My 16 years old sister is on the wrong path

[egyptiansister]

Assalam walakum

My little sister is on the wrong path lately and haven’t been a good Muslim, everyday it gets worse and she does haram things with boys.
I told my mom about it but not my dad and here’s the reason why, my dad is strict and crazy and if he finds out that my little sister was doing all that he’s going to kill my sister and mother and I don’t want that to happen so only mama knows but mama is not being strict enough to the point where my little sister is not changing and is taking advantage of freedom. I took away her phone and he got it back.

I want her to change and be a good Muslim and be a good person but it’s not working she gets worse everyday, she isn’t respectful with her elders as well.

Please tell me a way I can help her realize what she is going is bad and she will regret it one day because would want to marry someone who’s been used.

Please help me out and tell me what I should do.

[*charisma*]

Assalam walakum

My little sister is on the wrong path lately and haven’t been a good Muslim, everyday it gets worse and she does haram things with boys.
I told my mom about it but not my dad and here’s the reason why, my dad is strict and crazy and if he finds out that my little sister was doing all that he’s going to kill my sister and mother and I don’t want that to happen so only mama knows but mama is not being strict enough to the point where my little sister is not changing and is taking advantage of freedom. I took away her phone and he got it back.

I want her to change and be a good Muslim and be a good person but it’s not working she gets worse everyday, she isn’t respectful with her elders as well.

Please tell me a way I can help her realize what she is going is bad and she will regret it one day because would want to marry someone who’s been used.

Please help me out and tell me what I should do.

walaikum Asalaam,

Are you older than her? And is she afraid of your father?

[Studentofdeed]

May Allah make it easy for you. Try to be there for her and make dua for her. Inshallah Allah will help you

[MazharShafiq]

Assalam walakum

My little sister is on the wrong path lately and haven’t been a good Muslim, everyday it gets worse and she does haram things with boys.
I told my mom about it but not my dad and here’s the reason why, my dad is strict and crazy and if he finds out that my little sister was doing all that he’s going to kill my sister and mother and I don’t want that to happen so only mama knows but mama is not being strict enough to the point where my little sister is not changing and is taking advantage of freedom. I took away her phone and he got it back.

I want her to change and be a good Muslim and be a good person but it’s not working she gets worse everyday, she isn’t respectful with her elders as well.

Please tell me a way I can help her realize what she is going is bad and she will regret it one day because would want to marry someone who’s been used.

Please help me out and tell me what I should do.

keep praying for her and Keep it in proper time with proper understanding her. God will help you to guide Him.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[AbdurRahman.]

Walaikum assalam rahmatullahi barakatuh

In this situation there isn't really much you can do other than from time to time keep on telling her the harm she's doing her life and awful sins she is acquiring. Make her aware of venereal deseases she can catch too

And keep on making dua for her, InshAllah this phase will pass and she'll stop these haram acts.

You being her Sister cannot really be that harsh with her but your mum can, stress to your mum that she really needs to get much more strict with her.

[CuriousonTruth]

Assalam walakum

My little sister is on the wrong path lately and haven’t been a good Muslim, everyday it gets worse and she does haram things with boys.
I told my mom about it but not my dad and here’s the reason why, my dad is strict and crazy and if he finds out that my little sister was doing all that he’s going to kill my sister and mother and I don’t want that to happen so only mama knows but mama is not being strict enough to the point where my little sister is not changing and is taking advantage of freedom. I took away her phone and he got it back.

I want her to change and be a good Muslim and be a good person but it’s not working she gets worse everyday, she isn’t respectful with her elders as well.

Please tell me a way I can help her realize what she is going is bad and she will regret it one day because would want to marry someone who’s been used.

Please help me out and tell me what I should do.

If it was a brother going to the father would have been the right option, sometimes guys need a little straightening. However, any reaction from your father even if it was just scolding, would definitely make your sister incredibly rebellious, I'm 100% sure. Besides if you tell your father, she will probably feel you betrayed her and will emotionally seperate from you. Never mind the chance that she could leave islam as well.

