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Sabina12
01-28-2019, 05:35 PM
please help me out I want to know a surah that I can recite to make my kids obedient
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Mandy
01-28-2019, 06:27 PM
Dear sister, the only trick is patience. I have 3 sons, and it certainly is not easy.
If you ever find a perfect way to manage them, let me know!!
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SintoDinto
01-28-2019, 06:47 PM
How about persuading them @Mandy and Sabina, but with gentleness? we men and older boys are logical creatures, not emotional creatures like women or girls, but we still appreciate and need love from our mothers.
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Mandy
01-28-2019, 07:08 PM
Originally Posted by SintoDinto
How about persuading them @Mandy and Sabina, but with gentleness? we men and older boys are logical creatures, not emotional creatures like women or girls, but we still appreciate and need love from our mothers.
Who said boys did not need love form their mothers?
Maybe I did not come across the way I wanted to. I as just making a little joke to encourage Sabina. Children can sometimes be a handful. But they are a blessing in my life and I would not be anywhere as good a person if I did not have them.
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piXie
01-28-2019, 09:10 PM
Originally Posted by Sabina12
please help me out I want to know a surah that I can recite to make my kids obedient
:wasalamex

As parents, whatever we want our children to be , we must try to be that ourselves first. If we want them to be obedient, we should try to increase in our obedience to Allah. If we want them to be loving, we need to be loving towards them. Etc

Raising children is not easy and they really test our limits - may Allah make it easy for us all. Aameen
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Dont.know
01-28-2019, 10:16 PM
Originally Posted by Sabina12
please help me out I want to know a surah that I can recite to make my kids obedient
Surah Ibrahim is a beautiful surah where Ibrahim as made dua for his children - there is certainly much to learn from his life and his actions. Ofcourse Allah is the one that guides so never lose hope.

Fi amanillah
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ardianto
01-28-2019, 10:33 PM
Originally Posted by SintoDinto
How about persuading them @Mandy and Sabina, but with gentleness? we men and older boys are logical creatures, not emotional creatures like women or girls, but we still appreciate and need love from our mothers.
Edit : I just realized that the OP wrote "teenagers".

To be honest, i read that as "daughters".



Misread
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FilleTriste
01-28-2019, 10:36 PM
Wow, this forum is really toxic. "Men this, women that" -- heck, when I become a parent, I would raise both genders equally. Ever heard about sexism? Cause that is what this forum is turning into: blatant sexism.
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SintoDinto
01-29-2019, 12:08 AM
Originally Posted by Pink_Uniqueorn
Wow, this forum is really toxic. "Men this, women that" -- heck, when I become a parent, I would raise both genders equally. Ever heard about sexism? Cause that is what this forum is turning into: blatant sexism.
I apologize, sister, i was merely pointing out the differences between the sexes, i wasn't saying any gender was superior!

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by Pink_Uniqueorn
Wow, this forum is really toxic. "Men this, women that" -- heck, when I become a parent, I would raise both genders equally. Ever heard about sexism? Cause that is what this forum is turning into: blatant sexism.
also, sorry if i triggered you......

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by Pink_Uniqueorn
Wow, this forum is really toxic. "Men this, women that" -- heck, when I become a parent, I would raise both genders equally. Ever heard about sexism? Cause that is what this forum is turning into: blatant sexism.
also there's nothing wrong with being emotional........ever hear of the myers briggs type indicator? (MBTI) there's 4 dichotomies of traits with 26 different personality types like INFP (Introverted Intuitive FEELER (emotion and feelings and group consensus based) perceiver) and INTP (Introverted Intuitive THINKER (logic based) Perceiver) with different cognitive types. google it. it's used in personality psychology and in career counseling and university counseling.
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FilleTriste
01-29-2019, 12:34 AM
Originally Posted by SintoDinto
I apologize, sister, i was merely pointing out the differences between the sexes, i wasn't saying any gender was superior!

- - - Updated - - -

also, sorry if i triggered you......

- - - Updated - - -

also there's nothing wrong with being emotional........ever hear of the myers briggs type indicator? (MBTI) there's 4 dichotomies of traits with 26 different personality types like INFP (Introverted Intuitive FEELER (emotion and feelings and group consensus based) perceiver) and INTP (Introverted Intuitive THINKER (logic based) Perceiver) with different cognitive types. google it. it's used in personality psychology and in career counseling and university counseling.

