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theAnnointedOne
06-29-2018, 05:18 PM
If your a loser and nobody wants to marry you, what should you do in islam? What does islam advise to somebody like this?

Is it okay to pay for sex at this point if you have no other options?
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AbuAsiyah
06-30-2018, 10:11 AM
Assalaam 'Alaykum

No Bro!

"But let them who find not [the means for] marriage abstain [from sexual relations] until Allah enriches them from His bounty." (an-Nur: 33)

Even if Allah doesn't enrich you now in this Dunya (InshaAllah He Will!) then keep patient until He gives you al-Hur inshaAllah:

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Whoever can guarantee (the chastity of) what is between his two jaw-bones and what is between his two legs (i.e. his tongue and his private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him." (Bukhari)

This dunya is not but the blink of an eye and then we will stand before Allah ('Azza wa Jal):
"And to Allah belongs the unseen [aspects] of the heavens and the earth. And the command for the Hour is not but as a glance of the eye or even nearer. Indeed, Allah is over all things competent." (an-Nahl: 77)

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The lowest of the people of Paradise in status will be a man whose face Allaah will turn away from the Fire towards Paradise, and make a shady tree appear before him. … Then he will enter his house and his two wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn will enter after him. They will say: ‘Praise be to Allah Who has created you for us and created us for you.’ And he will say: ‘No one has been given the like of that which I have been given.’” Narrated by Muslim, 188.

“In Paradise the believer will have a tent made from a single hollowed-out pearl, sixty miles long, in which the believer will have wives and he will go around among them and they will not see one another.” (Bukhari)

It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The believer in Paradise will be given such and such strength for sexual intercourse.” He was asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, will he really be able to do that?” He said, “He will be given the strength of one hundred (men).” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi)

Remember:

“Jannah is surrounded by hardships and the Hell-Fire is surrounded by desires.” (Muslim)

So hold fast to the hardships and stay away from desires.

May Allah make you firm on what pleases Him.








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xboxisdead
06-30-2018, 12:17 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by theAnnointedOne
If your a loser and nobody wants to marry you, what should you do in islam? What does islam advise to somebody like this?

Is it okay to pay for sex at this point if you have no other options?
Trust me brother the women of akhira are better than the women of Dunaya. The women of akhira does not love you just because you can provide for her only and if this dunaya puts you in a place where you cannot provide for her and she is better than you, they don't go and say I do not need a man..I am superior than him. That is one of many things about akhira women that are far superior over dunaya women by enormous shots. Akhira women does not nag you like dunaya women does. Akhira women does not do false rape allegation against you like Dunaya women does. Akhira women does not beat you physically and psychologically like dunaya women does. Akhira women does not gain weight like dunaya women does. Akhira women does not bash you like dunaya women does. Akhira women are never ungrateful to you like dunaya women are. Alhiora women are not angry at you like dunaya women are. Akhira women cannot get her eyes off you, they are pure, beautiful, soft and their beauty never fades away. They make you feel like a man 24/7 forever. Even if Allah (Subhanahu Wa talaa) rewarded the Akhira women with not needing a man, they never lure that over you like dunaya women do.

Children of this world is not always bells and whistles either. This world is nothing but an illusion and hardship. Your hardship is not finding a mate. Take this opportunity to strive to be better for Akhira. If your mother is still alive...THAT IS YOUR WOMAN that Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) have given you in your life, she loves you in ways no wife could ever do. Strive to please her and make her happy and obey her for her dua on your favor is better than any wife of this world.

But whatever you do, do not DO HARAAM. Just be patient.

* Akhira women (Al hur al ein)
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azc
06-30-2018, 03:56 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead
Trust me brother the women of akhira are better than the women of Dunaya. The women of akhira does not love you just because you can provide for her only and if this dunaya puts you in a place where you cannot provide for her and she is better than you, they don't go and say I do not need a man..I am superior than him. That is one of many things about akhira women that are far superior over dunaya women by enormous shots. Akhira women does not nag you like dunaya women does. Akhira women does not do false rape allegation against you like Dunaya women does. Akhira women does not beat you physically and psychologically like dunaya women does. Akhira women does not gain weight like dunaya women does. Akhira women does not bash you like dunaya women does. Akhira women are never ungrateful to you like dunaya women are. Alhiora women are not angry at you like dunaya women are. Akhira women cannot get her eyes off you, they are pure, beautiful, soft and their beauty never fades away. They make you feel like a man 24/7 forever. Even if Allah (Subhanahu Wa talaa) rewarded the Akhira women with not needing a man, they never lure that over you like dunaya women do.

