that the shaitan (as you are about to die) cannot have his hands on you, that when the angels ask you in the grave you answer them correctly and easily. Make Dua for the akhira. Make dua that Allah helps the suffering Muslims in the world. Stop focusing on Dunaya and getting Dunaya justice.

Thats all true.

Deeds sake, he can also forgive them from the heart and do whatever he can as a husband and a father, it will boost his deeds up.

Btw I personally think his wife and his in law's have completely oppressed brother Imran and it's not fair on Imrans mother. So idk I think he should cut it off with them for his mum's sake because his in law's do sound immature and obnoxious.

[Imraan]

This part is the part I do not understand. Why do you yearn for justice to be in dunya? Wouldn't you prefer the justice to be postpone for akhira (afterlife)? What if the justice have indeed been brought to you in this life and you get justice in additional to that you have full custody of your daughter and you have the power and she have to pay YOU child support? Let us say...you come victorious and all of this have happened. There. You got your justice in dunya. Your daughter loves, your her daddies little girl and everyone is happy ever after. Now when you die and you are resurrected and hellfire is in front of you and you have not much deed to enter paradise and you need every excuse on your baggage to get deeds from other people to save your skin...you go in the afterlife.."AH!" that is right! Those family tortured me so you say to Allah that those families have done this and that to me...but....wait...you already got your justice. You got it in Dunaya, remember? You have won them and they last and your daughter is yours and she was your daddy little girl, remember? Now what?

Wouldn't you prefer instead of having it here and having your daughter and having her be your daddies little girl instead of that you have her your worse enemy, the family cut ties between you and the daughter (because of the mother) and she goes to Operah who endorse male bashing will use you for political reasons to show to the world that men are indeed unfit parents that they are mature little children and that women should be the one who have full custody and raising the children and she bashes you in TV and your daughter hates you and you lose your rights you are oppressed 100% here in this world, no one cares for you (because you are a man and a father) and the daughter want nothing to do with you? I know it sounds perverted but look at it from this perspective:

A) Cutting ties between parent and child is hara'am. The mother and her family is doing the job not you. Now you have huge power over them in day of judgement. People under estimate the horror and the curse and the punishment they will be getting for the cause of cutting ties between one Muslim to another (let alone between child and parent). Mostly, women are the biggest culprit in this regard.

B) Child hating parent and not wanting to do anything with the parent is hara'am in Islam. Your daughter will be poisoned and she will hate you and want nothing to do with you. Now you have more power in your bag in day of judgement. You are getting higher and higher and higher and higher and higher level in Jannah. Why do you want to throw all that away for Dunaya? (IS there any guarantee that your daughter will even do prayer to you when you die?)

C) You go under the category of oppressed. Any single person who is oppressed the curtain (not physical one mind you) between the person who is doing dua and to Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa) is lifted. Anyone! ANYONE! Because Allah hates...HATES OPPRESSION. Look at the GREATEST GIFT you have now. You have Dua that the curtain is lifted...it is immediately answered. Take this opportunity and make Dua that Allah make you die Muslim, that he enters you paradise, that you pass the trail of death, that the shaitan (as you are about to die) cannot have his hands on you, that when the angels ask you in the grave you answer them correctly and easily. Make Dua for the akhira. Make dua that Allah helps the suffering Muslims in the world. Stop focusing on Dunaya and getting Dunaya justice.

Brother @xboxisdead .... you say it like i should keep my calamities as tokens. if my existence and my efforts in making my journey easier and worthy of our lord (as well as those who i am responsible for) in this dunya didnt matter to me, then yeah i could have kept those tokens and saved them and cut myself off from this dunya and society. These calamities have not just affected me, its affected my close ones, some are much more vulnerable than me, its affected my day to day life.. i guess its natural human instinct to want justice, have you ever been violated in any form, i cant stay in a shell for the rest of my life either? those people many centuries ago went out on islamic conquest, during their journeys they were oppressed, inimidated, discriminated and persecuted, despite all that they chose to fight back, fight for their rights, fight for their religion. sabr plays a big part but while being patient the mind wonders and this does take up time and mental effort. Thus resulting in more prayer more thought on how to make things stop i.e. the window breaking, how to succeed in court in regards to daughter, my general view now is keep praying, keep trying, have the intention, leave the rest with Allah swt. Yes i have mentally prepared myself for all outcomes concerning my daugter in coming years but i cant help feeling the mothers family got away it, i mean come on.... lying to relatives (probably to save their own backs), lying in court to keep daughter away, car arson x 1, window breaking on 3 seperate occasions.... i will still pray everyday brother @xboxisdead .... they claim to be practising muslims, going to saudi arabia every two years, in their house the quran is read nearly daily by the mother in law, salah is perfomred in the house by certain family members, if they have been observing our faith, how can such derogotary inhumane words against me and my family be expressed by their tongues, how can they lie? how can they cause criminal damage and cause terror amongst the vulnerable? i pray that Allah punishes them, makes them vulnerable, makes them so small that they genuinely turn to Allah swt so that they may come closer to him, even if it means me asking for divine punishment on them in return for their sins to be expiated... (in the same manner of my sins being expiated through calamities allowed on us by Allah swt, yeah, im not perfect)

heres what i pray for daily .... for justice, for success, for good health, for rizq, for ease, for wanting a loyal god fearing family, for forgiveness of our sins, for strength and mental ability in overcoming problems and calamities, and its not just for myself, i pray for my family and all the believers, everyday without miss.

i'm going to keep trying for my girl until i have no resource or mental ability left, for as long as i have thawfiq and a chance i'll still be there trying until little girl can make decisions for herself. this is my life, i dont want it but something drives me this way i cant explain it. loads of people say abandon daughter right now, its a total waste of time and money, its a no win.... then i hear of some seperated fathers actually have managed to develop relationships with their daughters, their circumstances may have been less serious than mines... i mean im up against some mean ruthless people, what chance do i have? insh Allah prayer and determination will pay off, Allah swt can turn the tables in a split second if he wanted. this determination keeps me close to my deen, closer than i have ever been before... i didnt envisage such life but here i am.....

A) Cutting ties between parent and child is hara'am. The mother and her family is doing the job not you. Now you have huge power over them in day of judgement. People under estimate the horror and the curse and the punishment they will be getting for the cause of cutting ties between one Muslim to another (let alone between child and parent). Mostly, women are the biggest culprit in this regard.

Exactly.... the mother(child with her too) is doing her ummrah as you read this message, at the same time has kept my daughter from me for the past 2 years... just doesnt make sense!

B) Child hating parent and not wanting to do anything with the parent is hara'am in Islam. Your daughter will be poisoned and she will hate you and want nothing to do with you. Now you have more power in your bag in day of judgement. You are getting higher and higher and higher and higher and higher level in Jannah. Why do you want to throw all that away for Dunaya? (IS there any guarantee that your daughter will even do prayer to you when you die?)

no guarantees but i no longer assume the future, the future is what you try and make of it...

C) You go under the category of oppressed. Any single person who is oppressed the curtain (not physical one mind you) between the person who is doing dua and to Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa) is lifted. Anyone! ANYONE! Because Allah hates...HATES OPPRESSION. Look at the GREATEST GIFT you have now. You have Dua that the curtain is lifted...it is immediately answered. Take this opportunity and make Dua that Allah make you die Muslim, that he enters you paradise, that you pass the trail of death, that the shaitan (as you are about to die) cannot have his hands on you, that when the angels ask you in the grave you answer them correctly and easily. Make Dua for the akhira. Make dua that Allah helps the suffering Muslims in the world. Stop focusing on Dunaya and getting Dunaya justice.

i pray everyday, it is being heard, yes for the oppressed and persecuted the curtain is lifted subhan Allah, every prayer to Allah swt is being recorded, rewards for recognition and request from almight are being credited subhan Allah, its the feelings of my struggling physical and mental human self that asks for help (the soul / nafs is spiritual and is at ease but wants whats best for its physical self), i know for every call not responded too straight away, my rewards are being banked elsewhere... knowing that im content to some extent, but i can't bear a muslim opressing me, i just cant. believing muslims do not behave this way nor do they carry out these acts....!

brother @xboxisdead , i appreciate your advice, i do but every individual is unique.... i am saying it how i think it and now im always trying to choose best course of action, i might not even see the light of the following day but as long as this heart beats my brain will always ponder for the good, always insh Allah....

Apologies in advance if I have offended anyone reading this, sometimes my frustrations can get the better of me, it has led me to this way of thought.. as always I pray to Allah swt for guidance

[xboxisdead]

Thats all true.

Deeds sake, he can also forgive them from the heart and do whatever he can as a husband and a father, it will boost his deeds up.

Btw I personally think his wife and his in law's have completely oppressed brother Imran and it's not fair on Imrans mother. So idk I think he should cut it off with them for his mum's sake because his in law's do sound immature and obnoxious.

Oh I agree 100%. He should cut off any relations with the ex-wife, their family and his daughter if he can do it or limit the interaction with the daughter to professional level so as not come under heading of cutting ties. The daughter is not his friend...while she is a baby...she will be his enemy and not his child. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) have warned the men that your wives and children could be your biggest enemy. He have to understand that blood ties means nothing in the long scheme of things. You did not birth the child, the mother did, you did not breast feed the child, the mother did...so don't let her get in your mind and play with your heart like a fiddle and I mean the ex-wife here. She WILL use the child as a weapon against you. This is old tactic by women since long time....move on brother. Obligation to that daughter is financial...keep it strictly money. Save up the money for her inheritance and education, avoid it trying to gain custody. Go through the lawyer and make a legalized deal that you will pay this sum every month for the daughter, that when she grow up to age 6 or 7...visitation ones a week at a public area for certain hours. You leave. Daughter leave. Never tell your daughter where you live and everything...your daughter could be used as a spy by the mother to find means to hurt you and your mother. MOVE on....even if you limit your interaction with daughter by email or skype as long as you pay financially your save in afterlife and build new family.

Move...on.

[Imraan]

Assalamu Alykum w. w.

First of all, I am sorry for everything that's happened. Just be patient with your spouse and increase in your prayer.

Marriage is WORK.

Secondly, I can relate to you on two fronts. I got married roughly a year ago, and I am from London while my husband is from Manchester. Also, we sort of met online but we were in a long-distance relationship for a long time.

I know your going through a hard time. Our young immature minds tend to think that marriage would solve everything, it will end all our trials and we would find peace but remember that Allah says that this life is a test and currently you are being tested through your marriage.

Also, I know it's difficult after all that you've been through but you have to focus on your wife's good qualities. You have to put EVERYTHING (the in-laws etc) aside and think about why you married her in the first place. I am sure there must be something good you saw in her.

I would also advice that you go to London and visit her regularly. Stay with her, help her out and show her kindness. The in-laws will also see that you're a good person for doing that. Tell her that you miss her. Try and show her that you care and that you want this marriage to work. After all that, you have to express how you feel. You have to say that you feel disrespected. You have to talk things out (in a nice way, don't raise your voice). You have to put your ego aside. Maybe not for each other's sake but for the sake of your daughter.

