format_quote Originally Posted by
Janah12
Assalamu alaykum. Recently, my parents have been bringing up marriage and are looking forward to it. However they want someone from their connections! ( they want a friend who is the same culture as us, somewhere in Russia)... My family isnt so religious I can tell you that. They still pray but they care about this world too much and they dont realize the importance of obeying Allah as much. They never pushed Islam into us as children which is why some siblings of mine dont pray. Alhamdulilah, Allah has given me the heart to become devout! I UNDERSTAND marriage. The point of marriage is to become more religious, bring religion to your children’s lives, and to obey and please Allah. I want the most halal marriage and I know some very religious lady who has a son who treats her so well. They are Arabs. My dad hates arabs. He is very devout and they are STRICT about how to handle marriage which means they are very obedient to Allah and if I marry him I will have lots of barakah in my marriage. I do not care for looks. I want a kind and religious man and I found one. I have known this lady for long and they have the same goals as me. To finish memorizing the Quran and to move to Mecca. My moms connections arent like that!!!!!!! They sin too much, mix genders, listen to music, some dont even pray! I strictly keep away from sinning and this family is more religious than me so we have same standards. Its always been hard to keep away from things like music and more sins because its always been in my house with my family. I have been so excited to finally find a religious family like this and LET ME TELL YOU how hard it is to find these people. I dont have to worry about sinning as much as I do if I marry them. Now let me tell you about my parents. With my brother, the way they wanted him to get married was not halal. They let girl send pictures of her (body seducing pics bc she doesnt wear hijab) and they let them talk alot. This is not what we do in Islam. We ask the parents questions about their child we want to marry and we have family meetings, thats how it should be. But no, not with my family. My dad has anger problems which makes it harder on me. He said he would rather have my brother eat crap from a spouse they choose than for him to be happy with an Arab. He said hed rather have me marry someone who doesnt pray (of his connections and friends) than have me marry a religious arab. Ohh how am I supposed to do this. I want to become an amazing muslim and raise a good family. My parents never think like that about religion. My dad said to my brother wallahi if my brother marries an arab, he will cut ties. This is a sin. What do I do!?!?! Help mee! I need to marry someone religious. My dad cannot do this to me! And my mom is startting not to like this family because they are “too religious” and they will make me feel depressed! I have always craved for a religious figure in my life (apart from the prophets peace be upon them. I mean right now in my family). I found someone to look up to. I have no problems with his mom. She is so religious when she first heard about me when i was a teen, she wanted to teach me the Quran and I have known her for long. Families like them are too rare and precious to let go. My dad has serious anger issues and he will ABSOLUTELY not let me get married to her son. This is what happens when you have a family that becomes unreligious!!! I need help because they will never understand the point in marriage. They think its to please others with the status! Thank you
You cannot get married to anyone without a guardian, a walli. The Walli order starts with your father goes down the list. Since he refused there is not much you can do about this family. My suggestion is not to push it any further and let them go, perhaps for the sake of that pious brother he does deserve a better family to get married too. He is not just marrying you, he is marrying your family. Would you want such hostile environment to him when he could get a better family that will treat him better?
That been aside, my advice is to help your family first instead of focusing on marriage first for yourself. Your family need guidance, you need to bring Islam to their house and make lots of Dua to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) to guide your family from the misguidance they are in. Your family need a super hero, it could be you, to help bring the message and bring light in the darkness of their home. I doubt you would be happily getting married and sleep at night while you watch your mother, father and brother be burned alive in this world. How about then be thrown in hellfire forever in afterlife? Now after everything you have done they still refuse and their hearts are locked there is not much you can do is except make
dua to Allah and make marriage easy for you by marrying a non-Arab person. You will find other non-Arab brothers who are equally as good as this family you like.
Just so you know that your father's discriminatory against Arabs comes from past history of how Arabs have treated him or other non-Arab peoples. Unfortunately, the Arabs have dark history in this regard even now in 2019.
Exercise patience sister, it could be that this marriage is not for you or it could be that Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) is protecting the good family and their son from harm that may come from your family. You don't know the reason behind why this marriage may not happen, but everything that comes from Allah have Wisdom and it is for good of the slave. Allah created evil, Allah created good and Allah created harm all of these are trails and tests that we have to go through.
Regardless of this, you cannot marry without a Walli a guardian! Simple put and this is a matter you need to discuss in mosques, shiekhs not on public form like this!