Your mother should be the one that handles it, trying pushing her more.

Otherwise let life teach her some lessons. Anyways, religion and morality are not for everyone, and not everyone wants to follow the rules. There is nothing you can do to change her mind.

[xboxisdead]

If it was a brother going to the father would have been the right option, sometimes guys need a little straightening. However, any reaction from your father even if it was just scolding, would definitely make your sister incredibly rebellious, I'm 100% sure. Besides if you tell your father, she will probably feel you betrayed her and will emotionally seperate from you. Never mind the chance that she could leave islam as well.

Your mother should be the one that handles it, trying pushing her more.

Otherwise let life teach her some lessons. Anyways, religion and morality are not for everyone, and not everyone wants to follow the rules. There is nothing you can do to change her mind.

I agree! If the mother is liberal there is not much you can do about it. In the end the mother will pay the consequence for how she raised her children in the afterlife.

Otherwise let life teach her some lessons.

:peace::peace:

Anyways, religion and morality are not for everyone, and not everyone wants to follow the rules. There is nothing you can do to change her mind.

Those are the people who are defective anyways or have diseases in their heart. Those are the ones who you see them pray and read Qura'an and do everything like that but at the time of death when they are lying down and going through death they disbelieve (even though we see them so good you ask yourself how is that be?). But some already express disbelieve while they are healthy and alive while others do it at their deathbed. People who are hypocrite in their hearts or have diseases in their hearts or wish to fulfill their carnal desires at the expensive of afterlife...those people you don't want anyways or care for anyways.

[*charisma*]

Wow, some of you are really nice siblings. I wonder if this is because you are not the eldest in your families.

[xboxisdead]

Wow, some of you are really nice siblings. I wonder if this is because you are not the eldest in your families.

Eldest is irrelevant. I have an oldest brother and he is no longer Muslim, he does magic and he does Zina. Who cares if you are first, last, eldest or youngest all of that are irrelevant. What counts it he heart. ;D

[Saira Khan]

my dad is strict and crazy and if he finds out that my little sister was doing all that he’s going to kill my sister and mother

Then you must tell your dad about that. This is just Islamic way to first ask your sister to abandon all these things, but if she still continues the same, the final option is what your dad has to do as you have mentioned.
Stay blessed.

[xboxisdead]

Then you must tell your dad about that. This is just Islamic way to first ask your sister to abandon all these things, but if she still continues the same, the final option is what your dad has to do as you have mentioned.
Stay blessed.

Wait...you are not suggesting that...he kills her, are you?

[CuriousonTruth]

Wow, some of you are really nice siblings. I wonder if this is because you are not the eldest in your families.

Well I'm the older of two sons in my family. Thank Allah for that, less stress and pressure. It might sound harsh of me to say this, but I am really glad that my younger sibling is brother.

[AbdurRahman.]

Then you must tell your dad about that. This is just Islamic way to first ask your sister to abandon all these things, but if she still continues the same, the final option is what your dad has to do as you have mentioned.
Stay blessed.

Did you read what she said that her dad will probably kill her?

If you did then I'm afraid this was a very irresponsible advice. People in that part of the world are known to kill their daughters for things like this.

[MazharShafiq]

Maybe they do not kill her but take any other way to stop her. like hardening etc.

[Saira Khan]

Did you read what she said that her dad will probably kill her?

If you did then I'm afraid this was a very irresponsible advice. People in that part of the world are known to kill their daughters for things like this.

I 'm telling the Islamic Shariah's verdict. For it comes under Hudud punishment. Since she is just 16, you can't convince her with mere soft advices. You have to save her from coming under Hudud by any means.

[AbdurRahman.]

I 'm telling the Islamic Shariah's verdict. For it comes under Hudud punishment. Since she is just 16, you can't convince her with mere soft advices. You have to save her from coming under Hudud by any means.

Sorry sis what you said didn't make sense. Save her from hudud state punishment by telling daddy who might do more extreme punishment then hudud?

