Yes your complicating it too much. Simply because even if you knew explicitly why things happen..
What could you do to avert them?
Would you jump at everything that you didnt agree with? Or wanted?
Or plan for the next day to try to avoid being in the forest when the tree falls.
...someone posted this in a thread a while ago and it resonated in me to the point, where I knew that our understanding will always be flawed by who we are.. no matter our sincerity, connection or conviction in Allah swt.
At the end of the day it's always going to be other people who we cant control..
So how does one reconcile your free will and predestination with respect to those you interact with? ..the free will and predestination they have.
Anyway here it is if you can get your head around its many questions and answers.
...its not pandering to the non-muslims, and encouraging you down any dark path wont be good for anyone either.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage...24&version=NCV
And an alternative version worth reading..
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage...21&version=NIV
Maybe both are wrong? Maybe another exists?
But it's still there to compare against your own understanding.
However we have freewill too. Do we dig our own holes or shoot ourselves in the foot because of our stupidity? Most of us are blessed with independence, intelligence etc and are equipped to make our own decisions. These attributes, we have been given as a blessing by Allah swt off course 100%. And we as firm believers know nothing happens without the will of our Lord.
Now, I'm not trying to shirk away from responsibilities or escape from admitting my mistakes by makimg this an excuse. I want to emphasise that from my recollection I believe wise men in the past said "although the will is from Allah swt, it is still our duty to exercise caution in whatever we do". What can I say, in todays day and age / society and the general population, sometimes the second part is forgotten or even both parts are forgotten in some cases. In modern society we see it for ourselves all over the place.
..seems like you already know what it takes to be where you want to be.
To take responsibility of our own actions, rectify mistakes and habits.
Become steadfast.
..and hopefully better options should present themselves.
Although if any of us are able to live under the rule of... another "man" is a different topic.