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Muslima97
10-07-2019, 02:53 PM
Hi, i feel embarrased to even ask such a question. But i need some help. I am supposed to have my nikkah with a man who recently confessed to me that he has watched p*** and has also masturb.- Due to stress. He prays, fasts and i honestly did not see this coming. I thought maybe when a boy is young he slips but to know that he watches and induldged in such acts has left me feeling uneasy. I told him how before me, he must fear Allah Swt. He was very guilty and said he will stop completly but it isnt easy, and he honestly had forgotten/lost sight of the magnitude of that sin. He prayed for repentence. But its only been a few days since all this has happend. I dont know how to even approach this situation. Do i still marry him knowing this, i dont know.
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taha_
10-07-2019, 03:52 PM
Salaam,

He must stay away from such act. Know that Allah is watching us, know what is in our heart. He should increase his taqwa by reading Quran, dikhr etc. He can ask Allah to help him and protect him from watching porn.


I think you should try to ask him to take break from internet Tell him to say astagfirullah when he gets bad thought. Ask Allah to protect him from such evil acts. He also should stay with good company only and stay away from any bad company.

JazakAllah.
Reply

'Abdullah
10-07-2019, 04:32 PM
W/Salam Sister

First thing you need to do is do Istikhara. Ask Allah to help you.

Don't be surprised because majority of our youth is guilty of doing what your fiancée has done. However, this does not make it something permissible. I am just stating a fact. Some are open about it and others just hide it deep down within themselves. It is bad because these things leave many harmful effects on men including unstable mental, physical and emotional health. People who do this for extended periods of time, will most likely be abusive and can't have a healthy married life. All of this is the result of getting away from religion and getting married very late because for most of us career is more important that religion.

Most people don't share this dark side of theirs and they find so much pleasure in this that they keep doing this even after getting married. These are the people who have nothing to do with religion. They only go to pray on Eid and that's pretty much it.

However, there are also people who know they are committing sin and they keep their sins as a secret between them and their God. They repent sincerely and after marriage they get over this habit because after marriage they find halal means to fulfil their sexual desires. I think it was best for your fiancée to keep this to himself, ask Allah for forgiveness and hoping to over come this after marriage. This would have kept a positive image and respect of him in your mind.

We can still look at this as a positive sign. Your fiancée seems to be a good person. He is sincere and he preferred not to hide this from you which indicates that he is an honest person and will not hide things from you in future. We all make mistakes and no one is perfect. Instead of reacting negatively, may be take it as a positive sign. However, even if he shared this with you, you still need to know what is his plan to overcome this disease and how confident he is in getting rid of these bad habits after marriage? Only he or you can tell how much sincere he is and how much guilty he feels for doing what he has done. Answer to few question below may help you analyze this situation.

Since when he is practicing Islam? Does he pray all 5 prayers? Does he often go the mosque? Does he has a good company of Muslims who practice Islam? Where does Islam stand in his life and future goals? How often he reads Quran? Is he planning to go to Umrah after getting married? These are all important questions. If Islam is important for you then you need to make sure your fiancée and you are on the same page.

Knowing the answer to some of the questions I list above will help you to analyze whole situation. If he is now practicing Islam in true spirit then know that he is remorseful of what he has done. Just forgive him for the sake of Allah as Allah loves those who forgive others. May be he needs a good Muslima as a life partner who can put him on the right track. With that intention, you will get reward of all his good deeds. And make sure to go for Umrah after your marriage, this is better than honeymoon trip.

However, if this is something which truly bothers you and you think you can't get over this in future and it may have an impact on your relationship with your future husband then this is the time for you to discuss this with your fiancée and your parents. My advice is that life is not perfect and we always have challenges in life. However, if you show a big heart and forgive your fiancée, it will set a good ground of trust and love in future.

