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RisingLight
12-21-2018, 10:13 PM
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Bintameeen
12-22-2018, 12:56 AM
Originally Posted by DyingLight
Salam alaikum

I will write this fast as i have no motivation to even write anymore.
I became a "muslim" 7 years ago and,if you can see my threads,especially the threads i made in another islamic forum,youd see i have always been in a bad condition that made my mental and religious capacity Idiotic (i was and am an idiot).But it can be justified to an extent because i live only inside 4 walls.Since i became a "muslim" my family was against it and because i live in a poor country (may Allah wipe it out of existance) i couldnt leave home so i had to fake that i left islam.That means praying in secret,fasting in secret,having no muslim friends,not going to the masjid etc.I have made duaa to Allah almost everyday to get me out of here.What i want most in my life is to get out of here and live alone again so i can be a practising muslim.Yet my condition never changed.I dont have a life outside,everything i know is online.I dont work because i am extremely depressed,and thus i dont have money and no power to do anything at all,and even if i work this country is very poor as i said and i cant live alone,im stuck to live with my family.If the pressure of doing everything in secret isnt enough,my family is also very toxic and mentaly abusive,.My dignity as a man is dead because i havent accomplished anything and i am so inferior to everyone,i stay inside 4 walls smelling like goat because am too depressed to even go for a walk or take a shower.And to put up with all this,i do a lot of haram online,which makes me hate myself even more because this is not me this is what hopelessness and depression is doing to me.

It comes a point where a man breaks and after 7 years of dealing with all this,this is my breaking point.I have almost no hope and no desire to do anything anymore.I pray tahajjud everyday but i dont think i will today,i also disconnected myself from some muslims i have contacts with online,i dont want to talk to anyone.I am angry at everything and the worst is because i am angry at Allah.I know i shouldnt be but i cant help it.I dont know,i dont know why He doesnt want me go to Him,idk why He doesnt accept me.I need Him so much but i feel i am so alone.
If it is because of my sins,i know i am a wicked person and i wish i could whip myself,but in the end i know others who make worst sins than i do,and i know smn who even commited shirk,left islam and made zinnah,and his life became great.Now i know that he is given the dunya because he lost the akhirah.But i have also lost the akhirah,if i die now i have nothing to show before Allah.Ramadhan is coming soon and if i am still here it will be another ramadhan that i cant fast completely.Out of 5 pillars i have accomplished 0.

Anyway,this is getting to long so i will stop,what i want to say is that,after 7 years my situation is still the same,i have no hope it will be better.And since everytime i get a good news,another bad news follows short and reverses everything.I think that even if i am given what I always asked,smth will happen which will put me in depressed situation again.I dont think things will ever go well for me.
So please,Allah will listen to you,please tell Him to have mercy on me,to give me a chance so i can show that i can be a muslim too.I know i am a failure,but i have rejected zinnah even when i had to spent the night alone with a girl,and when i lived alone for some times i have always prayed,even fajr on time,so i may not be good,but am better at this sinnful failure i am now.

Please help me with your duaa,i dont want anything from you except duaa

(sorry if some things dont make sense,i black out and forget what i write,my mind is very overwhelmed)
وعلیکم السلام و رحمۃ اللہ و برکاتہ

You should have be patient, and have faith in any hardship or trial. Indeed Allah knows best for you. Never underestimate with the mercy and blessings of Allah Subhana wa tala.

It would be best for you to understand and reat this verse whenever you feel bad.

At-Taubah 9:59

وَلَوْ أَنَّهُمْ رَضُوا۟ مَآ ءَاتَىٰهُمُ ٱللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُۥ وَقَالُوا۟ حَسْبُنَا ٱللَّهُ سَيُؤْتِينَا ٱللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِۦ وَرَسُولُهُۥٓ إِنَّآ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ رَٰغِبُونَ

If only they had been satisfied with what Allah and His Messenger gave them and said, "Sufficient for us is Allah ; Allah will give us of His bounty, and [so will] His Messenger; indeed, we are desirous toward Allah," [it would have been better for them].
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azc
12-22-2018, 02:36 AM
:wa:

