marriage

[harris123]

I am 23 years old and went to study abroad i found a girl and unfortunately i was in haram releationship with her, her mother knew everything and i told her that i will inform her as soon as my degree ends.Few months back i informed my parents and they were quite disappointed but they met her parents but there were so many confusion between both parents and my parents were not ready to accept that girl.
I thought everything is finished but than i felt like this is the only girl i can live with i started convincing my parents again and did istikhara as well as there were so many confusions within both families .
my dad was not ready to accept her and he did not told me directly but her parents on call and he lied to me that i have never said that he was more of disappointed with everything that he told my mother to talk for nikah but again there were so many misunderstandings and fighting within family members and i think this time all the doors are closed .
i am crying for her and she is for me i think its negative istikhara or something but we both wanted this to be halal and its not going in good direction
we both decided we will never marry anyone and started praying tahajjud and duas to change fate and make us closer in halal way but its seems impossible and i am confused as what should i do ? pleasse help