Also remember that husband and wife are like the garments we wear which mean there is no secret between them and it also means that we need to hide the faults and shortcomings of our significant others because that's one of the main purpose of wearing clothes.
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Zafran
10-07-2019, 08:45 PM
salaam

The sad reality of modernity is that this is much more common then you think. With the internet and women being used as sexual objects on a mass level is a very serious problem.
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Zeal II
10-08-2019, 08:59 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslima97
Hi, i feel embarrased to even ask such a question. But i need some help. I am supposed to have my nikkah with a man who recently confessed to me that he has watched p*** and has also masturb.- Due to stress. He prays, fasts and i honestly did not see this coming. I thought maybe when a boy is young he slips but to know that he watches and induldged in such acts has left me feeling uneasy. I told him how before me, he must fear Allah Swt. He was very guilty and said he will stop completly but it isnt easy, and he honestly had forgotten/lost sight of the magnitude of that sin. He prayed for repentence. But its only been a few days since all this has happend. I dont know how to even approach this situation. Do i still marry him knowing this, i dont know.
If I was your mahram and i knew he was a masturbator, I would refuse bluntly speaking.

Obviously there are other factors like wether your involved in sexual deviancy and your level of religion and other circumstances.

Although its true most people do it these days religious people have higher expectations.

https://youtu.be/o0bRjaw9Sxo

This man speak alot of sense bearing in mind he is a christian

Ultimately the choice is yours
You know your circumstances best
Pray istikhara
And i ask that Allah blesses you and your future spouse in all your affairs
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Ahmed.
10-08-2019, 03:51 PM
walaikum assalam rahmatullahi barakatuh

I'll say, don't marry him as porn is addictive and very hard to give up. Some people like to downplay this sin but this is one of the most deadly sins of all as it corrupts the heart

Just imagine, you'll be the spouse of a practicing Muslim, but his heart will be deseased and full of nifaq
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Ahmed.
10-08-2019, 04:37 PM
MaashAllah brother Habib has given a good reply, however let me add a possible reason for him admitting the porn and masturbation to you.... People who watch porn tend to think that everyone else must have pervy desires like them, so he may have wanted to arouse your interest in him....
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Ahmed.
10-08-2019, 05:13 PM
I know your supposed to give a Muslim benefit of the doubt, but this is your entire future we're talking about, so every possibility has to be considered...

I've been on these boards for years now and have seen many sisters complain of how their practicing husbands promise they'll give it up but they get caught watching it again and again or just can't stop this habit

Istikhara can sometimes be misleading as one acts on a 'feeling' they get and feelings can be deceptive sometimes

So regarding your future, I think your decision about this should be based more on informed reasoning rather then Istikhara
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M.I.A.
10-08-2019, 06:06 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslima97
Hi, i feel embarrased to even ask such a question. But i need some help. I am supposed to have my nikkah with a man who recently confessed to me that he has watched p*** and has also masturb.- Due to stress. He prays, fasts and i honestly did not see this coming. I thought maybe when a boy is young he slips but to know that he watches and induldged in such acts has left me feeling uneasy. I told him how before me, he must fear Allah Swt. He was very guilty and said he will stop completly but it isnt easy, and he honestly had forgotten/lost sight of the magnitude of that sin. He prayed for repentence. But its only been a few days since all this has happend. I dont know how to even approach this situation. Do i still marry him knowing this, i dont know.
I thought maybe when a boy is young he slips
yeah i guess thats the joke, i suppose your both young.. im not trying to patronize anyone.. being a young man myself :D

but when you get married ....and have to live with someone, a lot of things need to change, a lot of compromises need to be made and a lot of effort is needed to maintain your relationship.

none of us are perfect within ourselves so you can imagine how things may be when you have to share everything with another.

so only you can decide if you want to go through with it or not.

as for the problem, i feel it is very much a spiritual one..

i may be of the extreme here but as alcohol clouds the mind and leads to different thought processes and decision making, porn does very much the same thing.. im not just talking about how one perceives the opposite sex but rather the whole process of thinking and acting.
its like opening a door in the mind that should often stay closed and not many things should come to us through it.

it is also very much part of planning for the future and sending forward.. and as our souls are often inclined to be not as nice as we imagine...we really should be afraid of allah swt in this respect.

but some people are good and some people need to learn to be good, its just part of growing up.. if you consider one to be above the other does not matter really..

we all pray to make the right choices in life and to be happy with the decree of allah swt.


he already knows what he wants and you already know the problem, everybody knows the problem..

