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ameerkam
03-30-2019, 03:21 AM
Assalamualaikum

Is it true that when parents are divorced boys have to live (predominantly i think) with the father and girls with the mother? Should it not in part be the choice of the child? I’d really appreciate some knowledge on this.

Jazzakallahu Khair
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xboxisdead
03-30-2019, 07:19 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ameerkam
Assalamualaikum

Is it true that when parents are divorced boys have to live (predominantly i think) with the father and girls with the mother? Should it not in part be the choice of the child? I’d really appreciate some knowledge on this.

Jazzakallahu Khair
@Bmh2019 I don't he was looking fora like.

@OP

The custody is 100% to the mother both boys or girls she have full custody of the children. The father comes to visit to see the children and raise them. At a puberty age if the boy wishes to live with the father he then have the right to do so. If he wishes to stay with the mother until adulthood it is his provocative. The daughter however at puberty age goes 100% to custody of the father..NOT THE MOTHER. The mother then get to visit her daughter...unless the father is abusive, evil...apostate does haram in the house the mother have no right to prevent the father custodial of his daughter. Then the daughter is obliged to obey the father, make sure she wears her hijab by the order of Allah (subhanahu Wa talaa) and the father is obliged to pay her financially and take care of her until she get married.

That point the responsibility of her maintenance moves from the father to the husband now. That point it is the responsibility of the daughter to obey and submit to her husband and if the husband does not want to her work...EVEN IF SHE could be the most powerful woman on Earth...invent a new technology no human male could ever invent until end of time...it is her responsibility to obey her husband and not work.

When it comes to custody however, if the children are the home of the mother THE MOTHER HAVE NO RIGHT to cut ties between the children and the father, have no right to cause parental alienation...even if she does it in eye drop ...pluck...pluck...effect she have no right to do it. Because while men are deficient in aqil and he will fall trap to the manipulation of the woman...Allah cannot be tricked. He knows and he sees and he WILL PUNISH THE MOTHER in the day of judgement for her evil crime even if she managed to trick the entire Earth with her superior manipulation skills....she cannot defeat Allah (Subhanahu Wa talaa). She have to return back to him at the day. While she may feel she have won (and she may too) she actually are amongst the greatest losers (and that is the truth) she will take herself and her children to the pit of hellfire for her deficient of aqil.

So if you are a young man who wish to stay with your mother...warn your mother about parental alienation and remind her to fear Allah (Subhanau Wa Talaaa).
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Abz2000
03-31-2019, 05:19 AM
At-Talaq 65:6

أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجْدِكُمْ وَلَا تُضَآرُّوهُنَّ لِتُضَيِّقُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّۚ وَإِن كُنَّ أُو۟لَٰتِ حَمْلٍ فَأَنفِقُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ حَتَّىٰ يَضَعْنَ حَمْلَهُنَّۚ فَإِنْ أَرْضَعْنَ لَكُمْ فَـَٔاتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّۖ وَأْتَمِرُوا۟ بَيْنَكُم بِمَعْرُوفٍۖ وَإِن تَعَاسَرْتُمْ فَسَتُرْضِعُ
لَهُۥٓ
أُخْرَىٰ

English - Sahih International

Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means and do not harm them in order to oppress them. And if they should be pregnant, then spend on them until they give birth. And if they breastfeed for you, then give them their payment and confer among yourselves in the acceptable way; but if you are in discord, then there may breastfeed for the father another woman.

English - Yusuf Ali

Let the women live (in 'iddat) in the same style as ye live, according to your means: Annoy them not, so as to restrict them. And if they carry (life in their wombs), then spend (your substance) on them until they deliver their burden: and if they suckle your (offspring), give them their recompense: and take mutual counsel together, according to what is just and reasonable. And if ye find yourselves in difficulties, let another woman suckle (the child) on the (father's) behalf.

get Quran App:https://goo.gl/w6rESk
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ameerkam
04-09-2019, 06:56 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Abz2000
At-Talaq 65:6

أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجْدِكُمْ وَلَا تُضَآرُّوهُنَّ لِتُضَيِّقُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّۚ وَإِن كُنَّ أُو۟لَٰتِ حَمْلٍ فَأَنفِقُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ حَتَّىٰ يَضَعْنَ حَمْلَهُنَّۚ فَإِنْ أَرْضَعْنَ لَكُمْ فَـَٔاتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّۖ وَأْتَمِرُوا۟ بَيْنَكُم بِمَعْرُوفٍۖ وَإِن تَعَاسَرْتُمْ فَسَتُرْضِعُ
لَهُۥٓ
أُخْرَىٰ

English - Sahih International

Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means and do not harm them in order to oppress them. And if they should be pregnant, then spend on them until they give birth. And if they breastfeed for you, then give them their payment and confer among yourselves in the acceptable way; but if you are in discord, then there may breastfeed for the father another woman.

English - Yusuf Ali

Let the women live (in 'iddat) in the same style as ye live, according to your means: Annoy them not, so as to restrict them. And if they carry (life in their wombs), then spend (your substance) on them until they deliver their burden: and if they suckle your (offspring), give them their recompense: and take mutual counsel together, according to what is just and reasonable. And if ye find yourselves in difficulties, let another woman suckle (the child) on the (father's) behalf.

get Quran App:https://goo.gl/w6rESk
When it says to let them live in the same style as you do does this refer to a woman who lives with you or any woman?
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Imraan
04-13-2019, 09:02 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ameerkam
Assalamualaikum

Is it true that when parents are divorced boys have to live (predominantly i think) with the father and girls with the mother? Should it not in part be the choice of the child? I’d really appreciate some knowledge on this.

Jazzakallahu Khair
If you are in a western country I.e. the UK, the government has put in place policies directly and indirectly implying that by default the mother and the maternal side of the family get custody and responsibilities of the child. It is up to the father to apply for access and for him to prove his worthiness. In the UK I have experienced first hand the organisations objectives of the children's advisory service CAFCASS. Their analysis, investigations and reports are gender biased supporting thb e notion that custody should be with the mother. This is the consensus of many people affected. I do however think, based on psychological and early development studies they are somewhat right. Kids should grow up in their moms care, they need that maternal love more than the paternal. Even stated in our religion, Preference over which parent? ......should be your mother three times before you can say you prefer your father. Basically something along the lines of the mother being 3 times more important than the father.
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ZeeshanParvez
04-14-2019, 12:28 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by ameerkam
Assalamualaikum

Is it true that when parents are divorced boys have to live (predominantly i think) with the father and girls with the mother? Should it not in part be the choice of the child? I’d really appreciate some knowledge on this.

Jazzakallahu Khair
Narrated by ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr (may Allaah be pleased with him) that a woman said: O Messenger of Allaah, my womb was a vessel for this son of mine, and my breasts gave him to drink, and my lap was a refuge for him, but his father has divorced me and he wants to take him away from me. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her: “You have more right to him so long as you do not remarry.”

Narrated by Ahmad (6707) and Abu Dawood (2276);

Ibn Katheer
said its chain of narrators is Sahiih
Sheikh al-albaani graded it hasan
al-Haithami said its chain of narrators is reliable
Ibn Hajar al-'asqalaani said it is hasan
al-Shawkaani said it is hasan
Ahmad Shaakir said its chain of narrators is Sahiih
Ibn Baaz said it is hasan. It has two chains of narrations which strengthen one another
Abu Daawud was silent about it and he said in his letter to the people of Makkah that what I am silent about, it is good
Ibn daqiiq al-iid said it is authentic according to the methodology of certain scholars of hadiith
Ibn al-mulaqqin considered it Sahiih



The mother has the most right to custody if the child has not reached the age of discernment. There is an Ijmaa of the scholars on the issue based on the above hadith of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam).

The woman forfeits her right to custody if she re-marries. There is an Ijmaa on this issue as well.