When did I say being emotional is a bad thing? Quote the post where I said emotional = crap. I just said it is not okay to generalize and bring stereotypes into every freaking thing -- but that is the way this site works I guess, so forget it. A science lesson will not change my views about sexism, so thank you, next.
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SintoDinto
01-29-2019, 12:41 AM
Originally Posted by Pink_Uniqueorn
When did I say being emotional is a bad thing? Quote the post where I said emotional = crap. I just said it is not okay to generalize and bring stereotypes into every freaking thing -- but that is the way this site works I guess, so forget it. A science lesson will not change my views about sexism, so thank you, next.
i see your point. i apologize if i hurt your feelings. @Mandy ?
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FilleTriste
01-29-2019, 12:55 AM
Originally Posted by SintoDinto
i see your point. i apologize if i hurt your feelings. @Mandy ?

It is okay. Just do not do it again.
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Nájlá
01-29-2019, 01:01 AM
Originally Posted by Sabina12
please help me out I want to know a surah that I can recite to make my kids obedient
Asalamu Alaykum Sis Sabina,

May Allah (SWT) make it easy for you. Having children is such a big responsibility. I have never felt this responsibility until I had my daughter. I cannot give you any help or any advice. (My daughter has not reached adolescent. ) But I can only Make dua to soften your children's hearts and to be obedient to you. Make duaa for them this is your biggest weapon. Use it.
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ardianto
01-29-2019, 03:38 AM
Originally Posted by SintoDinto
I apologize, sister, i was merely pointing out the differences between the sexes, i wasn't saying any gender was superior!
Maybe she was pointing to my post before I edited that, not your post.

I've planned to create new thread for explain my view about the difference between raising boy and girl.
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Mandy
01-29-2019, 10:26 AM
Originally Posted by SintoDinto
i see your point. i apologize if i hurt your feelings. @Mandy ?
I am sorry brother, when I posted my reply I was in the middle of cooking as well as on the phone with a friend. I think I read your reply too quickly and misinterpret it. Very sorry for my little outburst.
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FilleTriste
01-29-2019, 11:45 AM
Originally Posted by ardianto
Maybe she was pointing to my post before I edited that, not your post.

I've planned to create new thread for explain my view about the difference between raising boy and girl.

Both of you made offensive posts. So, no, I was referring to both of you.
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SintoDinto
01-29-2019, 11:58 AM
Originally Posted by Mandy
I am sorry brother, when I posted my reply I was in the middle of cooking as well as on the phone with a friend. I think I read your reply too quickly and misinterpret it. Very sorry for my little outburst.
no i was asking for help in dealing with pink uniqueron i wasn't upset with you......sorry if i came across that way and confused you, sister
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FilleTriste
01-29-2019, 04:49 PM
Originally Posted by Pink_Uniqueorn
When did I say being emotional is a bad thing? Quote the post where I said emotional = crap.

But it is still offensive to think every woman or girl is an "emotional creature" and that every boy or man is a "logical creature." I know dumb guys (literally), and I also know girls whose emotions are close to non-existent (literally). Likewise, I know girls who are smart, and boys who are emotionally sensitive.

I am also confused. What were you trying to prove by stating the following:
Originally Posted by SintoDinto
also there's nothing wrong with being emotional........ever hear of the myers briggs type indicator? (MBTI) there's 4 dichotomies of traits with 26 different personality types like INFP (Introverted Intuitive FEELER (emotion and feelings and group consensus based) perceiver) and INTP (Introverted Intuitive THINKER (logic based) Perceiver) with different cognitive types. google it. it's used in personality psychology and in career counseling and university counseling.
I mean, thank you for the information; citing something to support your claim is nice, but how does this, a personality type test, in any way mean every girl and woman is supposed to be an emotional mess? (I mean, anyone can tell I am an emotional piece of crap, but my sister is most certainly not.) Please do explain, thank you.

(I wanted to ask yesterday, but I was too sleepy to do my research and ask questions.)
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SintoDinto
01-29-2019, 05:14 PM
Originally Posted by Pink_Uniqueorn
But it is still offensive to think every woman or girl is an "emotional creature" and that every boy or man is a "logical creature." I know dumb guys (literally), and I also know girls whose emotions are close to non-existent (literally). Likewise, I know girls who are smart, and boys who are emotionally sensitive.

