PDA

View Full Version : I have two wife



borhan.uddin
08-04-2018, 09:08 AM
Dear Sir,

I have two wife.. my first wife living in bangladesh, my second wife last two years and living with me in saudi arabia. I want to bangladesh but afraid to go, may be she will kill me with her family due to my second married. I want to be a happy family with my two wife but my first wife not accept my second wife and my second not accepting my first wife. what i can do... please give me solution as per quran and hadis
Reply

Login/Register to hide ads. Scroll down for more posts
azc
08-04-2018, 01:35 PM
Try to please your first wife by calling her, sending her money/gift (and apologize to please her)
Reply

Zzz_
08-04-2018, 02:58 PM
Originally Posted by azc
Try to please your first wife by calling her, sending her money/gift (and apologize to please her)
apologize for what? it's his God given right. Tell her if she isn't happy she can find another hubby.

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by borhan.uddin
Dear Sir,

I have two wife.. my first wife living in bangladesh, my second wife last two years and living with me in saudi arabia. I want to bangladesh but afraid to go, may be she will kill me with her family due to my second married. I want to be a happy family with my two wife but my first wife not accept my second wife and my second not accepting my first wife. what i can do... please give me solution as per quran and hadis
You cannot run away from her out of fear of what she will say or do. Polgyny comes with responsibilities and serious consequences in there Hereafter should you neglect the rights of others. Both wives deserve equal rights in and treatment. You can sit hiding in saudi forever. If you are not man enough to face up then you shouldn't have married again. Tell your saudi wife you fear Allah more than her and she knew what she was getting into when she married you. Go meet your 2nd wife and tell her the same, you fear Allah more than her and you will treat both wives equally by giving them their islamic rights. Have your women folk tell her to calm down and bear it with sabr and she will have great reward.
Reply

azc
08-05-2018, 08:07 AM
Originally Posted by Zzz_
apologize for what? it's his God given right. Tell her if she isn't happy she can find another hubby.

- - - Updated - - -



You cannot run away from her out of fear of what she will say or do. Polgyny comes with responsibilities and serious consequences in there Hereafter should you neglect the rights of others. Both wives deserve equal rights in and treatment. You can sit hiding in saudi forever. If you are not man enough to face up then you shouldn't have married again. Tell your saudi wife you fear Allah more than her and she knew what she was getting into when she married you. Go meet your 2nd wife and tell her the same, you fear Allah more than her and you will treat both wives equally by giving them their islamic rights. Have your women folk tell her to calm down and bear it with sabr and she will have great reward.
apologize for what? it's his God given right.
Agree, he has right of second marriage.

But see his fear of being killed or at least beaten by her family or relatives if he visits now.

Tell her if she isn't happy she can find another hubby.
perhaps you are still unmarried.
Reply

Welcome, Guest!
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up
anatolian
08-05-2018, 09:12 AM
Originally Posted by borhan.uddin
Dear Sir,

I have two wife.. my first wife living in bangladesh, my second wife last two years and living with me in saudi arabia. I want to bangladesh but afraid to go, may be she will kill me with her family due to my second married. I want to be a happy family with my two wife but my first wife not accept my second wife and my second not accepting my first wife. what i can do... please give me solution as per quran and hadis
You did a very bad thing. What kind of an advice are you asking? I think you are just making a confession.
Reply

*charisma*
08-06-2018, 10:53 AM
Originally Posted by anatolian
You did a very bad thing. What kind of an advice are you asking? I think you are just making a confession.
What did he do that was bad?
Reply

M.I.A.
08-06-2018, 11:22 AM
Lol so your second wife knows about your first wife? ..And does not approve?

That's some crazy @zz life choices.


Islamically, you may need to contact a more learned person for some valid advice..

I can only get away with one wife.

It's like inspector clueso living with kato.
Reply

anatolian
08-06-2018, 12:15 PM
Originally Posted by *charisma*
What did he do that was bad?
Telling his wife that he is going to anıther country for work and bring home money but marrying there to anıther woman without even informing his wife.
Reply

magok
08-10-2018, 08:36 PM
may god help you......
Reply

Zzz_
08-11-2018, 03:59 AM
Originally Posted by azc
Agree, he has right of second marriage.

But see his fear of being killed or at least beaten by her family or relatives if he visits now.


perhaps you are still unmarried.
if you notice the reply to you and to him were different. my reply to you was sarcasm in case you missed it.

and if you are scared of being killed or beaten and not strong enough to stand your ground then don't go doing things you can't handle.
Reply

Ümit
08-14-2018, 06:54 AM
Originally Posted by *charisma*
What did he do that was bad?
I think there is a lot that he did wrong.

