I have lost all hope and sanity

[Studentofdeed]

I'm trying so hard to be a good Muslim. From trying to be a good person to helping others. Yet since i can remember i have been bullied and made fun of since I was young. It doesnt help the fact I do not have the best parents. My controlling mother and my abusive father who my mother doesnt say much to. Whenever I try to stand up for myself...I am instantly known as disrespectful and disobeying Allah. I try to be respectful and I thank them for the things they have done but the insults? The humilation? If I stand for myself, it is seen as talking back.

Then there was someone who made my life so hell to the point where i actually considered suicide for long while. Only the fear of hellfire kept me from killing myself. Why do I feel like I deserve this? Everyone hates me and puts me down. I made dua against that person and asked for justice, yet despite that they are still walking fine and healthy. I literally feel scared everytime I go to school if I see or run into this person. On top of that I have health issues. I really feel like Allah hates me. Im trying so hard yet I'm suffering more and more. All the sacrifices I made for Allah, all the people i forgive...what was it for? I'm only suffering and hated by Allah. Telling me to have sabr isnt enough. I have had enough being a victim of abuse in my home and in college. The only people who respect me are the religious pious people in the mosque. Yet everytime I spend time in the mosque, my family make fun of me and scold me. Tell me...why should I keep going on...if Allah isnt even giving me justice or love me and allowing my abuser to walk free and me to be humiliated everywhere...why should I not just kill myself and stop existing.

[SintoDinto]

Don't kill yourself, people will be devastated. An above all, you will go to hell, and you will miss out on the chance to make things better. Just move out and get a job and an apartment. As it says in the Qur'an chapter 94:5-6: for indeed, with hardship there is ease, with hardship there is ease.

[Physicist]

You have to learn.
Stop focusing on yourself. Become more spectacular than actor.
Just observe others, how they interact with each other, understand how they think.
InshaAllah you'll learn to see yourself, as others see you, then things will become easier.

[keiv]

First and foremost, your existence doesn't stop at death. It's quite the opposite. The life we're living now is so insignificant that really, you can look at it as almost being non existent in the grand scheme of things. It's hard for us to comprehend this but, the afterlife is our final destination that's never ending. If you can try to understand that fact, a lot of the issues we deal with on a day to day basis won't be as impactful on our lives. Of course, in certain scenarios, that's easier said than done but that would be the first step in overcoming any hardships that come your way.

Secondly, ask the brothers in the mosque for help. Try to befriend them, spend more time at the mosque and try to spend more time with them outside of the mosque. Keep yourself busy with activities outside of your house so you don't have to be stuck in that environment. If you're in college, I assume you're old enough to have a job. If you don't have a job, get one and start supporting yourself. Even if you have to work 2 jobs, do it if it means being able to leave your environment. You already know what the ruling is on committing suicide, so why would you intentionally run towards it? Familiarize yourself with the punishments of the grave and the hereafter. Would you rather want to experience that over being verbally abused in this life?

Yes, sabr should be enough. If you know anything about the stories of the different prophets and even their companions, you would read about the trials they went through. They endured physical and mental torture. Again, we all deal with hardships and a lot of times it isn't easy. The best thing is to be patient. And to be honest, it truly is the most rewarding feeling once you've overcome such things.

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[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Studentofdeed;

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles, I went through very much the same with my dad and bullies at school, but that was over fifty years ago. What I am trying to say is that these things do come to an end. You will leave school at some point, you can leave home, your relationship with your parents can change for the better; what does not kill you, makes you stronger.

I really feel like Allah hates me.

The first two names of Allah are.....

Ar-Rahmaan The Beneficent He who wills goodness and mercy for all His creatures
Ar-Raheem The Merciful He who acts with extreme kindness.

I made dua against that person and asked for justice, yet despite that they are still walking fine and healthy.

Allah cares for all his creatures, you cannot know what Allah plans for that person, his ways are beyond our ways. The 32nd name of Allah -

Al-Haleem The Clement One The Forebearing, The One who delays the punishment for those who deserve it and then He might forgive them.

Maybe the dua to make is this, Allah help me with the wisdom, the strength and the peace to do your will.

May you be blessed with the wisdom, the strength and the peace to do the will of Allah through all your struggles.

