Please Help, Need guidance (Please do not judge as this is hard for me already)

[original786]

Salam,

Please do not judge, I am seeking answer and guidance. THis is the first step of me asking for help and it is hard for me already.


A little about me, I am married, beautiful wife (convert) and two beautiful daughters. They practice islam very well, Alhumdullilah. I am bless with happy marriage and job and family.

I need some help and questions answered as i have sinned and feel bad.

1. I want to stop drinking, my intentions are good and wanting to be better and I promise on God that I will stop and three months i am good but when i hang out with friends (they drink but i dont judge) i get convinced easy because i have a hard time saying NO. I really want to learn somthing to take this shaitan out i am tired of doing this, and disapointing Allah, my family and feel guilty.

2. if i go ask Imam at my local mosque will they judge me? or is it a bad idea

Please help

[BeTheChange]

Walaikumasalaam

Why would you give up worldly jannah for worldly hell?

If you struggle saying no STOP seeing these so called friends of yours because clearly they are steering you in the wrong directions. Your friends can play a massive role in your life. Even those who think they have a strong character and mentality are affected.

Allah swt is always waiting to hear from you so turn back to him asap but you must make changes in your life right away.

If you do not pray 5 times a day focus your attention and energy into praying.

Today it is alcohol, if not already it will turn into free-mixing, then chatting to the opposite sex I.e zina of the tongue, then zina of the eyes and so on until the matter escalates and you are far gone into darkness. Astaghfirullah please change yourself.

You are already half way there because you have identified your weakness so now all you need is a plan to help you overcome your weakness. Whether that is cutting off your bad friendship, or reducing the time you spend with them, or only socialising with them in halal environments, or making new friends etc. The choice is yours.

You don't need to go to the imam if you don't wish to. Speak and repent to Allah swt.

[*charisma*]

Walaikum Asalaam,

Welcome to the forum bro. Sorry to hear about your situation and I hope there will be some members here who can give you sincere and helpful advice inshallah.

One of the first things I suggest is not to make promises to Allah that you may not be able to keep. When you make oaths and you break them, you have to make expiation for it. Instead, every time you err, make istighfaar, pray, give in charity, etc. try to follow up your sins with something good that will please Allah inshallah. I believe that when we do good actions it shapes a much better future and we strive to make the better choices because it feels good and we can see it's effect on EVERYTHING around us. We naturally start moving away from the sins that cause us shame and agony and crave to do the things that pleases Allah inshallah.

Secondly, I know that our ultimate judgement is with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, but we have to remember that Allah also gave us the blessings of reason and sent us His laws to better our judgement in all circumstances. I don't know your friends and they are irrelevant in this situation. What is relevant though is how you perceive yourself and your own actions; how you use this judgement and reason that Allah has blessed you with to improve or solve your situation. Friends can absolutely have an influence on an individual, but ultimately you're the one who will be face Allah for the actions you chose to do, no one else. So if you know that you have a weakness (ie. saying no), then you shouldn't be around them. If you know you are amongst company that indulges in haram actions, you shouldn't be around them. Your actions should meet your intentions, so if you intend good for yourself you need to work towards perfecting the action as well even if you are making mistakes along the way. I assume that if they were very good friends of yours, they'd understand if you opened up and told them you don't want to drink at all, but if you don't feel comfortable doing that then just start distancing yourself and seeing them less often until you don't rely on their company. Not only does not drinking benefit you, but it will benefit them as well because there is nothing good that comes from the consumption of alcohol anyways. You also never know when the last day or even hour of your life will be. Sometimes we feel like death is far away but it is much closer than we think. You don't want to return to Allah intoxicated. It would break your family's heart so so much more than it otherwise would have.

You're going to have to learn to navigate social pressures in this society and unfortunately it can be a bit difficult especially as a revert or someone who is newly coming into Islam (even born and raised Muslims), but when you put Allah and yourself first, it becomes easy because the opinion of others will not matter anymore. Every soul is valuable, don't diminish your quality for the sake of social expectations. You'll find billions of drinkers, but how wonderful and prideful is it to feel like your reliance is in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala? You don't need a drink to ease your stress, feel joy, or socialize. You have all the tools in yourself to overcome every single obstacle that comes your way with Allah's help and will inshallah. Whatever you leave for the sake of Allah, He will always replace it with something better!

In conclusion:

1. Distance yourself from your friends (you will find better ones).
2. Don't drink anymore because it affects the most important aspects of your life and no one should care about that more than you,
3. Keep turning to Allah by doing good actions.

For your last question, the best support you can honestly get is to either be around good company who have a greater positive influence on you in terms of iman whether it is online like this forum, other reverts and muslims, your family, and/or to be by yourself where you can focus more of your time and energy making a closer connection with Allah. You can always find support from Imams inshallah, I don't want to discourage you from that, but you'll have a better chance of finding a response you can resonate with when you expand your support system. Never forget your biggest supporter is Allah inshallah so also make sincere du'a for guidance.

