01-29-2019, 11:29 AM
i am looking for advice on my living situation.
I have been married for 4 years and in the first year of marriage we had our own place. However, when I fell pregnant, my husband suggested we move in with his mother as his eldest brother was having problems living there with his wife (his wife wasn’t happy living with his mum so they left).
i felt quite pressurised into living with her and of course had the usual concerns regarding privacy and space. However any time I raised a concern I was told that I need to at least give it a chance. Being pregnant my mind was more focussed on that so I agreed.
After my daughter was born, she was a month old and we moved house into his family house to live with his mother. She is in her 70’s, quiet and only really leaves the house to go to her mosque (she is an Ismaili Muslim- my husband is not).
at first it was fine. I got on with looking after my newborn and adjusting. I cook and clean and do everything around the house myself. However, as time has gone on I feel that I can’t live with her anymore. It has been over 2 years and in that time I have had another baby.
Throughout my time with her, she adds no value to mine or my daughters life. I have no help from her at all and she cooks food separately for her mosque everyday- standing in the kitchen for hours at a time. As a new mother, I have started to resent how little she does to support me in looking after and helping with the day to day life of looking after 2 small children under the age of 2. What bothers me is that she cooks for hours every day and it is all mainly for her mosque. She then disappears at around 4pm to get ready for mosque and then sits in front of the window waiting to be picked up for up to an hour.
In all that time, I am constantly doing everything around the clock with minimal sleep. As a person she is fine and I’m sure if we didn’t live together I would love her. But all I feel is that I have given up everything, my personal and emotional space, I can’t do things how I want to in the house, she is constantly around and never ever leaves unless it is the mosque which is the evening and have had no benefit.
i was heavily pregnant, working and had a 9 month old baby but still had no help.
Now I feel I am becoming very rude and angry towards her presence often ignoring her for days at a time. My husband works long hours and when he comes home we don’t talk about things like this as he often dismisses them and acts like there is no problem. He has no idea how hard I find it sharing my space and a home that isn’t mine with someone who does little for me or my children. We live like strangers but then she will come into my bedroom whenever, often sits with us at any opportunity when I hardly get any alone time with my husband anyway.
please can someone advise what to do as I am losing my mind living here and just want to leave but I know my husband can’t leave her alone. (She is very needy and doesn’t speak English so she can’t get out and about alone).
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