Assalamu Alaykum bro,
format_quote Originally Posted by
i need help
Also when I think of allah I can’t cry when I am trying to be sincere and I wanna fear allah but it’s like I can’t. Is this the doing of shaytaan. Also I always think that other Muslims are lucky as they don’t have to go through what I have to at the moment.
You don't need to literally cry when thinking of Allah. There is nothing wrong in not shedding tears. Know that, some people by nature are more emotional than others and cry easily whereas others do not. It's okay if you don't cry and is not necessarily shaytan preventing you or a sign of lacking iman.
Having said that, spend time reading about the Prophet and his companions and the time of the Prophets from previous communities. The stories you read will likely soften your heart as you imagine yourself in their shoes and how they must have felt. I think your heart will likely melt on learning of their good behaviours at the time of hardship.
I would also like to say that Allah is merciful and loving to us. He is not someone we should only have fear of. We should love for him and yearn for his acceptance and want to be in his presence. Fear should also be there but it should be balanced with love and hope.
Also how do you know if you believe in allah like I know that I follow the rules of Islam and do stuff what Muslims do like read the shahadah, read Sarah’s from time to time and listen to nasheeds but I still get a feeling like I don’t believe and that I am a non Muslim and a am forcing myself
If you believe Allah is real and that he is the creator and sustainer of the universe and all that it contains and that Muhammad, peace be upon him, is his Prophet and messenger and the Quran that he gave us is the true revelation from Allah, then you are Muslim. Anything else causing doubt in your mind is shaytan and you should ignore those kind of thoughts. The more you dwell, the stronger these negative thoughts become.
and I have looked up the definition of shirk and it’s to believe in another god than allah and I don’t believe in any god other than allah but what are the sighns and how do you know you believe or if I am committing shirk.
Like you said, you don't believe in God other than Allah. So, no. You are not committing shirk. End of.
Also lastly if I do small things like read bismillsh before eating and saying I believe throughout the day is this a sign of Emaan
Yes. You are saying bismillah because it is something recommended by Islam and because you believe in Islam.
Please stop doubting yourself. Keep things simple, don't over-complicate. You don't need to sit all day saying to yourself 'I believe', 'I believe'. It's OCD like behaviour. Please take my advice and try to stop over thinking. Seriously, the more you ignore this, the less it happens. Just accept that you are a Muslim and continue to educate yourself on Islam and doing righteous deeds.