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Guideseaker110
10-17-2018, 10:33 PM
Hello everyone I am seaking advice on this issue I have been dealing with for a very long time. I am a teenager living in the west and am open to the idea of marriage. I come from a cultured family by the way. Not too long ago a man who sparked my interest asked for my hand in marriage and his Deen, character, education was very acceptable and he was also an attractive man to me. However due to a pride issue my mother completely rejected the man, and started to pressure me to marry someone of her liking! I am completely stressed out because I do not really see this man being my husband. Yes he is smart, educated and also has acceptable character and Deen however when I look at him I do not feel that I can build a romantic attraction which scares me because I want to be a good wife and be able to please my husband while also being comfortable myself! Please let me know what I should do my mother has been on me for more than a year about this boy and I have been praying istikhara hoping my attraction can grow. This situation is making me hate the idea of marriage and I don’t want to marry any more, however if it were someone else I was attracted to with good character and Deen I would be okay with the idea of marriage. Imagining marriage with this guy has led me to imagine how life would be like with another man that I’m attracted to, which I do not want to feel this way if I do agree to him. My mother really likes this family and I’ve spoken to her numerous times that I do not want to fall into Sin by not being a good wife and she tells me that why wouldn’t you like him he will provide you a house, and he’s educated. She is very persistent On this. She also constantly makes me feel bad and tells me she will make sure to reject anyone else that is to come if I pass up on this man. But something inside of me is hurting. I do want to be able to feel attraction towards my partner. Sorry for this Long discussion. Help me out please thank you in advance
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*charisma*
10-17-2018, 11:11 PM
Assalamu Alaikum

Originally Posted by Guideseaker110
Hello everyone I am seaking advice on this issue I have been dealing with for a very long time. I am a teenager living in the west and am open to the idea of marriage. I come from a cultured family by the way. Not too long ago a man who sparked my interest asked for my hand in marriage and his Deen, character, education was very acceptable and he was also an attractive man to me. However due to a pride issue my mother completely rejected the man, and started to pressure me to marry someone of her liking! I am completely stressed out because I do not really see this man being my husband. Yes he is smart, educated and also has acceptable character and Deen however when I look at him I do not feel that I can build a romantic attraction which scares me because I want to be a good wife and be able to please my husband while also being comfortable myself! Please let me know what I should do my mother has been on me for more than a year about this boy and I have been praying istikhara hoping my attraction can grow. This situation is making me hate the idea of marriage and I don’t want to marry any more, however if it were someone else I was attracted to with good character and Deen I would be okay with the idea of marriage. Imagining marriage with this guy has led me to imagine how life would be like with another man that I’m attracted to, which I do not want to feel this way if I do agree to him. My mother really likes this family and I’ve spoken to her numerous times that I do not want to fall into Sin by not being a good wife and she tells me that why wouldn’t you like him he will provide you a house, and he’s educated. She is very persistent On this. She also constantly makes me feel bad and tells me she will make sure to reject anyone else that is to come if I pass up on this man. But something inside of me is hurting. I do want to be able to feel attraction towards my partner. Sorry for this Long discussion. Help me out please thank you in advance
You don't have to marry anyone you don't feel attracted to or do not want to marry. However, you also shouldn't be fantasizing about someone else because that person may not be destined for you either and it will only cause you to have conflicted feelings when someone suitable does come along. Secondly, it is very possible to be attracted to someone later on even if you do not find them attractive initially. So if this person that your mother wants you to marry sounds suitable, maybe you should get to know him better? If you don't feel attracted to him at all and absolutely do not see anything evolving with him, then you don't have to marry him and your mother shouldn't pressure you to do so nor stand in your way if someone else comes along. If there are any close male relatives (father, uncle, grandfather) maybe you can ask for their help since they are your guardians.

Your mom probably views this person as someone who can take care of you and it eases her mind to know you'd be in a good family so perhaps this is one of the reasons she is trying to push you towards him. I don't think you should let it affect you too much, eventually she will understand that you just don't want him, but for now you shouldn't feel to discouraged or negative towards her or the situation of marriage in general.
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