Holding out for someone you've met through the internet or social media.

[Imraan]

Assalam walaikum

By now everyone knows how widespread internet matrimonial sites and apps are available to each and every individual on the planet.

What should people do?

There are those 'never marrieds' who make up their own minds and ignore all views of their parents and the wise and go forth with their chosen one (that they've found themselves via internet), someone who they've exchanged a few messages / talked on the phone / met in person / maybe more ... in reality outside the environment of the two people their immediate families may be incompatible with each other amongst others issues..

How do you explain or advise the 'never married's or even those seperated but searching for spouse that meeting someone via internet should not be the be all- end all / preferred route to marriage? And that they should not hold out for their chosen internet one while they reject all the prospects that have come via the family channel where for instance, a prospect / family is recommended, backgrounds are being checked thoroughly etc,... please dont remind me about my mistake.

It worries me some that people toy with the idea of marriage as a past time / short term thing now, people get married for namesake amongst other things even part of a bucket list (asthagfirullah) or part of a to do list, once done, abandon and continue living a single life care free , it worries me more that the number of users of these apps have significantly increased over the years and prospects via relatives is becoming a dying trend soon to be scarce in coming years (maybe). With not enough checks in place some marriages are going ahead only to be short lived because the reality of the marriage and the relationship, the coming together of the couple and the families is far from what the two individuals or immediate family members expected, with an added hope that the marriage might work just because 'they liked each other'.

The prospect and desperation / excitement of marriage can blind or hinder ones judgement and decision making in crucial areas, resulting in catastrophes later.

How should we approach individuals who are falling in this trap, people are leaving marriage so late to a point it becomes urgent forcing 'over-compromise', people want to find 'the one' using their own initiative to feel the decision being made was independent, their own rather than others dictating it for them.

Sooner or later everyone reading this post will come across someone close to them in a similar dilemma.

No one can deny the Qadr of Allah swt but the duty of precaution is bestowed upon every individual whether we like it or not, if we neglect it, we potentially pay the price....

[*charisma*]

Walaikum Assalaam

It all really depends on their actions and intentions of each individual. Matrimonial sites aren't the issue. You can find someone online, adhere to Islamic values, and also adhere to traditional cultural values. I don't see the problem if you're serious and find someone, to then involve your family straight afterwards with the intention and understanding that if they don't like this person or do not find them suitable, then you move on from that person. Some individuals truly do find it difficult to find a suitor and want to expand. All parties involved on these sites simply need to be realistic and honest about who they are and it needs to be done in a manner that doesn't tarnish one's reputation or dignity. If finding a spouse in this manner shows that people are not being truthful or are not adhering to Islamic values, then just leave it.

Marriage is a serious matter and we need to have a level head. There's no point to involve emotions early on. Growing up I knew and completely welcomed the fact that for me to accept a suitor, my family too needed to fully accept him. Secondly, background checks, while I understand their point, are not always clear indicators of the person you are marrying. Anyways, there are many ways to figure out whether a person is suitable or not, it's just no one ever wants to listen because they are driven by their desires, or they are extremely naive. They can all of a sudden "see" where they were blind when it doesn't work out..why now?? The signs surely were there from the beginning.

[taha_]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.

I don't know how safe is matriomental website?

Should you guys recommend me using it?

jazakAllah khair

[Imraan]

Walaikum Assalaam

It all really depends on their actions and intentions of each individual. Matrimonial sites aren't the issue. You can find someone online, adhere to Islamic values, and also adhere to traditional cultural values. I don't see the problem if you're serious and find someone, to then involve your family straight afterwards with the intention and understanding that if they don't like this person or do not find them suitable, then you move on from that person. Some individuals truly do find it difficult to find a suitor and want to expand. All parties involved on these sites simply need to be realistic and honest about who they are and it needs to be done in a manner that doesn't tarnish one's reputation or dignity. If finding a spouse in this manner shows that people are not being truthful or are not adhering to Islamic values, then just leave it.

Marriage is a serious matter and we need to have a level head. There's no point to involve emotions early on. Growing up I knew and completely welcomed the fact that for me to accept a suitor, my family too needed to fully accept him. Secondly, background checks, while I understand their point, are not always clear indicators of the person you are marrying. Anyways, there are many ways to figure out whether a person is suitable or not, it's just no one ever wants to listen because they are driven by their desires, or they are extremely naive. They can all of a sudden "see" where they were blind when it doesn't work out..why now?? The signs surely were there from the beginning.

I think people need to be educated before hand, especially the younger lot... the main concern is safeguarding our siblings, relatives and the kids from making careless mistakes.

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[Imraan]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.

I don't know how safe is matriomental website?

Should you guys recommend me using it?

jazakAllah khair

You can use it. Off course, but you must follow some rules and be strict about it, you should never deviate, at least that way you safeguard yourself.

Be strict as in be disciplined, else if you are too strict you may risk casting a cloud which hides your true character...

You're still young, wish I was 17 again!

[RisingLight]

alaikum salam

the problem is when this online interaction isnt being followed with real life interaction too...i might make no sense my english is not good but what i mean is if you meet someone online and you ''like each other'' then if you immediately marry then sure its a problem but if you then start meeting with the families and alone with the wali nearby etc,so you can see if you fit in real life too,then thats okay i guess

otherwise its not a problem,i will soon live in a city with almost no muslim girls and no proper sunni masjids and im also a convert with no muslim friends there or relatives...how im i supposed to find a wife if not trying to know someone online?

the problem is not that but its what you say,education...meeting online is fine,but they should be educated to keep it serious and within limits

[taha_]

You can use it. Off course, but you must follow some rules and be strict about it, you should never deviate, at least that way you safeguard yourself.

Be strict as in be disciplined, else if you are too strict you may risk casting a cloud which hides your true character...

You're still young, wish I was 17 again!

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

I do really want to get married. I need to work on my maturity including my behaviour. In sha Allah.

JazakAllah khair