Children of this world is not always bells and whistles either. This world is nothing but an illusion and hardship. Your hardship is not finding a mate. Take this opportunity to strive to be better for Akhira. If your mother is still alive...THAT IS YOUR WOMAN that Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) have given you in your life, she loves you in ways no wife could ever do. Strive to please her and make her happy and obey her for her dua on your favor is better than any wife of this world.

But whatever you do, do not DO HARAAM. Just be patient.

* Akhira women (Al hur al ein)
I appreciate you for your patience.

Hope you will marry with a good girl.
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BeTheChange
06-30-2018, 04:18 PM
Islamically a man or a woman, the young or the old, the rich or the poor, the so called beautiful or the so called ugly, the literate or the illiterate etc all need to worship Allah swt until we meet the angel of death.
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new2010
06-30-2018, 07:20 PM
Why do you think you are a loser? Despite that, what do you mean by loser?

Just because you get rejected it doesn't mean you are a loser, maybe the women who reject you are losers, because they don't know to value the right thing on a person or have wrong understanding, standards?

Even if you are a loser, doesn't mean you have to be a loser for ever. Despite the fact, that I am sure you're not a loser. Became a man. We all have to work on our selves. If you have some character issues, work on them. If you have not good education, work on that. If you have no money, find a job. If you think you're ugly (there is nothing like that, finding someone attractive is something subjective), get a nice hair cut, wear some clean good looking clothes, take care of your self and you will be fine, inshaAllah.

I am at a similar situation, apart from I don't get rejected because I simply don't know anyone to marry. The pressure we're in is the same and shaitan whispers weird stuff. Don't commit Zina. Don't pay for this thing!!! Eudhubillah. Just think on how you would feel afterwards. You would have the title of a zania, for all you life.

Allah says:

{وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ لِفُرُوجِهِمْ حَافِظُونَ إِلَّا عَلَىٰ أَزْوَاجِهِمْ أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُهُمْ فَإِنَّهُمْ غَيْرُ مَلُومِينَ مَنِ ابْتَغَىٰ وَرَاءَ ذَٰلِكَ فَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْعَادُونَ} Quran 23:5-7

"And they who guard their private parts. Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors."

Do you know what will happen with those you safe themselves from that evil? Allah says a couple ayats later:

ُ{ولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْوَارِثُونَ الَّذِينَ يَرِثُونَ الْفِرْدَوْسَ هُمْ فِيهَا خَالِدُونَ} Quran: 23:10-11

"Those are the inheritors. Who will inherit al-Firdaus. They will abide therein eternally."

Read the first 11 Ayat from Surah Mu'minun: https://quran.com/23 - RasulAllah :saws1: says, the one who commits to the first eleven Ayat of this Surah is most likely to enter paradise. Just consider that. All these things mentions in this range of Ayahs are actually all important to protect society. Don't be of those you don't consider. Just think about all the illness that it transferred due to illegal intercourse.

I don't recommend the following to you, however, there are scholars who permit to masturbate when you are really really close to zina. The best is to not do both, but before committing adultery.... stay steadfast and learn the religion. Masturbation is dangerous, too.

May Allah protect me and you from such evil.
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Alamgir
07-01-2018, 07:19 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by theAnnointedOne
If your a loser and nobody wants to marry you, what should you do in islam? What does islam advise to somebody like this?

Is it okay to pay for sex at this point if you have no other options?
Asalamu Alaikum

;D

Sorry I can't help but find your post rather comical.

Anyway, no! Keep looking for a good Muslim woman to marry. Inshallah you will find her.
Reply

ZeeshanParvez
07-01-2018, 08:54 AM
Despair from the Mercy of Allaah is a trait of those who are misguided.

So, for starters, do not despair. It is only because of Allaah anyone of us gets married.

The question is not if you will never get married but when you will get married.

Until then, follow the advice of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam).

Fast.
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'Abd-al Latif
07-01-2018, 09:02 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by theAnnointedOne
If your a loser and nobody wants to marry you, what should you do in islam? What does islam advise to somebody like this?