May Allah :swt1: make it easy for you. Ameen
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emem.masorong
12-22-2018, 02:56 AM
I just offered a dua for you for Allah to have mercy on you and help you. What is the country you live in? I have these paranormal beings telling what's inside my mind.
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RisingLight
12-22-2018, 02:43 PM
i agree with you and i would have continued to stay patient but i feel like He doesnt care about me,like He is ignoring me or doesnt even want to hear me.Like i am a noisance.I mean all i am waiting for its just the permission.I have applied for the permission and i am waiting for than 3 years for that (when the average time is 1 year).If i can get it i can get out of here and start being a proper muslim.Ramadhan is coming and i will loose another ramadhan.I dont understand how it is better for me to loose so much time when Allah can immediately give me that permission and i can be free to be muslim.
He can do everything,so the fact that my situation is the same after all this time makes me doubt wether He doesnt care about me anymore. This is whats driving me crazy



Thanks everyone else for the duaa...
Reply

IslamLife00
12-22-2018, 02:53 PM
Originally Posted by DyingLight
Salam alaikum

I will write this fast as i have no motivation to even write anymore.
I became a "muslim" 7 years ago and,if you can see my threads,especially the threads i made in another islamic forum,youd see i have always been in a bad condition that made my mental and religious capacity Idiotic (i was and am an idiot).But it can be justified to an extent because i live only inside 4 walls.Since i became a "muslim" my family was against it and because i live in a poor country (may Allah wipe it out of existance) i couldnt leave home so i had to fake that i left islam.That means praying in secret,fasting in secret,having no muslim friends,not going to the masjid etc.I have made duaa to Allah almost everyday to get me out of here.What i want most in my life is to get out of here and live alone again so i can be a practising muslim.Yet my condition never changed.I dont have a life outside,everything i know is online.I dont work because i am extremely depressed,and thus i dont have money and no power to do anything at all,and even if i work this country is very poor as i said and i cant live alone,im stuck to live with my family.If the pressure of doing everything in secret isnt enough,my family is also very toxic and mentaly abusive,.My dignity as a man is dead because i havent accomplished anything and i am so inferior to everyone,i stay inside 4 walls smelling like goat because am too depressed to even go for a walk or take a shower.And to put up with all this,i do a lot of haram online,which makes me hate myself even more because this is not me this is what hopelessness and depression is doing to me.

It comes a point where a man breaks and after 7 years of dealing with all this,this is my breaking point.I have almost no hope and no desire to do anything anymore.I pray tahajjud everyday but i dont think i will today,i also disconnected myself from some muslims i have contacts with online,i dont want to talk to anyone.I am angry at everything and the worst is because i am angry at Allah.I know i shouldnt be but i cant help it.I dont know,i dont know why He doesnt want me go to Him,idk why He doesnt accept me.I need Him so much but i feel i am so alone.
If it is because of my sins,i know i am a wicked person and i wish i could whip myself,but in the end i know others who make worst sins than i do,and i know smn who even commited shirk,left islam and made zinnah,and his life became great.Now i know that he is given the dunya because he lost the akhirah.But i have also lost the akhirah,if i die now i have nothing to show before Allah.Ramadhan is coming soon and if i am still here it will be another ramadhan that i cant fast completely.Out of 5 pillars i have accomplished 0.

Anyway,this is getting to long so i will stop,what i want to say is that,after 7 years my situation is still the same,i have no hope it will be better.And since everytime i get a good news,another bad news follows short and reverses everything.I think that even if i am given what I always asked,smth will happen which will put me in depressed situation again.I dont think things will ever go well for me.
So please,Allah will listen to you,please tell Him to have mercy on me,to give me a chance so i can show that i can be a muslim too.I know i am a failure,but i have rejected zinnah even when i had to spent the night alone with a girl,and when i lived alone for some times i have always prayed,even fajr on time,so i may not be good,but am better at this sinnful failure i am now.

Please help me with your duaa,i dont want anything from you except duaa

(sorry if some things dont make sense,i black out and forget what i write,my mind is very overwhelmed)
wa 'alaykum as-salaam

May Allah ease your hardship and send you the help you need

As for your situation, if you cannot pray or fast other than in secret, you can still say dhikr. Here are some dhikr I found in the hadith of the prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wa salaam :

Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Whoever says, 'Subhan Allah wa bihamdihi,' one hundred times a day, will be forgiven all his sins even if they were as much as the foam of the sea. (Sahih al Bukhari)


Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said," Whoever says: "La ilaha illal-lah wahdahu la sharika lahu, lahu-l-mulk wa lahul- hamd wa huwa 'ala kulli shai'in qadir," one hundred times will get the same reward as given for manumitting ten slaves; and one hundred good deeds will be written in his accounts, and one hundred sins will be deducted from his accounts, and it (his saying) will be a shield for him from Satan on that day till night, and nobody will be able to do a better deed except the one who does more than he." (sahih al Bukhari)


It was narrated from Samurah bin Jundab that:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: "(There are) four that are the best of words, and it does not matter with which you begin: Subhan-Allah, wal-Hamdu-Lillah, wa la ilaha illallah, wa Allahu Akbar (Glory is to Allah, praise is to Allah, none has the right to be worshiped but Allah and Allah is the Most Great). " (Sunan Ibn Majah)

Narrated Ibn `Abbas:

The Prophet (ﷺ) used to say at the time of difficulty, 'La ilaha il-lallah Al-`Alimul-Halim. La-ilaha illallah Rabul- Arsh-al-Azim, La ilaha-il-lallah Rabus-Samawati Rab-ul-Ard; wa Rab-ul-Arsh Al- Karim. (Sahih al Bukhari)


You can also recite the Qur'an.


Narrated Abu Hurairah:
that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "Do not turn your houses into graves. (Jami'at-Tirmidhi)


It was narrated from Abu Mas’ud that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
“Whoever recites the last two Verses of Surat Al-Baqarah at night, that will be sufficient for him.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)

Narrated 'Aisha:

Whenever the Prophet (ﷺ) went to bed every night, he used to cup his hands together and blow over it after reciting Surat Al-Ikhlas, Surat Al-Falaq and Surat An-Nas, and then rub his hands over whatever parts of his body he was able to rub, starting with his head, face and front of his body. He used to do that three times. (Sahih al Bukhari)


You can do ablution, before salah (even if you are unable to offer salah due to your family's oppression) and before sleep.


Abu Huraira reported:

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: When a believer-washes his face (in ablution), every sin he contemplated with his eyes, will be washed away from his face along with water, or with the last drop of water; when he washes his hands, every sin they wrought will be effaced from his hands with the water, or with the last drop of water; and when he washes his feet, every sin towards which his feet have walked will be washed away with the water or with the last drop of water with the result that he comes out pure from all sins. (Sahih Muslim)

It was narrated that 'Umar bin Khattab said:
"The Messenger of Allah said: 'There is no Muslim who performs ablution and does it well, then says: Ashhadu an la ilaha illallah, wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan `abduhu wa rasuluhu (I bear witness that none has the right to be worshipped but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger),' (except that) eight gates of Paradise will be opened for him, and he will enter through whichever one he wants.'" (Sunan Ibn Majah)



There are dua in the Qur'an and hadith you can say as well. I will post later.






Reply

Bintameeen
12-22-2018, 02:55 PM
Originally Posted by DyingLight
i agree with you and i would have continued to stay patient but i feel like He doesnt care about me,like He is ignoring me or doesnt even want to hear me.Like i am a noisance.I mean all i am waiting for its just the permission.I have applied for the permission and i am waiting for than 3 years for that (when the average time is 1 year).If i can get it i can get out of here and start being a proper muslim.Ramadhan is coming and i will loose another ramadhan.I dont understand how it is better for me to loose so much time when Allah can immediately give me that permission and i can be free to be muslim.
He can do everything,so the fact that my situation is the same after all this time makes me doubt wether He doesnt care about me anymore. This is whats driving me crazy



Thanks everyone else for the duaa...
Allah kareem, never left His servant alone, Just took a test for a while to see how loyal we are to Trust Allah's plan. And have firm upon faith, always remind urself that "something is really best for me in all this happening", in shaa Allah by passing time you I'll understand the facts, the logics behind every situation, maybe this hard time is filtering you to become more pure to Allah subahanahu wa tala, just never let negativity higher then positivity, inside you. Indeed Allah knows ur intentions, ur actions best.
Reply

RisingLight
12-22-2018, 04:31 PM
Originally Posted by Bintameeen
Allah kareem, never left His servant alone, Just took a test for a while to see how loyal we are to Trust Allah's plan. And have firm upon faith, always remind urself that "something is really best for me in all this happening", in shaa Allah by passing time you I'll understand the facts, the logics behind every situation, maybe this hard time is filtering you to become more pure to Allah subahanahu wa tala, just never let negativity higher then positivity, inside you. Indeed Allah knows ur intentions, ur actions best.
You are right brother.I think the same as you.But am very exhausted so sometimes shaytan wins and make me dumb and blind.But i will try to always keep in mind this is good for me and its not abandonance or smth bad.Thank you so much for your time and advices and if you could make a duaa youd really help me out.