Eric

[HisServant]

I'm trying so hard to be a good Muslim. From trying to be a good person to helping others. Yet since i can remember i have been bullied and made fun of since I was young. It doesnt help the fact I do not have the best parents. My controlling mother and my abusive father who my mother doesnt say much to. Whenever I try to stand up for myself...I am instantly known as disrespectful and disobeying Allah. I try to be respectful and I thank them for the things they have done but the insults? The humilation? If I stand for myself, it is seen as talking back.

Then there was someone who made my life so hell to the point where i actually considered suicide for long while. Only the fear of hellfire kept me from killing myself. Why do I feel like I deserve this? Everyone hates me and puts me down. I made dua against that person and asked for justice, yet despite that they are still walking fine and healthy. I literally feel scared everytime I go to school if I see or run into this person. On top of that I have health issues. I really feel like Allah hates me. Im trying so hard yet I'm suffering more and more. All the sacrifices I made for Allah, all the people i forgive...what was it for? I'm only suffering and hated by Allah. Telling me to have sabr isnt enough. I have had enough being a victim of abuse in my home and in college. The only people who respect me are the religious pious people in the mosque. Yet everytime I spend time in the mosque, my family make fun of me and scold me. Tell me...why should I keep going on...if Allah isnt even giving me justice or love me and allowing my abuser to walk free and me to be humiliated everywhere...why should I not just kill myself and stop existing.

I do believe that my previous response simply disappeared and then a message 'bad gateway time out". :oAnyway, essentially wanted to:

(1) Remind that even the parents and families of the prophets (peace and blessings upon them all) were against the message of truth and righteous practice, this did not deterred them from having faith but seeking Allah's help even more
(2) If you are terribly afraid someone would harm you, then report that individual to relevant authorities. Say this dua regularly:

Hasbunallahu Wa Ni’mal Wakeel

Allah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us).”
–Surah Al ‘Imran (3:173)


In the event of fear and anxiety one should seek the help of Allah and frequently recite this ayah of the glorious Qur’an “Hasbunallahu wa Ni’mal Wakeel” “Allah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us).” (3:173).

Ibn ‘Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) said: When (Prophet) Ibraheem(عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّم) was thrown into the fire, he said: “Allah (Alone) is sufficient for us, and, He is the Best Disposer of affairs.” So did Messenger of Allah, Muhammad (ﷺ), when he was told: “A great army of the pagans had gathered against him, so fear them”. But this (warning) only increased him and the Muslims in Faith and they said: “Allah (Alone) is sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us)”. [Al-Bukhari].

Powerful Ayaat


(3) With regards to your parents then showing them from Islamic evidence (your rights as a child) that their behaviour is wrong should suffice. However, if they are not practicing then appealing to any goodly nature within them should help.....depending on how often this happens, maybe seek help/support with any trusted family member?

(4) Avoid making statements as "I am hated by Allah". IF tests and difficulties were the standards by which Allah loved or hated us what about our prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, who was given the most honourable status amongst mankind and the angels?

"Indeed, Allah confers blessing upon the Prophet, and His angels [ask Him to do so]. O you who have believed, ask [Allah to confer] blessing upon him and ask [Allah to grant him] peace"

- Surah Al Ahzab verse 56

(5) I'm certain were you to make dua and ask Allah if He loves you or not, His response in some way or form would be very exalting and comforting.

The very fact that you are here amongst us asking for help is an indication of wanting to be reasoned with and to be understood with Islamic guidance. I think perhaps all of us may lose our sanity at some points but Alhamdulilah we can still encourage and inspire each other.

(Now, I may not be around for a while, so truly hope that nothing is taken into a wrongful context. ..it's meant to be supportive...and May Allah guide keep you strengthen, protected, loved and inspired....and us all. Ameen)

[Studentofdeed]

My mother said even if parents are abusive and said mean things you cant say a single thing back. I frustrated because often they say I'm useless and selfish. I help others as much as I can. I have no idea how I can help my mother and father? They want me to be a servant yet my father is healthy but doesnt do any work. My mother works but says I'm selfish. My father constantly compares me to other kids. They constantly emotionally abuse me and say in the akhira I'm going to do really bad. My sister constantly says I'm a fake Muslim then they get angry and Ask why I dont spend time with them or go out to eat or watch movies. I'm trying to be religious and these things i no longer have desire for. And how can i spend time with those who scold me and call me names? Is it really bad to speak out against parent when they say harsh things?