In Islam, a man may marry a second or third wife but under the condition that the first one(s) agree on it and only if he can treat them all equal.
in this case, he did not even took the effort of asking her...which is very bad.
Reply

urkahnkhan
08-15-2018, 01:41 AM
Originally Posted by Zzz_
apologize for what? it's his God given right. Tell her if she isn't happy she can find another hubby.

.
The Brother has commited Haram because he has to inform the first wife that his getting married to a second one and she (1st wife) can chose whether she agrees to it or not by giving him two options either her or me and in that case he has to chose one of the two and this process has to happen before he married the second wife but he messed up without the first wife not knowing he did it by jumping over this process.

In all honesty this is a mess.

My advice to the brother is to make confession to both of them and try to reason with them if they are willing to accept being in polygomy and if they accept being both your wives then Alhamdullah you may proceed your marriage to them both but if one of them says no me or her then release one of them..

By the way it's a god given right ONLY if the women involved agree with it otherwise they can refuse saying NO to it. Most of the time 1st wife can either reject it by saying either me or her and the husband has to chose between them and if he wants to keep his 1st wife then he declines the potential marriage with the second wife and if he wants the 2nd potential wife then he releases his 1st wife.

polygamy has never been compulsory in Islam even tho it's halal it has never been compulsory and women still have the right to reject it if they feel greedy or not wanting to share their husbands they have commiting no crime in doing so also.

There is huge reward for them tho by commiting the self-sacrifice of sharing their husbands and believe me it's not an easy thing for women to do and may Allah reward for these who chose that because they treasure the herafter more then this dunya
Reply

emem.masorong
08-15-2018, 02:02 AM
Originally Posted by borhan.uddin
Dear Sir,

I have two wife.. my first wife living in bangladesh, my second wife last two years and living with me in saudi arabia. I want to bangladesh but afraid to go, may be she will kill me with her family due to my second married. I want to be a happy family with my two wife but my first wife not accept my second wife and my second not accepting my first wife. what i can do... please give me solution as per quran and hadis
I think you should respect them and pick only one if that is most righteous(without hurting anybody). You cannot just force them to love you as their husband.
Reply

peacefulone
08-15-2018, 11:35 AM
this is the most sensible advice yet...
he said it point blank that the wives do not want to be in polygamy.
They have the right to get out and he would be oppressing them by forcing them to stay married to him in polygamy.
I think he knows what he must do but is afraid to be alone if they both leave.
Reply

Ümit
08-15-2018, 12:17 PM
Originally Posted by Lgrant
this is the most sensible advice yet...
he said it point blank that the wives do not want to be in polygamy.
They have the right to get out and he would be oppressing them by forcing them to stay married to him in polygamy.
I think he knows what he must do but is afraid to be alone if they both leave.
Beside the fact that they have the right to divorce him, you cannot ignore the fact that he has wronged them both by not telling about each other in advance and let them make their choice.
So the only thing he can do is face them both and ask for their forgiveness.
and if they still want to leave him, then there is nothing he can do about that.
Reply

Zzz_
08-17-2018, 08:45 PM
Originally Posted by urkahnkhan
The Brother has commited Haram because he has to inform the first wife that his getting married to a second one and she (1st wife) can chose whether she agrees to it or not by giving him two options either her or me and in that case he has to chose one of the two and this process has to happen before he married the second wife but he messed up without the first wife not knowing he did it by jumping over this process.

In all honesty this is a mess.

My advice to the brother is to make confession to both of them and try to reason with them if they are willing to accept being in polygomy and if they accept being both your wives then Alhamdullah you may proceed your marriage to them both but if one of them says no me or her then release one of them..

By the way it's a god given right ONLY if the women involved agree with it otherwise they can refuse saying NO to it. Most of the time 1st wife can either reject it by saying either me or her and the husband has to chose between them and if he wants to keep his 1st wife then he declines the potential marriage with the second wife and if he wants the 2nd potential wife then he releases his 1st wife.

polygamy has never been compulsory in Islam even tho it's halal it has never been compulsory and women still have the right to reject it if they feel greedy or not wanting to share their husbands they have commiting no crime in doing so also.

There is huge reward for them tho by commiting the self-sacrifice of sharing their husbands and believe me it's not an easy thing for women to do and may Allah reward for these who chose that because they treasure the herafter more then this dunya
he has not committed any haram. He is under no obligation to inform his first wife and he does not need her to choose to agree to it or not. Only right she has in the matter is stipulating it in a pre-nupital agreement if she doesn't want it. Otherwise, she has no say in the matter. He is not jumping any process.

