Originally Posted by Desert
Assalamu Alaikum sister,
Both a husband and wife ought to act in submission to Allah as the number one priority.
Sometimes it seems-both men and women are leaders for the family; other times- men are the leaders.
If the husband is disobedient then one would only have to think about the fate of Abu Lahab and his wife to be instantly reminded that accountability is for each individual.
Additionally, Islam states that Muslims/believers are protecting friends of each other. So with the case of a husband's disobedience/s a wife would have to correct him and be against him, rather than submissive.
With regards to a sharp tongue, then an advice would be to calm down before addressing certain matters. Usually, anger is a waste of time with damaging consequences, although sometimes inevitable...
I heard in a lecture that a woman was displeased with her husband and wanted a divorce, but the Shaykh told her wait until after Ramadan, focus only on your ibaadah and strengthening the relationship between you and Allah, afterwards then consider your decision once more. Well, apparently after Ramadan her mind had changed. So, there is a lesson here. (don't look for outside solutions when fixing things can be made possible...and hopefully so)
Just remember no one is perfect and when one regularly slips up majorly with tongue lashings and so forth then compensate otherwise by some goodly actions towards family etc. (By the way everything has a context-even the wives of the prophet peace and blessings, be upon him spoke up against perceived injustices!)
Lastly, that same Shaykh was known to have said... the man who cannot be just to his first wife should not have another. (Chances are they will both be treated unfairly...so please be very careful about this co-wife issue! etc.) Provided that anger is from really unfair treatment or provocations, then with such personal details, perhaps best seek scholarly advice/s.
May Allah make your affairs successful in every way possible. Ameen.
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About Divine Decree:- Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
"Allah’s preeternal will coincides with His preeternal knowledge, and this by no means negates the free will of man and jinn.That is to say, Allah in preeternity knew and, based on His knowledge, willed that Firown would be the way he would. Allah decreed the actions of Firown as per His preeternal knowledge of Firown’s choices. Of course, there is no implication of time sequence in this (see below on Allah’s timelessness).
But in his own lifetime, Firown chose to act the way he acted, and was not forced by any means. The two realities are not mutually exclusive. We affirm human free will, and we also affirm divine knowledge, will and power.
This issue is a complex one that is difficult for the mind to grasp at even an elementary level. Indeed, at the root of our difficulty is that we cannot fathom the divine attribute of ‘timelessness.’ He Most High is the First and the Last, without beginning and without end. He is not bound by time, since time itself is His creation. As our Master Ibn Ata’illah states, “Allah existed, and there was nothing besides Him. And He is now just as He was.”
So all of creation, and all moments of creation, are “laid out” in front of the Divine, as it were. There is no ‘before/now/after’ with respect to Allah. So from the divine vantage point, Firown’s place in the Fire is not ‘after’ Firown’s birth… Divine knowledge of Firown did not increase one iota after Firown. This is essential to understand. It was already done, in a sense.
“They did not estimate Allah His rightful estimation; indeed, Allah is strong, mighty.” (22:74)