- - - Updated - - -

I'm probably the only one trying to be religious In the family yet every time I make a mistake or have some flaw or get uoset... they say you are not a good Muslim. They emotionally and religiously black mail me. I'm trying to study for grad exam so I can finally leave but they dont care. They arent happy I'm relgious... or good...or even get good grades. They constantly say I'm a disappointment and my siblings never gave them trouble as much as I did. I also have health issues and get tired and fatigued alot. I recently had open heart surgery. I wish they understand that but then they use this against me when I Express my wish to get married someday. They say you want to get married? You cant even help us so how can you take care of someone. Does this mean I have no right to have a family of my own? My father does no work...my sister doesnt either and she doesnt cook either. My mother is usually doing all the work. So I understand her frustration but I dont understand why its pinned all on me.

[xboxisdead]

My mother said even if parents are abusive and said mean things you cant say a single thing back. I frustrated because often they say I'm useless and selfish. I help others as much as I can. I have no idea how I can help my mother and father? They want me to be a servant yet my father is healthy but doesnt do any work. My mother works but says I'm selfish. My father constantly compares me to other kids. They constantly emotionally abuse me and say in the akhira I'm going to do really bad. My sister constantly says I'm a fake Muslim then they get angry and Ask why I dont spend time with them or go out to eat or watch movies. I'm trying to be religious and these things i no longer have desire for. And how can i spend time with those who scold me and call me names? Is it really bad to speak out against parent when they say harsh things?

- - - Updated - - -

I'm probably the only one trying to be religious In the family yet every time I make a mistake or have some flaw or get uoset... they say you are not a good Muslim. They emotionally and religiously black mail me. I'm trying to study for grad exam so I can finally leave but they dont care. They arent happy I'm relgious... or good...or even get good grades. They constantly say I'm a disappointment and my siblings never gave them trouble as much as I did. I also have health issues and get tired and fatigued alot. I recently had open heart surgery. I wish they understand that but then they use this against me when I Express my wish to get married someday. They say you want to get married? You cant even help us so how can you take care of someone. Does this mean I have no right to have a family of my own? My father does no work...my sister doesnt either and she doesnt cook either. My mother is usually doing all the work. So I understand her frustration but I dont understand why its pinned all on me.

How old are you?

[HisServant]

My mother said even if parents are abusive and said mean things you cant say a single thing back. I frustrated because often they say I'm useless and selfish. I help others as much as I can. I have no idea how I can help my mother and father? They want me to be a servant yet my father is healthy but doesnt do any work. My mother works but says I'm selfish. My father constantly compares me to other kids. They constantly emotionally abuse me and say in the akhira I'm going to do really bad. My sister constantly says I'm a fake Muslim then they get angry and Ask why I dont spend time with them or go out to eat or watch movies. I'm trying to be religious and these things i no longer have desire for. And how can i spend time with those who scold me and call me names? Is it really bad to speak out against parent when they say harsh things?

- - - Updated - - -

I'm probably the only one trying to be religious In the family yet every time I make a mistake or have some flaw or get uoset... they say you are not a good Muslim. They emotionally and religiously black mail me. I'm trying to study for grad exam so I can finally leave but they dont care. They arent happy I'm relgious... or good...or even get good grades. They constantly say I'm a disappointment and my siblings never gave them trouble as much as I did. I also have health issues and get tired and fatigued alot. I recently had open heart surgery. I wish they understand that but then they use this against me when I Express my wish to get married someday. They say you want to get married? You cant even help us so how can you take care of someone. Does this mean I have no right to have a family of my own? My father does no work...my sister doesnt either and she doesnt cook either. My mother is usually doing all the work. So I understand her frustration but I dont understand why its pinned all on me.

Assalamu Alaikum,

I prayed for you today and would like to request that other members reading this to recite Surah Al Fatiha for this brother, May Allah ease him from all his troubles, worries and burdens, immediately. Ameen.

From what is told the number one priority is taking care of your health. You just had open heart surgery! All these worries need to take a back seat. Get enough rest, ignore what can be ignored and let EVERYONE know you have to recover fully. Again, do you have a trusted family member to turn to? Can you go by that person until you have fully recovered?? Or a trusted friend?? Is your home stable enough to recover there, will your family members be more supportive.....