I am also confused. What were you trying to prove by stating the following: I mean, thank you for the information; citing something to support your claim is nice, but how does this, a personality type test, in any way mean every girl and woman is supposed to be an emotional mess? (I mean, anyone can tell I am an emotional piece of crap, but my sister is most certainly not.) Please do explain, thank you.

(I wanted to ask yesterday, but I was too sleepy to do my research and ask questions.)
no, no, no, you don't understand, i didn't say every woman or girl is an emotional mess! read this: https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-...ing.htm?bhcp=1

a feeler is someone who makes a decision based on values, harmony, and the people involved and their feelings. a thinker thinks based on (often cold hearted) logic i am a thinker, and IIIIII often am the one who is an emotional mess, and feelers can make just as much sense as a thinker because they're not cold hearted and detached from feelings (not that every thinker is one). women (generally, not always this is their inclination) have the tendency to communicate more and think in group consensus, while men tend to think in terms of things like "reason" and mechanical thinking. But this IS NOT always the case. a woman can be a hard core scientist or doctor who may not even want to get married, and a man can be an elementary school teacher, or even overly sensitive or what the right wing party in my country calls a "bleeding heart liberal" or a "snowflake" (I myself suffered from being very sensitive emotionally, and I still am very sensitive and caring about the needs of others in my life and around the world, especially those suffering under oppression, and my dark side is seeking vengeance on the evildoers) could someone please explain this for me.
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FilleTriste
01-29-2019, 06:56 PM
Originally Posted by SintoDinto
no, no, no, you don't understand, i didn't say every woman or girl is an emotional mess! read this: https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-...ing.htm?bhcp=1

a feeler is someone who makes a decision based on values, harmony, and the people involved and their feelings. a thinker thinks based on (often cold hearted) logic i am a thinker, and IIIIII often am the one who is an emotional mess, and feelers can make just as much sense as a thinker because they're not cold hearted and detached from feelings (not that every thinker is one). women (generally, not always this is their inclination) have the tendency to communicate more and think in group consensus, while men tend to think in terms of things like "reason" and mechanical thinking. But this IS NOT always the case. a woman can be a hard core scientist or doctor who may not even want to get married, and a man can be an elementary school teacher, or even overly sensitive or what the right wing party in my country calls a "bleeding heart liberal" or a "snowflake" (I myself suffered from being very sensitive emotionally, and I still am very sensitive and caring about the needs of others in my life and around the world, especially those suffering under oppression, and my dark side is seeking vengeance on the evildoers) could someone please explain this for me.

Okay, now I get it. Thank you very much for explaining it so well. :) But just a word of advice, saying something like
we men and older boys are logical creatures, not emotional creatures like women or girls
will certainly be problematic in the future. It is just better to phrase it properly and include your views on gender equality while stating something so controversial. It will save you the worry of apologizing every single time and having to explain yourself. Also, what do you mean by
could someone please explain this for me.
? What do you want to be explained to you? Or was your question a rhetorical one? I am curious, literally not being sarcastic.

P.S.: As a sensitive person myself, I want to say this: sorry that it felt like I was attacking you; I just wanted to clear my doubts. I mean, since you are sensitive, there is a chance little misunderstandings and arguments can cause some pain and stress -- sorry in advance. I did not want my posts to turn out as aggressive as they sounded (if they sounded aggressive to anyone).
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Mandy
01-29-2019, 07:09 PM
May I intervene a bit.
We are moving a away from what @Sabina12 was asking. But I would like to try to just help everyone to see the other persons point of view. @Pink_Uniqueorn , I believe you might be reading a bit more into these comments then were intended. Let us all try to take a deep breath and not accuse everyone else of meaning this or that.


I have not see what @ardianto said since he removed his post. So I will not comment on that.
As far as I can see @SintoDinto was simply speaking of his own experience and of generalities.


Being "an emotional creature" in no way means that all women are an emotional mess. Actually, all humans are emotional creatures, men included. After all, someone who has no emotion would have something very wrong (isn't that what we call a psychopath or sociopath? I can never remember which is which). So I certainly hope that none of us are that type of person!!!

Now from what I have read so far, all that was said is that most women and girls tend to be more in touch with their emotions. Which I also believe is true. That does not mean we (as in all females) are irrational. Far from it. It simply means most of us are better able to anticipate the effect a comment we say will have on the mood and emotion of the person in front of us. Having that sort of sensitivity in no way means that we cannot understand logic or science. Yes, there are sometimes guys who joke saying "girls can't think logically" or that "girls are bad at science" and such. Those guys are just idiots and the clearly lack both logic thinking and emotional understanding! Some women can be doctors, scientists, judges and all that if they so wish. Just like some men can. But not all.