And I don't think there is hudud in Egypt

[xboxisdead]

I 'm telling the Islamic Shariah's verdict. For it comes under Hudud punishment. Since she is just 16, you can't convince her with mere soft advices. You have to save her from coming under Hudud by any means.

I am sorry sister but that is literally the worst advice you could ever give!! :heated::heated::heated: First, your advice would mean not only "murdering" someone who is still Muslim mind you but also destroying another muslim live and that is the father. Right now his hand is clean from blood, your advice means soiling a clean man hand with a blood of his own daughter who will now be resurrected in the day of judgement having his own daughter have her head on her hand and dragging her father at the court of Allah saying to Allah (while her head is on her hand) that this man have killed her (and that man is very own father). That is......literally....the worst.....advice you have ever given. You caused a Muslima to be murdered, you caused a Muslim to be the murderer and have his hand soiled with blood AND in additional to that...give further ammunition to the disbelievers that Islam is anti-female and Western way of life liberates women and YOUR ADVICE will now push MORE WOMEN who are weak in faith to leave their faith and become disbelievers and further empowering the evil feminism in the equation to further attack Islam.

[*charisma*]

Then you must tell your dad about that. This is just Islamic way to first ask your sister to abandon all these things, but if she still continues the same, the final option is what your dad has to do as you have mentioned.
Stay blessed.

^o)^o):hmm::hmm::hmm:

I 'm telling the Islamic Shariah's verdict. For it comes under Hudud punishment. Since she is just 16, you can't convince her with mere soft advices. You have to save her from coming under Hudud by any means.

I have to agree with bro @xboxisdead . That's not the way to help someone and in fact is probably the worst advice.

To the OP, what you can do is take the phone away from her, go through all of the messages, wipe it clean, and break it. Honestly that's what I would've done. If she gets upset then oh well. After she cools down you should talk to her and explain to her what she's doing is wrong and for her to fear Allah's punishment (let alone her father's). You don't have to tell your father about anything if he is truly that aggressive. I don't know if by "kill" you mean she will be punished severely or literally, but I think as an older sibling you can take care of it and find a way to keep your eye on her.

[Saira Khan]

I am sorry sister but that is literally the worst advice you could ever give!! First, your advice would mean not only "murdering" someone who is still Muslim mind you but also destroying another muslim live and that is the father. Right now his hand is clean from blood, your advice means soiling a clean man hand with a blood of his own daughter who will now be resurrected in the day of judgement having his own daughter have her head on her hand and dragging her father at the court of Allah saying to Allah (while her head is on her hand) that this man have killed her (and that man is very own father). That is......literally....the worst.....advice you have ever given. You caused a Muslima to be murdered, you caused a Muslim to be the murderer and have his hand soiled with blood AND in additional to that...give further ammunition to the disbelievers that Islam is anti-female and Western way of life liberates women and YOUR ADVICE will now push MORE WOMEN who are weak in faith to leave their faith and become disbelievers and further empowering the evil feminism in the equation to further attack Islam.

I have to agree with bro @xboxisdead . That's not the way to help someone and in fact is probably the worst advice.

To the OP, what you can do is take the phone away from her, go through all of the messages, wipe it clean, and break it. Honestly that's what I would've done. If she gets upset then oh well. After she cools down you should talk to her and explain to her what she's doing is wrong and for her to fear Allah's punishment (let alone her father's). You don't have to tell your father about anything if he is truly that aggressive. I don't know if by "kill" you mean she will be punished severely or literally, but I think as an older sibling you can take care of it and find a way to keep your eye on her.

Everything is fine as far as just humanity or mercifulness is concerned but we have to look at what we have been ordered by Allah SWT.
وَلاَ تَقْرَبُواْ الزِّنَى إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاء سَبِيلاً
And do not come near to adultery, it is a shameful deed and an evil, and opening the road to other evils.
Surah No. 17, Al Isra (Bani Israel), Ayat No. 32

الزَّانِيَةُ وَالزَّانِي فَاجْلِدُوا كُلَّ وَاحِدٍ مِّنْهُمَا مِئَةَ جَلْدَةٍ وَلَا تَأْخُذْكُم بِهِمَا رَأْفَةٌ فِي دِينِ اللَّهِ إِن كُنتُمْ تُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ وَلْيَشْهَدْ عَذَابَهُمَا طَائِفَةٌ مِّنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ

To the woman and the man guilty of illegal sexual relationship, flog each of them with one hundred stripes: let not compassion withhold you in their case, in a matter of punishment prescribed by Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the believers witness their punishment.