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by IslamLife00
wa 'alaykum as-salaam

May Allah ease your hardship and send you the help you need

As for your situation, if you cannot pray or fast other than in secret, you can still say dhikr. Here are some dhikr I found in the hadith of the prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wa salaam :

Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Whoever says, 'Subhan Allah wa bihamdihi,' one hundred times a day, will be forgiven all his sins even if they were as much as the foam of the sea. (Sahih al Bukhari)


Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said," Whoever says: "La ilaha illal-lah wahdahu la sharika lahu, lahu-l-mulk wa lahul- hamd wa huwa 'ala kulli shai'in qadir," one hundred times will get the same reward as given for manumitting ten slaves; and one hundred good deeds will be written in his accounts, and one hundred sins will be deducted from his accounts, and it (his saying) will be a shield for him from Satan on that day till night, and nobody will be able to do a better deed except the one who does more than he." (sahih al Bukhari)


It was narrated from Samurah bin Jundab that:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: "(There are) four that are the best of words, and it does not matter with which you begin: Subhan-Allah, wal-Hamdu-Lillah, wa la ilaha illallah, wa Allahu Akbar (Glory is to Allah, praise is to Allah, none has the right to be worshiped but Allah and Allah is the Most Great). " (Sunan Ibn Majah)

Narrated Ibn `Abbas:

The Prophet (ﷺ) used to say at the time of difficulty, 'La ilaha il-lallah Al-`Alimul-Halim. La-ilaha illallah Rabul- Arsh-al-Azim, La ilaha-il-lallah Rabus-Samawati Rab-ul-Ard; wa Rab-ul-Arsh Al- Karim. (Sahih al Bukhari)


You can also recite the Qur'an.


Narrated Abu Hurairah:
that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "Do not turn your houses into graves. (Jami'at-Tirmidhi)


It was narrated from Abu Mas’ud that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
“Whoever recites the last two Verses of Surat Al-Baqarah at night, that will be sufficient for him.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)

Narrated 'Aisha:

Whenever the Prophet (ﷺ) went to bed every night, he used to cup his hands together and blow over it after reciting Surat Al-Ikhlas, Surat Al-Falaq and Surat An-Nas, and then rub his hands over whatever parts of his body he was able to rub, starting with his head, face and front of his body. He used to do that three times. (Sahih al Bukhari)


You can do ablution, before salah (even if you are unable to offer salah due to your family's oppression) and before sleep.


Abu Huraira reported:

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: When a believer-washes his face (in ablution), every sin he contemplated with his eyes, will be washed away from his face along with water, or with the last drop of water; when he washes his hands, every sin they wrought will be effaced from his hands with the water, or with the last drop of water; and when he washes his feet, every sin towards which his feet have walked will be washed away with the water or with the last drop of water with the result that he comes out pure from all sins. (Sahih Muslim)

It was narrated that 'Umar bin Khattab said:
"The Messenger of Allah said: 'There is no Muslim who performs ablution and does it well, then says: Ashhadu an la ilaha illallah, wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan `abduhu wa rasuluhu (I bear witness that none has the right to be worshipped but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger),' (except that) eight gates of Paradise will be opened for him, and he will enter through whichever one he wants.'" (Sunan Ibn Majah)



There are dua in the Qur'an and hadith you can say as well. I will post later.





Thank you soooooo much.I was worried because of the fact that i cant do good deeds and that i have like 0 good deeds and only sins.I have saved your msg in a word doc and will read it every day before sleep in shaa Allah....you have contributed a lot in making me feel better....dont worry about finding others,this is enough too.Thank you for your time and if you could make a duaa too youd really help me.
Reply

MazharShafiq
12-22-2018, 07:20 PM
You should have be patient, and have faith in any hardship or trial. Indeed Allah knows best for you. Never underestimate with the mercy and blessings of Allah Subhana wa tala.
Reply

IslamLife00
12-22-2018, 07:53 PM
Thank you soooooo much.I was worried because of the fact that i cant do good deeds and that i have like 0 good deeds and only sins.I have saved your msg in a word doc and will read it every day before sleep in shaa Allah....you have contributed a lot in making me feel better....dont worry about finding others,this is enough too.Thank you for your time and if you could make a duaa too youd really help me.[/QUOTE]


OK I will just add these. I know it's long read.


