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HiHello
12-09-2019, 04:10 AM
AsSalamuAlaikum Brothers and Sisters, I really need some advice on this and I will try to keep it as simple and brief as possible.

As context: I was always verbally bullied by my siblings throughout my life(17years), and still am. My parents just see it as "playing with me"/ "being brotherly". I used to have outbursts and cried but now, although it's still annoying, I just ignore it. I have gone to the extent where I only talk to my brother unless necessary or forced by my parents, and I don't see him as my brother. My parents always scold me for it and put the blame on me, they say I am the one in the wrong regardless of what it may be. This then leads into how my parents treat me, although they somewhat care for it, I truly feel as if I don't love them at all and yet I still act as if I love them as the Prophet emphasized Obedience of the Parents. I am the only one of my siblings that still lives with my parents, but they still visit every week, but my Mother puts in the absolute minimum amount of effort to support me or make me feel loved. My dad on the other hand straight up looks down on everyone outside the family, and me. He always thinks badly of me and his expectations are set very low. Whenever I do something good he pretends as if he had something to do with it. Even with all that, no one, other than me, realizes this or knows it. They treat me like that but act normally. This can be partly due to my indifferent attitude. I just go along with whatever they say as I know arguing won't help. I have never confided emotionally with them nor anyone else. My social skills are also terrible because of how I was treated growing up and I am always blamed when something goes wrong. My brothers have always been favored and I have always been looked down on regardless.

I want to emphasize the fact that I never have disobeyed my parents and I never told anyone of what goes on in my life, no one understands or realizes what I have gone through, not even my parents. I always try to look on the bright side but it has recently started weighing heavily on me as it as become increasingly difficult to deal with it

Basically: I really hate my family but still act as if nothing is wrong. I am wondering if it is wrong for me to decide to ignore them or disobey them, would it be sinful? I would like some advice on what I should do. One thing I know I can't do is actually talk to them about. It's just not possible for me.

Another thing I'd like to know if it is wrong for me to tell what I have gone through to my friends(muslims too), which personally know my family. I would like to let it out and tell some one but I feel like it is wrong of me to do this as it may completely change how some people view my family as. I also feel like I shouldn't talk about the bad things in my family to others, would be wrong if I did? It has reached a point where I really can't remember any good thing about them and fear that even later on in life I will only remember the bad stuff, and I know that the Prophet emphasized that you should only remember the good stuff about people.

I know what I said isn't very clear so if there is something you want me to elaborate on I will try. I just need to some advice on how to cope with it.

Thank you brothers and sisters for any advice in advance.
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hardtimes
12-10-2019, 02:26 AM
WA alykum salam my brother, I first of all may Allah make it easy for you and your family to win this war against shaytan as he loves breaking up families. My brother this life is very short and walahi holding anger inside and holding grudges against your own family will eat away your happiness and your goals that you want to achieve. My brother Allah said that we the children at tests for our parents just like wealth and other things are test s for them. We read here for more details about that in quran https://abdurrahman.org/2017/08/10/k...-trial-fitnah/. I also had similar problem in my family but mine was mostly with my oldest cousin, me and my oldest bro barely talk, and we only say 1 or 2 sentence in a entire week and that too is something like where is the keys, and where is mom and so on but I wish I could change that but it's hard, but I don't hate him and he doesn't hate me, in your case you first need to know your self and be easy on your self and be confident in your self, and prove to your parents that you are better then hw they see u, and do good deeds and work hard and make a change in your life but at the same time try to have a nice food with Ur mom and then slowly break it down to her, remember your mother loves you more then anyone in this world after Allah, so please don't look at her Ina negative way yes it's hard but take it one day at the time..you Can email me anytime. My brother may Allah make it easy for you and may Allah soften the hearts of your parents and your brothers Ameen.
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'Abdullah
12-10-2019, 04:30 PM
Do you offer all prayers and do you read Quran regularly?
Do your parents and other siblings practice Islam or they are Muslims only by name?
Do you think you feel jealous when your parents praise your other siblings?
By not talking to your parents and siblings, do you think you have isolated yourself from your family? May be it is this care free attitude which makes them feel that you don't care about them?

I personally think that your solution is only in talking to your parents directly. This will have the least impact on the family. Communication always helps. Tell them your feelings openly because it is having a very negative impact on you. I also think you should start building a good friendly relationship with your brother. May be give him gifts and try to get closer to him. Tell him what you have been through in past 17 years and hopefully they will help you to heal.
Try to connect with God, make that's your #1 priority and make dua to Allah to help you heal and to help you treat your family in a good way. Once your relationship with Allah is fixed, everything else will get into right place inshallah.
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Abu-Abdullah
12-22-2019, 12:15 PM
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/whe...llying-1219175
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