so lay down boundaries that are the solution.. be stern, let him know you dont want that from him, cut out the avenues used by him to feed his problem.. find the patterns and timing of use (when he does it) and then support him through it.
you hold all the cards so its a case of if and how you want to play the hand..

do your best.
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xboxisdead
10-08-2019, 07:22 PM
It is time as a Muslim community to return back 1,400 years ago and follow the way of the sahaba and prophet peace be upon him. Did you know back in the time of sahaba and prophet peace be upon him the man talked to boys not like they are boys. They talked to boys as if they are man. IN fact, they did not call them by their names they called them by saying "Father Ahmed" or "Mother Fatima" even if that boy is only five years old. But at that time they called them as if they are parents already. This form of energy instill maturity and intelligence to these children so that when they grow up at age 10 years old they feel like they are 18 years old. This forces the brain to light in all areas and enhance memory and build in responsibility and good characters and even maturity. Ever wondered why a ten year old boy at that time is more maturer than a twenty year old man nowadays?

In fact, back then at the time of sahaba the 10 year old boy was so mature that he is fit to be a husband and a father marrying a 20 year old woman...vs a 20 year old man now marrying a 15 year old woman. Why? It s the upbringing and raising of the children by the parent and neglecting boys right. Spoiling them senseless and giving them everything they want and pampering them to me is a form of oppression. You cripple them for life.

Haraam! That is child abuse!

It is time at age five year old you call them father so they feel this inner sense of parenting somehow lingers into their veins, which forces their brain to GROW UP. Why am I rambling? Simple...when the boy reaches age 14...that is the age where his body is flooded with testosterone and desires then immediately this is the time where you should consider marrying him. Regardless of him achieving bachelor or not. By age 14 he should have some kind of job where he can generate income even if it is 800 dollars a month only...and he should get married ASAP and continue his education and improve himself. NOW HE WANTS TO HAVE this sexual release...he do it halaal way...we eliminate masturbation and pornography by an enormous amount! No stupid iphone, ipad and computers for him because he is sooo busy trying to study and work and raise a new family and his wife might get pregnant..so now he have to worry and consider how to raise his children....

his mind now is focused on something else....no more open for shaitaan to lure him to do haraam...he will be so exhausted, tired and busy being a husband and a father that doing porno is his last of concern....

AS LONG AS THE WIFE PROTECT HER HUSBAND'S right and go to bed to him when he needs it. HE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO CLIMB mountains to her by giving her cake, caaaandy, going out to restaurants....HAVE TO READ HER mind...please her...rub her feet...listen to her blaaable and be tested left and right and he have to do this and that...no...no no no...that negates marriage all together and make the very concept marriage redundant. He is horny, he have needs to meet...he calls his wife...she runs faster than light..make herself the most attractive person for him...smile for you...have sweet voice for him...laugh for him when he needs it and fulfill his needs.

Doing that....tada.....haraam stuff shrinks....masturbation...shrinks....porno even perverted porno goes down the drain. If the man in his inner self knows if he have electronic devices in his home may tempted him to do haraam even if he is carrying his baby on his shoulder it is then his responsibility to make sure no iphone, smartphone, android, computers and any devices where haraam stuff is easily accessed.

Put most of your time at mosques, read Qura'an, do tasbeeh and have friends with other saleeh Muslim families so that your friends are not the avenue for haraam either.
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Ahmed.
10-09-2019, 09:36 AM
There are other dangers too in marrying a guy who's addicted to porn (it's likely to be an addiction, otherwise a practicing Muslim wouldn't watch it)

Rather than you change him, he could end up changing you for the worse.

A sister once complained about how her practicing husband wants her to indulge in this filth along with him, he even used to force her to watch it by slapping her until she does.

People who watch porn have very perverted desires and want to put them to practice and that's why they would rather their partner watches too so she/he can develop the same perversions..... I think you get the picture, so I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to tempt you into watching..... So your faith could be at risk too as porn really corrupts the heart badly as its full of extremely vile satanic shameless stuff.