There's no relationship, no marriage out there that's perfect. I have had many arguments with my husband, even though we're both passive but we've argued and expressed many times that we want to end the marriage because it's not working out. I storm off to my parents in London. But the underlying feeling remains, he's a good person and I know that I will never find anyone like him. I married my husband on the basis of his character and because we were in a long distance relationship (which isn't good) I tested his character many times. You see you have to look at the positive and work with that.

It's hard (easier said then done) but try to be the bigger person, and instead of focusing on your rights, focus on her rights. That's the best advice I can give you.

Insh'Allah May Allah Make it Easier for you. Ameen

Assalam walaikum

I appreciate your kind words I know you mean well in your advice. I dont think you've read everything about my journey, I know theres a lot to read, but it came to a point of no return long time ago.

Would you reconcile with your husband if
- you caught him lying to you number of times which brought trust levels to nil.
- him and his family disgraced you and your family by spreading hate and rumours within your relatives and comm unity?
- you were cast as a bad person in a family court just so he could keep your child from you? Claims include you beating him up, domestic violence, you have mental health issues, list goes on.. etc.
- your family members car set on fire
- threatening phone calls to family members saying 'more to come'
- following that your family home where your family members reside is subjected to window breaking during 'night hours' on multiple occasions.

On the third window break upon taking advice from a mate i msgd my ex asking to sort this out in a civil and amicable manner (kind of like a white flag of surrender, .... forget pride), my messages were ignored...

These people have to be dealt with in a language they understand... I pray Allah swt deals with them insh Allah

[Life_Is_Short]

Assalam walaikum

I appreciate your kind words I know you mean well in your advice. I dont think you've read everything about my journey, I know theres a lot to read, but it came to a point of no return long time ago.

Would you reconcile with your husband if
- you caught him lying to you number of times which brought trust levels to nil.
- him and his family disgraced you and your family by spreading hate and rumours within your relatives and comm unity?
- you were cast as a bad person in a family court just so he could keep your child from you? Claims include you beating him up, domestic violence, you have mental health issues, list goes on.. etc.
- your family members car set on fire
- threatening phone calls to family members saying 'more to come'
- following that your family home where your family members reside is subjected to window breaking during 'night hours' on multiple occasions.

On the third window break upon taking advice from a mate i msgd my ex asking to sort this out in a civil and amicable manner (kind of like a white flag of surrender, .... forget pride), my messages were ignored...

These people have to be dealt with in a language they understand... I pray Allah swt deals with them insh Allah

I'm sorry i didn't read your other post. Yes, it does seem like you've reached a point of no return. It also seems like there's too much interference from outsiders in your marriage. This should have been avoided from the beginning. You see when a girl goes back to her parents and expresses even a hint of distress, her family who naturally love her begin to gather hate for the husband and they fail to see the other side of the story or think logically. Unfortunately, this happens a lot in families and is one of the main factors that break marriages down. You should never discuss your issue with outsider unless and if you really need to. Moreover, women tend to do this a lot because they just can't keep emotions in, nor are they taught this before marriage.

From the other post, it also seems like you were option B for your wife. That's probably why she never took any responsibility within the marriage (proven by her lack of ability to compromise). It shows level of immaturity on her part.

Is there no way for you to communicate with your wife without the outside influence? Do you know where she stands with all this or is she just being manipulated?

Trust can be re-build provided your're both:
a) Willing to forget the past
b) Come to some sorts of term. Marriage is a HUGE compromise. You have to meet each other halfway.

I am really sorry, I know marriage can be difficult. No one here can truly understand your situation fully or what you've been through. We're all sat here with our keyboards trying to advice you with what's best but you truly know yourself, wife and this situation.

Inshallah, May Allah make it easier.

Just adding, If you think divorce is the only option, then so be it. If she isn't complying, not willing to compromise. That's fine. You deserve better.

[Flawed]

Oh I agree 100%. He should cut off any relations with the ex-wife, their family and his daughter if he can do it or limit the interaction with the daughter to professional level so as not come under heading of cutting ties. The daughter is not his friend...while she is a baby...she will be his enemy and not his child. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) have warned the men that your wives and children could be your biggest enemy. He have to understand that blood ties means nothing in the long scheme of things. You did not birth the child, the mother did, you did not breast feed the child, the mother did...so don't let her get in your mind and play with your heart like a fiddle and I mean the ex-wife here. She WILL use the child as a weapon against you. This is old tactic by women since long time....move on brother. Obligation to that daughter is financial...keep it strictly money. Save up the money for her inheritance and education, avoid it trying to gain custody. Go through the lawyer and make a legalized deal that you will pay this sum every month for the daughter, that when she grow up to age 6 or 7...visitation ones a week at a public area for certain hours. You leave. Daughter leave. Never tell your daughter where you live and everything...your daughter could be used as a spy by the mother to find means to hurt you and your mother. MOVE on....even if you limit your interaction with daughter by email or skype as long as you pay financially your save in afterlife and build new family.

Move...on.

Honestly I think this is the best option for you brother Imran. Otherwise you will go through unnecessary suffering caused by your in laws who can play all kinds of dirty tricks to damage you. Also they have made it clear they don't want anything got to do with you and treat you like dirt.

I think Allah is protecting from them and showing you to another path.

[Imraan]

Assalam walaikum,

They broke our windows again last week.

Everyone please still remember us in your duas....

[taha_]

Assalam walaikum,

They broke our windows again last week.

Everyone please still remember us in your duas....

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

subhanAllah. May Allah always help you most. Keep your trust and hope in Allah. we dont know what your future will end up. Only Allah knows best. Keep trying in sha Allah.

[Flawed]

Assalam walaikum,

They broke our windows again last week.

Everyone please still remember us in your duas....

Hmm this is getting too much. Are there any alternatives for you around this situation with your ex wife and your daughter? Like sth that you need to do to keep yourself safe from further damage. It seems like they're having fun while damaging your property and you emotionally.

[Imraan]

I have no idea when this ends, they want the child maintenance money every month but they dont like the idea of me trying to establish a relationship with my daughter.

The alternative is give up the child, continue paying the mother for the next 16 years... what a crappy deal.... part of me finds it hard to accept it, which is why I persevere... for how long... only Allah knows. .

[xboxisdead]

I have no idea when this ends, they want the child maintenance money every month but they dont like the idea of me trying to establish a relationship with my daughter.

The alternative is give up the child, continue paying the mother for the next 16 years... what a crappy deal.... part of me finds it hard to accept it, which is why I persevere... for how long... only Allah knows. .

You see...it is not a deal. You see it is obligatory on you by Allah's command himself that you financially support that child. It is not like she have this up hand on you where she is stealing money from you or anything like that, although she believes she is hurting you on the wallet side of things...not really. It is obligatory on the father to financially support the child when a divorce happens because Allah commanded the menfolk to financially support the children/child. So you are financially paying the child to please Allah and not to please a female nor to submit to a female and nor to worship a female and nor to obey a female. You are doing this because you submit to Allah, you worship Allah and you obey Allah that is it. What your wife is doing is she is destroying her afterlife. You don't get it. The victim here is your ex-wife and her family, they are self destroying themselves without them knowing it or even caring. In the end of it, they are the losers. Now for your daughter, be thankful she is a daughter. Because daughters can handle not having a father easier than sons. She have a mother, grandmother and grandfather they will take care of her and chances are she will be part of them and not even think twice about you. Don't worry about your daughter. This is more about you and your ego and how you feel you are getting a raw deal on this. My advice is for the sake of your mother and your sanity to do it for the pleasure of Allah that you let go of your daughter and pay financial support and to give your mother the peace she deserves. Had this been solo and you are living alone then do what you want to do. But this is now including your mother and it is not fair for her. Agree to the "deal" and let them think they have won and believe you are nothing more than human wallet and sperm donor. Let them use the political gain to proof to the world that men are unfit parents, buffoon, idiots, etc and they don't fight for their children. Let them have this game!

You have to do what you have in your basket. What is it? Financially support the child because Allah ordered you to do that so you do it. Whether society look down on that action and say that men are nothing more than human wallet and sperm donor because the value of men's role are demeaned is not your concern. You are not trying to proof that men can be more than that. Nor are you trying to play a political game. Nor are you trying to go through gender war, etc. You are under attack by the government himself...it is as clear as any picture you see. The laws are done on purpose to allow family breakup through the female and the females are too stupid enough to allow this to happen. The law is setup so that the government can remove the man from the household and make it impossible for the man to have access to the children and thus destroy family, masculinity and fatherhood so that when the women have supreme power and full rights above and beyond what Islam have decreed for her to have the government than have full control over society by going through the female. Your issue is not how you can fight her and her family.....because you are not fighting her you are fighting the very government and you cannot win.

I say accept the deal. So your mother can have peace of mind.

[Imraan]

AssalamWalaikum

Please can I have a reminder of permissable 'Quranic' Duas that I can make which will stop the opressors in such a way that they pay for everything they have done in this life before Akhirah.

My family members are being persecuted and my property is being damaged.

Maybe i've not been reading the correct dua's?

for the past one year at least i include in my daily prayers amongst other things (after I pray my salah and when I rememeber in general in between activities):

Allahummak-fineehim bima shi 'ta
Rabbana Aftah Baynana Wa Bayna Qawmina Bil Haqqi Wa Anta Khayru Al Fatihin
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un, Allahumma ajirni fi musibati wa akhlif li khairan minha
Wa ufawwidu amri ila 'Llah

I yearn for the day they are exposed in this dunya, until they are exposed and punished they will never stop.

[taha_]

AssalamWalaikum

Please can I have a reminder of permissable 'Quranic' Duas that I can make which will stop the opressors in such a way that they pay for everything they have done in this life before Akhirah.

My family members are being persecuted and my property is being damaged.

Maybe i've not been reading the correct dua's?

for the past one year at least i include in my daily prayers amongst other things (after I pray my salah and when I rememeber in general in between activities):

Allahummak-fineehim bima shi 'ta
Rabbana Aftah Baynana Wa Bayna Qawmina Bil Haqqi Wa Anta Khayru Al Fatihin
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un, Allahumma ajirni fi musibati wa akhlif li khairan minha
Wa ufawwidu amri ila 'Llah

I yearn for the day they are exposed in this dunya, until they are exposed and punished they will never stop.

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

Dua [193] Seeking protection from wrongdoing people [28:21]

رَبِّ نَجِّنِيْ مِنَ الْقَوْمِ الظَّالِمِيْنَ

My Lord, save me from the wrongdoing people.

Rabbi najjinee mina alqawmi aththalimeen

Surah Al-Qasas - 28:21

Dua [147] Dua of an oppressed person[4:75]

رَبَّنَا أَخْرِجْنَا مِنْ هَٰذِهِ الْقَرْيَةِ الظَّالِمِ أَهْلُهَا وَاجْعَلْ لَنَا مِنْ لَدُنْكَ وَلِيًّا وَّاجْعَلْ لَنَا مِنْ لَدُنْكَ نَصِيْرًا

Our Lord, take us out of this city of oppressive people and appoint for us from Yourself a protector and appoint for us from Yourself a helper?

rabbana akhrijna min hathihialqaryati aththalimi ahluhawajAAal lana min ladunka waliyyan wajAAallana min ladunka naseera

Surah An-Nisa - 4:75

Dua [195] Asking help against corrupt people [29:30]

رَبِّ انْصُرْنِيْ عَلَى الْقَوْمِ الْمُفْسِدِيْنَ

My Lord, support me against the corrupting people.

