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Islami.mu'min
08-19-2019, 04:02 PM
Assalamu alaykum, I need some help!
As you all know, backbiting is very bad(and slandering)... I remember this fact though. I think it was somewhere it the ahadith. I remember a lecture by Nouman Ali khan. There are three types of people:
-One who hears backbiting and joins in
-One who hears backbiting and ignores it
-One who hears backbiting and becomes and up-stander and makes sure they stop it
He said that if you don’t stop the people from backbiting/slandering, you are getting the sin too.
Is this true? What happens if it’s your parents? I have tried to stop my parents but my dad has anger problems so he starts saying “ Focus on yourself before you preach” (Although I am focusing on myself). Then when I make a mistake they like to get angry and bring this preaching thing up saying that I need to become a better muslim. I’m not someone who focuses on others, just when I heard this lecture, I got worried because I don’t want to sin.
My parents never have a good conversation with eachother, they only communicate with each other if it is about gossip and stereotypes (horrible lies EVEN about my uncles and aunts). Otherwise, they go on their phones. They think that it is not considered back biting -_- and its considered opening up. Trust me, it honestly is backbiting and more SLANDERING.
So should I do anything? I tried once and I don’t want to anger my parents although they do this everyday. Usually this backbiting puts them in such bad moods. Am I sinning if I stay quiet?
Jazakallahu Khair
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Mandy
08-19-2019, 04:30 PM
Dear sister, this is not an easy situation for sure. Being mindful of people around you is not a bad thing. After all, none of us are perfect, so if we cannot look at others until we are perfect, no one would try to change anything.

However, you cannot stop your parents from being the way they are. Do not damage your relation with them over this. However, you can mention to them, from time to time, that a specific comment is not very nice. I am basically suggesting a soft approach. Make sure they understand you will have no part of their gossiping and that you do not find it nice. Then it is up to them to change. But do not make it too confrontational either. It is sad, but sometimes we have to choose our battles. And you are probably better keeping a good relation with your parents and that will allow you to help them more in the future.
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