Surah No. 24, An Noor, Ayat No. 2

So when there are commandments from Allah SWT, we should not make our own rules and regulations out of our own wit.

[xboxisdead]

Everything is fine as far as just humanity or mercifulness is concerned but we have to look at what we have been ordered by Allah SWT.
وَلاَ تَقْرَبُواْ الزِّنَى إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاء سَبِيلاً
And do not come near to adultery, it is a shameful deed and an evil, and opening the road to other evils.
Surah No. 17, Al Isra (Bani Israel), Ayat No. 32

الزَّانِيَةُ وَالزَّانِي فَاجْلِدُوا كُلَّ وَاحِدٍ مِّنْهُمَا مِئَةَ جَلْدَةٍ وَلَا تَأْخُذْكُم بِهِمَا رَأْفَةٌ فِي دِينِ اللَّهِ إِن كُنتُمْ تُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ وَلْيَشْهَدْ عَذَابَهُمَا طَائِفَةٌ مِّنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ

To the woman and the man guilty of illegal sexual relationship, flog each of them with one hundred stripes: let not compassion withhold you in their case, in a matter of punishment prescribed by Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the believers witness their punishment.

Surah No. 24, An Noor, Ayat No. 2

So when there are commandments from Allah SWT, we should not make our own rules and regulations out of our own wit.

I agree! 100%. I am going to shut my mouth :omg:

[xboxisdead]

Can I say something though? If you really love your womenfolk as you say you do...when she does evil or haraam and punishment is halaal for her because of her crime if you refuse to punish her here due to her gender and put only men as the accountable sex...it may look women empowerment but you are actually liberating the men and oppressing women. I will tell you why. If I am allowed to have my post appear without modification and if it got modified by the moderator they will be accountable in the day of judgement and I will not lose sleep tonight....

Here is why. When you punish a man here he will be less punished in the afterlife.

When you do not punish women at all her in dunaya...ALL HER PUNISHMENT will be in the afterlife. Especially when she commit the major sins and she does not repent and make right for whom she wronged and sincerely make intention never to repeat it again (applies to men too) she will get the full punishment in the afterlife. Unlike dunaya..in the afterlife we are not talking about 5 hours of punishment....we maybe looking at millions if not billions of years and unlike dunaya, in the afterlife it gets worse every second and unlike dunaya, in the afterlife you are alone...no one can help you, no one can stop you and unlike dunaya, in the afterlife...if you get burned you do not go to hospital and you are injected with anti-pain drugs for the burn and unlike dunaya, you will be punished in the grave in darkness with the grave hugging you tightly and only Allah will be hearing your scream in the grave after Allah, the animals in the dunaya will hear your screams in the grave. Not much the animals can do for you...it is not like they can go ahead and talk to human and even if they did..not much us humans can do either. You are after all in a different realm all together.

Applying Allah's punishment in dunaya whether it be execution, stoning, cutting hand, etc is a form of merci...because you get punished here it takes away from the punishment of the afterlife and show other people not to do the crime themselves and remind us of Allah as well and make us fear him in the way he should be feared.

[AbdurRahman.]