Is it okay to pay for sex at this point if you have no other options?
Islamically, a man should never give up hope and he should realise that there is more to life than finding a wife.
Reply

xboxisdead
07-01-2018, 10:58 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by 'Abd-al Latif
Islamically, a man should never give up hope and he should realise that there is more to life than finding a wife.
I thought that was obvious :D:D:D
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'Abd-al Latif
07-01-2018, 11:05 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead
I thought that was obvious :D:D:D
Clearly it's not.
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new2010
07-01-2018, 11:05 AM
I think people argue like you are married or asexual. Sexuality is a major part of life and if that is missing it can cause really hard time. People say it is the best think human being can experience in this world. So, when this is missing, how do you get motivation to enter Paradise? So, stop making fun of those Allah hasn't granted a wife!
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xboxisdead
07-01-2018, 11:11 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by new2010
I think people argue like you are married or asexual. Sexuality is a major part of life and if that is missing it can cause really hard time. People say it is the best think human being can experience in this world. So, when this is missing, how do you get motivation to enter Paradise? So, stop making fun of those Allah hasn't granted a wife!
It is only hard time for people who are at a certain age group and certain gender group as well. You are aware ones you pass that age group sexuality and marriage will no longer be an important part of your life and you actually can find happiness somewhere else beside sex and wife? You may as well be asexual after a certain age group O_O I never thought of it that way. You want to know what motivates you to enter paradise?



PARADISE. I am actually going to change it and say, seeing Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) when you are in paradise should be your major motivation , not women of this world and sex. If that is your motivation to enter paradise then you my friend need serious rehab to repair your iman.

What? Not seeing Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) with your two eyes when you are in paradise is not enough motivation for you??? I swear if Allah (Subhanahhu Wa Talaa) was to degree that if a man never have sex get to guarantee entering paradise I bet you all men would never have sex period if that is what it would take. Sex and wife should not be the motivation factor at all for worshiping Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and striving to enter paradise....period.
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new2010
07-01-2018, 03:09 PM
I don't want to discuss about this matter to much here, but: What age do you mean? 50-70? Yes, you're right I can assume that this age groups are not interested in that thing anymore, just hard time to get there. You just forget what people undergo in the meanwhile until they get old. I don't know where are you from, but most people here are in the western countries based...

Please read what I have written correctly, or try to understand it on the right way, instead of doubting the Iman of people you don't know, okay? We human beings are creations with emotions and feelings. If you stay abstinent - though you have desire - and have no one with whom you can share intimacy on a halal way, this will cause an imbalance. One of the wisdom of intimacy is that you experience a good feeling that you can imagine how great Paradise is gonna be. So, after you experience such a feeling of love and care, you will probably tend to do more good deeds because you tasted one of the most intense feelings on the dunya, so that will motivate you to strive for paradise. When people wouldn't experience any good feeling/experience in this dunya, how could they imagine how Paradise is be like? Not that weird stuff you interpreted out of statement.

I am out now, so I don't want to talk about stuff I have only theoretical knowledge about, since I am not married. Cheers!

EDIT:
"I swear if Allah (Subhanahhu Wa Talaa) was to degree that if a man never have sex get to guarantee entering paradise I bet you all men would never have sex"

With this statement you disqualified yourself of any understanding of human nature or live in a dream land where people are not people else something like sinless person with the understanding of the prophets of the religion. Please stop eating and drinking for the rest of your life brother, let's see what happens.

Allah has decreed that people need intimacy, otherwise mankind wouldn't be able to survive for a long time. It has all it's wisdom and reasons.
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ahmed.younes
07-01-2018, 04:20 PM
Fasting
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xboxisdead
07-01-2018, 04:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by new2010

Allah has decreed that people need intimacy, otherwise mankind wouldn't be able to survive for a long time. It has all it's wisdom and reasons.
Brother you made a couple of typo's here so I bold it them for you with the correction. Remove the s after Allah name and it is decreed and not degreed. I understand where you are coming from, brother. No question about it. But like everything in Dunaya it starts good and then eventually goes down. I can enjoy eating chicken but the taste of the chicken in this world is the same...does not change and it does not get better and eventually may taste horrible if I did not cook it the same way with the same herbs and spices and other times I may burn it and I cannot even eat it. Fruits in this world sometimes they taste good, other times they are rotten, other times they are not ready but never do they taste better every time you eat them.

Sex with a wife (or husband) starts good but it goes down hill from here. Wife's attitude starts good but goes down hill from here. I understand what you are trying to say..but it should not be the end of the world if it did not happen...because there is hikma for everything in this world. Nowadays the women of this world is not the same as the sahaba's time...and they are not getting any better in the future either. You have to skip your desires and lock it in the chest as it is fighting to come out and you need to have a truly serious open mind and eagle eyes to finding your mate. I am not saying perfect wife...but I am saying one that will not make you lose your hair and have a heart attack at 23 and leave you out in the cold. This in itself is a long journey with thunder and rain and dark cloud to find the one with shining light hitting her face and butterfly flying around her. Only Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) know the time to find her and perhaps the reason the OP have not found her yet is because he is still walking in that dark cloud of thunder, wind and rain that is hitting him on the face and he should exercise patience?

