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Pinky
01-18-2019, 11:32 AM
Coming to the realisation that I'll be mid 30s this year and that I'm still the same situation as years before. I have some life long health issues so that restricts me from looking for full time work, I've never moved out of home, my parents never ask me about it but then again I don't have that kind of money for it anyway, whenever I bring up the need for independence my mum starts arguments with me and tells me I want to be like my older sister (she ruined her life and rejects Islam). I'm scared because I won't know what to do if something happens to my parents. The only thing I do is volunteer and some hobbies. I'm too scared to see any friends because I'm embarrased. I am educated, but its all becoming a waste. My other sisters who have any life are married. But I've never had that mind set that way and my parents have never considered me to get married. I'm not disabled but I have a heart problem and they put me down as unable to do anything even think for myself. If I ever bring up wanting to do anything independent then apparently I'm up to something bad. .. my older sister for sure made my mum develop these thoughts over the years, shame my mum doesn't understand we are not all like my sister nor do I want to be like her.
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*charisma*
01-18-2019, 11:41 AM
Assalamu Alaikum

Originally Posted by Pinky
Coming to the realisation that I'll be mid 30s this year and that I'm still the same situation as years before. I have some life long health issues so that restricts me from looking for full time work, I've never moved out of home, my parents never ask me about it but then again I don't have that kind of money for it anyway, whenever I bring up the need for independence my mum starts arguments with me and tells me I want to be like my older sister (she ruined her life and rejects Islam). I'm scared because I won't know what to do if something happens to my parents. The only thing I do is volunteer and some hobbies. I'm too scared to see any friends because I'm embarrased. I am educated, but its all becoming a waste. My other sisters who have any life are married. But I've never had that mind set that way and my parents have never considered me to get married. I'm not disabled but I have a heart problem and they put me down as unable to do anything even think for myself. If I ever bring up wanting to do anything independent then apparently I'm up to something bad. .. my older sister for sure made my mum develop these thoughts over the years, shame my mum doesn't understand we are not all like my sister nor do I want to be like her.
Do you believe your heart issues really limit your abilities or are you just going by what the doctors say?? I mean if you can volunteer, I don't see why you can't have a desk job or a normal low-risk job. You can even try to do something online. If doctors are saying you can't work then you should be able to file for disability benefits as well. You have options, but your morale seems low.
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Pinky
01-18-2019, 11:59 AM
I only volunteer 3 days (it is located close by) and the hours are not full and travel anywhere far makes my chest hurt alot and I tire very quickly. But my mum makes it difficult as everything I say she twists it as if I want to go out and do bad things. Nothing I do or say can convince her.
Also desk job/office is personally something I do not want to do. I like retail types. But I don't mind office but I can see why your saying it as it would be easier on my health.
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Mandy
01-18-2019, 01:11 PM
Do not despair dear sister. It is unfortunate that you had one sister that turned her back on islam. I can understand how it made your mother suspicious and scared of having another of her child do the same. Maybe you should have a honest and relaxed talk with your mother to reassure her you have no plan on being like that sister.

You said your other sister is married and has a good life. Why don't you tell your parents that you would also want to marry? You do not seem disabled and I am sure there are many people who would love to be your husband and to help you.

In the mean time, you can explain to your mother that you simply want to not be a burden to your family and to help out. Even if you have health issues, try to do what you can. And you can also mention that you do need to start considering what will happen years from now when your parents will be the ones who will need to be supported and even after that when they will no longer be around. From what you wrote, your motives sound very honorable and good. I am sure your parents can see that if you explain it to them.
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Eric H
01-18-2019, 05:17 PM
Greetings and peace be with you Pinky;

Our daughter is very much like you, she is nearly 40 and has suffered with epilepsy from a young age. She still has seizures now crossing roads, going shopping in the shower and she has a lot of scars from various falls. Like you, she has lost a number of jobs due to her seizures, she now does two or three sessions of voluntary work a week.

She probably copes with her condition better than we do. We recently had a phone call from Claire, she was walking home and sensed a seizure coming on, there was the sound of a crash as she fell down and her phone hit the ground. We kept talking to her and shortly after a woman picked up the phone and explained what was happening. We live a hundred miles away and it is a constant worry for us.

Claire has been married for ten years to an extraordinary, and yet ordinary man, they have gone through a lot together, he has to go to work every day and leave her behind. She is a remarkable woman, and I feel she is much stronger than our two other high flying children. She says that failure is only failure when you give up, and somehow she keeps getting up always one more time.