Everything is fine as far as just humanity or mercifulness is concerned but we have to look at what we have been ordered by Allah SWT.
وَلاَ تَقْرَبُواْ الزِّنَى إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاء سَبِيلاً
And do not come near to adultery, it is a shameful deed and an evil, and opening the road to other evils.
Surah No. 17, Al Isra (Bani Israel), Ayat No. 32

الزَّانِيَةُ وَالزَّانِي فَاجْلِدُوا كُلَّ وَاحِدٍ مِّنْهُمَا مِئَةَ جَلْدَةٍ وَلَا تَأْخُذْكُم بِهِمَا رَأْفَةٌ فِي دِينِ اللَّهِ إِن كُنتُمْ تُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ وَلْيَشْهَدْ عَذَابَهُمَا طَائِفَةٌ مِّنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ

To the woman and the man guilty of illegal sexual relationship, flog each of them with one hundred stripes: let not compassion withhold you in their case, in a matter of punishment prescribed by Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the believers witness their punishment.

Surah No. 24, An Noor, Ayat No. 2

So when there are commandments from Allah SWT, we should not make our own rules and regulations out of our own wit.

Wow! :o I hope you're not caliph of country I live in incase I mess up!

Ah I just realised women are not allowed to be caliph anyway phew! :)

joke :Emoji46:

[*charisma*]

Everything is fine as far as just humanity or mercifulness is concerned but we have to look at what we have been ordered by Allah SWT.
وَلاَ تَقْرَبُواْ الزِّنَى إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاء سَبِيلاً
And do not come near to adultery, it is a shameful deed and an evil, and opening the road to other evils.
Surah No. 17, Al Isra (Bani Israel), Ayat No. 32

الزَّانِيَةُ وَالزَّانِي فَاجْلِدُوا كُلَّ وَاحِدٍ مِّنْهُمَا مِئَةَ جَلْدَةٍ وَلَا تَأْخُذْكُم بِهِمَا رَأْفَةٌ فِي دِينِ اللَّهِ إِن كُنتُمْ تُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ وَلْيَشْهَدْ عَذَابَهُمَا طَائِفَةٌ مِّنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ
To the woman and the man guilty of illegal sexual relationship, flog each of them with one hundred stripes: let not compassion withhold you in their case, in a matter of punishment prescribed by Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the believers witness their punishment.
Surah No. 24, An Noor, Ayat No. 2

So when there are commandments from Allah SWT, we should not make our own rules and regulations out of our own wit.

Umm where does it say that she had an ILLEGAL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP? And WHO can carry out the punishment?? It is surely NOT her father to do so. We don't even know the full details of what the girl is doing yet you are jumping to conclusions. Therefore you can't just throw that type of advice out there. It is not sound advice.

[ZeeshanParvez]

Everything is fine as far as just humanity or mercifulness is concerned but we have to look at what we have been ordered by Allah SWT.
وَلاَ تَقْرَبُواْ الزِّنَى إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاء سَبِيلاً
And do not come near to adultery, it is a shameful deed and an evil, and opening the road to other evils.
Surah No. 17, Al Isra (Bani Israel), Ayat No. 32

الزَّانِيَةُ وَالزَّانِي فَاجْلِدُوا كُلَّ وَاحِدٍ مِّنْهُمَا مِئَةَ جَلْدَةٍ وَلَا تَأْخُذْكُم بِهِمَا رَأْفَةٌ فِي دِينِ اللَّهِ إِن كُنتُمْ تُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ وَلْيَشْهَدْ عَذَابَهُمَا طَائِفَةٌ مِّنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ

To the woman and the man guilty of illegal sexual relationship, flog each of them with one hundred stripes: let not compassion withhold you in their case, in a matter of punishment prescribed by Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the believers witness their punishment.

Surah No. 24, An Noor, Ayat No. 2

So when there are commandments from Allah SWT, we should not make our own rules and regulations out of our own wit.

I think those who opposed you literally took the killing to mean he would kill her as opposed to a metaphorical understanding that he would be very harsh with her.

We often say: O if my dad finds out he will kill me. And we mean he will be very very harsh with us and not that he will literally kill us.

It is true that in rare circumstances some fathers kill their children. But that is very rare. It is mostly understood to mean they will be harsh with their children.

Based on that understanding your advice was spot on. He needs to be harsh with her. Very harsh.

If it is known for a fact that her father is a murderer and will literally kill her, then one would be obliged not to tell him because the punishment of Zinaa is less than killing.