Following from this do eat well and follow any diet plans that are recommended. Take prescribed medications and stay in contact with your doctor.


Listen to Surah Yaseen and Ruqyah Regularly:









All the other issues, about being able to take care of yourself, getting married etc. Brother, dear brother those things are from Allah, all is Rizq and no matter what anyone wants or don't want for you, nobody, absolutely NO ONE can stop what is due, what is written for you. Insha'Allah those are good things.

Even if someone is in the best condition today, tomorrow that person can be in the worse condition. Vice Versa!


Abu al-‘Abbas ‘Abdullah bin ‘Abbas(ra) reports:
“One day I was riding (a horse/camel) behind the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, when he said, ‘Young man, I will teach you some words. Be mindful of God, and He will take care of you. Be mindful of Him, and you shall find Him at your side. If you ask, ask of God. If you need help, seek it from God. Know that if the whole world were to gather together in order to help you, they would not be able to help you except if God had written so. And if the whole world were to gather together in order to harm you, they would not harm you except if God had written so. The pens have been lifted, and the pages are dry.’ ”

Related by Tirmidhi

Imam Nawawi





- - - Updated - - -

I am honestly dismayed about these circumstances. Your mother seems to be under a great deal of stress due to the relationship with other family members and various responsibilities. Perhaps, you can speak with your sister and get her assist with some of the things at home. Your dad is a whole entire another issue. IN the right time there should be a great deal of communication and discussion about everyone rights and duties. Maybe an Imam would be the best person to seek advice and guidance from.

Yes, you can speak up against anything which is wrongful to yourself or another. Hadith -

On the authority of Abu Sa’eed al-Khudree (ra) who said:

I heard the Messenger of Allah (saw) say, “Whoso- ever of you sees an evil, let him change it with his hand; and if he is not able to do so, then [let him change it] with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart — and that is the weakest of faith.”

[Muslim]

[Studentofdeed]

Jazakallah khayran brother that means alot. May Allah bless you with the best in both lives. It's just that my sister doesnt help. And every time I tell her to be religious she mocks me and then tells me dont talk to me unless your an angel. I know I'm not perfect but I'm trying to be a good Muslim. She calls me names like everyday and constantly calls me a fake muslim. Because my strained stressful life I stay at the mosque more often and come home late. I dont like staying at home because I dont feel welcome there like I do at the mosque. Yet I'm so frustrated that all the temptations and sins...I gave so much up for Allah and sacrificed so many things...yet despite this I feel like Allah isnt happy and still angry with me. I consistently make duas. Help others and do all my prayers. Yet still Allah doesnt answer. He let my abuser walk away free and me get humiliated everyday in my home. It really makes me want to quit practicing. Many women approached me or I know liked me...but i resisted because i feared Allah and didnt want to ruin anyone life. Yet despite this Allah will not allow me to get married or have a family. It's as if my family want me to never get married. It really is hard to have patience when I'm giving everything to Allah not because I expect him to give something in return but I want to know if he even loves me or appreciates everything I have sacrificed. I wish Allah would just acknowledge me or show me some sign he loved me. They say Allah close pious friends Allah protects yet I'm not protected because I'm constantly abused and humiliated.

[HisServant]

JazaakAllahu khair to your dua. (Ameen)

Follow this website guidelines for gaining a full recovery :


Read this site for information regarding a Muslim child's rights:


(The top parts there are really for those at younger ages, the below bits could be more relevant)

Your sister ought to join Islamic classes, that would help her out in everything.

The problem as I see it between you and her/siblings goes back to the relationship your mother has with you and the example set. The relationship between your mom and self seems derived from the inability of your mother to deal effectively with your father. In which case, she needs external assistance, not abusing her kids, but i suppose it's unintentional as a mother's love for her kids is really something so great naturally. Yet, still this has affected you very badly. And, so you should (when able to do so) bond with your mother in a friendly, caring and understanding way. And then at some point explain the unfairness of the expectations and the effect her actions are having on/ between you and your sibling/s.

A parent ought to be fair between their children. But, here I'm so really sorry for your mom too. Her support needs to be extended; her family, friends, leaders in the community, social workers/counsellors etc.