Ibn al-Mundhir said: All of the people of knowledge from whom we have preserved knowledge agree that if the husband and wife get divorced and they have a small child, then the mother has the most right to it as long as she does not get married. And the ones we have preserved this from include: Yahyaa al-'anSaarii, al-zuhri, Maalik, and al-thawri.
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Abz2000
04-15-2019, 07:27 PM
It is clearly evident that children usually receive more love and attentive care from the mother if she is not out working full time, this comes from an in-built bias that is apparent in most creatures -especially mammals. The thing with humans however is that a disciplined upbringing with authoritative and more formal advice usually come from the father who is more able to comprehend and steer through society on a more zoomed out level.

The "my son never did nothing - it was all the work of that cows good for nothing son" - when the belt necessarily comes out before it develops into a law and order issue - is a good indicator of how the mother's in-built bias is good for survival and warmth - but usually ineffective in terms of learning to hold a just balance in society.

I may be generalizing a little - but it is an undeniable fact that the mind of a female generally works on navigating through society in a different way to that of a male who must often take into account many additional factors such as the need for a male to assert oneself with underlying force in order to not be pushed over - and also the need to control one's strength where necessary - whereas for a female it is more about keeping up in order to keep it sweet rather than clearly demanding what is necessary. The type of training that comes from the male becomes more and more necessary as the child grows.
Cats and dogs and other creatures have in-built impulses including eating habits which kick in from birth and require near zero input from males in terms of discipline and teaching about what to do tomorrow and the decade after, and the females main task is survival of offspring at all costs - even if it means picking some offspring to breastfeed and watching the less fit die in front of their eyes if there isn't enough milk to go around - and it is rare for a human female to sacrifice scarce breast milk or bread for someone else's child when her own child is hungry - and there is a temporary reason for this as the male takes the duty of keeping the whole community running on a less on a less personal and emotional level.

When evaluating the hadith posted by @ZeeshanParvez -with the Quranic verse which clearly states LA HOO even on the topic of breastfeeding by another woman if an agreement cannot be reached - it is possible to come to the hypothesis that the Prophet :saws: saw the deep love and attachment of the woman and made a positive exception as he :saws: evaluated the situation.

The reason for matriarchal societies such as the uk working differently could be to do with the fact that the government prefers to give full training via the school and benefits system and end up with a more standardized product in an inefficient bedsit or one bed flat (serving loansharks well) who complies better with state norms without too much questioning, and produces more without complaint or physical mobilization.


With all that said - i believe that the advice in the verse for parents to come to an amicable agreement for the good of the family unit -is better than breatfeeding by another woman (which only happens when there are irreconcilable differences).
In patriarchal communities and tribes - it is detrimental to the psychological upbringing of a child to grow up amongst the mother's family where the child is seen more as a guest and distant relative than a fellow kinsman - this is difficult to comprehend in lands where manual labour which requires men is carried out by people of other countries and by machines - where a female is able to claim that she works the same as a male only due to the imbalance in local production, and where males are under-utilized.

The loansharks will obviously attempt to flatter the women as they break society into individuals who have next to no family backing, men are like evolutionary apes to them as machines do more and more of the heavy lifting and women do the typing.
Sit in a primary school classroom for a while to compare compliance to set or widely accepted norms - with individual demand (the ability to adapt to very personal intimate compliance during the days of slavery is another indicator of how different people are).
There is a reason why a Muslim male may marry a female who is acquainted with and accepting of what's left of the previously revealed books - whereas a Muslim female may not marry a non-Muslim male even if he is acquainted and accepting of the same books - unless he accepts Islam in totality.

The human race does not advance by solely focusing on survival - but rather through the unflinching personal sacrifice (even of life) where it is deemed necessary for the wider cause rather than for the immediate offspring alone.
Reply

xboxisdead
04-15-2019, 09:25 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Abz2000
It is clearly evident that children usually receive more love and attentive care from the mother if she is not out working full time, this comes from an in-built bias that is apparent in most creatures -especially mammals. The thing with humans however is that a disciplined upbringing with authoritative and more formal advice usually come from the father who is more able to comprehend and steer through society on a more zoomed out level.

