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Studentofdeed
08-26-2019, 04:07 PM
I'm losing my mind. I'm constantly battling thoughts of anger and hatred. They say hypocrites hate believers and places of worship where allah name is mentioned. In the mosque , I used to love it so much and still do. Thought of praying my head relaxes me only when I see the people there, they make me angry. Most them of them harmed me, lied to me, and use me. I hate how they make a mockery of islam. I know noone is perfect, but I'm talking how they use me because they know im emotional and easily manipulated. I forgave these people but even so I still have resentment towards them. I give salaam but I still feel disgusted. They are my Muslim brothers and sisters, yet I feel anger towards them because they mistreat me and often exclude and look down at me for being Nonarab but wont admit it. They all think of me as some glorified babysitter and make me watch their kids, but if I were to ask a favor, it's a huge burden for them or they lie with no intention of fulfilling their promises to me. Of course I'm doing these deeds for the sake of Allah or atleast i think so but I'm now worried what if my intentions weren't good and my deeds are rejected. Because of this I feel like I'm a hypocrite. I fear for no longer being among the shaded under allah throne because I dislike going to the mosque. How is this not hypocritical of me when I sin too?

Also as most of you know someone harmed me in a really bad way where it affected my mind , I can not bring myself to forgive this person because I genuinely do not feel like this person deserves to be forgive. They never apologized and would still enjoy harming me and they were very sadistically about it. If I forgive them, I lose all power. All justice is gone and all the crimes this person commited is gone and they walk free.which means they can do this again or think what they did was okay and not held accountable for it. I gave this person numerous chances to apologize but they instead blame me which only confuses me more. Because I'm unable to forgive l, i honestly do not think i will be able to go the highest and to be with the prophet saw. This is really tearing me apart. Please advise me and tell what to do and clear my doubts?
Jazakallah khayran.
I apologize again for being annoying and needy.

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Please do not think of me as an arrogant person or stuck up. I know I sin but these thoughts are keeping me up at night. I really do not talk to anyone else as I do not want to pester anyone. I really apologize. Islamicboard , my mother, and one friend are my only outlet of advise and Expression. Only I dont want to harass them either

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I also feel hypocritical because I'm more inclined towards nonmuslims only I do it because they mostly don't lie or cheat others. But they hypocrites are supporting with the nonmuslims,
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