- - - Updated - - -

format_quote Originally Posted by ahmed.younes
Fasting
I think brother he meant not eating or drinking forever which of course means your death. Never did I say forever, but in some cases when it comes to intimacy it maybe forever. His best bet is to go to third world countries and poor rural area to find that mate. It does not make him less of a man nor does it make him weak either nor does it proof he cannot handle a strong independent women. All this are social tactic shaming designed to oppress men. He is a person. A human. He have 100% right to have a mate that does not challenge him every time and emasculate him all the time or fight for leadership all the time or or or. People forget men are human and in West people are trying hard to make it where he is not. I think he should go to poor countries where men are respected and honestly he should live there BEFORE IT ALSO get infected by Western ideology.
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new2010
07-01-2018, 05:31 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead
Brother you made a couple of typo's here so I bold it them for you with the correction. Remove the s after Allah name and it is decreed and not degreed. I understand where you are coming from, brother. No question about it. But like everything in Dunaya it starts good and then eventually goes down. I can enjoy eating chicken but the taste of the chicken in this world is the same...does not change and it does not get better and eventually may taste horrible if I did not cook it the same way with the same herbs and spices and other times I may burn it and I cannot even eat it. Fruits in this world sometimes they taste good, other times they are rotten, other times they are not ready but never do they taste better every time you eat them.

Sex with a wife (or husband) starts good but it goes down hill from here. Wife's attitude starts good but goes down hill from here. I understand what you are trying to say..but it should not be the end of the world if it did not happen...because there is hikma for everything in this world. Nowadays the women of this world is not the same as the sahaba's time...and they are not getting any better in the future either. You have to skip your desires and lock it in the chest as it is fighting to come out and you need to have a truly serious open mind and eagle eyes to finding your mate. I am not saying perfect wife...but I am saying one that will not make you lose your hair and have a heart attack at 23 and leave you out in the cold. This in itself is a long journey with thunder and rain and dark cloud to find the one with shining light hitting her face and butterfly flying around her. Only Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) know the time to find her and perhaps the reason the OP have not found her yet is because he is still walking in that dark cloud of thunder, wind and rain that is hitting him on the face and he should exercise patience?
Jazak Allahu khair. Sorry, English is not my mother tongue. I have corrected the mistakes.

Akhi, I agree to your comment. Of course sometime even intimacy will become routine. However, I think it depends on the couple. May be sexuality will not be more that important but having a caring wife or husband will be. Someone who looks after you, when you're sick or you look after her. Someone to whom you can speak. Honestly, I think it's not the sex part that I am missing in my life (sorry for the language) it's more to have someone, you know? Of course the other part is a desire that wants to be fulfilled either, but you know, to have someone around who might become your better self. Allah - almighty - says, he created women that men can find peace in them or rest with them. My heart needs exactly that. Someone with whom I can worship Allah together and share experiences and go through thick and thin. Like having a good friend with whom you can build up a family. I see marriage as a chance to better yourself. Of course it all depends on the circumstances and on the women. It depends on what you make of it. If you are a good husband, caring, loving, respecting and following the religion and you find someone normal, not feminist following the religion, there is high potential, to really improve your life. Yes, I know, this sound really optimistic but we're human we all do mistakes and that's fine. As long as we're open to learn from them.

Marriage is a big thing, I think. It might help you to become really good person or it might destroy you. It depends on the characters and how you approach problems and deal with situation that are not optimal.

And yes, it's Qadr of Allah. I am not married yet and not that young anymore. But I am sure it has it's reasons why Allah has been let me waiting for so long. I try to improve myself until Allah finally grands me someone good. Even it's hard and frustrating. InshaAllah Khair.
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xboxisdead
07-01-2018, 06:11 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by new2010
Jazak Allahu khair. Sorry, English is not my mother tongue. I have corrected the mistakes.

Akhi, I agree to your comment. Of course sometime even intimacy will become routine. However, I think it depends on the couple. May be sexuality will not be more that important but having a caring wife or husband will be. Someone who looks after you, when you're sick or you look after her. Someone to whom you can speak. Honestly, I think it's not the sex part that I am missing in my life (sorry for the language) it's more to have someone, you know? Of course the other part is a desire that wants to be fulfilled either, but you know, to have someone around who might become your better self. Allah - almighty - says, he created women that men can find peace in them or rest with them. My heart needs exactly that. Someone with whom I can worship Allah together and share experiences and go through thick and thin. Like having a good friend with whom you can build up a family. I see marriage as a chance to better yourself. Of course it all depends on the circumstances and on the women. It depends on what you make of it. If you are a good husband, caring, loving, respecting and following the religion and you find someone normal, not feminist following the religion, there is high potential, to really improve your life. Yes, I know, this sound really optimistic but we're human we all do mistakes and that's fine. As long as we're open to learn from them.

