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Studentofdeed
04-09-2019, 07:38 AM
There is a sister who I am interested in marrying. She seems very kind and sweet and she has always been good to me. Out of respect and fear of Allah I do not talk to her unless necessary. I keep my distance and do not talk to her at all. I am interested in marrying her but my mother does not think she is a good match as her family is sort of shady. My mother knows I am religous and would not be happy with this girl's family as they are not religous and own haram businesses. The girl doesnt do haram but like I said my mother said when you marry someone you marry their family.
She says you can find someone better and you have good qualities. Problem is I do not wish to wait long and if this sister is interested then I do not know what to do. Often there are not lot of good women out there as often they use and abuse others. My father on the other hand doesnt care and he always discourages me to marry and doesnt he want me to marry. He is negligent and uncaring often. Please.advise me and do not be harsh. I had a tough life and I wish to marry someone who is religous and who cares about others so this woman can be good influence and lead me to jannah.

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Please again advise but do not be harsh or cruel
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AbdurRahman.
04-09-2019, 06:43 PM
It's best to take parents' advice and not make them unhappy

If you feel you're iman is strong enough that you can control your lust then best be patient and wait for right girl... marrying into a family with haram business will mean you will fall into the haram too as the food you eat at your in-laws will be from the haram money
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Studentofdeed
04-09-2019, 07:46 PM
Yes but when this sister found out I had surgery and was in the hospital she came and visited and brought me gifts....she was always kind to me and no one has ever done that for me. Most women are just quick to use others for their money and discard them when better looking options come. In today's world there is no such thing as loyalty and people no longer follow Islam. My sister constantly bugs me saying good luck finding someone religious in a America

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It's not my lust I'm concerned about. I can be chaste it's just when I am lonely and I would like to find someone who is good for me and kind who likes helping other people. Often people are just selfish
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AbdurRahman.
04-09-2019, 08:11 PM
Whatever wife you marry will be kind I am sure as Allah says he puts love and mercy between couples hearts

Your mum is right that marrying is like marrying a family and if your families are not compatible then it could create problems.

And above all, how are you going to avoid falling into haram and she falling into haram if her families income is haram? Going and living a few nights at your in-laws every now and then and frequent visits is part and parcel of our culture so why do you want to risk eating haram just to have a nice girl now? Other nice girls can come along later, nice ones that don't have haram associated with them

Many Muslims don't bother about haram income but I feel it's very important

There is this woman in our area, she's very good religious lady but she's been encountering one disaster after another... serious health problems, operations... and recently she's had a massive cancer scare....

I wondered why a good woman is undergoing all of this for years... and I think I know why... her husband has a restaurant that sells alcohol too :Emoji29:

Anyway that's my 2 cents but the end decision is yours, do what you feel is best for you
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Studentofdeed
04-09-2019, 08:45 PM
It's often a test if that poor sister is suffering...but no you are right. I am only upset because there are few women are so good and kind hearted. I will not do anything without my mother permission. I suppose I am upset that kind sister was always nice to me and no girl has done that for me. As you are aware the first woman I thought I was going to marry was abusive and enjoyed torturing me...please. ake dua for me
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*charisma*
04-09-2019, 09:31 PM
Assalamu Alaikum

Originally Posted by Studentofdeed
It's often a test if that poor sister is suffering...but no you are right. I am only upset because there are few women are so good and kind hearted. I will not do anything without my mother permission. I suppose I am upset that kind sister was always nice to me and no girl has done that for me. As you are aware the first woman I thought I was going to marry was abusive and enjoyed torturing me...please. ake dua for me
THere are a lot of religious girls in the US and elsewhere. You probably just don't notice them as they are the types that would go unnoticed. Secondly, the baggage you have with your previous relationship needs to go away. Telling you this as a female myself, knowing that some girl had that much of an effect on you and still does outside of marriage, I probably would feel quite dishonored. You were able to paint every girl with the same brush as being mean just because of one relationship and I don't think that's fair to say. I would assume any girl who allows herself to get into a haram relationship quite easily would have a selfish agenda, so that should've been your first sign. I know that you want to get married to prove to yourself that there are better girls out there and to take care of that lonliness you have, but you first need to take care of yourself and have more confidence because it's not fair for you to put that on someone else to take care of, if that makes sense, and it will be an issue in your future relationship.

As with the girl herself, if she has piety and good character, then pray istikhara and ask for her hand in marriage properly. If she accepts, that's great, if not then don't take it personally. If you're the type to take it personally then don't even bother asking for anyone's hand right now until you are more emotionally stable and confident. If her family has a haram business, then you should be financially stable enough to take care of wedding expenses, your future home, etc. so as to not use the money from haram sources. But if her family is not religious it does not mean the girl is a terrible person, however you do need to consider that if you both have a fallout or argument that her parents would be helpful and not harmful to the marriage, and you would also need to know what morals the girl has herself. There's a lot to take into consideration here, so don't jump into thinking marriage is a solution when it could very well just add more to your problems because you didn't think it through well enough.
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Studentofdeed
04-09-2019, 09:52 PM
I apologize charisma. I did not mean to offend. Yes you are right there are good women out there but sadly I havent come across any yet. This woman does seem good but family does place a part on marriage and even if she rejects me I am not one to get upset because she was honest and told me from the beginning. Please do not think of me as a bad Male. I am simple person and very gullible. It's not that am jumping into marriage either that's why I am seeking advice and trying to ask everyone and not doing anything against my mothers will. My only concern is that what if I do not find a woman like this one who has been so kind to me from the beginning

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But yes I agree with you...my emotional state is still not the best

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Please do not judge me...like everyone I make mistakes too
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AbdurRahman.
04-10-2019, 08:03 AM
Don't let that awful experience from your 'ex' spoil your faith in humanity. Trust me, she was an odd one out as I've lived on this earth more than 30 years and I've seen nasty, but not THAT nasty :Emoji48:

Don't mean to backbitr her but just explaining! :)
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Studentofdeed
04-10-2019, 05:56 PM
Jazakallah khayran brother. I will apply your advice
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