The "my son never did nothing - it was all the work of that cows good for nothing son" - when the belt necessarily comes out before it develops into a law and order issue - is a good indicator of how the mother's in-built bias is good for survival and warmth - but usually ineffective in terms of learning to hold a just balance in society.

I may be generalizing a little - but it is an undeniable fact that the mind of a female generally works on navigating through society in a different way to that of a male who must often take into account many additional factors such as the need for a male to assert oneself with underlying force in order to not be pushed over - and also the need to control one's strength where necessary - whereas for a female - it is more about keeping up in order to keep it sweet rather than clearly demanding what is necessary. The type of training that comes from the male becomes more and more necessary as the child grows.
Cats and dogs and other creatures have in-built impulses including eating habits which kick in from birth and require near zero input from males in terms of discipline and teaching about what to do tomorrow and 5he decade after, and the females main task is survival of offspring at all costs - even if it means picking some offspring to breastfeed and watching the less fit die in front of their eyes if there isn't enough milk to go around - and it is rare for a human female to sacrifice scarce breast milk or bread for someone else's child when her own child is hungry - and there is a temporary reason for this as the male takes the duty of keeping the whole community running on a less on a less personal and emotional level.

When evaluating the hadith posted by @ZeeshanParvez -with the Quranic verse which clearly states LA HOO even on the topic of breastfeeding by another woman if an agreement cannot be reached - it is possible to come to the hypothesis that the Prophet :saws: saw the deep love and attachment of the woman and made a positive exception as he :saws: evaluated the situation.

The reason for matriarchal societies such as the uk working differently could be to do with the fact that the government prefers to give full training via the school and benefits system and end up with a more standardized product in an inneficient bedsit or one bed flat who complies better with state norms without too much questioning, and produces more without complaint or physical mobilization.


With all that said - i believe that the advice in the verse for parents to come to an amicable agreement for the good of the family unit -is better than breatfeeding by another woman (which only happens when there are irreconcilable differences).
In patriarchal communities and tribes - it is detrimental to the psychological upbringing of a child to grow up amongst the mother's family where the child is seen more as a guest and distant relative than a fellow kinsman - this is difficult to comprehend in lands where manual labour which requires men is carried out by people of other countries and by machines - where a female is able to claim that she works the same as a male only due to the imbalance in local production, and where males are under-utilized.

The loansharks will obviously attempt to flatter the women as they break society into individuals who have next to no family backing, men are like evolutionary apes to them as machines do more an more of the heavy lifting and women do the typing.
Sit in a primary school classroom for a while to compare compliance to set or widely accepted norms - with individual demand (the ability to adapt to very personal intimate compliance during the days of slavery is another indicator of how different people are.
There is a reason why a Muslim male may marry a female who is acquainted and accepting of with what's left of the previously revealed books - whereas a Muslim female may not marry a non-Muslim male even if he is acquainted and accepting of the same books - unless he accepts Islam in totality.

The human race does not advance by solely focusing on survival - but rather through the unflinching personal sacrifice (even of life) where it is deemed necessary for the wider cause rather than for the immediate offspring alone.
Moderator please please please do not delete this post, cause I really am confused and I need to ask him a question.

I am sorry, I read what you replied here and I even used text to speech program for the computer to read it outloud and I played it three times over and I am still.....

^o) huh? I am so sorry, I am confused.

What are you saying? Are you saying in Islam fathers are unnecessary and we don't need dads? I asked a Muslim brother in a mosque and he said we don't need fathers and many children are born and raised fine without fathers and that it is just an environmental thing. So...is that what you are saying?

Are you saying we should move to matriarchal society because it works better than patriarchal society? Are you saying the future demand now females because of advanced technology and the males are outdated species that are unnecessary? So you are confirming the feminist ideology that the future is female and men are redundant?

Why didn't the prophet peace be upon him warned men that we have a limited usage in society and once we fulfill our role we should move 100% female?

Then my next question why is marriage an institution between men and a women when men as a sex will be replaced with female because society demands skills that female have higher skills over men?