Marriage is a big thing, I think. It might help you to become really good person or it might destroy you. It depends on the characters and how you approach problems and deal with situation that are not optimal.

And yes, it's Qadr of Allah. I am not married yet and not that young anymore. But I am sure it has it's reasons why Allah has been let me waiting for so long. I try to improve myself until Allah finally grands me someone good. Even it's hard and frustrating. InshaAllah Khair.

Then my advice IS TRULY to go out to third world country and find your spouse there. If you find that she will be corrupted in the West then prepare to make a dramatic life changing move and settle there. Your job is not to please women of society when they complain why are men leaving and marrying outer seas? Ignore these women who write articles or blogs or post in forms or talk in TV in operah or talk show where they further bash men because they cannot handle strong independent women and they are leaving to third world country where they seek dominance over stupid women blah blah. These shaming tactics will come in tuition...men should not listen to these trash and try to obey society. You are here to worship Allah (Subhanahu Wa talaa) and obey him and his prophet and you are here to build a new family, it is on your shoulder to pick a good wife and mother and not here to please the whims and desires of women to further empower them over men and further make men be slaves of women. You want that partner you seek and have not found it in the West? Then leave and go to the East and other countries where feminist and female empowerment and female superiority is not their hallmark. Don't do it only for yourself, do it for your children and especially if you are going to have sons...do it for him. Did you see the video of the 8 year old boy wearing girl clothes? You better provide your future son a protection against that..and no better way to do it then marrying a good woman and you show him gender roles and show him it is GREAT TO BE a boy and there advantages of being a boy for boys only. This will masculinate him and not emasculate him and empower him. Allah (Subhanahu Wa talaa) did not create one gender..called female and gave her everything and left boys to suffer. No. He did not. Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) is just. He gave boys their rights and he knows their nature...we as human perverted everything and now oppressing men. This DOES NOT PLEASE Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) nor does it make him happy to see boys dressing like girls, acting like girls and being feminized either.
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Zeal
07-02-2018, 11:29 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by theAnnointedOne
If your a loser and nobody wants to marry you, what should you do in islam? What does islam advise to somebody like this?

Is it okay to pay for sex at this point if you have no other options?
If your a loser than focus in making urself a success

If you chase the dunya then it will only leave you but if you chase the akhira than dunya would coke running towards you to

Focus on yourself and allow yourself to make at the least slow incremental changes and don't overburden yourself by rushing to do what is even beyond your capabilities - have sabr and istiqaamah and seek help constantly from Allah.

If you feel like a loser my best guess is that its a matter of the heart.. But you have to ask the questions yourself to figure out what's wrong with it.. maybe ur ungrateful and you need to begin with being grateful for the biggest gifts in life appreciate Islam and then your family and then other ni'mah that Allah has blessed you with

Tell Allah about the nimah he has given to you ask him that he make you use it in the best possible way and bless it for you and to protect you from using that nimah in a bad way

_________
Keep the Quran as a companion because it can alleviate depression and hadith have come with a dua to support this. Memorise a little along with its tafseer and you will see that it will come a long way and pray your tahajjud if you really really really do want it otherwise the reality could well be you probably don't want it as bad as you think you do
And what can be a better way to ask for something?
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Abz2000
07-02-2018, 07:03 PM
@theAnnointedOne

Did you know that the name Al Maseeh has more to do with hope in Allah's mercy for people who have almost lost hope - than it does to do with kinga da jooz?

It means polish or wipe or clean - and that is primarily in reference to sins - although a bunch of jewish kings did love to use the title.

It doesn't have anything to do with Trump's implanted fur tonic or genocidal bombs fur sure - though his poor kaafir soldiers (and those of his allies) in Syria should turn to Islaam whilst the going's good since a breath of God's wrath would make them feel eternally regretful.

And it is also a sign of the last day of the planet earth when only God's face and nothing else will remain.

Wise up coz it's all about you the individual and the events are taking place inside of you.


P.S on a lighter note - in Bangladesh it means "shoe polisher" in contrast to kinga da jooz.
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JustTime
07-03-2018, 03:33 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by theAnnointedOne
If your a loser and nobody wants to marry you, what should you do in islam? What does islam advise to somebody like this?