Your parents worry about you because they care, they are probably less able to cope than you are, so maybe patient with them for a few more years. Somehow you will find your strength, you have survived more than a lot of people have. You are stronger than I am, I say this because I can just get up and get on with my day. You have to fight a lot of gremlins to face your daily life.

Never give up hope in Allah, give thanks daily for what you have. The more things you can find to be thankful for, the stronger you will become.

The struggle you are in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow.

Love endures everything, Love is stronger than death, love fears nothing.

Be who God meant you to be, and you will set the world on fire.

May Allah bless you profusely in your struggles,
Eric
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Nitro Zeus
01-18-2019, 07:47 PM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you Pinky;

Our daughter is very much like you, she is nearly 40 and has suffered with epilepsy from a young age. She still has seizures now crossing roads, going shopping in the shower and she has a lot of scars from various falls. Like you, she has lost a number of jobs due to her seizures, she now does two or three sessions of voluntary work a week.

She probably copes with her condition better than we do. We recently had a phone call from Claire, she was walking home and sensed a seizure coming on, there was the sound of a crash as she fell down and her phone hit the ground. We kept talking to her and shortly after a woman picked up the phone and explained what was happening. We live a hundred miles away and it is a constant worry for us.

Claire has been married for ten years to an extraordinary, and yet ordinary man, they have gone through a lot together, he has to go to work every day and leave her behind. She is a remarkable woman, and I feel she is much stronger than our two other high flying children. She says that failure is only failure when you give up, and somehow she keeps getting up always one more time.

Your parents worry about you because they care, they are probably less able to cope than you are, so maybe patient with them for a few more years. Somehow you will find your strength, you have survived more than a lot of people have. You are stronger than I am, I say this because I can just get up and get on with my day. You have to fight a lot of gremlins to face your daily life.

Never give up hope in Allah, give thanks daily for what you have. The more things you can find to be thankful for, the stronger you will become.

The struggle you are in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow.

Love endures everything, Love is stronger than death, love fears nothing.

Be who God meant you to be, and you will set the world on fire.

May Allah bless you profusely in your struggles,
Eric
I am so sorry to hear this. Let me tell you a story:

A boy had an incurable disease and he went to all best doctoes there is for double checks and all they said to him that there is no chance for living and that he is gonna die for sure in one month. So, the boy went crying to his father and told about this, and you know what it is his answer? He told him: "Go to the greatest and best doctor there is". And the boy asked, who it is? His father replayed, "God Almighty is the best and greatest doctor, yoy go and pray for He To heal you up for He is capable of healing anything". And a month has passed, and the boy still lived and all doctors around the world thought that he fooled them all.

So, whatever your daugher has, advise her to go to the greatest doctor ever existed which God. And if God wishes, she will be cured and she will be like new. But she must also have full firm that she will be cured, that is what Quran tells us.

So the point is: no matter how big is the disease or syndrom you might have, God will cure it when you call upon Him. And He says in Quran that: "Nothing is beyond His Capability, for He is All Capable".

And what she has, is a form of a test.

May God cure your daughter.
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Dont.know
01-18-2019, 09:49 PM
Wa alaykum salam

May Allah make it easier for you I feel for you I'm in a similar situation but much younger I know how it is with asian parents mine were happy because I'm apparently eligible for benefits and Im tbh clueless as to how the future I'll pan out - the only break I have from life is salat and that's what keeps me patient.

If you really are looking to get married then seek help through patience and salat just as the Quran tells us to and here's a beautiful dua that I hope will come of use

After her husband died, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ told Umm Salamah, “No servant is struck by affliction and then says, ‘Innā lillāhi wa innā ilayhi rāji‘ūn. Allāhumma’jurnī fī muṣībatī wakhluf lī khayran minhā (We belong to Allah and to Him we will return. O Allah, reward me in my affliction and follow it up with something better for me),’ without Allah rewarding him in his affliction and following it with something better for him.” (Aḥmad and Muslim)

She said these words in sincere submission and Allah gave her a better husband than the one she had lost – the Messenger of Allah himself ﷺ.
https://www.muslimink.com/faith/inna...ilayhi-raji-un
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MazharShafiq
01-19-2019, 10:58 AM
Never give up hope in Allah, give thanks daily for what you have. The more things you can find to be thankful for, the stronger you will become.
Somehow you will find your strength, you have survived more than a lot of people have. You are stronger than I am, I say this because I can just get up and get on with my day. You have to fight a lot of gremlins to face your daily life.
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