Rabbi onsurnee AAalaalqawmi almufsideen

Surah Al-'Ankaboot - 29:30

Get Hisnul Muslim App: http://bit.ly/DuaApp
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[MazharShafiq]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

Dua [193] Seeking protection from wrongdoing people [28:21]

رَبِّ نَجِّنِيْ مِنَ الْقَوْمِ الظَّالِمِيْنَ

My Lord, save me from the wrongdoing people.

Rabbi najjinee mina alqawmi aththalimeen

Surah Al-Qasas - 28:21

Dua [147] Dua of an oppressed person[4:75]

رَبَّنَا أَخْرِجْنَا مِنْ هَٰذِهِ الْقَرْيَةِ الظَّالِمِ أَهْلُهَا وَاجْعَلْ لَنَا مِنْ لَدُنْكَ وَلِيًّا وَّاجْعَلْ لَنَا مِنْ لَدُنْكَ نَصِيْرًا

Our Lord, take us out of this city of oppressive people and appoint for us from Yourself a protector and appoint for us from Yourself a helper?

rabbana akhrijna min hathihialqaryati aththalimi ahluhawajAAal lana min ladunka waliyyan wajAAallana min ladunka naseera

Surah An-Nisa - 4:75

Dua [195] Asking help against corrupt people [29:30]

رَبِّ انْصُرْنِيْ عَلَى الْقَوْمِ الْمُفْسِدِيْنَ

My Lord, support me against the corrupting people.

Rabbi onsurnee AAalaalqawmi almufsideen

Surah Al-'Ankaboot - 29:30

Get Hisnul Muslim App: http://bit.ly/DuaApp
#GreentechApps

wonderful ayat.

[IslamLife00]

Assalaamu'alaykum akhi

This may or may not help, but just a thought. Have you ever tried self ruqya? or at least ruqya your house?
I remember you mentioned you found taweez in your ex wife's bag (at the time she was still living with you) ? Sorry if I am mistaken, I haven't posted for a long time.

[Imraan]

Assalaamu'alaykum akhi

This may or may not help, but just a thought. Have you ever tried self ruqya? or at least ruqya your house?
I remember you mentioned you found taweez in your ex wife's bag (at the time she was still living with you) ? Sorry if I am mistaken, I haven't posted for a long time.

I've been to see someone about 8 months ago, he couldn't find anything. When ex was living with me I took her to the same guy because she said she needed it. When he recited the ex started shaking and hyperventilating, he diagnosed her with evil eye. Not a day goes by that we dont recite quran and duas in our house. I do pray for our enemy that they be punished for what they do, and that through punishment they do become true pious believers with morals, else they remain hypocrites.. nauzubillah.

[IslamLife00]

I've been to see someone about 8 months ago, he couldn't find anything. When ex was living with me I took her to the same guy because she said she needed it. When he recited the ex started shaking and hyperventilating, he diagnosed her with evil eye. Not a day goes by that we dont recite quran and duas in our house. I do pray for our enemy that they be punished for what they do, and that through punishment they do become true pious believers with morals, else they remain hypocrites.. nauzubillah.

Ok. but did you recite on water and drink it, or wash yourself with it? or spray it on every corner, surfaces in the house?

I'm sharing some links if you want to ruqya yourself, InshaAllah will help. As for ruqya your house, you can spray the same water on every corner and surface in your house.
There is no harm to try. The first time you did it was with a raqi and your ex, this time it's just you with the Qur'an.
In Surah Yunus, Allah said the Qur'an is sent as healing, mercy and guidance - may Allah grant you shifa and solution of all your problems

The virtues of ruqyah and du’aa’s to be recited therein - Islam Question & Answer

Ways of Treating Magic - Islam Question & Answer

Reciting Qur’aan over water for ruqyah and heating it because the weather is cold - Islam Question & Answer

[Imraan]

Ok. but did you recite on water and drink it, or wash yourself with it? or spray it on every corner, surfaces in the house?

I'm sharing some links if you want to ruqya yourself, InshaAllah will help. As for ruqya your house, you can spray the same water on every corner and surface in your house.
There is no harm to try. The first time you did it was with a raqi and your ex, this time it's just you with the Qur'an.
In Surah Yunus, Allah said the Qur'an is sent as healing, mercy and guidance - may Allah grant you shifa and solution of all your problems

The virtues of ruqyah and du’aa’s to be recited therein - Islam Question & Answer

Ways of Treating Magic - Islam Question & Answer

Reciting Qur’aan over water for ruqyah and heating it because the weather is cold - Islam Question & Answer

My mom recites, blows on water, I drink it.

You know they've broken our windows on 4 occasions now. It was decreed so that's why it happened. I believe in qadr and all that but it slows me down and it affects vulnerable ones close to me and oppresses me financially. The opposing side, the enemy just seems to be getting away with everything. I pray everyday and I mention again theres people out there going through much worse that also pray everyday to be relieved of their hardship. The wait just seems to be long.

Being subjected to all this I should still say Alhamdulillah. But I still pray for justice and Allahs blessing and mercy.

I personally dont think I need ruqya, I'm just someone suffering from relationship breakdown aftermath, oppression regarding lack of access to my daughter, financial oppression and criminal damage trauma.... on top of that I have dependents, financial responsibility and mortal insecurity.

I need more might, more courage, more conviction in my faith, more guidance and wisdom, more patience, most importantly I want Allahs blessing. These people seem to be bringing me down, they must be squirming so they do all this stuff to me because they live off it. Being subjected to this, It's not a nice way to live a life. Day to day activities are affected. I'm not even the same guy that I was five years ago anymore...

[IslamLife00]

My mom recites, blows on water, I drink it.

You know they've broken our windows on 4 occasions now. It was decreed so that's why it happened. I believe in qadr and all that but it slows me down and it affects vulnerable ones close to me and oppresses me financially. The opposing side, the enemy just seems to be getting away with everything. I pray everyday and I mention again theres people out there going through much worse that also pray everyday to be relieved of their hardship. The wait just seems to be long.

Being subjected to all this I should still say Alhamdulillah. But I still pray for justice and Allahs blessing and mercy.

I personally dont think I need ruqya, I'm just someone suffering from relationship breakdown aftermath, oppression regarding lack of access to my daughter, financial oppression and criminal damage trauma.... on top of that I have dependents, financial responsibility and mortal insecurity.

I need more might, more courage, more conviction in my faith, more guidance and wisdom, more patience, most importantly I want Allahs blessing. These people seem to be bringing me down, they must be squirming so they do all this stuff to me because they live off it. Being subjected to this, It's not a nice way to live a life. Day to day activities are affected. I'm not even the same guy that I was five years ago anymore...

Ok so you drank the water, and you have done ruqya with the raqi. I suggested ruqya, because I thought you found taweez in her bag that she used to harm you, and so you need ruqya.

I believe al Qadr and I also did self-ruqya - Alhamdulillah something that had plagued my life for almost 2 decades, was removed. Ever since, everything works well in my life.
It is His Qadr that I suffered so many afflictions for so long, and it is also His Qadr that all of it was removed by self-ruqya.

May Allah ease your hardship

[Imraan]

Ok so you drank the water, and you have done ruqya with the raqi. I suggested ruqya, because I thought you found taweez in her bag that she used to harm you, and so you need ruqya.

I believe al Qadr and I also did self-ruqya - Alhamdulillah something that had plagued my life for almost 2 decades, was removed. Ever since, everything works well in my life.
It is His Qadr that I suffered so many afflictions for so long, and it is also His Qadr that all of it was removed by self-ruqya.

May Allah ease your hardship

Salaam
What exact steps did you take to perform self ruqya...?

[06jeveria]

The only way to keep in contact with your child is to take your wife to court and get the rights to spend time with your daughter that way your wife can't do anything to stop that

[Imraan]

The only way to keep in contact with your child is to take your wife to court and get the rights to spend time with your daughter that way your wife can't do anything to stop that

Yeah but shes ordering the burning of our cars and breaking of my windows of my family home on days I go to visit my daughter, most likely to scare and intimidate me and my family.... hope my duas (dua of severely oppressed) for justice is answered soon, I know and have firm belief my duas are being accepted, however I pray for retribution, ease and rectification of the situation I am in.

My extended family are saying give the daughter up, how long are you going to tolerate criminal damage? What if they move on to more severe acts...?

[IslamLife00]

Salaam
What exact steps did you take to perform self ruqya...?

Wa'alaykumussalaam. This was 3 years ago. I remember filling big jars with water and recited Qur'an ayats on the water (3 Quls, Al fatihah, ayatul Kursi, ayats in one of the islamqa links I mentioned above, and I added some more ayats).
I printed all these ayats on paper and it was 4 pages total. Everyday I made a new batch of water and recited on it.
This is the only water I used - to cook, to make tea, to do wudu, to pour over myself (if I do ghusl/shower/bath, I do ghusl/shower/bath with regular water, then pour the Quran water over myself after that).
The effect started the first time I drank it. It was intense for at least 3 consecutive days, then it got lesser and lesser as days went by. I intended to do self ruqya for 2 weeks but I continued for roughly 2 months, just to be certain there is no residue.
I maintained regular salat and adhkar and dua as usual (including adhkar and dua for protection, which can protect from future affliction, but if the body or house house is already afflicted, the person has to do ruqya)
I saw things in dreams and while I was awake, voices in my ear - through these, Allah revealed to me what type of afflictions, how they attacked me, and why.
I threw away everything that is against Islam that I had in my possession (I am a revert. I became a muslim roughly 1 year before I did self ruqya).
Never in my life, I experienced anything like I experienced during self ruqya. I believed the Qur'an is words of Allah, but through self ruqya and the aftermath, Allah has made it much clearer to me (and I'm only scratching the surface) the magnitude of His words, who He is and the significance of this deen. Further more, I also understand, why the enemies of Islam, will do anything to eliminate any trace of this deen of the earth, including eliminating all muslims on earth, if they can.

[taha_]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother,

How are you and your family? May Allah help you, In sha Allah everything will be fine. Have you faced any troubles recently again?

JazakAllah khair

[Imraan]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother,

How are you and your family? May Allah help you, In sha Allah everything will be fine. Have you faced any troubles recently again?

JazakAllah khair

Walaikum salaam, me and my family are doing ok, more worried about covid more than anything else to be honest, my mother is elderly so she needs more protection from it as well as everyone else. The last window break was three weeks ago. I haven't been to see my daughter since and not sure when I will see her next due to covid, it's much worse in London as it has the most cases so I'm reluctant to go. I know they will come again to cause criminal damage when I go to see my daughter again. Sincere duas for safeguarding, help and justice for everyone....... continue

Jazak Allah for remembering me and my family, how are you and how is your family doing?, pray everyone is in best of health and imaan insh Allah...

