Anxiety and ptsd

[Studentofdeed]

Unfortunately there are times when my anxiety and ptsd gets triggered. Its get so bad that I feel really weak and vulnerable. It's often why I dislike crowded places and where there are so many people. I just feel really scared. Anything that reminds me of my past when I was involved with toxic people gives me horrible flashbacks. Sometimes I feel like I deserve all of this pain and suffering because I was foolish and naive and the one who did this to me had every right to harm me because I was so desperate for friendship and a feeling of belonging. I had really bad panic attack today and felt really sick. These feelings are making me sick of everything. In scared maybe Allah is disappointed with me because I sinned because I was weak. I'm trying to lower my gaze but every now then I slip. I'm worried that because at times when I cant lower my gaze these panic attacks then come

['Abdullah]

Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

No believer is pricked by a thorn or more but that Allah will raise him one degree in status or erase a sin.

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5317, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2572

Grade: Mutaffaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

In another hadith Prophet (peace be upon him)said:

Wondrous is the affair of the believer for there is good for him in every matter and this is not the case with anyone except the believer. If he is happy, then he thanks Allah and thus there is good for him. If he is harmed, then he shows patience and thus there is good for him.

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2999, Grade: Sahih

Trials can be a sign that Allah intends good for us, because through trials our sins are expiated and we have the opportunity to perform good deeds.

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

If Allah intends good for someone, then he afflicts him with trials.

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5321, Grade: Sahih

know that Allah loves you and He wants good for you, keep doing the good things and keep your trust in Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala.

[Desert]

I have that as well
You just need to breathe and relax...