BETTER yet...why didn't Allah not decree a protection to the male sex when women become the leader and qayama over men by giving him rewards for obeying his wife and by protecting his wealth and by saying if women are leaders of men she have to pay men mahir, he doesn't need to work and support her, he can have custody of the children to avoid women from breaking families left and right for herself interest?

Are you saying men have no value in Islam? I am confused. Help me please please please clear my mind. I am so confused now.
Reply

keiv
04-16-2019, 10:51 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead
Moderator please please please do not delete this post, cause I really am confused and I need to ask him a question.

I am sorry, I read what you replied here and I even used text to speech program for the computer to read it outloud and I played it three times over and I am still.....

^o) huh? I am so sorry, I am confused.

What are you saying? Are you saying in Islam fathers are unnecessary and we don't need dads? I asked a Muslim brother in a mosque and he said we don't need fathers and many children are born and raised fine without fathers and that it is just an environmental thing. So...is that what you are saying?

Are you saying we should move to matriarchal society because it works better than patriarchal society? Are you saying the future demand now females because of advanced technology and the males are outdated species that are unnecessary? So you are confirming the feminist ideology that the future is female and men are redundant?

Why didn't the prophet peace be upon him warned men that we have a limited usage in society and once we fulfill our role we should move 100% female?

Then my next question why is marriage an institution between men and a women when men as a sex will be replaced with female because society demands skills that female have higher skills over men?

BETTER yet...why didn't Allah not decree a protection to the male sex when women become the leader and qayama over men by giving him rewards for obeying his wife and by protecting his wealth and by saying if women are leaders of men she have to pay men mahir, he doesn't need to work and support her, he can have custody of the children to avoid women from breaking families left and right for herself interest?

Are you saying men have no value in Islam? I am confused. Help me please please please clear my mind. I am so confused now.
Are you specifically talking about this part:

format_quote Originally Posted by Abz2000
The reason for matriarchal societies such as the uk working differently could be to do with the fact that the government prefers to give full training via the school and benefits system and end up with a more standardized product in an inneficient bedsit or one bed flat who complies better with state norms without too much questioning, and produces more without complaint or physical mobilization.
If so, I don't think Abz was promoting the idea of a matriarchal society but simply explaining why it's being pushed, specifically by certain governments, which if that's the case, makes sense on their part. I could be wrong though.
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CuriousonTruth
04-16-2019, 12:50 PM
I just want to chip in to say that the stereotype of "caring" mothers and "strict" fathers is no longer applicable. A lot of 'mothers' nowadays are completely callous and careless about their children and are more invested in social media and a lot of fathers are quite caring and responsible.

I think in raising daughter, the father maybe inexperienced about certain issues, but that should be no problems in raising sons.
Reply

xboxisdead
04-16-2019, 02:13 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by keiv
Are you specifically talking about this part:



If so, I don't think Abz was promoting the idea of a matriarchal society but simply explaining why it's being pushed, specifically by certain governments, which if that's the case, makes sense on their part. I could be wrong though.
Yes, but one thing I love about the male gender so much even though we live in a world that put 100% negativity toward the male gender and almost place the female gender at the same level as Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) no denying it, that is what we are now...is that he does not submit and be your slave. He does not confirm to norm of what the government want you to be. That he sees oppression and he speaks out. Which is why lots of people scream and attack boys and say they do bad at school because he does NOT WANT to confirm to be the new company robotic training where as girls easily confirm to the new standard of society and become the best worker bee.

So matriarch works great if you want society to be a worker bee and slave of the government. If I was the government and evil as that one, my first objective is to dehumanize masculinity and boys and men to the point that a swine have better heart into the people then boys or men's issue. Then as a government I will turn human beings as bees...I turn men as drones and limit his population to bare minimum, turn society into 99% female who will devote the rest of her life as a worker bee for the government and there will NEVER be a revolution. There will never be a rally. Women will not unite together to put a government down. Men do. Men unite together. I either turn boys into girls or eliminate them.