Is it okay to pay for sex at this point if you have no other options?
Sex outside of marriage under no circumstance is permissible EVER no matter how desperate/deprived you feel.
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xboxisdead
07-03-2018, 04:11 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by JustTime
Sex outside of marriage under no circumstance is permissible EVER no matter how desperate/deprived you feel.
I LOVE DEEN OF ISLAM SO MUCH!! It puts boundaries and restrictions of what you can and cannot do! Even eating there are certain things you can or cannot eat!! IT LIBERATES HUMANITY TO HIGHER LEVEL VS if we are left to our whims and desires will be worse than animals! Al-hamdollilah I am Muslim and Al-hamdolillah Islam is a growning religion!!! Allah Akbar! Allah Akbar! Do not have sex outside of marriage!

Obey and submit. Exercise patience and know that for every hardship there is ease and for every hardship you get rewarded and clean your sins!! ;D;D;D;D
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ChosenTCO
07-03-2018, 07:45 PM
Its sad to see how some of these posts are somewhat void of any empathy towards the OP. Just because some of us have no experienced in what he is going through doesnt give us the right to belittle his lack of self-worth or usefulness. The problem of self esteem is a real one and is something that can drive people to suicide. It wouldnt be insignificant if it didnt.

As for the OP's questions, there is nothing specific in islamic texts (That i know of) that specifically addresses this problem. There are a few hadiths that encourages fasting and patience until Allah graces you by his blessings with a lawful spouse. But this shouldnt be the only actions you take. You have to work on yourself and improve your self esteem if you ever plan on getting marriage cause no girl is probably gonna settle for a man who thinks too little of himself. We all know that there is no halal way to have sexual relations with a person expect through the sacred bond of marriage (AKA nikaah). So if you really do intend and have strong desires to have relations with the opposite gender, then work hard on yourself to make yourself appealing and worth marrying to all the girls out there. And dont worry if it takes time for you to build yourself from the ground up. Its never too late to start!
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xboxisdead
07-03-2018, 08:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ChosenTCO
Its sad to see how some of these posts are somewhat void of any empathy towards the OP. Just because some of us have no experienced in what he is going through doesnt give us the right to belittle his lack of self-worth or usefulness. The problem of self esteem is a real one and is something that can drive people to suicide. It wouldnt be insignificant if it didnt.

As for the OP's questions, there is nothing specific in islamic texts (That i know of) that specifically addresses this problem. There are a few hadiths that encourages fasting and patience until Allah graces you by his blessings with a lawful spouse. But this shouldnt be the only actions you take. You have to work on yourself and improve your self esteem if you ever plan on getting marriage cause no girl is probably gonna settle for a man who thinks too little of himself. We all know that there is no halal way to have sexual relations with a person expect through the sacred bond of marriage (AKA nikaah). So if you really do intend and have strong desires to have relations with the opposite gender, then work hard on yourself to make yourself appealing and worth marrying to all the girls out there. And dont worry if it takes time for you to build yourself from the ground up. Its never too late to start!
The problem with these men who are lacking in self esteem is that they don't have fathers on their lives that instill self esteem on them when they are boys. All these boys deal with is that everything they do is wrong because they are boys. They get beaten up, don't talk so loudly, stop moving too much, don't do this, don't that, why can't you b behave well, how come you do so bad in school on and on and on. So this self esteem moves on to these men in other factors in their lives that they believe they are losers because they are taught at young age they are losers simply because they are born boys. So yeah...no doubt the OP have self esteem issue, but this is almost impossible to repair when they reach adulthood. Personally...I am not attacking him for his self esteem..nor am I attacking him period...I am just pointing out to him he cannot do haraam by committing Zina and my love to this superb deen is THAT IT PUTS restrictions and boundaries. I love boundaries and limits.....it is hard to believe...but it gives me ease in life knowing there is limit to what a human is allowed to do and how he does it VS going out of the bounds. We human being can destroy anything and especially ourselves...we can wipe ourselves from the face of the Earth and take Earth with us and the only way such thing can be stopped is that there are boundaries that stops us from doing it.
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ChosenTCO
07-04-2018, 05:38 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead
The problem with these men who are lacking in self esteem is that they don't have fathers on their lives that instill self esteem on them when they are boys. All these boys deal with is that everything they do is wrong because they are boys. They get beaten up, don't talk so loudly, stop moving too much, don't do this, don't that, why can't you b behave well, how come you do so bad in school on and on and on. So this self esteem moves on to these men in other factors in their lives that they believe they are losers because they are taught at young age they are losers simply because they are born boys. So yeah...no doubt the OP have self esteem issue, but this is almost impossible to repair when they reach adulthood. Personally...I am not attacking him for his self esteem..nor am I attacking him period...I am just pointing out to him he cannot do haraam by committing Zina and my love to this superb deen is THAT IT PUTS restrictions and boundaries. I love boundaries and limits.....it is hard to believe...but it gives me ease in life knowing there is limit to what a human is allowed to do and how he does it VS going out of the bounds. We human being can destroy anything and especially ourselves...we can wipe ourselves from the face of the Earth and take Earth with us and the only way such thing can be stopped is that there are boundaries that stops us from doing it.
I havent mentioned names nor am i going to, so dont feel like im directing my previous post towards you. I just want people to be leaner in their approach of advice and choose their words wisely, so that their naseeha/advice can have a chance to sink into the hearts of those in need instead of being rejected because it was too dry and void of sympathy. The only time harsh words or force is needed would be when dealing with arrogance, not ignorance and not despair.

