It is sinful for a someone to wish to be lifted the freedom from him?

[Nitro Zeus]

Sometimes, I just wish I never been granted freedom, but to do work like angels do: without commenting. You know why? Because, if I have freedom like all the rest of humans, then I can do whatever crosses in mind without being stopped by someone. But, after I committed couple of disbeliefs in past and then I entered again in Islam, then I started to be scared even to think of what will happen to me at deathbed time and I started to wish to be lifted from me this freedom so that I wont have to commit any sin, because committing any sin freely is risky and has sever consequences, and I dont want to deal with His Punishment. So, is it sinful for me to wish to be lfited the free will to chose? Is it really wise what I have in mind to do? Or it is agaisnt nature? Becausex I,had enouph of doing stupid things, and some of my stupid things are memorable and I dont want to suffer anymore because of my stupid mistake.

[azc]

Anas :ra: narrated that Allah's Messenger ‏:saws: said:

“All the sons of Adam are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who repent often.”

Related by At·Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah

[Nitro Zeus]

Anas :ra: narrated that Allah's Messenger ‏:saws: said:

“All the sons of Adam are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who repent often.”

Related by At·Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah

Oh, so the fact that I repent every night for each sin I made in day time whether it is intentionally or unintentionally made, then thats mean I'm the best? Because, I really do this every night in different ways. Somtimes I recite the chapter "The Purity" and sometimes I recite Istakhara for x1-2-3-4-5 or more than that until I fall asleep. And it has become to me as a habit.

[azc]

Repentance before sleep is always good for a momin. Why and how you do this istikhara...?

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[Nitro Zeus]

Repentance before sleep is always good for a momin. Why and how you do this istikhara...?

What do you mean-"why and hoe I do Istakhara"? I simply recite repeatedly even if I dont feel like I'm doing with sincerity, I do with hope that I will get His forgiveness so that I can have the honor of reciting shahada at deathbed time and to answer correctly all three grave questions.

[azc]

May Allah :swt: keep us steadfast on deen at the deathbed. Ameen

[Nitro Zeus]

May Allah :swt: keep us steadfast on deen at the deathbed. Ameen

amin