Also he himself might not be a fully practicing Muslim... I doubt that a person who fills his heart with this wicked vileness at night, would have enough taqwa and motivation to get up for fajr in the morning, or that he'll be mindful to do his five daily salaahs. Such people usually get trapped in a cycle where they do 1 or 2 salaahs a day just to humanise up a bit from the wretched state porn watching puts them in and they miss the rest of salaahs.... Not saying the your fiance is like this but it could be a possibility

Porn is so wicked and vile Sister that any Allah fearing Muslim just would not watch it so really the bottom line is, your fiance is a hypocryt (not the kaafir type, but a believer hypocryt) and you should not marry him for that reason alone
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'Abdullah
10-09-2019, 02:51 PM
Thank God that Allah will be the Judge on the day of Judgement. If it is upto the humans then they would not forgive their own parents and kids.

Why we need to be so extreme? We should hate the sin and not the person. If someone needs help to be cured spiritually or physically and if it is possible for us to help, then we should help them.
What would you do if the guy we are discussing is your real brother? Would you stop talking to him and socially boycott him because according to your description he is hypocrite and one should stay away from evil people. Would you not look to help him? What would you do if your own son has this disease? Would you never search to marry him with someone?

Is it possible that he is doing this because he never had halal means to fulfil his sexual desires? This is one of the major reason. We are so much focused inbuilding our careers that it has become a norm to get married in late 30's. Even when a guy wants to get married, his parents will say no, you need build your career first.

Is it possible that once he has halal means he can be cured? Yes, more than 80% are able to get rid of this habit after getting married. Marriage is a new start of life for many and most people seriously starting following Islam after getting married. That is why marriage is said to be half the faith.

What could happen if sister says no after he trusted her? His parents and may be the friends would also find out that why he was rejected and this could be a final straw for him. He could be humiliated to a point that he would prefer to find the company of people who will not make fun of him and would say what he is doing is normal. Those friends could be non Muslims and could take him away from Islam. Anyways this is how we turn people away from Islam. People make mistakes and when they repent, we should try to provide them the good company they need. If our good can't change a bad person then we also have a problem.

From what I understand, the guy is remorseful and sincere. He could have kept this a secret and there is nothing which OP could do about that. We should appreciate his sincerity. It appears that the guy is now praying regularly. I dont know how sincerely he is practicing Islam but I would give him benefit of doubt.

Sister who originally posted this question knows her situation better and knows how sincere this guy is and we should leave it up to her to decide.
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Muslima97
10-09-2019, 04:36 PM
Salam everyone, thank you for taking time to provide some insight. From what i know of him is he is an incredibly honest person (exhibit why he told me) any time he makes a mistake no matter how big or small he has always taken ownership of it - something that everyone who knows him says too). I am hurt by his confession but he has swore that he will stop, has cut out all his avenues and is ready to do anything to gain my trust in this matter. I rest my case with Allah for now, and will continue to perform istikhara. Please make dua for me that whatever decision i come too with the aid of Allah is not one that i ever regret. Ameen.
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Mandy
10-09-2019, 05:05 PM
I think pretty much has been said already on this.
I would like to just point out one part of your message. (You wrote about the same in your original message)
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslima97
he has swore that he will stop
Will stop? Future? Not has stopped? I think this should tell you a lot about his true character.
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'Abdullah
10-09-2019, 05:13 PM
W/Salam Sister,

May Allah help you to make the right decision. I just want to share something about istikhara.
You may already know this but I thought it will be better to share anyways.

It is not necessary that you get a dream or even a feeling when you do istikhara. Rather, the istikhara is a prayer that Allah guide you towards which is best for you. If you do the prayer of guidance (istikhara) with the proper manners, the most important of which is to truly consign the matter to Allah and suspend your own inclinations, then Allah will make events unfold in the direction that is the best for your worldly and next-worldly affairs. If marrying this guy is good for you then Allah will make it happen even when it looks impossible. And if marrying this person is not good for you then Allah will create circumstances which will result is canceling this marriage. I have given a link below on Istikhara and hope you find this helpful.

https://youtu.be/iBZUCFd3GOk

Also remember that you have to do your part. You and your family need to make sure to check with as many people as possible about the guy and his character. Check what type of friends he has, how he spends his time after work, which mosque he goes to and what people generally say about him. Do your homework and keep asking Allah for guidance through Istikhara. Inshallah everything will work out fine.