And with regards to the rest of your post ... There is a fair amount of truth behind it, but i feel like a lot of it is irrelevant to his case. Its true that being raised by a single mother can have a significant impact on a persons self esteem even on daughters too, but i feel like you think this is the only cause to this problem when its not. I personally was blessed with having a father (Alhamdu lillah) but i still suffered from self esteem issues in the past, mainly because of bullying and racial segregation in school, but thankfully i was able to break out of it despite the fact that i still suffer problems with my speech. So lacking a father isnt the only cause to self esteem issues, there are alot more causes than i care to mention. Regardless though ... trying to pinpoint the source of this issue is irrelevant and is of little to no benefit (partially because the problem is now probably rooted in his personality).

The main way (that i can think of) a person can affect his faulty foundation of his personality is to force himself into situations that would make him question and build up his core in the skills he doubts himself in. If its socializing that he has a problem with then he should force himself in situations where he would have to complete a social interaction with others in order to achieve something ... say for example marketing. If its the presence of a woman that makes him tremble then he should force himself to interact with mean sharp women like ones in a business environment to see that there is nothing scary about them nor is he expect to be at any kind of standard to talk with them. No body cares about imperfections or anything like that so long as you get the job done! If its insecurity about how he looks then he should subject himself to more criticism to know that these words wont add to or reduce anything in his looks whatsoever. All these things will cause a shake in his founded misconceptions in his personality and will cause it to change significantly for the better. That how you subliminally affect and alter an entire personality without much effort.
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xboxisdead
07-04-2018, 06:10 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by ChosenTCO
I havent mentioned names nor am i going to, so dont feel like im directing my previous post towards you. I just want people to be leaner in their approach of advice and choose their words wisely, so that their naseeha/advice can have a chance to sink into the hearts of those in need instead of being rejected because it was too dry and void of sympathy. The only time harsh words or force is needed would be when dealing with arrogance, not ignorance and not despair.

And with regards to the rest of your post ... There is a fair amount of truth behind it, but i feel like a lot of it is irrelevant to his case. Its true that being raised by a single mother can have a significant impact on a persons self esteem even on daughters too, but i feel like you think this is the only cause to this problem when its not. I personally was blessed with having a father (Alhamdu lillah) but i still suffered from self esteem issues in the past, mainly because of bullying and racial segregation in school, but thankfully i was able to break out of it despite the fact that i still suffer problems with my speech. So lacking a father isnt the only cause to self esteem issues, there are alot more causes than i care to mention. Regardless though ... trying to pinpoint the source of this issue is irrelevant and is of little to no benefit (partially because the problem is now probably rooted in his personality).

The main way (that i can think of) a person can affect his faulty foundation of his personality is to force himself into situations that would make him question and build up his core in the skills he doubts himself in. If its socializing that he has a problem with then he should force himself in situations where he would have to complete a social interaction with others in order to achieve something ... say for example marketing. If its the presence of a woman that makes him tremble then he should force himself to interact with mean sharp women like ones in a business environment to see that there is nothing scary about them nor is he expect to be at any kind of standard to talk with them. No body cares about imperfections or anything like that so long as you get the job done! If its insecurity about how he looks then he should subject himself to more criticism to know that these words wont add to or reduce anything in his looks whatsoever. All these things will cause a shake in his founded misconceptions in his personality and will cause it to change significantly for the better. That how you subliminally affect and alter an entire personality without much effort.
:D:D:D;D;D;D:Emoji43::Emoji43::masha::masha::masha :
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AbuAsiyah
07-06-2018, 08:29 AM
Assalaam ‘Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

If your a loser and nobody wants to marry you, what should you do in islam? What does islam advise to somebody like this?

Is it okay to pay for sex at this point if you have no other options?