[taha_]

Walaikum salaam, me and my family are doing ok, more worried about covid more than anything else to be honest, my mother is elderly so she needs more protection from it as well as everyone else. The last window break was three weeks ago. I haven't been to see my daughter since and not sure when I will see her next due to covid, it's much worse in London as it has the most cases so I'm reluctant to go. I know they will come again to cause criminal damage when I go to see my daughter again. Sincere duas for safeguarding, help and justice for everyone....... continue

Jazak Allah for remembering me and my family, how are you and how is your family doing?, pray everyone is in best of health and imaan insh Allah...

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

Alhamdulillah we are still fine. You need to put trust in Allah and try to not panic. Media is just trying to make us panic by saying that covid is dangerous. Worse diseases still exist.

25,000 people die from hunger a day we ain't taking any attention about that.

Life and death are decreed by Allah.

May Allah help all of us and bless us with good health and protect us from diseases. May Allah also help you too.

JazakAllah khair

[MazharShafiq]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother,

How are you and your family? May Allah help you, In sha Allah everything will be fine. Have you faced any troubles recently again?

JazakAllah khair

ameen.

[bint e aisha]

May Allah ta'ala remove all your difficulties and grant ease, brother @Imraan . May Allah SWT have mercy on you and may He always protect you and your family.

[Imraan]

May Allah ta'ala remove all your difficulties and grant ease, brother @Imraan . May Allah SWT have mercy on you and may He always protect you and your family.

Jazak Allah for your prayers Sister @bint e aisha .

[bint e aisha]

https://ilmseeker98.wordpress.com/20...nd-protection/

Du'as for Salaamati (peace and protection) – Ilm Seeker يا حَـيُّ يا قَيّـومُ بِـرَحْمَـتِكِ أَسْتَـغـيث ، أَصْلِـحْ لي شَـأْنـي كُلَّـه ، وَلا تَكِلـني إِلى نَفْـسي طَـرْفَةَ عَـين "On You Who is Everliving and Sustains and Protects everything, I seek assistance through the means of your mercy, correct for me all my affairs and do not entrust me to my Nafs (myself) for the moment of a…...

[bint e aisha]

Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam has stated, “When Allah decrees a certain rank (in Jannah) for a person which he cannot reach through his deeds, Allah afflicts him with a test in his body, wealth, or children, and then grants him the patience to bear that test until he reaches the rank decreed for him.” (Abu Dawud)


Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam has stated, “When those who suffered (in this life) will receive their reward on the Day of Qiyamah (judgement), those who enjoyed good health and prosperity will wish that their skins were cut with scissors in the world (so they may attain the same reward.)” (Sunan Tirmidhi)

[Imraan]

Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam has stated, “When Allah decrees a certain rank (in Jannah) for a person which he cannot reach through his deeds, Allah afflicts him with a test in his body, wealth, or children, and then grants him the patience to bear that test until he reaches the rank decreed for him.” (Abu Dawud)


Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam has stated, “When those who suffered (in this life) will receive their reward on the Day of Qiyamah (judgement), those who enjoyed good health and prosperity will wish that their skins were cut with scissors in the world (so they may attain the same reward.)” (Sunan Tirmidhi)

Assalam Walaikum Sister @bint e aisha , regarding the first statement. Am i going through these hardships in the past years because I am not substantiating enough good deeds that meets the requirements of my place in Jannah. Oh man makes me think, should I have been a hafiz instead of chasing a career through the UK education system as my mom always says to me. Or is it because i have sinned i am paying for it? I need to increase my deeds more if I want some relief. I do perform acts of virtue but now im thinkin its not enough. May Allah swt give me thawfiq to do more than I am currently doing. I fear some acts of virtue will make me feel and look weaker than I already am so some of these acts I leave out i.e. forgiveness.

Now i feel like i've got a target deed level to meet, except i dont know what the target is.

what if ive got a higher rank in jannah than my ex and thats why theyre able to succeed in all the wrong that they do because their tests are substantially less.

Can the rank that is decreed be elevated to something more later?

I just feel they are winning no matter what evil they do. I can't deal with criminals
I feel drained, I sometimes just feel like i dont know what to do. Its hard depending on faith alone. We need action coupled with faith if we want results. Its figuring what action is needed that is the hard part.

sorry for all the questions, i am criticised by many for my ability to be too curious.

[xboxisdead]

Assalam Walaikum Sister @bint e aisha , regarding the first statement. Am i going through these hardships in the past years because I am not substantiating enough good deeds that meets the requirements of my place in Jannah. Oh man makes me think, should I have been a hafiz instead of chasing a career through the UK education system as my mom always says to me. Or is it because i have sinned i am paying for it? I need to increase my deeds more if I want some relief. I do perform acts of virtue but now im thinkin its not enough. May Allah swt give me thawfiq to do more than I am currently doing. I fear some acts of virtue will make me feel and look weaker than I already am so some of these acts I leave out i.e. forgiveness.

Now i feel like i've got a target deed level to meet, except i dont know what the target is.

what if ive got a higher rank in jannah than my ex and thats why theyre able to succeed in all the wrong that they do because their tests are substantially less.

Can the rank that is decreed be elevated to something more later?

I just feel they are winning no matter what evil they do. I can't deal with criminals
I feel drained, I sometimes just feel like i dont know what to do. Its hard depending on faith alone. We need action coupled with faith if we want results. Its figuring what action is needed that is the hard part.

sorry for all the questions, i am criticised by many for my ability to be too curious.

This is not about winning, this is about ego. You need to let go of that ego. Who is the best of all creations? Prophet mohammad peace be upon him, yet these children threw mud and trash and stone at him they where able to grow old of age and die and they attacked THE PROPHET OF Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa). Did they win in this world?

Maybe you should stop thinking of winning and losing. You think she won only because she got to tarnish your name, destroy your relationship with your offspring, vandalize your property, take you to court, use man-made law to destroy family and destroy relationship between father and child and her ability to go to the media and male bash her heart content and people cheer her giving her this false illusion of superiority, dominance and having upper hand over men are all form of winning? Everything I just listed here that make you think she won is actually losing and losing and losing and destroying herself and her child. With female been deficient in intellect and before the moderator block my post, attack me or say I am a women hater this is what the prophet peace be upon him (himself) said came as revelation to teach us man-kind or else Allah will not say man have a decree over women nor will he say men are the head of the household...he would have said women are the head of the household no matter how she suppress men at school and academic level which here women outshine men no question about it....it still doesn't change what the prophet peace be upon him said here. Your ex-wife proofs the very deficient in intellect in women, she is the one who is destroying HERSELF and her OWN OFFSPRING even though in the short term it look like YOU ARE THE VICTIM. Here are the actions in the vial the shows why she is not winning:

A) Tarnish your name = By her act of tarnishing her name she is getting the wrath and anger of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) which in return will punish her in dunaya before akhira. She may get physically abused or emotionally abused and you don't know it. She might have miserable life, get depression, health diseases and even financial calamities and you do not even know it.

B) destroy your relationship with your offpsring = By her act of cutting ties she is getting curse and anger of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and Allah threatened hellfire to people who do this. Allah will punish her in dunaya before akhira for her evil act and even in future she and her daughter may not be in good terms or even lose control of her daughter.

C) vandalize your property = By her act of destroying your property she is getting the curse and anger of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and Allah will punish her in hellfire if she does not repent and stop. If she does not repent, Allah will punish her in dunaya before akhira by having her property destroyed. You do not know. Do you?

D) take you to court = By her act of using man-made law over Allah's law she is at a high risk of shirk and kufir. So what better punished than knowing she may end up a disbeliever?

I want you to count how many times she is getting the curse and anger of Allah on her? See how deficient she is in intellect? I feel sorry for your evil ex-wife, she may "LOOK" like the winner even if she end up living happily ever after and die winning and you have no access to your child until you die and meet her in the after-life, she is in fact the biggest loser! Big L.

Your issue is your ego is popped and she have the upper hand on you and you have no control over the situation. You never did have control over your life. Nor does she have control over hers let alone you. You are under the control of Allah (subhanahu Wa Talaa) as everyone of us are. Pray. Worship Allah. Do not associate partners with him. Move. On. Put your trust on Allah and move on.

[bint e aisha]

Assalam Walaikum Sister @bint e aisha , regarding the first statement. Am i going through these hardships in the past years because I am not substantiating enough good deeds that meets the requirements of my place in Jannah. Oh man makes me think, should I have been a hafiz instead of chasing a career through the UK education system as my mom always says to me.

Walaikumus Salam warahmatullah brother,

Unfortunately I'm not a person of knowledge but I will try to answer and share whatever I already know and may Allah ta'ala forgive me if there are errors in it.

Our general understanding is that Allah ta’ala afflicts those with trails who are more beloved to Him because He wants to give them more and more in the hereafter. This life is nothing, it is just like a dream. Allah ta'ala knows the reality of this life and we don't. Hence He afflicts people with trials in this worthless life so they can attain eternal peace and happiness in the hereafter.

It was narrated by Sa‘d ibn Abi Waqqaas (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: I said: O Messenger of Allah, who among the people are most sorely tested? He said: “The Prophets, then the next best and the next best. A man will be tested according to his level of religious commitment. If his religious commitment is solid, his test will be more severe, but if there is any weakness in his religious commitment, he will be tested according to his level of religious commitment. And calamity will continue to befall a person until he walks on the earth with no sin on him.”

Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (2398)

Oh man makes me think, should I have been a hafiz instead of chasing a career through the UK education system as my mom always says to me.

If you feel you should have been a hafiz then I would say it is never too late. Qur'an can be memorised at any age. And we have so many examples around us. Even the Prophet صلی الله عليه وسلم and his Sahabah memorised the Qur'an at older ages. So you can start inshaAllah. I was listening to a scholar and he said if all of you can't memorise the whole Qur'an then at least last five juzz should be memorised. May Allah grant us the tawfeeq.

Or is it because i have sinned i am paying for it?

If you think it is because of sins then too it is a blessing of Allah. It's always a win win situation for a Muslim alhamdulillah. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

“If Allah wills good for His slave, He hastens his punishment in this world, and if He wills bad for His slave, He withholds from him (the punishment for) his sin, until He requites him for it on the Day of Resurrection.” at-Tirmidhi (2396)

I need to increase my deeds more if I want some relief. I do perform acts of virtue but now im thinkin its not enough. May Allah swt give me thawfiq to do more than I am currently doing. I fear some acts of virtue will make me feel and look weaker than I already am so some of these acts I leave out i.e. forgiveness.

Now i feel like i've got a target deed level to meet, except i dont know what the target is.

Ameen thumma ameen. It's always good to increase your hasanat. The more the better inshaAllah.

what if ive got a higher rank in jannah than my ex and thats why theyre able to succeed in all the wrong that they do because their tests are substantially less.