May Allah put His blessings in everything you do and help you find the right partner in your life! Ameen!
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Muslima97
10-09-2019, 05:15 PM
No as in has stopped over the past month and swore he wont return, again im in process of figuring things out for myself. I just need to look through all sides of the situation carefully.

- jazakAllah.
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Ahmed.
10-09-2019, 05:41 PM
He will say anything now to secure the marraige and as only Allah knows ones heart, there's no way you can know whether he's being truthfull when he says he's given it up for last month

Also bear in mind, no matter how determined he is to give this sickness up, there is a big risk he won't be able to due to its addictive nature....
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Ahmed.
10-09-2019, 08:45 PM
Istikhara is done when a person is in the dark about whether to go ahead with something or not but when a person has information... Then it's best to judge on the information

Anyway, whatever you decide, I pray it is the best decision

:sl:
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xboxisdead
10-09-2019, 09:09 PM
OP you have to understand if he did stop this evil act and he wants to do good and you marry him then you must understand that now you have to be very careful and not deny his rights now more over than a person who never fulfilled this evil deed to start with. Because now he needs the fix, even though he stopped it...his craving for sexual release is much stronger and his addiction for the morphine that comes out of sex orgasm still lingering in his blood. YOU HAVE ZERO opportunity to deny him sex when he calls you, you have zero opportunity to use sex as a weapon against him, you have zero opportunity to look bad for him, you have zero opportunity to gain weight, you have zero opportunity to cut your hair short, you have zero opportunity to stop being feminine, because if you give him any inclination of hard time he will fall back to the evil action and that means YOU get TO SHARE HIS PUNISHMENT and no longer he is to be blamed...YOU TAKE THE BLAME too.

THIS IS AN ENORMOUS responsibility on your shoulders. It is no longer about gender war or men issue or women issue or men vs women or whatever crap society is bringing on the table....you have agreed in such a contract that if he ever returns back to that evil and you somehow failed in giving him his rights because of power struggle or manipulation or being bored or being tired or whatever reasons comes in your mind.....we look at you first before looking at him. First question the society will ask, "What did his wife do that pushed her husband to do bad?"

Do you want to go that route? Ask yourself if you are strong enough to handle such responsibility! If not...then you still have a chance to say no.
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Ahmed.
10-10-2019, 10:16 AM
Sister there's good clean sincere practicing guys out there, why do you want to marry this guy who's been a hyoocryt indulging in evil filth? And especially when there is a great risk he won't be able to give it up....

There is still time to rethink this. I only want the best for a clean sister like you! :)
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M.I.A.
10-10-2019, 01:42 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by HabibUrrehman
Thank God that Allah will be the Judge on the day of Judgement. If it is upto the humans then they would not forgive their own parents and kids.

Why we need to be so extreme? We should hate the sin and not the person. If someone needs help to be cured spiritually or physically and if it is possible for us to help, then we should help them.
What would you do if the guy we are discussing is your real brother? Would you stop talking to him and socially boycott him because according to your description he is hypocrite and one should stay away from evil people. Would you not look to help him? What would you do if your own son has this disease? Would you never search to marry him with someone?

Is it possible that he is doing this because he never had halal means to fulfil his sexual desires? This is one of the major reason. We are so much focused inbuilding our careers that it has become a norm to get married in late 30's. Even when a guy wants to get married, his parents will say no, you need build your career first.

Is it possible that once he has halal means he can be cured? Yes, more than 80% are able to get rid of this habit after getting married. Marriage is a new start of life for many and most people seriously starting following Islam after getting married. That is why marriage is said to be half the faith.

What could happen if sister says no after he trusted her? His parents and may be the friends would also find out that why he was rejected and this could be a final straw for him. He could be humiliated to a point that he would prefer to find the company of people who will not make fun of him and would say what he is doing is normal. Those friends could be non Muslims and could take him away from Islam. Anyways this is how we turn people away from Islam. People make mistakes and when they repent, we should try to provide them the good company they need. If our good can't change a bad person then we also have a problem.

From what I understand, the guy is remorseful and sincere. He could have kept this a secret and there is nothing which OP could do about that. We should appreciate his sincerity. It appears that the guy is now praying regularly. I dont know how sincerely he is practicing Islam but I would give him benefit of doubt.

