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fatoo.zakariaa
02-16-2020, 08:00 PM
assalamualikoum im going throught a dilemma right now. i met this guy seven months ago, fell in love with him and he feels the same. we decided to get married a few months back but got into a little misunderstanding and broke it off. we got back together and now it’s more serious than ever. we want to get married but our families are complicating things. the complication mostly comes from my side of the family. my father is a very strict, stubborn and uneasy man. and i am also very stubborn. because of that we always disagree on things and clash heads. we got into a small argument about his wife(who’s not my mother) and her kids so we haven’t been talking for about six months now. i apologized to him a few weeks ago but he refused to accept my apology and said since i think i’m so grown i can do whatever i want he doesn’t care. the man that wants to marry me contacted him and told him how much he loves me and wants to marry me...my dad did not reply. so i tried talking to my dad. my dad was like i think i’m old enough to do what i want so i shouldn’t ask him for nothing. he was like go to your mother and uncle to do your nikkah. so i was like okay no problem i’ll let my mom know. i told my mom everything and she was like the only person that can give me away is my dad unless he’s dead. so i did research online and found out that no one can give a girl away except her father or a male from her fathers side. so i contacted my uncle my dads brother. he knows how my dad is so he had no problem with doing my nikkah. all he cared about was of the guy was a good one. so the guys family didn’t have a problem with us getting married but now they do. in the beginning his mom was so excited her son decided to get married because she’s been bringing up the marriage topic for eight years and he always refused. he finally changed his mind so she was happy about that. the thing is me and him had alittle misunderstanding he got drunk and when his mom called she brought up the marriage thing again. so he agreed without thinking about the consequences. he was upset and drunk. his mom had a couple of girls in mind so in a matter of two days she picked someone out for him. when we talked on the phone he told me that his mother called and he was drunk so he told her he’ll marry whoever she wants. we talked for hours on the phone and made up. the next day he called his family and told them he doesn’t want to marry the girl they chose because he loves me. his mom freaked out and so did all his family. they told him it’s too late to change his because they already contacted the girls family and set a nikkah date. the guy told them he doesn’t care he doesn’t want the girl. his parents was like you will marry her whether you like it or not and your nikkah is on friday lol they hung up on him and he told me he’s going to cut them out his life from now on. the only family he got now is me. he said even if they do the nikkah he’ll divorce her later because he wants me. so we plan on going to get married in a mosque without any of their approval. i just wanna know if my uncle can be my wali?
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*charisma*
02-16-2020, 08:36 PM
Assalamu Alaikum,

So basically, you have no relationship with your father, the man you want to marry drinks and gets drunk, and now he has created problems for his family by accepting to marry a girl that he does not want to marry, and is now willing to cut ties with his parents, the two people who come BEFORE you and AFTER allah?

I wonder if this sounds as terrible to you as it sounds to me. This situation is not a good one to get married to. Please use your head and don't run after your emotions. This will not end well.
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Supernova
02-17-2020, 11:47 AM
So Basically, you want to marry a drunk but your greater concern here is the validity of a Wali ?
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Flawed
02-17-2020, 10:50 PM
Even though you are attached to him right now you won't see the dangers yet but honestly don't get married to someone who drinks alcohol that can cause an unhappy marriage. He should stop drinking before he even considers marriage.
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Studentofdeed
02-18-2020, 05:56 AM
Is this serious? Are you considering to marry someone who will divorce a woman just so he can marry you? How can you support that? A woman who is innocent and doesnt deserve this is divorced just so you guys can have ur wedding? How do you know if he wont do the same thing to you down the road?
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Studentofdeed
02-18-2020, 05:58 AM
Please focus on yourself and cut off from this guy. This guys does not sound like a good guy for marriage. And please try to please your parents. They know what's best for you. May Allah make it easy for you
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MazharShafiq
02-18-2020, 09:57 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed
Please focus on yourself and cut off from this guy. This guys does not sound like a good guy for marriage. And please try to please your parents. They know what's best for you. May Allah make it easy for you
Yes, parents never want to hurt anyone, so humans should rely on them and Allah more than themselves.
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