I wrote something on mediation and there is a link there to follow if your mom can get some help.

As for you, mental fatigue and health issues, is making you see things incorrectly.

(1) "Allah isn't happy and still angry"- Yet He gave you shelter at the massjid, He guided you to an Islamic forum (with righteous people), He made me come back here to assist, when had already made up my mind to stay away for some time!......Really, does He not love you?

(2) Your abuser walked away freely? Yeah, maybe in this world only in the temporary time that this person has here. Or, maybe your abuser would be sorted out on a timely basis. For his sake I hope it's in this world. Because in hell, have heard the lightest punishment is no easy matter:

"The person who will receive the least punishment among the people of Hell on the Day Resurrection will be a man, a smoldering ember will be placed under the arch of his foot. His brains will boil because of it." - Sahih Al Bukhari

(3) "Yet despite this Allah will not allow me to get married or have a family. It's as if my family want me to never get married."

- This isn't the same thing at all! And if your family is so against marriage, ask yourself if it's at this time because of your situation or if they really are this way........

If, it is because they want you to finish your studies then it's not entirely wrong, however that would be difficult when being under emotional abuse. However, if they are absolutely cruel, then as a male, who is independent you can still be married. They can't stop you but if you really fear this, stop talking marriage with them and turn to those people in massjid who can help otherwise.

It's okay to express your emotions and frustrations but at the end of the day you really have to do some internal analysis and ask yourself if you are indeed truly ready to be married. Because, honestly, i'm a bit scared that someone takes advantage of your vulnerability (due to what you have been through, learning to be assertive and independent can help). At the same time, due to your needs, I'd hope for the perfect person in your life who is amazingly wonderful, supportive and kind.

But neither of us know what can happen, so we have to turn to Allah and ask Him to help us; be patient and show gratitude (thank Him for all His blessings and favors). Think well of Him and don't blame the harms of others on your creator....if you want to be blaming then look around you and the world we live in; societies are falling apart by those in authority who are failing to deliver justice)

Think best of Allah in all situations,.....

Do you really love Allah? If you do then following the sunnah both outwardly and internally is important. Do you know what this is about.....

Almighty Allah said (what means): “Say (O Muhammad): “if you (really) love Allah then follow me (i.e. accept Islamic monotheism, follow the Quran and Sunnah), Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [3:31].

Whenever you get married, don't allow your spouse- wife to be your everything; put Allah first, keep your friends, stay involved in the massjid and also keep a respectable and kind relationship with your family members.

Life isn't about having everything you wanted it is having happiness and peace irregardless of everything you wanted, because those things are priceless..anything you want from this world (halal and good) can be had in the akhirah, immeasurable in worth and forever/everlasting. However, good can be had here too, be patient and STRIVE for it. To bring blessings in your life:

Daily:

(1) Recite a portion the Quran regularly (1 letter equals 10 blessings)
(2) Recite daroods (10 blessings for each time)
(3) Seek forgiveness often and thank Allah often for another day to do good.
(4) Be helpful to someone in need - start with your parents
(5) Teach Islam to your family members - keep trying, don't give up.
(6) Stay away from sins and encourage others to do the same.
(7) Please listen to Surah Yasin often.

Lastly, these are how the companions(the best of the righteous) loved Allah:

Bilal r.a would be physically tortured on burning sand chained but kept repeating "There is none to be worshiped but Allah"

Hanzalah r.a after his first night with his wife, went out to Jihad and died in the battlefield.

They were both given signs of being accepted in Jannah. Maybe you can find more stories on this forum/elsewhere.

If, I have said anything wrong others may correct me.

JazaakAllahu khairan.

wassalaam.

[Studentofdeed]

Jazakallah khayran again! Thank you so much for your words. It has truly made me feel better. I'm trying to be a good muslim and make Allah happy. Inshallah I hope I can make Allah happy and forgive me. Mayballah give you the best of both worlds. Thank you again so much brother

[xboxisdead]

Jazakallah khayran brother again! Thank you so much for your words. It has truly made me feel better. I'm trying to be a good muslim and make Allah happy. Inshallah I hope I can make Allah happy and forgive me. Mayballah give you the best of both worlds. Thank you again so much brother

Erm.....- whispers at Studentofdeed's ear - that is a sister, not brother.