THAT is matriarch in a nutshell.
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Abz2000
04-16-2019, 06:36 PM
I think @kiev jzk explained it well, though i think i should have pointed out that the destructive and criminal logic of such loansharks and their serf governments is wrong and threatens to lead humanity to mental illness and then to rock-bottom (if we're not there already) or extinction -instead of simply mentioning it and as if it makes sense from their criminal point of view.


Aaron russo did an interview with bull-horn Jones and although most of us would probably disagree with some of his personal points of view which are not in alignment with the haqq nature on which insaan was created and guided by Allah :swt: - or for other reasons, he does inform us of what he learned of the plans of these criminal and devil worshipping gangs - which seem to fit with previous scripture warnings and with final scripture warnings.


Of course fathers and mothers are necessary, although it appears that mothers are more important in initial carrying and survival whilst fathers are important in providing in a lawful way for the mother before, after, and especially whilst- she carries the child in the womb and weans it, providing psychological and physical support, and going on to train and guard the children whilst making important decisions on a wider scale.

There is a reason why Allah :swt: made the female after the male and caused her to carry the children whilst the khaleefah (to whom satan had refused to bow) continued to remain in control as commander in chief and as guardian and protector of the wider unit.
The angels did question (but not reject) the logic of one who had the ability to shed blood and do mischief - but Allah :swt: said that He knew what they knew not - and they accepted and bowed ONLY IN OBEDIENCE AND SUBMISSION TO ALLAH :swt:

And Allah :swt: knows best.


Scroll to 8mins:40seconds if in a hurry (though the interview is enlightening) :


Reply

xboxisdead
04-16-2019, 07:16 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Abz2000
I think @kiev jzk explained it well, though i think i should have pointed out that the destructive and criminal logic of such loansharks and their serf governments is wrong and threatens to lead humanity to mental illness and then to rock-bottom (if we're not there already) or extinction -instead of simply mentioning it and as if it makes sense from their criminal point of view.


Aaron russo did an interview with bull-horn Jones and although most of us would probably disagree with some of his personal points of view which are not in alignment with the haqq nature on which insaan was created and guided by Allah :swt: - or for other reasons, he does inform us of what he learned of the plans of these criminal and devil worshipping gangs - which seem to fit with previous scripture warnings and with final scripture warnings.


Of course fathers and mothers are necessary, although it appears that mothers are more important in initial carrying and survival whilst fathers are important in providing in a lawful way for the mother before, after, and especially whilst- she carries the child in the womb and weans it, providing psychological and physical support, and going on to train and guard the children whilst making important decisions on a wider scale.

There is a reason why Allah :swt: made the female after the male and caused her to carry the children whilst the khaleefah (to whom satan had refused to bow) continued to remain in control as commander in chief and as guardian and protector of the wider unit.
The angels did question (but not reject) the logic of one who had the ability to shed blood and do mischief - but Allah :swt: said that He knew what they knew not - and they accepted and bowed ONLY IN OBEDIENCE AND SUBMISSION TO ALLAH :swt:

And Allah :swt: knows best.
THANK YOU!! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Can I say now...more than ever...boys especially...need their fathers. I will tell you why...he lives in a toxic environment that brainwash him to hate his gender. If the mother does not send her sons to Islamic school that teaches these boys the history of the prophets, teach these boys the sahaba, prophet Mohammad peace be upon him his life story and he treats with people and on additional and pile it up to him not having a father with a role model for him to follow then throw him to the wolfves without ...WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO EXPECT out of him? TO be a perfect little boy, patting his eyes and saying yes ma'am and yes sir and obey and submit to every human being he approaches. Even if that is the case..DO YOU REALLY WANT this for your son to be slave and submissive to every human being he encounters? REALLY?

I visit a friend's house and he have five to six chickens with him and one rooster. The chicken did nothing when you take the egg right from her butt and she did not care when you picked her baby up...as far as the chicken is concerned she can make more. THE ROOSTER however....he was vicious.....he tried to slit your throat with his feet...he attacks, picks, uses any means to prevent you from touching his offspring. Funny thing is...he did not even lay the eggs @_@
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