You absolutely need to leave behind this lifestyle that you're still stuck in. You are moving forward, keep going forward; either the people go with you or they stay behind, but there's never a need for you to regress. You'll see what or who matters in the end. I commend you for seeking advice, and I hope you find your way bro :)

[azc]

:wa:

Prophet ﷺ said: “A person is on the religion of his companions. Therefore let every one of you carefully consider the company he keeps.” [Tirmidhi]

plz leave these friends and befriend noble and righteous people

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[anatolian]

Walaikumasalaam

Why would you give up worldly jannah for worldly hell?

If you struggle saying no STOP seeing these so called friends of yours because clearly they are steering you in the wrong directions. Your friends can play a massive role in your life. Even those who think they have a strong character and mentality are affected.

Allah swt is always waiting to hear from you so turn back to him asap but you must make changes in your life right away.

If you do not pray 5 times a day focus your attention and energy into praying.

Today it is alcohol, if not already it will turn into free-mixing, then chatting to the opposite sex I.e zina of the tongue, then zina of the eyes and so on until the matter escalates and you are far gone into darkness. Astaghfirullah please change yourself.

You are already half way there because you have identified your weakness so now all you need is a plan to help you overcome your weakness. Whether that is cutting off your bad friendship, or reducing the time you spend with them, or only socialising with them in halal environments, or making new friends etc. The choice is yours.

You don't need to go to the imam if you don't wish to. Speak and repent to Allah swt.

He has already asked not to judge him but you even judged him with another sin which he did not mention that he commited.

[BeTheChange]

He has already asked not to judge him but you even judged him with another sin which he did not mention that he commited.

Astaghfirullah. I think you have misunderstood or misinterpreted my words. I am talking in general not relating it to the brothers situation.

[alfaqir]

wa alaykum assalaam

i know it is easier said than done but you should really consider cutting relations with those friends if they have such a bad influence on you, or at least don't accompany them to social events or places where you know they consume alcohol.
It is a true blessing that you have a practicing muslim family, focus on spending as much time as you can with them.

And if you feel that your alcohol addiction has reached a level from where you really can't quit it alone, then don't be shy to ask for professional help. For general spiritual guidence your imam in the mosque can be a great help, but after a certain point alcoholism (and drug addiction) can really become a "disease" if you can't stop it by yourself in time. At that point you may need a specialist and/or you can try AA meetings too if they are available in your area.

Best wishes, may Allah help you overcoming it!

[anatolian]

Astaghfirullah. I think you have misunderstood or misinterpreted my words. I am talking in general not relating it to the brothers situation.

But he is asking an answer related to his situation. That looks like you are relating to his situation

[original786]

Salams,

Thank you for all the suggestions. It was hard for me to ask for help as i never do.
It is good to see i have good people such as your self giving me great advice.

I will keep you guys in mind as i continue in the right path and keep updating you

Thank you

Also another question, is there a Dua i can learn to keep shaitan away from me if i feel like im getting sucked into the same situation

[alfaqir]

i hope the fellow posters can recommend good duas for your situation

i personally like this dhikr, say 100 times لا اله الا الله وحده لا شريك له، له الملك وله الحمد، وهو على كل شيء قدير La ilaha illallahu wahdahu la sharika lahu, lahul- mulku, wa lahul-hamdu, wa Huwa 'ala kulli shai'in Qadir

there is a hadith about it, according to it if you say this 100 times, it protects you from the shaytan that day

it is for sure not a short one, but that is also the advantage of it, gives time calm down if you feel tempted. it personally helped me a lot in stressful, depressed etc situations, inshallah will help in your case too:

here is the hadith (from Bukhari and Muslim)

Narrated Abu Huraira:Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "If one says one-hundred times in one day: "None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, the Alone Who has no partners, to Him belongs Dominion and to Him belong all the Praises, and He has power over all things (i.e. Omnipotent)", one will get the reward of manumitting ten slaves, and one-hundred good deeds will be written in his account, and one-hundred bad deeds will be wiped off or erased from his account, and on that day he will be protected from the morning till evening from Satan, and nobody will be superior to him except one who has done more than that which he has done."

[MuslimahRo]

Assalam walaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu. It's good that you are trying to stop drinking. Recite Ayatul Kursi once in the morning and once at night out loud. Also, recite "Ya Allahu" many times, "Astagfirullah" (100+ times) and "Ya Barru" 7 times a day to get rid of bad habits such as drinking. Al Barr The Source of Good. You have to avoid friends who drink and gently warn them, especially if they are Muslim. Perform Tahajjud Salat and ask Allah for help during sajdah and the last third of the night. May Allah help you with your matters.