I don't think I properly understood your question, but please read the hadith I've quoted above once again. When Allah wills bad for His slave, He withholds from him the punishment for his sin until the day of resurrection. May Allah ta'ala protect us. You should be grateful that you are facing difficulties in this life so your hereafter will be better inshaAllah.

Can the rank that is decreed be elevated to something more later?

If Allah wills, yes.

I just feel they are winning no matter what evil they do. I can't deal with criminals
I feel drained, I sometimes just feel like i dont know what to do. Its hard depending on faith alone. We need action coupled with faith if we want results. Its figuring what action is needed that is the hard part.

Allah ta'ala is JUST. Never ever believe that He will unjustly make the oppressors win. If you feel like they are winning, it is only in this world. Akhirat is for you inshaAllah.

And yes action is always required. Tie the camel and then make tawakkul. The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam said: “Take precautions as everybody is guided to that which has been destined for him.”

sorry for all the questions, i am criticised by many for my ability to be too curious.

No need to say sorry as it is always good to ask questions, we all learn from it so you're most welcome.

Wassalam

[Studentofdeed]

@Imraan . It doesn't matter hafiz or not. You are good man and loved by Allah. How many hafiz are there but don't apply the Quran in their life or even are good people? I met one hafiz who swore a false oath on the book of Allah. A true hafiz is man who understands and memorizes so that he
APPLIES Quran to his life. Hafiz is nothing if he its just letters and sounds memorizing so he can show off as a bride price, position, or "guaranteed" position in janah. Apply Quran is more important. Whatever happens is they way Allah wanted and decreed. May Allah bless you and make it 3asy for yoy

[Imraan]

They broke my windows again last night. My mother was praying in the front room while it happened. Thankfully none of the bricks made it into the house.

Managed to get a registration of the car after myself and the police pursued the car as it was heading south towards London, police apprehended them on the motorway as they were trying to get away. Police took their details and then let them go.

Now we await police action insh Allah.

Innallaha ma'as sabireen.

Please remember me and my family in your prayers... especially the women folk that live in my house.

Jazak Allah.

[muslimah__]

May Allah SWT protect you all. I don’t know what to say. SubhanAllah. It’s quite shocking to read your story.
May Allah SWT bless you and reward you for struggles. Ameen

[Imraan]

If anyone can help me get details from just a car registration in the UK let me know. PM me. The police know but will not disclose that kind of information to the public due to data protection.

"Stand firm for your rights" which is what it looks like that I am doing, however collateral damage is more terror and trauma to female folk for now, even myself I feel the trauma.

This is where we are supposed to be!, why? because Allah wills it and Allah swt wants us right where we are right now! ..........Yallaah, I miss the good old days!

[IslamLife00]

If the police knows then maybe they will disclose it to you inshaAllah
The police will probably ask you first, if you want to press charges (anyone in the right mind will, but they usually ask first) and if you said you will, then they will disclose the information to you.
I don't know why but it feels like you are getting close to the end of this horrible situation inshaAllah May Allah grant you the best outcome and may He bless you all with safety, good health and patience until it all ends

[keiv]

Its interesting that they let them go after the car chase. They would have been locked up instantly over here and the details about the case would have been disclosed to you almost immediately.

[BeTheChange]

Police won't disclose details 1) Data Protection 2) Fear of retaliation 3) Don't have time or resources to investigate 4) Does not view the incident as a 'crime'

The law works in favour of the criminals that's why there are so many vigilante groups.

[Studentofdeed]

Police won't disclose details 1) Data Protection 2) Fear of retaliation 3) Don't have time or resources to investigate 4) Does not view the incident as a 'crime'

The law works in favour of the criminals that's why there are so many vigilante groups.

Wow surely in a western country it would be more developed. How are they any different from the thrid world countries with police. In the US, they arrest anyone who even looks at them wrong

[Imraan]

As you can imagine its been very stressful dealing with the police and calling local councillors etc to make sure it is not once again left on the back burner.

i've had suggested to me that I should make a short video of how this marriage journey started with hopes and dreams to now showing how we are oppressed and the length's this family is going to by their cowardly acts, to oppress me and my family, the video will highlight my experience and my thoughts on who we are dealing with.

if published and goes viral throughout the UK once it reaches London, it will defame and disgrace the reputation of the family. I don't plan to call them out by name or pictures.... because that would be bad, i plan to highlight my marriage experience with so and so family, i shouldnt be location specific as it would not be fair on the rest of the community. But at the same time there will be some helpful tips here and there to aid the non marrieds...

The video will have every chance to gain sympathy from the public however it may make the London family increase their oppression and may escalate it from stones and bricks to something else.

I'm just worried about the consequences thats all and whether im ready to face them bearing in mind i have my family to worry about, these people are cowards, shameless and clearly have no morals towards humanity.

Leaving it all in Allah's hands and sitting back and doin nothin about it won't solve this problem, i think we've sat back long enough.

the police are saying the evidence so far is not enough, its my word against those who were stopped on the motorway, so getting a prosecution may be difficult, i feel let down but I will continue to fight, i risked my life pursuing these guys just to get them caught!

theres so much going on at the moment, corona virus, black lives matter, the death of the 12year old school girl caused by her fellow pupils, no job/on furlough, the trauma and the resistance to injustice and unjust people.

if only i could take my family, leave town and settle somewhere else under a different identity just to survive this madness.

[Al-Ansariyah]

Assalamualaikum

if published and goes viral throughout the UK once it reaches London, it will defame and disgrace the reputation of the family.

Not just reputation, but sympathies from people will lead you to more depressing thoughts. You will get drained into it which will eventually affect your health, I believe.

Leaving it all in Allah's hands and sitting back and doin nothin about it won't solve this problem, i think we've sat back long enough.

Absolutely, don't let yourself be oppressed so much. It's not good. Know that there isn't any barrier between the invocation of oppressor and Allah SWT. Umm... Is there any way you can convey this bold written message to them? It can be indirectly. At least it will instill a fear in their hearts ,even if it's of atom's weight. Don't give up, try all the means,if they don't work wait for justice in akhirah. This life is gonna end soon and you will definitely get justice from the BEST JUDGE.
There's a hadith I got:
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will be taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him."

[Imraan]

Assalamualaikum
Not just reputation, but sympathies from people will lead you to more depressing thoughts. You will get drained into it which will eventually affect your health, I believe.
Absolutely, don't let yourself be oppressed so much. It's not good. Know that there isn't any barrier between the invocation of oppressor and Allah SWT. Umm... Is there any way you can convey this bold written message to them? It can be indirectly. At least it will instill a fear in their hearts ,even if it's of atom's weight. Don't give up, try all the means,if they don't work wait for justice in akhirah. This life is gonna end soon and you will definitely get justice from the BEST JUDGE.
There's a hadith I got:
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will be taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him."

Clearly the people who I am dealing don't care about life in the grave, the akhira, they're not into guidance, I tried to help my ex wife when she was with me, it just didn't want to sink in. I guess thats why I include in my daily prayer for Allah swt to teach them and to use whatever means necessary.

I don't need the sympathies for comfort, I need sympathies for support, there may be some brothers out there in my town that may get inspired to come and help me. its hard asking for help especially with this situation where they come randomly on any given night to destroy my home. Whilst I pray for relief and rescue from Allah swt I feel that if it hasn't come in form of a miracle then it has to come to me in the form of humans. I need people, I need strength, I need righteous, i need brave, if you watch the CCTV video's you would be appalled the way they come and vandalise my house. I am one man in my house with two women. I used to be ashamed (to expose my stupidity, stupid choices which led me to these circumstances) to ask for help, I never used to like people pitying me, now I have no shame and open to anyone willing to help me.

The sight of my mother in shock last sunday was too much, she was in the middle of prayer, BANG BANG BANG!, she was frantic, I can't have that again I will persevere in capturing these people to get to the bottom of it. To make things worse, these are Bengali Muslims, i've heard about people doing these things as a one off to get something off their chest but five times....? these people are destined for hell Insh Allah.

for a long time my heart has been suffering from grief, brother in the video describes it...



being on the receiving end of oppression this long.... it has made my life miserable as the brother says...

[keiv]

Brother, have you thought about getting a private investigator? If you were able to get their car information, that's enough for them to work off of to track them down and get you whatever information you need to figure out who they are.

[IslamLife00]

The police said there is not enough evidence? Nothing in the CCTV video they can use?
Moving somewhere else may be safer, but you can't be certain they will stop. Unless you move somewhere far, but every place has its challenges.
Making a video, I think will make it worse for you.
Make dua and keep doing whatever you need to do. It may take some time but inshaAllah this matter will be solved completely and you can move forward in life with ease.
Try make dua upon breaking fast, one of the times in which dua is answered.

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:There are three whose supplications are not turned back: A just ruler, and a fasting person until he breaks his fast. And, the supplication of one who has been wronged is raised by Allah up to the clouds on the Day of Resurrection, and the gates of heaven are opened for it, and Allah says, ‘By My Might I will help you (against the wrongdoer) even if it is after a while.’” (Sunan Ibn Majah)

[Imraan]

Brother, have you thought about getting a private investigator? If you were able to get their car information, that's enough for them to work off of to track them down and get you whatever information you need to figure out who they are.

Alhamdulillah, All praises to Allah swt, the UK's ANPR (Automatic Number Plate Recognition) has traced the vehicle leaving london, the vandals have driven from london to cause damage and then drive back. Insh Allah we get a prosecution, I have been told that arrests are imminent for those individuals that were apprehended in the vehicle when they were stopped on the motorway. it's with the police investigator at the moment and the Lonodn MET will be liaised with. I pray they discover evidence which implicates members of my ex wife's family as they are the ones ordering it and financing it.

Please remember me and my family in your prayers. Jazak Allah

[Imraan]

The police said there is not enough evidence? Nothing in the CCTV video they can use?
Moving somewhere else may be safer, but you can't be certain they will stop. Unless you move somewhere far, but every place has its challenges.
Making a video, I think will make it worse for you.
Make dua and keep doing whatever you need to do. It may take some time but inshaAllah this matter will be solved completely and you can move forward in life with ease.
Try make dua upon breaking fast, one of the times in which dua is answered.

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:There are three whose supplications are not turned back: A just ruler, and a fasting person until he breaks his fast. And, the supplication of one who has been wronged is raised by Allah up to the clouds on the Day of Resurrection, and the gates of heaven are opened for it, and Allah says, ‘By My Might I will help you (against the wrongdoer) even if it is after a while.’” (Sunan Ibn Majah)

Can't move somewhere else due to current covid situation and financial reasons, even if I did, they probably will attack my relatives houses instead.

Police are acting upon evidence, the ANPR details, my live eyewitness account in the emergency call, if the police do their job right and by Allah swt will they will, these criminals will come clean and we will have a successful prosecution insh Allah, even better if it can be linked it to the ex's family in London.

with the CCTV these guys came wearing hoods and bandanas covering their mouths as masks.... they did say the CCTV alone is not enough as per the previous four occasions. This is why I had to try and obtain a number plate and get these guys caught at the same time.