Sister who originally posted this question knows her situation better and knows how sincere this guy is and we should leave it up to her to decide.
We should hate the sin and not the person
yeah really because most people are unaware of how they behave and what moves them at the very heart of it.
allah swt is very much real and the whisperings of the shaitan are also.
people do feel remorse and there is hope for those that want to change and distance their sins from themselves.. and those that follow them.

we are easily mislead by false desires.. things that we really do not want once we reflect on them and think rationally about them.. and if we are strong enough to say no to the people that may offer them to us, then we should be able to reject them when our own minds present them.

as for the opening post, its entirely up to her if she says no to what is being offered.

i dont know what the correct choice is or what living a successful life is about.. because i was and am far from perfect..

in a selfish world, i dont know if he was sent to her or if she was sent to him..

but ghandi said..

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”


and some actions do carry weight.

..i dont know much about ghandi but i saw it somewhere and consider it to make sense in isolation.


Chapter (45) sūrat l-jāthiyah (Crouching)


Sahih International: Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, and Allah has sent him astray due to knowledge and has set a seal upon his hearing and his heart and put over his vision a veil? So who will guide him after Allah ? Then will you not be reminded?
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Studentofdeed
10-10-2019, 04:44 PM
First of all, we should never accuse any one of hypocricy. Second if the brother trusted the sister with his problem, we have to understand why he told her. Was it because he wanted to entice her or was it because he was planning on still doing it and her catching him on it. Or he could have genuinely stopped and only telling her out of shame and regret. We need to look at the intention. Honestly if has other good conduct such as 5 times salah, tahjjud, quran and good to his wife, then this is simply an affliction and a test the brother is struggling from. He could have been unknowingly exposed to it and since then stuck with it. I know good brothers who have better character than me and tahajjud, salah, quran and even are hafiz!! Even me I used to listen to music because the culture and environment exposed it to me. Once I learned it was bad I was able to quit. So the brother could be trying to quit but he could be addicted. So pray istikhara because Allah knows best and if it is good for you, allah will make it easy and if not then allah will make it difficult.
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'Abdullah
10-10-2019, 05:41 PM
Islam allows Muslim men to marry Christian and Jewish women. Do we ever ponder on this why, I mean we are talking about marrying a non-Muslim here? Because there is a good chance that these women will accept Islam if we Muslim men practice Islam. Islam is that tolerant and easy. Please don't make it hard for yourself and others.

Unfortnately some brothers have given very extreme views to this post and pretty much have declared this guy a hyporite. We try to preach Islam to non Muslims and hate our own Muslim brothers and sisters. We are quick to judge others and forget that Allah knows everything and he knows our shortcoming as well. If someone is accepting his mistake and is trying to overcome it, we should support him instead of start passing our judgement and fatwas.

Islam cured people who were addicted to drugs and alcohol. It is very easy for Allah to help us overcome our shortcomings. All we need is to sincerely ask Him for help. Please love your Muslim brothers and sisters even if they are not at the same level of faith as you may be. Please try to support each other in a positive way and stop calling Muslims kaffir or hypocrites.
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Ahmed.
10-10-2019, 09:20 PM
Giving muslims hasn ad-adhan and trusting them and being merciful, forgiving etc etc and giving them a chance etc applies when the outcome of your entire future doesn't depend on it

When it comes to marraige, it's best not take risks, and not only that, a hyoocryt type major sinner shouldn't be even an option.

The heart is the most important thing in Islam. If we worship all our lives and don't have a sound heart on Qiyama, it's hell . . The eyes are like a camera, whatever we view, a picture of that is embedded in our hearts, so the sin that fills our heart with incredibly satanic filthy stuff is not to be taken lightly
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'Abdullah
10-10-2019, 09:44 PM
May Allah give us better understanding of Islam and soften our hearts! Ameen!

Its useless to argue. I think sister has got enough opinions and she knows that whatever decision she needs to make is important for her life. So let's not comment on this post any more, variety of opinions will only confuse and stress her out. My advice to the sister is to make sure not to stress out. Eat well, sleep well and pray to Allah to guide you in making the right decision. If it is too much for you to handle, share this with your parents and seek their advice.