[SB83]

Assalam Alaykum

I registered on the site because I read your posts and wanted to reply. I share the below with you praying that InshaAllah it will be beneficial to you.

I am someone who has had a troubled relation with my parents. My parents too would constantly criticize me even though I would do what was the right thing and my sibling would not get the same treatment even when they did not do any work for our parents. In moments of clashes, I too would often wonder how can they do this to me when I do everything for them...

I have since grown up, live in another city now and have my own family with 3 kids Alhamdulillah. My parents live in another city and our relationship has alhamdulillah much improved. The distance, time and age has given me a chance to reflect. What I conclude is that such treatment from parents to children ultimately comes down to a difference in each other's nature. Subconciously we all have our thinking process, what we consider important, how selfish / selfless we are. If your nature is very different from your parents, so will your choices and things you do will be. Ultimately, with controlling parents, if they see you do not think and do like them, they tend to start disliking you. And the dislike isn't even intentional. It just happens because they cannot understand you and often think you are stupid to make the choices you do. So disdain goes to dislike which results in negative comments / criticisms over seemingly small things.

What I will say may seem harsh but this is what has helped me live a life without regret. Inside your heart you need to stop giving your parents the special place they have right now. It is absolutely essential that you will take care of them until they are alive and pray for them and do deeds which will benefit them in their grave too, BUT for your life, realize that their criticisms don't matter. Their comments don't define who you are and simply disconnect your heart from them. If you internalize this, over time their harsh comments won't have the same effect on you meaning you will be left with energy to do your work and move on.

Another thing is Allah swt may be training you. Remember this situation will not be permanent in your life and there will indeed come a time when you will be able to look back at all this. Then maybe someday you can help someone in need and advise them on how you survived a difficult home.

Like another poster said, "After difficulty comes ease..."

[Studentofdeed]

Jazakallah khayran. Thank you again as well for your words. Inshallah I will definitely apply it.

[Ahmed.]

Bruv, I'm fed up of listening to your whining because that's all it is, you need to man up and not let stupid depression and waswas get the better of you

I only caught attention of your last comment that your thinking of killing yourelf

That's the worst thing you can do as you'll go straight to hell:

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “He who commits suicide by throttling shall keep on throttling himself in the Hell Fire (forever) and he who commits suicide by stabbing himself shall keep on stabbing himself in the Hell-Fire.”
Sahih Al-Bukhari – Book 23 Hadith 446

[HisServant]

@Ahmed.

If someone is onboard a boat upon turbulent waters and that boat is filled with holes, causing sinking then what options does this person have?

1. Jump into the water and learn to swim against the turbulent waters - maybe stay afloat for a while but most likely sink to the bottom of the sea eventually
2. Learning to fly and soar above the skies - go against the natural order of things
3. Remain in the sinking boat (until it all goes under) waiting for help, possibly finding assistance with another passing boat which is safe from any damage.
4. Fix the holes with the right materials and following correct instructions


The brother's life is in difficulty. He's sinking under pressure (emotional stress and abuse). He isn't finding help or assistance, anytime soon. Therefore his only option for now is number 3. And, if by that means he wants to rant against the pressure overwhelming him, why not? No 4, is also a possibility to some extent (with duas, patience, following Islamic guidelines of mending) But, sometimes 4 isn't guaranteed, sometimes it is. Allah knows best.

Thought about writing something which may help others against bullying (by family/others) and what I came up with (from an Islamic perspective) is; Fear Allah, more than others and do not allow anyone prevent your rights and duties. How will this go for anyone in particular...not sure exactly but would surely take time and much efforts.

Fear Allah, don't allow anyone take away or abuse your rights. Adopt a particular approach: (1) inform of wrongs repeatedly (2) insist/stand up against wrongs repeatedly (3) depart from the abuser/ persistent wrong doer (after constantly being abused and unable to tolerate further, persons not changing); maybe to put oneself in safety (where necessary. Until the person changes? Or forever?).
@Studentofdeed - Wanted to edit my replies to remove personal advises which was a mistake but seems impossible now... Please ignore them and do speak with your Imam instead.