[Saira Khan]

I think those who opposed you literally took the killing to mean he would kill her as opposed to a metaphorical understanding that he would be very harsh with her.

We often say: O if my dad finds out he will kill me. And we mean he will be very very harsh with us and not that he will literally kill us.

It is true that in rare circumstances some fathers kill their children. But that is very rare. It is mostly understood to mean they will be harsh with their children.

Based on that understanding your advice was spot on. He needs to be harsh with her. Very harsh.

If it is known for a fact that her father is a murderer and will literally kill her, then one would be obliged not to tell him because the punishment of Zinaa is less than killing.

Yes you got it what I mean.

- - - Updated - - -

Can I say something though? If you really love your womenfolk as you say you do...when she does evil or haraam and punishment is halaal for her because of her crime if you refuse to punish her here due to her gender and put only men as the accountable sex...it may look women empowerment but you are actually liberating the men and oppressing women. I will tell you why. If I am allowed to have my post appear without modification and if it got modified by the moderator they will be accountable in the day of judgement and I will not lose sleep tonight....

Here is why. When you punish a man here he will be less punished in the afterlife.

When you do not punish women at all her in dunaya...ALL HER PUNISHMENT will be in the afterlife. Especially when she commit the major sins and she does not repent and make right for whom she wronged and sincerely make intention never to repeat it again (applies to men too) she will get the full punishment in the afterlife. Unlike dunaya..in the afterlife we are not talking about 5 hours of punishment....we maybe looking at millions if not billions of years and unlike dunaya, in the afterlife it gets worse every second and unlike dunaya, in the afterlife you are alone...no one can help you, no one can stop you and unlike dunaya, in the afterlife...if you get burned you do not go to hospital and you are injected with anti-pain drugs for the burn and unlike dunaya, you will be punished in the grave in darkness with the grave hugging you tightly and only Allah will be hearing your scream in the grave after Allah, the animals in the dunaya will hear your screams in the grave. Not much the animals can do for you...it is not like they can go ahead and talk to human and even if they did..not much us humans can do either. You are after all in a different realm all together.

Applying Allah's punishment in dunaya whether it be execution, stoning, cutting hand, etc is a form of merci...because you get punished here it takes away from the punishment of the afterlife and show other people not to do the crime themselves and remind us of Allah as well and make us fear him in the way he should be feared.

Yes that is the point I 'm referring to.

[*charisma*]

Yes you got it what I mean.

It would've been better for you to have clarified that in the first place, but I agree with what you've said if that were the case.

[xboxisdead]

It would've been better for you to have clarified that in the first place, but I agree with what you've said if that were the case.

LOOOL!! That is my dear brothers and sisters how war started :D:D;D;D

[*charisma*]

LOOOL!! That is my dear brothers and sisters how war started

what war? lol

[CuriousonTruth]

I don't think the father will actually kill her, the OP probably said it tongue and cheek.

Anyways, if she tells, she doesn't need to divulge all the information about how big of a hellhole her sister dug for herself. Just give the minimum information needed for the required reaction. Saying that the other problems I mentioned before will still apply.

If i was a father (i hope not), I would want to atleast know what kind of character my children built up, regardless if it would be disappointing or not. I mean living with the idea that your daughter is some sort of angel, while in real life she is a devil is a bit cruel. So from moral POV, he should deserve to know.

[xboxisdead]

what war? lol

Misunderstanding.....majority of wars are from misunderstanding :D

[xboxisdead]

I don't think the father will actually kill her, the OP probably said it tongue and cheek.

Anyways, if she tells, she doesn't need to divulge all the information about how big of a hellhole her sister dug for herself. Just give the minimum information needed for the required reaction. Saying that the other problems I mentioned before will still apply.

If i was a father (i hope not), I would want to atleast know what kind of character my children built up, regardless if it would be disappointing or not. I mean living with the idea that your daughter is some sort of angel, while in real life she is a devil is a bit cruel. So from moral POV, he should deserve to know.

Heh..as long i is a BIT cruel and not a lot :D