I believe everything that happened that night, happened by Allah's will. Them coming at 11:20pm and fate that I was able to get out of my house so quick, get in my car, drive to their escape route, spot them so quickly and follow them until they were caught. Chance favoured me that night Alhamdulillah and I believe that all happened by Allah's will.

[IslamLife00]

the police are saying the evidence so far is not enough, its my word against those who were stopped on the motorway, so getting a prosecution may be difficult, i feel let down but I will continue to fight, i risked my life pursuing these guys just to get them caught!
theres so much going on at the moment, corona virus, black lives matter, the death of the 12year old school girl caused by her fellow pupils, no job/on furlough, the trauma and the resistance to injustice and unjust people.
if only i could take my family, leave town and settle somewhere else under a different identity just to survive this madness.

Can't move somewhere else due to current covid situation and financial reasons, even if I did, they probably will attack my relatives houses instead. Police are acting upon evidence, the ANPR details, my live eyewitness account in the emergency call, if the police do their job right and by Allah swt will they will, these criminals will come clean and we will have a successful prosecution insh Allah, even better if it can be linked it to the ex's family in London.
with the CCTV these guys came wearing hoods and bandanas covering their mouths as masks.... they did say the CCTV alone is not enough as per the previous four occasions. This is why I had to try and obtain a number plate and get these guys caught at the same time.
I believe everything that happened that night, happened by Allah's will. Them coming at 11:20pm and fate that I was able to get out of my house so quick, get in my car, drive to their escape route, spot them so quickly and follow them until they were caught. Chance favoured me that night Alhamdulillah and I believe that all happened by Allah's will.

Alhamdulillah I just read your last post # 209.
When I wrote my reply # 207, you were saying the police doesn't have enough evidence (# 203). InshaAllah now they do.
Everything happens by Allah's permission, bi'idhnillah.

[taha_]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.


How are you now brother? Is everything going well? May Allah help you and your family


JazakAllah khair

[Imraan]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.


How are you now brother? Is everything going well? May Allah help you and your family


JazakAllah khair

Walaikum salaam brother taha...thanks for remembering us. I think I'm still suffering the trauma and did have tension headaches. Seems to be getting better now Alhamdulillah. I ask myself "how am I ever going to get out of this?", constantly invoking "wallahul musta'an" and prophet ibrahim as dua when he was in the fire. Praying praying and prayin. Only Allah swt knows how this ends or can end.

It's on our mind everyday and my mother is worried about the whole thing. I go to sleep 3am everyday after fajr keeping an eye on CCTV waiting in case these goons from london come again.

Police investigation slow, I'm having to phone up every other day, they havent even sent the case to the london MET yet and it's been 3 weeks.

Please continue praying for me and my family. Jzk

[bint e aisha]

May Allah protect you and your family.

[Islami.Mu'mina]

Brother, I just found this post realizing it was you from the Why Fathers Matter post. I can see what you meant everything being complicated. May Allah protect you and your daughter!

[Studentofdeed]

Ameen

[Imraan]

Brother, I just found this post realizing it was you from the Why Fathers Matter post. I can see what you meant everything being complicated. May Allah protect you and your daughter!

Pray there is good stuff and corrections in our lives to come in abundance. I mean it could have been worse but still me and my family are taking some enemy fire in a social environment where it is considered very rare to get to this level.

[xboxisdead]

Pray there is good stuff and corrections in our lives to come in abundance. I mean it could have been worse but still me and my family are taking some enemy fire in a social environment where it is considered very rare to get to this level.

That is the problem...you said the keyword "considered" where in fact it is as common as breathing. Your situation IS the majority and until we wake up it is not going to change...

[Imraan]

That is the problem...you said the keyword "considered" where in fact it is as common as breathing. Your situation IS the majority and until we wake up it is not going to change...

Scary isn't it, how failed marriages can lead to family feuds, suffering of others, perverting the course of justice, arson and criminal damage, list goes on.... Asthagfirullah!..... People need to be wary of the punishment of the grave! they only realise when its too late, like on their death bed and days leading up to it. Many people show remorse in the 'end days', by then it is too late! then again Allahu Aaalaam

However there is no escaping pre-destination. Me and my family were meant to go through this. All with the permission of Allah swt. Please remember us in your prayers, may he make it easy for me and my family.

[xboxisdead]

Scary isn't it, how failed marriages can lead to family feuds, suffering of others, perverting the course of justice, arson and criminal damage, list goes on.... Asthagfirullah!..... People need to be wary of the punishment of the grave! they only realise when its too late, like on their death bed and days leading up to it. Many people show remorse in the 'end days', by then it is too late! then again Allahu Aaalaam

However there is no escaping pre-destination. Me and my family were meant to go through this. All with the permission of Allah swt. Please remember us in your prayers, may he make it easy for me and my family.

I have a question for both men AND women out there in the world (including me). How many of us are ready to die now and go to the grave? How many of us are ready to die with a safe heart?

Yet we do things opposite of obtaining the safe heart.

[Imraan]

I am speechless...

earlier this month the ex filed for an order called a non molestation order ex-parte (without notice to the accused) with the most outrageous conditions which was granted by the family court on a provisional basis, the first hearing in regards to this order takes place 30th of this month where I can challenge it. I didnt think anything of it.

out the blue monday morning police come to my house asking for me, they then phone me because im not at home and tell me to come to station for 30 minutes. so i agree to come after work. I go there at 6, get arrested at 632pm and booked into custody detention at 7pm, they remove all belongings on me, they say not long for interview now. its now after 8pm and im still stuck in cell, they say no interviewing officers available and that i have to stay overnight. the following day i stay in the cell until 3pm, the interview is done at 3pm and i am let go 4:30pm, they give me everything back apart from my phone.

the allegations are that ive been sending malicious text messages, i haven't, they have no evidence incriminating me, just my name and conditions that im not supposed to be threatening the ex wife etc.

The ex wife and her family have staged these text messages weeks after they filed the order and then logged it with police blaming me. The police were very quick in arresting me. Yet here I am trying to get police support for what me and my family have been going through and it has been hard to get.

I've got some more court hearings this year regarding my daughter, this stunt was pulled by the ex to defame my standing in these hearings to make it difficult for me. The mere mention of being arrested and investigated will influence judges for sure.

I will probably decide something about my daughter by the end of the year. Can't live like this.

Bi'idnillah

[xboxisdead]

I am speechless...

earlier this month the ex filed for an order called a non molestation order ex-parte (without notice to the accused) with the most outrageous conditions which was granted by the family court on a provisional basis, the first hearing in regards to this order takes place 30th of this month where I can challenge it. I didnt think anything of it.

out the blue monday morning police come to my house asking for me, they then phone me because im not at home and tell me to come to station for 30 minutes. so i agree to come after work. I go there at 6, get arrested at 632pm and booked into custody detention at 7pm, they remove all belongings on me, they say not long for interview now. its now after 8pm and im still stuck in cell, they say no interviewing officers available and that i have to stay overnight. the following day i stay in the cell until 3pm, the interview is done at 3pm and i am let go 4:30pm, they give me everything back apart from my phone.

the allegations are that ive been sending malicious text messages, i haven't, they have no evidence incriminating me, just my name and conditions that im not supposed to be threatening the ex wife etc.

The ex wife and her family have staged these text messages weeks after they filed the order and then logged it with police blaming me. The police were very quick in arresting me. Yet here I am trying to get police support for what me and my family have been going through and it has been hard to get.

I've got some more court hearings this year regarding my daughter, this stunt was pulled by the ex to defame my standing in these hearings to make it difficult for me. The mere mention of being arrested and investigated will influence judges for sure.

I will probably decide something about my daughter by the end of the year. Can't live like this.

Bi'idnillah

You are aware you are heading the road where you reputation will be defamed for life and your life will be ruined and in additional to that you still will not get access to your daughter and your daughter will still have nothing to do with you and in the end of it all, cutting ties between you and your daughter will be successful but now your life is ruined where you cannot move on. I suggest while you still have a chance to move on, to let go of her and move on. Leave the country if you must and build a new life with a new wife and make new children. For all you know, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) will gift you with a new daughter but even better than this one. How do you know this little baby girl what she will be like when grows up.

Quit, go and leave. Let them. I once heard from a great wisdom from an elder man who ones said, "Sometimes there are battles that a man cannot win. There is no shame in running away from that battle." Let go of her. You have done all you could and Allah does not want you to harm yourself. Your daughter is now a harmful weapon. Leave. Please.

['Abdullah]

Assalam O Alaikum WaRahmatullahi WaBarakatuhu Brother Imran,

Stay strong, be patient and keep on fighting against injustice. Even if entire world is against you, remember that Allah is with you because you are on the truth.

I ask Allah Subhanahu Wa Taa’la to protect your honor, make your affairs easy for you and expose the evils plans of your enemies. Ameen!

Ma’aSalaam

[Studentofdeed]

Ameen. We are all making dua for you brother

[bint e aisha]

I am speechless...

earlier this month the ex filed for an order called a non molestation order ex-parte (without notice to the accused) with the most outrageous conditions which was granted by the family court on a provisional basis, the first hearing in regards to this order takes place 30th of this month where I can challenge it. I didnt think anything of it.

out the blue monday morning police come to my house asking for me, they then phone me because im not at home and tell me to come to station for 30 minutes. so i agree to come after work. I go there at 6, get arrested at 632pm and booked into custody detention at 7pm, they remove all belongings on me, they say not long for interview now. its now after 8pm and im still stuck in cell, they say no interviewing officers available and that i have to stay overnight. the following day i stay in the cell until 3pm, the interview is done at 3pm and i am let go 4:30pm, they give me everything back apart from my phone.

the allegations are that ive been sending malicious text messages, i haven't, they have no evidence incriminating me, just my name and conditions that im not supposed to be threatening the ex wife etc.

The ex wife and her family have staged these text messages weeks after they filed the order and then logged it with police blaming me. The police were very quick in arresting me. Yet here I am trying to get police support for what me and my family have been going through and it has been hard to get.

I've got some more court hearings this year regarding my daughter, this stunt was pulled by the ex to defame my standing in these hearings to make it difficult for me. The mere mention of being arrested and investigated will influence judges for sure.

I will probably decide something about my daughter by the end of the year. Can't live like this.

Bi'idnillah

Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'oon

Respected brother, I'm really sorry to know that and I pray for you with all my heart that Allah ta’ala removes all your difficulties and replace them with peace, security, protection and happiness. May He SWT always be with you.

[taha_]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

How are you brother imran

[Imraan]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

How are you brother imran

Walaikum Salaam Wa rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu my dear young brother Taha. Thank you for remembering me, thank you for praying for me.

Situation at the moment:

Still under investigating regarding suspicions on breaching an order and for harassment, the police still have my phone, Im hoping to be exonerated by end of October, after which, Insh Allah if there is no charge, I will have to launch a counter allegation for defamation of character and false accusations, on top of that I have to file a complaint and look at taking action against the police because of circumstances unique to this allegation and because of what they put me through at the request of the ex partner. Due to the courts being so slow, the NMO will stay active, the next hearing for the court to discuss my defence will be January 2021.... Bear in mind this is separate to the case for my child....

