format_quote Originally Posted by
ameerkam
Salaam.
My father doesn’t like it when me and my younger brother socialise with relatives on the other side of the family as they had wronged him in the past. I don’t condone their actions and I have a low opinion of most of them (although, my brother and I are fairly close with one of our uncles). Would it be impermissible to socialise with them as my father doesn’t support it?
Jazzakallahu Khair.
Well....I will answer it this way. You and your father have one thing common. Both of you where born boys ones and now turned men at old age. I want you to picture yourself in your father's shoes (regardless whether you think he is wrong, controlling, unjustified, or what ever answer you think you can answer me back)...now you are in your father's body and he is in yours. You have his feelings and emotions on this matter and you told your son (not intentional to controlling him mind you) that you such and such relative wrong you and you hate dealing with them or whatever and here you have a son who you would think may back you up or respect you enough to take your opinion or make you feel...you are actually a parent and a father and you have rights over that boy who you raised, financially supported, toke care off...then all of a sudden all your years went raising this boy he grows up and disrespect you by doing things without asking your opinion on this matter.....how would you feel? Assume you believe you are the man of the house and a father and no one in your family respects you..or listens to you and feel like you are a slave on the house...well...that is how your father will feel if you don't even go and act like he is your father and respect him enough to ask his opinion or even permission. Now if you do not care.....remember...you are a man like him and one day or possibly you are a father already. If you are ok with your children treating you the same manner as you would to him...do whatever you want without his support.
I told my mom and I mean it in every word of it...if I have no authority or right as a parent in my home...then I prefer my child be raised by a single mother and I pay financial support. I will only be with families who respect me, give me my right and make me feel I am wanted and needed and have right in raising my own children and...call me selfish....but that is me...I would LOVE my children who show me respect and love in return and make me feel like I am a parent. Any child who step over me, disrespect me..do things without my support on matters that reflect me...will make me feel my own child raised the middle finger and said "F! YOU!"......sorry..but I want nothing to do with that child. DAUGHTER or SON...nothing. SubhanahaLlah...I may be dramatic here...and I am sure everyone will jump gun on me...but I am putting my shoes on his shoes and dealing with his case scenario and I don't even know your father or know you...and I have my heart to your dad. I have my heart to that man who suffered hard, worked hard, tolerated you and your mother....having a wife is no easy feat for a man....it is jihad to have a wife...and children in addition to a wife..is an enormous jihad. As a human being I like it before I die that I get some right or feel I have some say with my children...may Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) raise your dad high level in Janna. Fathers are becoming a rare commodity. If I was you...I would hug your father, kiss him and say thank you dad for everything you have done to us....make your father's heart melt...please......and just make him feel he is a parent. Eventually dads will be almost impossible to have in families...and statistics have shown children raised without fathers are screwed up beasts...to be honest...his presence in your house should be enough to say Al-hamdolillah I have a dad still and thank Allah that you do...one day he will be buried in the grave (usually before your mother would). I do not know what it feel like to have a dad myself...to have his hand touch my hair when I was a boy...or hug me...but guaranteed had my father lived and he dad that to me...just him touching my hair my have wired my brain in such ways.....I would be an entirely different person all together.