Good luck, our prayers are with you!
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Ahmed.
10-10-2019, 10:09 PM
One more thing I'll add, is, ofcourse one can do tawbah for sins, but with porn addiction, the desease is very severe and before the desease can go away with maybe few days of worship and repentance... The desease is always renewed time and time again, so the addict remains a sick deseased hypocryt for decades or all his life :(
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keiv
10-11-2019, 03:00 PM
Has the definition for a munafiq changed, or have I misunderstood it’s meaning?

I also think he made the mistake of openly exposing this sin of his. He should not be looking for a wife unless he knows he can control his urges. The problem with society is that there is so much pressure for people to get married and that it’s the miracle cure for everything. Unfortunately, if you have a perverted heart, chances are marriage will not fix that. It’s been known that people who are addicted to porn are not all sexually depraved people. It’s the same with people who cheat. There are countless stories of married couples who engage in zina for various reasons.

unfortunately, I don’t think anyone here can give you a yes or no answer to this complicated issue.
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Ahmed.
10-12-2019, 05:45 PM
@Muslimah 97 Do let us know what you decided Sister, even choosing to go for it could work out as Allah just may give him taufiq to give it up. Include a clause in marraige contract (just a verbal agreement) that if he watches... Then it's over!

All the best

:wa:
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Scimitar
10-13-2019, 10:14 PM
men are distracted by women...

so marry him and get busy, distracting him,

it’s basic instinct!
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xboxisdead
10-14-2019, 04:25 AM
She have work to do marrying him. SHE HAVE zero space for ignoring his sexual needs. She have to always look good for him even if she is exhausted, she have to look for him. EXECUTE ULTRA-FEMININITY, be super soft, super feminine, smell so good that bees and wasps think you are a flower to be pollinated, always look good, eat healthy, sing for him, give him his sexual need to a point he cannot think about it anymore. Next, you have to give him so many kids and have busy raising them...put 80% of the raising from him and 20% from your end, make sure he have lots of kids so he works so many hours too. Have him check their homework, take them to school, take them to doctors, have him take them to activities, if he have sons he should be playing with them that he is drained at the end of the day.

He should take them to mosques and Qura'an classes, maybe he can join them in class too. Make sure he is busy fixing the home, doing painting and other house errands...at the end of the day he only want to put his head on the pillow and sleep. You have your hands worked out for you. If his mind and body is sooooooooo busy he wouldn't even think of doing porno. Oh...having him do fasting for Allah to gain his good deeds, fasting will drain sexual energy and Allah will protect him from haraam and evil thinking.

OP, you have a project on your hands. Get ready for a project!

THE SECOND however...you trip...get lazy from fulfilling his desires...nagging him, pushing him away from you, domineering, condescending, never grateful for what he offers, he always feels that no matter how hard he do it...it is never good enough...he asks for your company and you make him jump hoops...you have easily pushed him to the haraam gate and you joined him with it. Whatever haraam he does then you will share his sins in akhira and in additional for committing major sin for disobeying him and denying him his rights as you will have the angels and every creation cursing you.


Soooo......are you ready for this?
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Ahmed.
10-14-2019, 02:15 PM
OP is a very decent clean Sister, if she has had this horrified reaction to him watching porn and masrurbating, this means she has saved herself from this evil sickness and protected her heart from hypicrysy. Such a girl risks an unsettled life with a porn addict and also her iman could be at risk....

She really should choose a clean sincere guy like her...

If she was a 'watcher' herself, I would have said, go for it!
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'Abdullah
10-14-2019, 03:15 PM
I dont want to comment any further as our sister needs to figure out what's best for her.

But here we do have a lesson for anyone who is planning to get married and either had some affairs or similar issues as mentioned in this post in their past. If you have repented sincerely and promised with Allah not to commit the sins you have committed in the past, DO NOT SHARE THEM WITH YOUR FUTURE WIFE OR HUSBAND. This way you expose your sins for which you have already asked Allah for forgiveness, hide your sins and hope Allah will also keep them covered on the day of judgement.

But if you are in the habit of committing some sins for which you have neither repented nor made any attempt to quite those, then you should not hide those from your future wife or husband. For example, if someone is addicted to alcohol and his parents want to marry him thinking that after marriage he may give up on alcohol then its wrong.
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