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Ayatiin
03-10-2020, 12:59 AM
Salaam, everyone.

This is my first time on this forum. I've sought out an Islamic forum as this is my only source of advice in my current situation. So some background...

I am a 17 year old female. I live with relatives in the States, and my mother and four younger siblings live back in my mother's home country. My father passed away several years ago. After his death, we all moved from the States to my mother's birth country. She became rather close with a second cousin of hers, that she often saw around in her youth. He was kind and supportive of my mother and my siblings and I just saw him as the cool uncle that took us on road trips. I hadn't noticed that their relationship was blossoming into something else, as I was a young and naive teenager.

They got married almost two years ago. I wasn't very happy about it, as I saw it as incest but I didn't want to hurt my mother so I kept silent. They had a child together. While my pregnant mother was on a trip overseas, the man stumbled into my younger sisters' room and fondled my sleeping little sister. She woke up, startled. He got off of her and told her not to tell my mother and stumbled out of the room . My sister woke me up in the morning, crying and shaking. She told me what happened and I decided I would sleep in my little sister's room until my mother came back from the trip, to protect her. Once I had told my mother what had happened after she came back from the trip, she abruptly told him to leave the house.

This all happened a year and a half ago. My mother is now pregnant again to the same man and is planning to give birth in the States. I am heartbroken and disgusted. I'm assuming that she believes the man's excuse for what he did that night. He said that he was intoxicated with a local drug and thought he had stumbled into his bedroom and thought that my sister's bed was his.
I don't know if I should trust his words or not but I do know I don't want him in my life or any my sisters' life's. I've made this clear to my mother but she simply does not care.

Considering that this is my mother, a mother that I'm deeply disgusted with albeit, what should I do? None of my relatives know about this, and talking about things like this would tear my extended family apart.
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*charisma*
03-10-2020, 03:04 AM
Assalamu Alaikum,

How old is your sister?

Are you close to your paternal uncles? Or even your maternal ones?
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Ayatiin
03-10-2020, 11:14 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
Assalamu Alaikum,

How old is your sister?

Are you close to your paternal uncles? Or even your maternal ones?

I'm not close to neither. Neither would care if I told them of my problems. My sister is 14 years old.
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*charisma*
03-10-2020, 11:45 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ayatiin
I'm not close to neither. Neither would care if I told them of my problems. My sister is 14 years old.
If you don't have any family that is close enough to you that would help protect your sister or speak to your mom without making things worse than they already are, then I don't think it would be helpful to tell them. I'd advise your sister to never stay alone with him and to lock her doors when she sleeps or get some locks on her doors. Perhaps she needs to keep telling your mom that she's not comfortable with him around her. He shouldn't have been able to return into your lives after that incident. And I think your sister is old enough to know what is a mistake vs what was done intentionally. Its a difficult situation when you don't have a proper mahram around who can step in for you, or when you're not independent enough to take her in yourself. Personally I would've made it a huge deal and threatened him myself. May Allah ease your burdens ameen.
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Ayatiin
03-13-2020, 01:15 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
If you don't have any family that is close enough to you that would help protect your sister or speak to your mom without making things worse than they already are, then I don't think it would be helpful to tell them. I'd advise your sister to never stay alone with him and to lock her doors when she sleeps or get some locks on her doors. Perhaps she needs to keep telling your mom that she's not comfortable with him around her. He shouldn't have been able to return into your lives after that incident. And I think your sister is old enough to know what is a mistake vs what was done intentionally. Its a difficult situation when you don't have a proper mahram around who can step in for you, or when you're not independent enough to take her in yourself. Personally I would've made it a huge deal and threatened him myself. May Allah ease your burdens ameen.
I was somewhat afraid of him at the time and just resorted to sleeping with my sisters with a knife under my pillow if he decide to come back. We had to wait until my mother came back to install locks. But thank you for your advice. I feel reassured that I'm not acting too rashly or illogically.
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*charisma*
03-13-2020, 02:13 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ayatiin
I was somewhat afraid of him at the time and just resorted to sleeping with my sisters with a knife under my pillow if he decide to come back. We had to wait until my mother came back to install locks. But thank you for your advice. I feel reassured that I'm not acting too rashly or illogically.
I have a younger sister so I understand the unsettling feeling of not being able to protect her due to being apart. May Allah protect her and keep her safe ameen.
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