[AbuAsiyah]

What Brothers said here regarding not hanging out with those "friends" is paramount. I also stress this. It seems that you don't have any problems not drinking when you're not around them.

The good 'ol excuse "I'm too busy to hang out" is usually a good one. It's usually true anyway. If you know good friends who don't drink, you can hang out with them more.

You will kick this habit inshaAllah, and shaitan's arse with it. ;)

May Allah Draw you to what pleases Him

[ahmed.younes]

Salams,

Thank you for all the suggestions. It was hard for me to ask for help as i never do.
It is good to see i have good people such as your self giving me great advice.

I will keep you guys in mind as i continue in the right path and keep updating you

Thank you

Also another question, is there a Dua i can learn to keep shaitan away from me if i feel like im getting sucked into the same situation

Here is a website link which will give you the authentic thikr (remembrance) according to the sunnah of prophet pbuh and it is the best thing you can say for protection in the day. https://www.assimalhakeem.net/authen...g-and-evening/

here's a pdf of more authentic thikr that you can use and implement in your day to day life. https://www.kalamullah.com/Books/for...the_muslim.pdf

It is very important to say these thikr because the prophet pbuh said it is like a protection or fortress for the believer...

- - - Updated - - -

Assalam walaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu. It's good that you are trying to stop drinking. Recite Ayatul Kursi once in the morning and once at night out loud. Also, recite "Ya Allahu" many times, "Astagfirullah" (100+ times) and "Ya Barru" 7 times a day to get rid of bad habits such as drinking. Al Barr The Source of Good. You have to avoid friends who drink and gently warn them, especially if they are Muslim. Perform Tahajjud Salat and ask Allah for help during sajdah and the last third of the night. May Allah help you with your matters.

May allah reward you for your effort to guide the brother

Saying Ya Barru is an innovation and is impermissible to say, because it has no evidence in the sunnah. We are only allowed to call Allah as per his real names that have evidence in the authentic tradition. As well as saying "Ya Allahu" many times, is probably impermissible, because legislating saying something many times or a certain amount of times, for a specific issue, is also an innovation and not allowed to do, without evidence.

Legislating something in the religion is like saying the prophet said this, so we must becareful with what we say, and make sure that it has been legislated and authorized according to the sunnah. Anything without authentic evidence from the authentic tradition of the prophet pbuh is an innovation and is therefore impressible.

Jazakallahu khirun

[Supernova]

Salam,

Please do not judge, I am seeking answer and guidance. THis is the first step of me asking for help and it is hard for me already.


A little about me, I am married, beautiful wife (convert) and two beautiful daughters. They practice islam very well, Alhumdullilah. I am bless with happy marriage and job and family.

I need some help and questions answered as i have sinned and feel bad.

1. I want to stop drinking, my intentions are good and wanting to be better and I promise on God that I will stop and three months i am good but when i hang out with friends (they drink but i dont judge) i get convinced easy because i have a hard time saying NO. I really want to learn somthing to take this shaitan out i am tired of doing this, and disapointing Allah, my family and feel guilty.

2. if i go ask Imam at my local mosque will they judge me? or is it a bad idea

Please help

Asalaamualaykum:

Firstly I strongly advice you to use the word "Revert" rather than "convert" - It has very different implications.

Secondly - We all are sinners, and the best of sinners are those that repent and refrain from that sin.

Your situation is not rocket science - Change the company that you keep, Understand that these friends wont be with you in the grave when you in the court of Allah SWT. Simply keep away from them and change your company. Rasool SAW has related many words regarding how we adopt the habits from the company that we join.

An Aalim would help you rather than judge you. Even if an Aalim looses his marbles and ear bashes you for 10 minutes, he would still eventually succumb to the understanding that he needs to help you.

[Futuwwa]

Why are you so easily convinced? What does giving in to peer pressure benefit you? Do you think it will give you the esteem, respect or acceptance of the others? It won't. It will just show them that you are weak-willed.

Once you realize this and internalize it, you will be immune to peer pressure.

[JustTime]

Salam,

Please do not judge, I am seeking answer and guidance. THis is the first step of me asking for help and it is hard for me already.


A little about me, I am married, beautiful wife (convert) and two beautiful daughters. They practice islam very well, Alhumdullilah. I am bless with happy marriage and job and family.

I need some help and questions answered as i have sinned and feel bad.

1. I want to stop drinking, my intentions are good and wanting to be better and I promise on God that I will stop and three months i am good but when i hang out with friends (they drink but i dont judge) i get convinced easy because i have a hard time saying NO. I really want to learn somthing to take this shaitan out i am tired of doing this, and disapointing Allah, my family and feel guilty.

2. if i go ask Imam at my local mosque will they judge me? or is it a bad idea

Please help

Wa Alaykum As Salam, firstly what do you enjoy about drinking?