No further window breaks since June but I do stay awake until 1 or 2am waiting for these guys, I expect these guys any moment. The two of the three guys that were caught, well that investigation Continues... Instructions to London MET for their arrest in London was sent by local police only couple of weeks ago. Over three months now...! I have been liaising with the investigator nearly every 3 days to get this progressed quickly, but still going very very slow

Since August I still make effort to see my 3 year old daughter on a fortnightly basis with the assistance from the court. The court case regarding my child still continues as I fend off so many false allegations from the ex... It is a very long process.....and I may pack it in eventually if I can't get anywhere.

I have been taken off furlough and alhamdulillah I am back at work full time I must say these Incidents do affect performance at work and in general so I've had to counter that too...

Family are prompting me to go abroad next year to get remarried.. So I am thinking about it.

I continue to pray everyday for guidance, justice, protection and blessings from Allah swt. I am still hopeful and do not want to let go of hope, faith and the qadr and power of Allah swt. Allahu Akbar.

May he make it easy for all who are suffering....

[taha_]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.

I still can't understand how much pain you felt because I've never faced such trials.

May Allah help you and grant you strength and justice. Dont despair Allah's mercy.

[Imraan]

Walaikum Salaam, I don't think many people go through what I go through.

Although it's likely people go through much worse.

I think this is one of few cases where the journey and trials inflicted by evil people who claim they are Muslims.... have been documented.

Astagfirullah. May our sins be expiated as a result..

[xboxisdead]

Walaikum Salaam, I don't think many people go through what I go through.

Although it's likely people go through much worse.

I think this is one of few cases where the journey and trials inflicted by evil people who claim they are Muslims.... have been documented.

Astagfirullah. May mine and my families sins be expiated as a result..

Brother....what you go through is as common as sneezing and even by Muslim people IN A MUSLIM country!!! Your case is not unique or special....it is soo common it is like walking and you see debris, rocks and sand on the ground. Common.

[Islami.Mu'mina]

Walaikum Salaam, I don't think many people go through what I go through.

Although it's likely people go through much worse.

I think this is one of few cases where the journey and trials inflicted by evil people who claim they are Muslims.... have been documented.

Astagfirullah. May our sins be expiated as a result..

Ameen.
Everyone has their own tests and trials that can really put them in the lows in different wways. You are have been put to such a hard fitna. Keep pushing. This is your test and soon inshAllah ease will come. But you will always have problems in life. So never give up, because Allah will love you even more for that. And I remember when you first were commenting on another post, worrying about whether your daughter will love you. I was giving you advice not knowing what hit you. Alhamdulilah, you are concerned for the right things. May Allah make it easy on you and keep your good character well. Do not let this change you as a person and always strive to be the best Muslim you can be and cry and pray to Allah.

[Islami.Mu'mina]

Wait I am confused on one thing. I haven't actually read the whole post and your updates. But i did see one part, she had the evil eye? You know that thing can literally tear apart marriages.

“The Evil Eye is real and can bring down a person from a high mountain.” (Sahih al Jami' 4146)

It can be very serious and there are people who come close to death because of this.

I know this was probably too late to be said. I wish I saw that part earlier, but do you know if she is being treated? Ayn can tear up families so bad it is something very serious

But I think regardless of evil eye, there was always something suspicious since the start of the marriage. Maybe she just isn't the person right for this. I'm just mentioning that it could have escalated thhings

[Imraan]

Brother....what you go through is as common as sneezing and even by Muslim people IN A MUSLIM country!!! Your case is not unique or special....it is soo common it is like walking and you see debris, rocks and sand on the ground. Common.

But this was a family that read quran everyday, prayed tahajjud, prayed 5 x salaah, gave charity generously..... Can't speak for every family member but they adopted this in their household...

They broke my windows one week after they did ummrah..

I am lost for words and it's made me more sceptical, when someone claims they are pious, this and that i get Into a frenzy of mentally finding out how valid someone's claim is.....

I don't want to paint everyone with the same brush....

[Imraan]

Wait I am confused on one thing. I haven't actually read the whole post and your updates. But i did see one part, she had the evil eye? You know that thing can literally tear apart marriages.

“The Evil Eye is real and can bring down a person from a high mountain.” (Sahih al Jami' 4146)

It can be very serious and there are people who come close to death because of this.

I know this was probably too late to be said. I wish I saw that part earlier, but do you know if she is being treated? Ayn can tear up families so bad it is something very serious

But I think regardless of evil eye, there was always something suspicious since the start of the marriage. Maybe she just isn't the person right for this. I'm just mentioning that it could have escalated thhings

I don't think her thing is as serious as death... Else something might have happened by now... But she was definitely affected by something or she was making it up and using it as a escape route.

It takes a certain individual to understand their situation who tries to make better decisions for whats right.. Off course Allah swt guides whom he wills.....

My immediate family (my ex and child) was torn apart literally one week after diagnosis.... We went to see a guy in Derby in the UK, it was the 1st or 2nd fast Ramadan 2018 and I'd never seen before in my whole life what I had seen that day. Guy was performing rukya... Recitations, her hands were shaking and slowly elevating upto 1 or 2 inches, her chest was pulsating furiously as she was breathing in and out, tears were dripping from her eyes on the side of her face..

Anyway one week after diagnosis our seperation happened..

After we split we stayed in contact for two months, she said she was going to get treatment from someone in East London, whether she got it or not... I'll never know.... Tried to guide her and stick with her... She just weren't having it...

The cause of our seperation could be attributed to many factors... Even combined... Ayn, marital expectations... Behaviour, character, compatibility and qadr... I'll never know... all i know is according to our religion there will be substantial recompense... Most people suffering from a seperation do not go through what me and my family have gone through, it's more mild in most cases.

Looking back and looking at everything that has happened, seperation was the best move... The lesser of two evils... Who knows what her and her family would have done had she remained in my household....

Just a matter of time when tables turn... I keep telling myself...

Insh Allah.

[xboxisdead]

But this was a family that read quran everyday, prayed tahajjud, prayed 5 x salaah, gave charity generously..... Can't speak for every family member but they adopted this in their household...

They broke my windows one week after they did ummrah..

I am lost for words and it's made me more sceptical, when someone claims they are pious, this and that i get Into a frenzy of mentally finding out how valid someone's claim is.....

I don't want to paint everyone with the same brush....

You know sometimes painting is ok brother. There is nothing wrong to being discriminator on the person. Don't fall for the liberal mantra that is wrong to be discriminator on a person. That being said, marriage is like applying for a job position or in this case you are the company who are hiring an employee. Your wife is your employee and you are the manager. It make sense, now doesn't it? In Islam who is the qayama, the man or the woman? The man. The husband is the head of the household. The husband is the one who does the decision making and the husband is the one who have the last say in matter, the wife is suppose to obey and follow without having to convince her, have sheikhs over sheikhs try to convince her and explain to her the reason, have to go to therapy and go mountains and back for her to get convinced for that one decision making...so what does that make the wife....an employee and the husband? The manager. So marriage is combination of form of hiring an employee for a husband and wife going for a job position and working in a company. Why am I saying this? Because if YOU STILL do want to get married in...this time get her resume. Get her criminal record. See her past history. Look for red alerts. See if the family is truthful or hiding something. Ask of her picture as a child, in case she cheated you by going to beauty and surgery and this is not the look that she say it is. Observe the family, are they controlling. Is the mother-in-law the boss of the house and her husband is nothing more than a money making machine and he have no say....YOU ARE IN trouble...run from marriage. Who is more aggressive and want to have the last say...her mother or father? When you meet the daughter who is talking to you...the mother or the father.....if it is the mother and the father is mute....run. If her mother interfers a lot in her life...run. If the girl follows her mother and want to please her mother over you...run. These are research you need to do before you jump to marriage next. Forget the double face of makeup, smelling good, giggling and laughing at your jokes, or trying to please you at the first date or more. No. You need to dig seriously deep. SERIOUS deep...find everything about her and her family...the good and ESPECIALLY the bad...leave no detail unturned. Observe the siblings and the like. You need to be researching, testing and observing for one entire year. If she passed after a year, leave and marry where husbands rights are protected and plant your seed there. Liberal, Western and feminist ideology law world will fail and toxic for marriage foundations and will not work. Does she believe in equality where the husband and wife are equal (goes against the Qura'an where Allah said a man have higher degree over a woman for what he spends on them) then such foundation will shake and fail. Does the wife want nothing for you to spend on her so that you do not have a higher degree over her and be equal to you and she can go and do as she pleases and both of you have to convince each other to make the final decision even if you disagree in that decision you must CONVINCE her why you disagree.....run. This foundation will fail. Unless Allah creates a third gender and that third gender does the decision making for both of you...the marriage will fail if you both are in the same level. Does she want to be the dominant and you obey her...99.99% of men are miserable in this setting and 99.99% of the time the female is tyrant in this setting. This will also fail. Run!

You did not do your research when you married this woman and you ignored all the red flags. Now look at you. Look what you went through. I do hope you will learn from this experience brother.

[Imraan]

You know sometimes painting is ok brother. There is nothing wrong to being discriminator on the person. Don't fall for the liberal mantra that is wrong to be discriminator on a person. That being said, marriage is like applying for a job position or in this case you are the company who are hiring an employee. Your wife is your employee and you are the manager. It make sense, now doesn't it? In Islam who is the qayama, the man or the woman? The man. The husband is the head of the household. The husband is the one who does the decision making and the husband is the one who have the last say in matter, the wife is suppose to obey and follow without having to convince her, have sheikhs over sheikhs try to convince her and explain to her the reason, have to go to therapy and go mountains and back for her to get convinced for that one decision making...so what does that make the wife....an employee and the husband? The manager. So marriage is combination of form of hiring an employee for a husband and wife going for a job position and working in a company. Why am I saying this? Because if YOU STILL do want to get married in...this time get her resume. Get her criminal record. See her past history. Look for red alerts. See if the family is truthful or hiding something. Ask of her picture as a child, in case she cheated you by going to beauty and surgery and this is not the look that she say it is. Observe the family, are they controlling. Is the mother-in-law the boss of the house and her husband is nothing more than a money making machine and he have no say....YOU ARE IN trouble...run from marriage. Who is more aggressive and want to have the last say...her mother or father? When you meet the daughter who is talking to you...the mother or the father.....if it is the mother and the father is mute....run. If her mother interfers a lot in her life...run. If the girl follows her mother and want to please her mother over you...run. These are research you need to do before you jump to marriage next. Forget the double face of makeup, smelling good, giggling and laughing at your jokes, or trying to please you at the first date or more. No. You need to dig seriously deep. SERIOUS deep...find everything about her and her family...the good and ESPECIALLY the bad...leave no detail unturned. Observe the siblings and the like. You need to be researching, testing and observing for one entire year. If she passed after a year, leave and marry where husbands rights are protected and plant your seed there. Liberal, Western and feminist ideology law world will fail and toxic for marriage foundations and will not work. Does she believe in equality where the husband and wife are equal (goes against the Qura'an where Allah said a man have higher degree over a woman for what he spends on them) then such foundation will shake and fail. Does the wife want nothing for you to spend on her so that you do not have a higher degree over her and be equal to you and she can go and do as she pleases and both of you have to convince each other to make the final decision even if you disagree in that decision you must CONVINCE her why you disagree.....run. This foundation will fail. Unless Allah creates a third gender and that third gender does the decision making for both of you...the marriage will fail if you both are in the same level. Does she want to be the dominant and you obey her...99.99% of men are miserable in this setting and 99.99% of the time the female is tyrant in this setting. This will also fail. Run!