Imam Ahmad (21708) narrated that Abu Umaamah said: A young man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, give me permission to commit zina.” The people turned to him to rebuke him, saying, “Shh, shh.” (The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)) said, “Come here.” So he came close to him and he told him to sit down. He said, “Would you like that for your mother?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their mothers.” He said, “Would you like it for your daughter?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their daughters.” He said, “Would you like it for your sister?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their sisters.” He said, “Would you like it for your paternal aunt?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their paternal aunts.” He said, “Would you like it for your maternal aunt?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their maternal aunts.” Then he placed his hand on him and said, “O Allaah, forgive his sin, purify his heart, and guard his chastity.” And after that, this young man never did anything. (Imam Ahmed)
In another narration, the Prophet said to him, “Then hate what Allah has hated, and love for your brother what you love for yourself.” (Imam Ahmed)

You do not have a concession for committing zina.

As for being a loser, then If you seek to please Allah by reforming your character, you won’t be a loser.

"Successful indeed are the believers. Those who with their Salaat (prayers) are Khashi'oon. And those who turn away from al-Lagw (vain speech). And those who pay the Zakaat. And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (captives and slaves) what their right hands possess, - for then, they are free from blame; but whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors; those who are faithfully true to their Amanah and to their covenants; and those who strictly guard their Salaat. These are indeed the inheritors. Who shall inherit the Firdaus, they shall dwell therein forever." (al-Muminun: 1-11)

If you strive to acquire these characteristics (including guarding your chastity) then no one will have a right to call you a loser, not even you.

The true loser is the one who anger’s Allah. Sins lead to a loss of Iman which leads to humiliation and disgrace in this life and the hereafter.

The sin of zina specifically has been mentioned as one which expels a person from the ranks of the Mumineen. This is mentioned in the ayah listed above as well as elsewhere.

“No fornicator/adulterer is a believer at the time when he is committing fornication/adultery.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

“If a man commits zina, faith comes out of him and hovers over him like a cloud, then when he stops, faith returns to him.” (Abu Dawud & at-Tirmidhi)


Bro, let me ask you, do you think that if you were to go ahead with this, then everything would be easier? If you were to actually commit zina (wa ‘Authoobillah), what then? Everything would be just fine and wonderful? You would finally breathe a fresh air of relief? Your desires and longing would finally be completely satisfied for the rest of your life? Nah! Your desire would be more than before. You’re going to want to do it again even more, like the next day. If there is anything that I have learned about the sexual desire is that it is a beast that needs to be kept on a short leash.

You’re not going to find solace from a prostitute or fornicatress. The only solace you could ever hope of having a chance of finding in this arena is a good righteous Muslim wife. You can kiss that righteous wife goodbye (which is the only kind of kiss you will ever get from her) if you went through with committing zina:

"The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers." (an-Noor: 3)

As far as finding a good righteous wife is concerned, then it should be understood that women are a part of this Dunya:

“Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return.” (al-Imran: 14)

And as a part of Dunya, they follow the same rule that goes with the rest of Dunya:

Zaid ibn Thabit reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever makes the world his greatest concern, Allah will confound his affairs and make poverty appear before his eyes and he will not get anything from the world except what has been decreed for him. Whoever makes the Hereafter his most important matter, Allah will settle his affairs and make him content in his heart and the world will come to him although he does not want it.(Ibn Mājah)

Sex is not the best thing that a human can experience in this life. Far from it.

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (RadhiyAllahu ‘anhu) who said: The Messenger of Allah (SallaAllahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said,

“Verily Allah (Glorified may he be) has said: ‘Whosoever shows enmity to a wali (friend) of Mine, then I have declared war against him. And My servant does not draw near to Me with anything more beloved to Me than the religious duties I have obligated upon him. And My servant continues to draw near to me with nafil (supererogatory) deeds until I Love him. When I Love him, I become his hearing with which he hears, and his sight with which he sees, and his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him; and were he to seek refuge with Me, I would surely grant him refuge.’ ” (Bukhari)


Ibn Taymiyyah said, "Truly, there is a Heaven in this world, [and] whoever does not enter it, will not enter the Heaven of the next world."

And the statement of Ibn Qayyim who quoted from another:

"If kings and the sons of kings knew what we had, they would try to take it from us by the sword!"


Be patient ya Ikhwan! Be patient!
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AbuAsiyah
07-07-2018, 08:14 AM
"But as for he who feared the position of his Lord and prevented the soul from [unlawful] inclination (desires), Then indeed, Paradise will be [his] refuge." (an-Naziat: 40-41)
This is a good deal.
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Scimitar
07-07-2018, 08:55 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by 'Abd-al Latif
there is more to life than finding a wife.
Don’t I know it!!! :D
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