View Full Version : Do we get better than the haram things we reject?

05-27-2019, 02:24 PM
I am unable to get married because my family doesnt want me too...but at school there are several beautiful women. Many women I sensed they liked me and when I spoke to them and worked in class with them on assignments there was like a natural chemistry. But I didnt pursue any of these women and kept it professional and left. But now the doors of marriage is locked and I shouldnt say this...but I wonder if I made the right choice? Obviously illicit relationships are haram but what should I do? If I cant get married and keep rejecting haram...will the halal option that comes be better than these haram options? Will the girl I marry be better than these girls who show interest in me? It frustrates me...please advise me

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05-27-2019, 02:34 PM
If you keep setting yourself up to brush with what is haram for you, and you avoid what is halal for you -then you are setting yourself up for failure and then hell.

If you work positively to work with what is halal for you and to be in communion with it, and you try to avoid what is haram for you -then you are setting yourself up for success and then eternal paradise.

05-27-2019, 06:12 PM
brother let me advise you because i used to be in your shoes and still somewhat am........first off, the right girl is out there for you some day, WHEN ALLAH DECREES IT. once you believe in qadr, which is the hardest of the 6 pillars of faith to grasp, the idea that there is a reason behind everything happening (reflected in the story of Musa (as) and Khidr, please read surat al kahf chapter 18, trust me i always love reading this it is a heart warmer) and that Allah is al aziz (the almighty) and al mutakkabir (the dominant one) yet al rahim (the merciful) and al wudud (the loving one) and al fattah (the opener, the victory giver) and he has a reason for letting frustration happening, your heart will be put at ease. i used to be OBSESSED WITH sex. from ages 10, 11 or 12- 19. and i am younger than you are, which moves me on to my next point, 2) women are not angels. they go to the bathroom, they get moody, they throw up, they have their menses, they committ horrible sins, yes they are beautiful and they look clean skinned and they bear children, so? your biology is fooling you. but, but, they are more sensitive, you may say.....says who? i know many women who are VERY, VERY rude. theyre just different. its all an illusion. having a wife can be a punishment sometimes. its time for YOU to take control. 3) getting a wife wont solve your problems, even intimate. (trying to stay clean here so this doesnt get moved). all the experts and married people say you need to be ok with yourself, before you are ok with a wife, because no one likes someone who is codependent, and that's exactly the mindset youd be walking in with. google it. ask uncle shaikh google. even physical needs wont be met because even if women are required to meet their husband's intimate needs, you dont want to be walking in expecting everything to be glitter and gold and then her saying, "i have a headache" "i feel sick" "do we really have to, im mad at you" because this is the de facto reality. physical needs are better met when you two are indepenedent and mature.

now, in order to control your wish for a spouse, try fasting. i know many people cant fast, im one of them. try cutting some foods, like red meat, or meat altogether, and caffeine, eggs, hazelnuts, bananas, etc.
try exercising, try finding a purpose, a calling, something that you would live and breathe, smething that speaks your name, and which you speak, so your mind isnt on women. me, i try helping people and learning things. try speaking to people who are already married to see how they coped. EDIT: I know it's hard brother, trust me. i went through a very traumatic childhood from a certain age onward and a very traumatic adolescence and grew up with autism and anxiety and borderline personality disorder from a young age. if i can do it, so can you :) EDIT: i added more names of Allah aza wa jal

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