Salam sister. No problem sister, whatever I've been through I have learnt from it and I can definitely pass some advice that I gained from it.
I remember the imam saying your the cause of these problems. Why are you putting your wife in a situation where she's not comfortable? Do you know you are responsible, it's your responsibility as a husband to find out what your wife desires and what she IS comfortable with as long as it's not haram it's your job to fulfil them desires. Clearly she's nit happy her stop expecting her to go over all the time instead focus on your marriage and maintain it. You have brothers living in your parents house who are not your wife's mehrams. Your brother has a wife living in your parents house, your not her mehram. Islam strongly disengourages you to be around your husbands brothers, brothers wife and anyone else who is not your mehram.
He also made me realise that my parents aren't alone I have other siblings living in the house. So I am not neglecting them and have no reason to feel bad. I took this all in consideration. I didn't stop visiting my parents but I reduced my visits to going over once a month or after every couple of weeks but kept in regular touch with my parents via phone. Of course I miss my parents and I enjoy my time with them but after all this I have gained a lot of positive in my life esp in my deen. Me and my wife spend time praying together zikr and attending Islamic lectures and classes. This would've have impossible if we were at each other's parents every other day or week. Letting go of culture and traditions and stopped following what everyone else was doing and started making my own decisions.
I would like to share some points which I came across about stressed newly married couples due to inlaws interference. Although it highlights about parents interference not being allowed in Islam, it proves that no one else including a brother or sister etc definitely are not allowed to interfere.
•The stress that family and in-law interference brings to a marriage can be so overwhelming that for some couples it can lead to divorce.
•Parents may be insensitive to the couple’s need for physical and emotional privacy. They may give unsolicited advice and give their approval or disapproval of all decisions the couple makes. All of these behaviors may be seen by the parents as showing their care and concern or know better, however they have no right to order the new couple.
•Couples who are on the path toward marriage must have conversations early on with their parents about the changing family dynamics that will soon be taking place once the couple is married. This is also an opportunity for the couple to reassure their parents that they will continue to respect them. The change in the relationship between the parent and child needs to be discussed, accepted, and ultimately welcomed as the next stage in life.
•The Qur’an mandates that children always show kindness and respect to their parents, yet it does not mandate obedience. This is important to distinguish because many couples have a difficult time drawing boundaries with parents out of a fear of “disobeying” them. Allah
subhanahu wa ta`ala (Glorified and Exalted is He) says, “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as] “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” (Qur’an,
17:23) Couples should always hear respectfully to their parents’ views, but ultimately the couple must make decisions that are best for them as a unit and not out of a sense of guilt.
•Many cultures have maintained control over their family through emotional manipulation and guilt veiled by the banner of Islamic duty. Obeying one’s parents has become the catch phrase remedy for all difficulties rather than critically thinking about what Allah (swt) is mandating.
•Qur’an is used repeatedly to teach small children how they must always listen and obey their parents and to never talk-back. Yet if we carefully look at the verse, notes the phrase “when parents reach OLD age” It is in these times, as adults, that we must especially show kindness and respect to our parents when they are in old age and may be experiencing LONELINESS. No where do the Qur’anic verses and
hadith suggest that parents have control over their child’s life, nor that children must
obeytheir parents’ desires.
•Numerous times in the Qur’an we are reminded: “…and no bearer of burdens shall be made to bear another’s burden…” (Qur;an,
6: 164,
17:15,
35:18,
39:7and
53:38). As adults, Muslims are responsible for their own choices in life and even though they may take advice and guidance from their parents, ultimately accountability falls on the individual for the choices made in life.
•It is critical when young couples get married and when spouses choose to “obey” their parents’ wishes or demands out of guilt or Islamic deference rather than choose to do what is best for the couple and their future. Newly married couples have a fragile new relationship to foster and new skills to develop as a married couple.
•When the pressure from in-laws and parents is excessive, a new marriage will crumble under the stress and interference. This can be prevented only if couples take the time to establish boundaries with their parents and effectively make the shift from a dependent parent-child relationship to an interdependent marital relationship