Recognising gender difference in no way restricts people. It only helps to think and organise. After all there are gender differences (and I do not simply mean the obvious physical ones). Anyone is different, and yes some girls like to play rough and some boys might like to do delicate work. But overall, there are activities that interests and attracts one gender more than the other.


I also wanted to mention something about this thread. In a thread like this, with someone asking for general help, people cannot give better answer than general ones. If someone says "give me 2 activities that might interest my sons", the answer will likely be "Hockey and running" simply because without knowing the boy in question, there is a higher chance he might like those activities than if the answer had been "gymnastics and bracelet making".
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SintoDinto
01-29-2019, 08:10 PM
Originally Posted by Pink_Uniqueorn
Okay, now I get it. Thank you very much for explaining it so well. :) But just a word of advice, saying something like will certainly be problematic in the future. It is just better to phrase it properly and include your views on gender equality while stating something so controversial. It will save you the worry of apologizing every single time and having to explain yourself. Also, what do you mean by ? What do you want to be explained to you? Or was your question a rhetorical one? I am curious, literally not being sarcastic.

P.S.: As a sensitive person myself, I want to say this: sorry that it felt like I was attacking you; I just wanted to clear my doubts. I mean, since you are sensitive, there is a chance little misunderstandings and arguments can cause some pain and stress -- sorry in advance. I did not want my posts to turn out as aggressive as they sounded (if they sounded aggressive to anyone).
it's fine, all is well. :) I'm used to being yelled at in worse ways anyway haha and I too can relate to said feelings you describe. @Mandy has a point. now, let us turn back to @Sabina12 's question. Sabina, I suggest sabr. Imagine how well they'll turn out if you do well, as practicing muslims who respect their mother and get along with society. keep that in mind and don't give up. and remember that they too are human beings who are flawed like the rest of us. make the deen appealing to them, but first teach them the adab for learning ilm, (a prerequisite in our religion). also, don't be afraid to use consequences, but first gently advise them, and teach them why something is bad. as for that mixup with "logical emotional" what I meant was, some people often like to hear why, why, why, if not, tell them how much you'll love them and whatnot use incentives for doing something (not necessarily direct (I personally don't like bribing in my social scientific studies on human behavior), perhaps say, "my son, if you clean your room, that'll prepare you for marriage because a good girl will like a man who can clean up :)
" that's all I can say I know, ive never been a parent, im only 19. also, make lots of dua, dua is the weapon of the believer. "but please don't do beddua against your children, that's not what I meant!"
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FilleTriste
01-29-2019, 08:15 PM
@SintoDino sorry that you get yelled at for worse stuff; hope it gets better, insha'Allah. I also feel like OP, @Sabina12 , should make her issue clearer. What exactly is so disobedient about your children? How old are the teenagers? I mean, I could possibly not provide help, as I am 14, but I am sure others would be able to provide better help if they knew what exactly are you dealing with. :)
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Junon
01-29-2019, 08:50 PM
Salaam

Originally Posted by Pink_Uniqueorn
Wow, this forum is really toxic. "Men this, women that" -- heck, when I become a parent, I would raise both genders equally. Ever heard about sexism? Cause that is what this forum is turning into: blatant sexism.
Ah to be young and naive again. . . . . . .
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FilleTriste
01-29-2019, 08:51 PM
Originally Posted by Junon
Salaam



Ah to be young and naive again. . . . . . .

How is that young and naive, exactly?
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eesa the kiwi
01-29-2019, 09:01 PM
Let's try stay on topic
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Insaanah
01-29-2019, 09:33 PM
Assalaamu alaikum,

May Allah rectify all your affairs sister and make your children righteous and obedient, ameen.

In terms of quranic duas there’s this one, starting from Rabbanaa:


Sahih International
And those who say, "Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring, comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous." (Quran 25:74)

And this one, starting from Rabbi:

Sahih International
And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, "My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve, and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims.". (Quran:46:15)


Also:
See the following article. Perhaps not exactly your situation, but still a good read on how to go about making your dua:

https://www.islam21c.com/spiritualit...good-children/
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