It was narrated that Ibn Abbas said:"When Jibril was with the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), he heard a sound from above like a door opening. Jibril, peace be upon him, looked up toward the sky and said: 'This is a gate in Heaven that has been opened, but it was never opened before." He said: "An Angel came down from it and came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said: 'Receive the glad tidings of two lights that have been given to you and were never given to any prophet before you: The Opening of the Book (Al-Fatihah) and the last verses of Surat Al-Baqarah. You will never recite a single letter of them but you will be granted it.'" (Sunan An-Nasa'i)

Narrated Muhammad bin Sirin:Abu Huraira said, "Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) put me in charge of the Zakat of Ramadan (i.e. Zakat-ul-Fitr). Someone came to me and started scooping some of the foodstuff of (Zakat) with both hands. I caught him and told him that I would take him to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)." Then Abu Huraira told the whole narration and added "He (i.e. the thief) said, 'Whenever you go to your bed, recite the Verse of "Al-Kursi" (2.255) for then a guardian from Allah will be guarding you, and Satan will not approach you till dawn.' " On that the Prophet (ﷺ) said, "He told you the truth, though he is a liar, and he (the thief) himself was the Satan." (Sahih al Bukhari)

Abu Umama said he heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) say:Recite the Qur'an, for on the Day of Resurrection it will come as an intercessor for those who recite It. Recite the two bright ones, al-Baqara and Surah Al 'Imran, for on the Day of Resurrection they will come as two clouds or two shades, or two flocks of birds in ranks, pleading for those who recite them. Recite Surah al-Baqara, for to take recourse to it is a blessing and to give it up is a cause of grief, and the magicians cannot confront it. (Mu'awiya said: It has been conveyed to me that here Batala means magicians.) (Sahih Muslim)

Narrated Abu Hurairah:
that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "Do not turn your houses into graves. Indeed shaytan does not enter the house in which Al-Baqarah is recited (Jami'at-Tirmidhi)


Narrated Muhammad bin Ka'b Al-Qurazi:"I heard 'Abdullah bin Mas'ud saying:' The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:" [Who recites a letter] from Allah's Book, then he receives the reward from it, and the reward of ten the like of it. I do not say that Alif Lam Mim is a letter, but Alif is a letter, Lam is a letter and Mim is a letter. " (Jami'at-Tirmidhi)

Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: There are two qualities or characteristics which will not be returned by any Muslim without his entering Paradise. While they are easy, those who act upon them are few. One should say: "Glory be to Allah" ten times after every prayer, "Praise be to Allah" ten times and "Allah is Most Great" ten times. That is a hundred and fifty on the tongue, but one thousand and five hundred on the scale. When he goes to bed, he should say: "Allah is Most Great" thirty-four times, "Praise be to Allah" thirty-three times, and Glory be to Allah thirty-three times, for that is a hundred on the tongue and a thousand on the scale. (He said :) I saw the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) counting them on his hand.
The people asked: Messenger of Allah! How is it that while they are easy, those who act upon them are few?
He replied: The Devil comes to one of you when he goes to bed and he makes him sleep, before he utters them, and he comes to him while he is engaged in prayer and calls a need to his mind before he utters them. (Sunan Abi Dawud)



Hadith about Tahajjud :

Narrated 'Ubada bin As-Samit:

The Prophet (ﷺ) "Whoever gets up at night and says: - 'La ilaha il-lallah Wahdahu la Sharika lahu Lahu-lmulk, waLahu-l-hamd wahuwa' ala kullishai'in Qadir. -lahi wa la-ilaha il-lal-lah wa-l-lahu akbar wa la hawla Wala Quwata il-la-bil-lah. ' (None has the right to be worshiped but Allah.) He is the Only One and has no partners. for Allah. And none has the right to be worshiped but Allah, And Allah is Great And there is none Might nor Power except with Allah.) And then says: - Allahumma, Ighfir li (O Allah! Forgive me) Or invokes (Allah), he will be responded to and if he fulfills ablution (and prays), his prayer will be accepted. (Sahih al Bukhari)


Salah and fasting are also rewarded, also other good deeds.

May Allah ease your hardship and send you the help you need so that you can live and practice Islam safely.

I really hope you can offer salah at least without being oppressed someday.
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