format_quote Originally Posted by
anonymous
Assalam walaikum
I got married in 2015, separated about 17 months later. The islamic divorce certificate hasnt been obtained yet. The ex wife family are pressuring for a divorce to be initiated by me.
Here's all the factors in the equation:
Mahr of £8000 paid before the wedding and (specified on nikkah certificate) along with £7000 worth of gold (not specified on certificate). Gold was taken by wife in month 3 of the marriage and put in her dads treasure box.
I can prove the wife was vastly neglectful to the marriage which was extremely detrimental to our relationship, if i were to brainstorm there are so many duties neglected.
There is a four year old son involved.
the wifes family are going through all sorts of methods of intimidation, stooping very very low, demanding that the husband initiate the islamic divorce.
Ive spoken to imam who got us married he said, withhold divorce, aim for a mutual divorce, dont just give it just like that, is he implying i stand up for particulars which i beleive to be crucial in contributing to the breakdown of the marriage and not just submit to them without a fight?
can anyone advise on the best course of action?
initially my thoughts were for both families to sit down together in the year 2016 with imam and resolve issues as soon as she left, i wanted her to come back after all faults realised and everyone vowed that there wouldnt be a repeat again.
and i dint want to give aaway the money / mahr and goild just like that esxpecially when it wasnt my fault the wife done what she did to promote the seperation.
4 years on now, so much has happened, so much lying, initimidation, we dont want to sit with them.
i dont want to suibmit to intimidation and take responsibility for the seperation, most of it is her fault, and it can be proven. however their lies cant be proven.
anyone advise please?
Don't waste your time with silly drama that these family and women bring.
A) Custody of children belongs to the mother 100%. So don't even go in that direction of obtaining custodial right!
B) You have right to raise the child and visit him. She have no right to prevent you to fulfill your role. She and her family cut ties between you and the child and prevent you from raising the child that is between them and Allah and not you. They will pay the prize. Not you. As for you, move on either improving yourself or finding another partner who will treat your right.
C) It is best THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE INITIATED the divorce and not her asking for it. SHE IS UNFIT for marriage material and fulfilling the husband his right. However, ask her to apply for khula. So that she can give you back all the money and gift you gave her...so that you do not have to pay her a dime. Take your 15k and leave! Find a better wife and move on. That 15k that you will take from her put it toward help raising your son. If she decides to cut ties between you and your son...then ask a shiekh to see if you have right to stop financially supporting your son until she stops the evil ways and you can have access back to him.
D) Throw her statistical scientific facts from universities and scientists and show her the damage she will cause (especially to a boy) what will happen if she cut ties between father and child. That should wake her up from her evil ways. If she is that short sighted and refuses to see her ways, then understand Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) is exchange your child with something better in the afterlife. Even if she goes her ways and follow the feminist environment and ideology and bash you and bash all men and go to the media to show further that fathers are incompetent parents and only mothers are fit parents and and and and..and you should have fought harder, should have climbed mountain harder, should have done this harder...don't listen to that evil way. Ignore it. Move on. You did no wrong. She did all wrong. Find a better wife and build new family on that new wife. Eventually, Allah (Subahanu Wa Talaa) will punish her through her own son by either making him fail at school, have social issues, do drugs, violence, disobedient to his mother, etc. You don't know what that boy will bring on the table.
Move on!