It is God's given right, that means he doesn't need anyone else permission. You really need to learn this aspect of Islam before giving advice to any brother.
Reply

urkahnkhan
08-18-2018, 02:25 AM
Originally Posted by Zzz_
he has not committed any haram. He is under no obligation to inform his first wife and he does not need her to choose to agree to it or not. Only right she has in the matter is stipulating it in a pre-nupital agreement if she doesn't want it. Otherwise, she has no say in the matter. He is not jumping any process.

It is God's given right, that means he doesn't need anyone else permission. You really need to learn this aspect of Islam before giving advice to any brother.
Yes she can if she can't put up with him anymore due to jealousy but she has to return back his mehr. In that way she will also avoid commiting kufr because she can't really put up with her husband anymore due to the intense hatred.

It's called Khula within shariah look it up.

But she has to inform the Qaadi of this and make sure to pay back her mehr accordingly
Reply

peacefulone
08-18-2018, 03:21 AM
I was going to say what urkahnkhan said
She does have a say...if she does not want to be in polygamy then she can leave him by khula. There is no forcing of polygamy on anyone. I believe she can leave at any time it becomes too much of a problem. He cannot force her to stay by doing it secretly or whatevee
Reply

Zzz_
08-26-2018, 01:09 AM
Originally Posted by urkahnkhan
Yes she can if she can't put up with him anymore due to jealousy but she has to return back his mehr. In that way she will also avoid commiting kufr because she can't really put up with her husband anymore due to the intense hatred.

It's called Khula within shariah look it up.

But she has to inform the Qaadi of this and make sure to pay back her mehr accordingly
She doesn't have a say in the matters of polygamy if she didn't stipulate it in the marriage contract. That's what I said and that is what you disagreed with. No one is talking about khula. If she can't handle polygamy then she has the right of khula to get out of it. That is not the issue here. your initial premise was that she has a say in him marrying again and that he committed haram, both accounts on which you were wrong.

The Brother has commited Haram because he has to inform the first wife that his getting married to a second one
Ibn Taimiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: "Whoever speaks about the religion without knowledge is a liar, even if he did not intend to lie."

Majmu Al-Fatwa, vol. 10, p. 449
Reply

peacefulone
08-26-2018, 02:07 AM
I advise from my heart that young men do try to do polygamy. A mature man knows that it will hurt his love from his wife and does not attempt it. That might be why muhammad pbuh did not try polygamy until he was 50 years old...way past his prime.
Thats an indication or should indicate the motivations of honorable men behind polygamy.
Reply

'Abd-al Latif
08-26-2018, 02:56 PM
Originally Posted by Lgrant
I advise from my heart that young men do try to do polygamy. A mature man knows that it will hurt his love from his wife and does not attempt it. That might be why muhammad pbuh did not try polygamy until he was 50 years old...way past his prime.
Thats an indication or should indicate the motivations of honorable men behind polygamy.
:facepalm:

EDIT:

This thread has become a debate about whether or not he should have taken a second wife. Has anyone here worked in a Sharia Council? Or is there anyone who has knowledge or experience in dealing with marital affairs? If not, your advice is likely to be more damaging than beneficial. The only advice you should all be giving is referring the brother to a Sharia Council seeing as nobody here seems to be qualified to give such advice.

To all brothers: Polygamy is an amaanah. Although it's permissible for you to have more than one wife, you must recognise that this is a responsibility and you will be accountable to Allah on the day of judgement. You must commit yourself to all your wives properly and treat them with love and fairness. It is not simply something for you to boast about. You should speak to the first wife about the matter because a lack of proper communication is likely to create more problems. Treat your wives as though they are a part of your life and not just individuals who have to take all their decisions with regards to their life from you.

To all sisters: It is not advisable to recommend against the commandments of Allah in any shape or form. Instead of disputing the nitty gritty details of polygamy, ask Allah to put iman and patience in your hearts and to handle the matter in a way that pleases Him. Discouraging polygamy is not going to of benefit in this life or the next as it's a reflection of the current state of your heart and how far you are from Allah. The Prophet's wives were jealous but they did not discourage him from polygamy. This life is temporary so take hold of every opportunity to please Allah rather than your desires. He will raise you in rank and provide you with satisfaction in your heart that you will never be able to gain elsewhere.

With regards to the actual issue at hand: the brother should speak to a qualified person as nobody here will be able to give you the right advice.
Reply

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 12-21-2015, 02:10 PM
  2. Replies: 9
    Last Post: 03-25-2015, 04:55 PM
  3. Replies: 19
    Last Post: 09-27-2009, 07:00 PM
  4. Replies: 21
    Last Post: 10-02-2008, 08:14 PM

IslamicBoard

Experience a richer experience on our mobile app!