Assalamu Alaikum
format_quote Originally Posted by
Studentofdeed
It's often a test if that poor sister is suffering...but no you are right. I am only upset because there are few women are so good and kind hearted. I will not do anything without my mother permission. I suppose I am upset that kind sister was always nice to me and no girl has done that for me. As you are aware the first woman I thought I was going to marry was abusive and enjoyed torturing me...please. ake dua for me
THere are a lot of religious girls in the US and elsewhere. You probably just don't notice them as they are the types that would go unnoticed. Secondly, the baggage you have with your previous relationship needs to go away. Telling you this as a female myself, knowing that some girl had that much of an effect on you and still does outside of marriage, I probably would feel quite dishonored. You were able to paint every girl with the same brush as being mean just because of one relationship and I don't think that's fair to say. I would assume any girl who allows herself to get into a haram relationship quite easily would have a selfish agenda, so that should've been your first sign. I know that you want to get married to prove to yourself that there are better girls out there and to take care of that lonliness you have, but you first need to take care of yourself and have more confidence because it's not fair for you to put that on someone else to take care of, if that makes sense, and it will be an issue in your future relationship.
As with the girl herself, if she has piety and good character, then pray istikhara and ask for her hand in marriage properly. If she accepts, that's great, if not then don't take it personally. If you're the type to take it personally then don't even bother asking for anyone's hand right now until you are more emotionally stable and confident. If her family has a haram business, then you should be financially stable enough to take care of wedding expenses, your future home, etc. so as to not use the money from haram sources. But if her family is not religious it does not mean the girl is a terrible person, however you do need to consider that if you both have a fallout or argument that her parents would be helpful and not harmful to the marriage, and you would also need to know what morals the girl has herself. There's a lot to take into consideration here, so don't jump into thinking marriage is a solution when it could very well just add more to your problems because you didn't think it through well enough.