[xboxisdead]

Bruv, I'm fed up of listening to your whining because that's all it is, you need to man up and not let stupid depression and waswas get the better of you

I only caught attention of your last comment that your thinking of killing yourelf

That's the worst thing you can do as you'll go straight to hell:

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “He who commits suicide by throttling shall keep on throttling himself in the Hell Fire (forever) and he who commits suicide by stabbing himself shall keep on stabbing himself in the Hell-Fire.”
Sahih Al-Bukhari – Book 23 Hadith 446

Bro! Worst thing you could tell a man is to scold him and tell him to man up, be strong, stop whining, etc. Don't do it! :nervous:

Right now he is placed under emotional pressure and right now he need to do this

[Ahmed.]

Bro! Worst thing you could tell a man is to scold him and tell him to man up, be strong, stop whining, etc. Don't do it! :nervous:

Right now he is placed under emotional pressure and right now he need to do this

Yeah I agree. Sorry OP :embarrass

[Ahmed.]

@Studentofdeed

Bro, my apologies for that earlier reply. I had given it without reading your post as I did feel a bit 'fed up' and thought it will consist of the same gripes in all your earlier posts

If that 'abuser' who you want Allah to punish is still in school then you should be more forgiving to them as young people can be more foolish due to their ignorance

Regarding your parents, what do you complain about? Marraige? Well they said be patient and wait a little longer (hehe reminds me of Whitney Houston song :Emoji47:) so why not just listen to them as constantly bringing it up will seem you are being disobedient

And as I've explained to you before, being vindictive induces depression and brings Allah's wrath upon us so it's essential you forgive that school kid 'abuser' and stop wanting harm for her/him

[Studentofdeed]

Thank you all again. Jazakallah khayran. And I forgive you Ahmed. Dont worry about it.

[manofIslam]

Dear Studentofdeed,

I'm so sorry to read of the trauma and distress that you're going through, and, which you have been, for pretty much all of your life; by the sound of it?!!


I've gone through something very similar to you; my parents have been very controlling and demanding; and they're still trying to be: even though I'm now 58 years old!!

Well, what I've realised in recent times: especially in the last five years since I've become a Muslim, is, that the best way to cope with IDIOTS in the family is to Pray to Allah (SWT) for Strength, Wisdom, and Guidance!!! Because I'm finding now that my Parents' Nonsense isn't upsetting me anywhere near as much as it used to!!! And in fact: I've pretty much come to accept that my parents are quite Stupid in a lot of ways (probably largely due to their own upbringings!), and that they basically can't help being IDIOTS!!!

So do you see what I mean?!!

We must pray very hard to Allah to give us Strength, Wisdom, and Guidance: in everything!!!

I hope this helps; at least a little bit!!

Take good care, and all the very best to you.

[Studentofdeed]

Part of the reason why I'm suffering is because of my abuser...I know people and you guys are telling me to forgive but forgiveness is for those who are repentant. Not those who insist on oppressing others. You have no idea how many chances I gave this person. Dont emotionally blackmail me because you never been hurt by this person. When someone gaslighting you into losing your mind, ruins your reputation, and literally tricks you...it can drive you crazy and make you question life. I literally feel like my soul has been raped by this person. I have always tried to be reasonable to try to sit down and talk with this person. I tried to be civil but they do not care. This person enjoys harming me...so I'm trying to get away but I keep seeing this person father at the mosque. Their father may not have done anything to me...but seeing their father is still traumatizing because my wounds will not heal because of the constant reminder.

[Ahmed.]

Is that person that former girlfriend of yours?, you said your ex is making your life hell right? Well having a girlfriend is haram so why not just take her treatment towards you as a punishment from Allah? Then you can just put it down to your sins and not go through trauma of thinking you've been oppressed

[Physicist]

When you are walking on the street and dog is barking at you, do you care to bark in response?

If someone hit you with a stick, do you want to punish the stick?

[Ahmed.]

It's gotta be mind over matter son, if you master this than all your problems can be solved

This is infact literally true too:

Everything happens from Allah and all harm and afflictions are justice from Him as a consequence of our sins

All such 'justice' is really a blessing in disguise as it is a means to getting our sins Purged and saving us from the greater punishment of afterlife

Look at it that way and pray for blessings on your 'oppressors' because they have played a part in you receiving this blessing! :Emoji51:

From the Quran and our Sunni Aqeeda:

2:286. Allah tasketh not a soul beyond its scope. For it (is only) that which it hath earned, and against it (only) that which it hath deserved. ... .......