You did not do your research when you married this woman and you ignored all the red flags. Now look at you. Look what you went through. I do hope you will learn from this experience brother.

Brother I have learnt a lot and I've learnt the hard way. I feel its so late in the day, everyone's circumstances are different I suppose......

[taha_]

Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.

How are you brother Imran and your family? is everything alright?

[Imraan]

walaikum salaam brother @taha_

alhamdulillah everyday every morning, i wake is a blessing.

court hearing regarding my daughter coming up end of the month, more rights will be awarded to me on that day, the threat level will also increase potentially, police will be made aware, i feel like I was'nt made for this yet here I remain continuing to resist the oppression....

i asked a relative of mine, isnt ease suppose to come after hardship, he replies..... "brother ease comes after death!", i reply, you got to keep faith bro, we make dua everyday, one day, one single moment is all we need to fix this.... (the same relative of mine had gone through the same thing regarding his kids, but without the violence and criminal damage etc...), he's stabilized somewhat and remarried....

i'm still under investigation as police are so slow in concluding, while that stays in limbo, my character stays somewhat tarnished under the eyes of the law....

have got other stuff goin on in my family, separate to this issue, that doesnt help... may Allah swt guide us and protect us all....

[Imraan]

Had a hearing today regarding my kid, the opposition have once again manipulated the law and the courts with falsification prompting facts to be determined by the court which adds on another 5 months of speculation. This stops me meeting my kid for another 5 months... I feel sad and devestated.....

[xboxisdead]

Had a hearing today regarding my kid, the opposition have once again manipulated the law and the courts with falsification prompting facts to be determined by the court which adds on another 5 months of speculation. This stops me meeting my kid for another 5 months... I feel sad and devestated.....

The court system is designed and dajjal system is designed to separate father and child and give women 100% power over raising the children. The system is designed to remove father from family. Once the father is removed and children is 100% in control of women then the government can have easy access to the new generation. I tell you how. Women are used as tools by the government to control the country and control men. Through women they can control new generation and new men and weaken them to be submissive and obedient to the government. Destroy men. Destroy masculinity. Destroy fatherhood. Destroy boys. You go the country underneath your feet. Your ex-wife is the tool used by the government and it is working great.

I am exhausted in repeating this same drone again and again. Make sure you financially support the child....and move on.

[Imraan]

Was arrested again this week, this time spending 13 hours at the police station, circumstances same as July, was released immediately after Interview due to no evidence.

Please brothers and sisters, keep praying.

This falsehood will not last forever, insh Sha Allah there will be recompense in this dunya... And all truth will be revealed.

Help me stay strong, remember me and my family in your duas.

@xboxisdead I appreciate your concerns and advice, I have firm belief myself was supposed to go through this journey by the will and qadr of Allah. It wasn't just my free will alone that led me to these circumstances although I should have tied the camel.

I say to myself. Look how much I have suffered.... Why give up now....

There is still a little girl there that doesn't even know what's going on, she turned 3 in September.

Yes I cry, I'm depressed, suffering from anxiety...

It is all from Allah swt....

Its not easy letting go of a family member.

Yes I should move on, in sha Allah I already have plans to and I'm open to suggestions by my family. I am aware time is short and I will put in more effort.

Dealing with these people in London... Maybe it was in my fate to deal with these evil people, no one wants to deal with evil people but if you find yourself dealing with them, it can't be entirely by your free will and your decisions can it?

Allah swt guides whom he wills, these people in London have had enough chances to stop what they're doing, yet they still behave this way. Nothing lasts.....

[xboxisdead]

Was arrested again this week, this time spending 13 hours at the police station, circumstances same as July, was released immediately after Interview due to no evidence.

Please brothers and sisters, keep praying.

This falsehood will not last forever, insh Sha Allah there will be recompense in this dunya... And all truth will be revealed.

Help me stay strong, remember me and my family in your duas.

@xboxisdead I appreciate your concerns and advice, I have firm belief myself was supposed to go through this journey by the will and qadr of Allah. It wasn't just my free will alone that led me to these circumstances although I should have tied the camel.

I say to myself. Look how much I have suffered.... Why give up now....

There is still a little girl there that doesn't even know what's going on, she turned 3 in September.

Yes I cry, I'm depressed, suffering from anxiety...

It is all from Allah swt....

Its not easy letting go of a family member.

Yes I should move on, in sha Allah I already have plans to and I'm open to suggestions by my family. I am aware time is short and I will put in more effort.

Dealing with these people in London... Maybe it was in my fate to deal with these evil people, no one wants to deal with evil people but if you find yourself dealing with them, it can't be entirely by your free will and your decisions can it?

Allah swt guides whom he wills, these people in London have had enough chances to stop what they're doing, yet they still behave this way. Nothing lasts.....

And she will be 4 and 5 and 6 and so on.....your presence to her now will be more harmful to her than helpful to her. She will build her life around the family she is living with and she will be happy without you and she will not even think about you and through the environment and her mother she will hate you, resent you, etc and and and and....You coming in now will add more fire to the drama wood. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) have tested you and he have given you something better than her, way better, it is just not something you can see in this world as physical material. Don't trade it for Dunaya. You have done everything in your heart to reach her but there is a force that is indestructable...preventing you from seeing her. This is of no fault of your own and therefore will not be punished for it. The best way...to really help your daughter is to move on, let the media, let society, let her family and her win. Let them enforce the stereo type that we don't need fathers and fathers are bad because see, he couldn't do the impossible to access his children because the mother and her family is doing haraam thing by preventing you to see the children. I will happy take the title deadbeat dad and attack in fatherhood. Because to me, I am not being a father to please society. Or take a pat on my head. Or to get appraisal...that is usually women and mothers. They love to be the victims and love to take appraisal for been mothers and love to be glorified and in many cases, so many of them love to be worshipped. You....you are better than that....clean the dust from your chest...rub the mud from your face...standup....do what you need to be done in Islamic shari'ah law and move on. You know......it could be that this girl, that this baby girl....is going to be a monster to you, she might end up destroying you in this world before the afterlife....you don't know that....maybe Allah (Subahanu Wa Talaa) is protecting you from her, how do you know? Maybe if there was no divorce and you still married to this family, as the girl grows older will conspire with her mother against you...you will be the "Yes, dear. Year, honey. As you wish honey. Ask your mother." man...the weak...submissive man with no backbone. She may end up a feminist. Man hating. Gay? She may disagree with Hijjab, object with the command of Allah...constantly question why is there gender difference.....she may even go as far as say that Allah hates women (Authobillah).....how do you know that she may not be all of this? For all you know, that Allah wants to put all the responsibility on the mother and blame on her and give you reason to get high reward in the afterlife for the hardship you are going through and pain you are going through......when you die brother and you see paradise and hellfire in front of you, at that time...you will take your baby girl and throw her by your own in the pit of hellfire if it means you entering paradise.

Better yet, you will take your own mother...who birthed you...breastfed you...and drag her by her own hair as she screams and sacrifice her and throw her in hellfire if it means saving YOUR OWN SKIN....You cannot deny that...because if you don't...she will happily do it herself to you (your own mother). Be thankful you are in this situation...Allah is selling the dunaya in your behalf (something you have hard time doing yourself) for akhira...ever thought that is a possibility? Look at your calamity in taqwaa and yaqeen and be happy with whatever happens to you, because everything from Allah (if you have imaan) is good and for your benefit. Would you rather instead of separating your daughter and you, that Allah takes your health and you live in every second wishing when it is end as form of test and trail? You may not be able to pass the test of your health been taking away from you. Allah knows which test you can handle and which you cannot.

[المدينه]

I pray for you and for your family and your little girl. I pray that justice will prevail and the courts will finally see to it that your girl has both her mother and her father. I can imagine how deep in sorrow, anger and rage at the unfairness and helplessness you must be. No one deserves this. Least of all this little girl.

I pray your daughters mother will be healed from this and the cycle of pain will finally end for all of you. Sihr, ain.... it's way too real.

May Allah bless you and bring justice to you allAttachment 6994

[taha_]

Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother Imran.

May Allah help you and grant you justice and strength, how are you?

how's everything?

[xboxisdead]

Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother Imran.

May Allah help you and grant you justice and strength, how are you?

how's everything?

I suggest we leave brother Imraan alone for a while. We keep asking for the next drama news as if brother Imraan's story is some nice sitcom show we would like to see what happens in the next episode. He will update us when he feels ready to update us. Best we can do for him is to pray to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) that he makes it easy for brother Imraan; instead, what's next? What's next?

[Imraan]

Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother Imran.

May Allah help you and grant you justice and strength, how are you?

how's everything?

Walaikum Salaam Brother Taha

Jazak Allah for remembering me.

I'm doing OK Alhamdulillah, apart from waiting to be taken to a police station along with not being able to see my child.

Strength to tolerate all this going on.. 'grows', its not nice but its becoming slowly normal, however the paranoia and disappointment is always there and the anticipation of 'what awaits us the following day' or even the next moment lingers in the back of my mind.

Strength grows... Tolerance grows.... sadness in my eyes remain, the remembrance of all this brings tears. I can tell people about my problems, but I just can't look them in the eye or expose my eyes, there's too much trauma in there.

Still pray everyday for Justice and closure,
prayer is my most valuable weapon,
I am 'hanging' in there although getting justice in this dunya seems bleak now.
Losing the willpower to fight, have lost a lot of ground over the past 14 months, i may just have to accept the harsh reality and move on...... no more little girl...

Allah swt knows our pain
Please continue to pray for me and my family, all the deprived and the disadvantaged

We are all where Allah swt wants us to be.

i just can't let go of my little girl, just can't.

[bint e aisha]

I ask Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Able, the Most Powerful, to grant you your little girl and remove all your problems as if they had never existed.

[Imraan]

I ask Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Able, the Most Powerful, to grant you your little girl and remove all your problems as if they had never existed.

Ameen

[Studentofdeed]

I agree. Lets just leave this otherwise the brother can't move on and the wounds are being opened over and over again. Alhamdullah its good we all care about the brother and May Allah bless him but its time we actually respect and realise this can be more damage then good. Lets for now just make dua for him and leave this topic to rest.

[Imraan]

Given the choice? I would rather have the wounds re-opened by yourselves than 'them'.

My situation is ongoing, when it stops (and I hope and pray that it will soon in shA Allah).... everyone will know.

[bint e aisha]

I haven't read the entire thread, I'm sorry if it has been discussed earlier. Is there a way for you to get married again, respected brother?