He gives guidance to whoever He wills, and protects them, and keeps them safe from harm, out of His generosity; and He leads astray whoever He wills, and abases them, and afflicts them, out of His justice.
All of them are subject to His will between either His generosity or His justice.

http://www.masud.co.uk/ISLAM/misc/tahawi.htm

[xboxisdead]

It's gotta be mind over matter son, if you master this than all your problems can be solved

This is infact literally true too:

Everything happens from Allah and all harm and afflictions are justice from Him as a consequence of our sins

All such 'justice' is really a blessing in disguise as it is a means to getting our sins Purged and saving us from the greater punishment of afterlife

Look at it that way and pray for blessings on your 'oppressors' because they have played a part in you receiving this blessing! :Emoji51:

From the Quran and our Sunni Aqeeda:

2:286. Allah tasketh not a soul beyond its scope. For it (is only) that which it hath earned, and against it (only) that which it hath deserved. ... .......

He gives guidance to whoever He wills, and protects them, and keeps them safe from harm, out of His generosity; and He leads astray whoever He wills, and abases them, and afflicts them, out of His justice.
All of them are subject to His will between either His generosity or His justice.

http://www.masud.co.uk/ISLAM/misc/tahawi.htm

Also look at it that way...the more you are oppressed the more you can take and take of their good deeds in afterlife.

I think there was an ahadeeth about the most oppressed MAN on Earth and when he saw the reward for the suffering he went through, he cried and said he wished he was MORE OPPRESSED than that so he get EVEN MORE in afterlife. Now I don't remember this ahadeeth, can someone please paste a quote for it?

[Aaima zahid]

Part of the reason why I'm suffering is because of my abuser...I know people and you guys are telling me to forgive but forgiveness is for those who are repentant. Not those who insist on oppressing others. You have no idea how many chances I gave this person. Dont emotionally blackmail me because you never been hurt by this person. When someone gaslighting you into losing your mind, ruins your reputation, and literally tricks you...it can drive you crazy and make you question life. I literally feel like my soul has been raped by this person. I have always tried to be reasonable to try to sit down and talk with this person. I tried to be civil but they do not care. This person enjoys harming me...so I'm trying to get away but I keep seeing this person father at the mosque. Their father may not have done anything to me...but seeing their father is still traumatizing because my wounds will not heal because of the constant reminder.

Asslamoalikum brother,
When you said it feels like that person raped your soul ... it really feels like you are suffering a lot May Allah help you brother.
We all in our life have some people to whom we look at and it feels like our wounds are getting open again I have too. But brother do you know why they are here in our life ? Because when we look at them we want to cry. Right? That's the point at that time Allah want us to come to Him and to cry as much as we want and just ask Him that " Be with me and Please help me and heal me and let me move on" so why not He will help you brother? He want you to be near Him why don't you think like that?
People will come and go but Allah will remain.
Wounds will be filled and gone only Allah will remain just ask Him once to be your side and ease will come towards you, InshAllah
As Allah says in Qur’an:
Do not be afraid
I AM WITH YOU. All hearing and All seeing.[20:46]
I will remember you in my dua but at the end it's YOU who have to be strong.

Because
One who knows the reality of this world is not saddened by that which befalls him in it - Hazrat Ali (r.a)
May you have a Blessed and Happy life. Ameen

[MazharShafiq]

Allah give you protect and happiness and protect your every bad intentions.ameen.

[peacefulone]

Your parents have issues if they are making fun of you for going to the mosque. Don't let them get to you. Just ignore it and keep going more. They may find it humourous for whatever odd reason but after you start getting involved more and more they will be quiet and realize its something that matters to you. I have never heard of parents who punish a child for going to the mosque so I doubt that will happen...making fun is just silly but not harmful and you will survive. You should keep attending the mosque and focus on your deen to help you get by these troubling times.
I really hope you reported the bully at school. School authorities are suppose to be there to protect kids. What is the point of being in charge if the kids you work to protect and teach are suffering? If they don't help you then report your school teachers to the school board in your area. There is always going to be a person who will listen. I think you need to self advocate. You are important and a beneficial to this ummah so don't give up and do anything to harm yourself!
These are all going to pass...and you will be the winner one day insha Allah.