format_quote Originally Posted by
RisingLight
unfortunately i was a muslim for more than 8 years.8 years i went through pain believing in a lie.Where is the justice that we are taught so much in islam? i want proof that there is justice as i am about to leave this religion.I dont want to be anywhere where i am not welcomed.
8 years i went through pain to practice in secret,bla bla im not gonna repeat the same story again as i know nobody cares but it took 8 years and 4 years of constant pain and duaa every duaa to finally be able to leave my country and make hijra.Even that after i couldnt take it anymore and i gave up all my rewards,everything just to be able to get out.All my rewards for 8 years of "sabr" i gave up in exchange to get out.And even that it took me 4 years for a process that usually takes 6 months.And now when i finally could go out for Allah,things dont work,i cant even find as a janitor despite being very qualified,nothing works for me,they dont even invite me for interview,and then coronavirus starts and everything is in quarantine,all business closed,nobody hires anymore,so there is no more hope to get hired.The kaafir family im staying will not keep me for long,just two more weeks,what will i do then? I cant go back home as borders are closed,and even ifff even if i do i will keep staying a hidden muslim and no chance to leave again as i dont have anymore money.And the most beautiful thing is,that i asked all muslims online and offline,everybody i could to help me,and nobody cares,they literally didnt care,except a brother here who offered to give me money,which i obviously cant take,and i asked even the leader of islamic youth etc,all sort of pious people.
Now how im i supposed to feel? after all i have gone through before and after sacrificing a lot for Allah,i am rewarded with this? How is this justice?
Allah says that whoever fears Allah,He will make him a way out,where is my way own? being homeless on the streets in my way out?
Dont say this is a test,prophets went through worst things but they could pray,i cant even pray now,ramadan is coming and i wont be able to fast,is this what i get from making duaa everyday to practice islam in peace and to go to hajj...what i want is to do hajj and then i can die,but look what i get instead
And if this is a punishment,what did i do to be punished so much? i regret all my sins,and i have forgiven everyone,isnt Allah the most merciful? If i can forgive everyone for his sake cant He forgive me after all this time seeing how much i suffer?
Since the first day i became a muslim i know things would get hard,and they got extremely hard,but I kept going as I believed that my God was merciful and would not abandon his creatures.Now I still think the same.Allah is the most merciful,you are all lucky to have Him as your God.I wish i was one of you,I wish he accepted me as a muslim and my wish to die as a muslim.I wish He didnt abandoned me.Allah is how we think of Him right? I have always thought he would help me,that he would be merciful to me too,after all all i want is to be like you,a practicing muslim, thats all i want,to go to hajj to complete my faith,and then I can die,but seems like He doesnt want that..
i just wanted to let this out as this will be my last post.I have lost hope.Allah says we should loose hope but I dont know how i can have hope after trying for years,when other muslims have money,success,all they want,and i cant even have what i want,just to pray in peace.This is not justice.I am not welcomed in Islam so i better leave it,its stupid to try when its so obvious im not welcome.Maybe as a non muslim He will help me a bit and then i can try again.
Salaam brother, sorry to hear about what you are going through. Hope you have carefully thought about what you've decided to do, hope you've considered everything in your power that could make your life more meaningful for this life and the hereafter. I have suffered calamities, unpleasant situations, I still do suffer from calamities, read the story about what i go through because of my failed marriage...
You have to remember that you must have sacrificed a lot when you reverted to Islam, leaving so many customs, traditions and cultural values behind, that was a massive step, if you suddenly leave it now, all that you have achieved could be lost due to going astray, especially if you stop or don't follow the path...
let's look at it differently. I was born a muslim, i know whatever happens i'm going to die a muslim, i will never leave that path, this is life for me, even though i've been knocked down so many times, the heart cries for rescue, believe me it does. I couldn't leave islam even if i wanted it, it's part of my upbringng, part of my DNA, part of my reflexes, part of my mental state, its not something i can detach myself from even if i wanted to. Nowadays I find myself remembering the things I've learnt throughout my life about our religion and try to apply it to my day to day life scenario. I'm not hopeful about my future anymore, i don't make plans but it still keeps me going with a hope that maybe one day things may go back to normal or things may get better.. maybe. So I pray. its normal to have doubts about our religion, i still press on, it's hard to believe something especially when you weren't around to see it with your own eyes.. I yearn for moments just to relive moments or to be in a setting with our beloved prophet PBUH, I yearn to be cast back to the moment our prophet Ibrahim was building the Ka'ba, It stimulates me to imagine the scene where prophet Musa confronted Phiraon with his wooden staff and overpowered phiraon's cronies/magicians with miracles sent down by Allah swt... imagine Prophet Sulayman being blessed with a special gift. the stories do vary from religion to religion and the variations can cause some conflict in beliefs. These miracles do sound too good to be true, don't they?. But the manner in which these stories 'of these miracles' being sent to humans via the Qu'ran has a high probability that it is true and real. To strengthen my faith and to learn more about my religion and to fulfill the rights of my family members i went to Saudi Arabia for my Hajj, that alone was a life changing experience. I went on to study more about our religion, improving myself, along come many tribulations too, i know i'm not going to do better even if i left our religion, i know i would go down hill furthermore...
You've been a revert from more than 8 years, have you reconciled everything that you've learnt about our religion, aren't there gaps in your knowledge that you want to fill? Some things we will never know no matter how hard we try. Doesn't it make you want to learn more with a hope that it may help your current situation?
you think you are going through a hard time, i'm going through a hard time too you know and have been suffering for some time now, ashamed to approach imaams, i know they can't help me anyway, their abilities are limited, so who do I call on everyday instead?... Allah swt... his power is infinite, I pray he helps me in this life as well as the hereafter, thats all i ask for..
brother there's too many people out there that are much worse off than we are, have some compassion for them at least and be grateful for what you got, be grateful you aint suffering from a disease thats going round, be grateful all your limbs are fully functioning, be grateful you can think for yourself, you intelligence., our religion teaches us to do all these thing sand that is a good thing, soften your heart and bring benefits to the needy.
you say you needed money, yet through that channel of request you never received any apart from one person offering but you declined... did it end you? no. you're still there right?
been through financial hardship myself, not a penny to my name, something kept me going and i wasn't living in a developing country, other doors did eventually open up!,.... much much later I go onto learning the concept of 'rizq' as stated in the Quran... so to appreciate what we get we give sadqah, we make effort to help the really poor people, people who barely get one square meal a day in developing countries.
If you are willing to leave Islam then i'm sorry to say you don't know enough about our religion, Our religion strengthens ones imaan, taqwa, conviction, firm belief of what to expect in this life to try and help us lead our daily lives and what awaits us after... you have more than 8 years of being a muslim, it saddens me that you have been a muslim that long yet you are ready to leave and it can mainly be for one reason and one reason alone.. lack of knowledge, principles of the islamic faith. It is a hard life out there, world is harsh and the responsibility of your own conduct and decisions rely on your shoulders and your shoulders alone.... if you go astray (in whatever you do in this life despite being muslim or not) you will still be held accountable...., cause and effect... there are always consequences... SubhanAllah...
i'm sorry for your circumstances... i truly am.... i'm sorry for my own circumstances and the pain its caused me and my family... i wish it could be better, i really do.
Inna lilahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Rajiooon (Every soul shall taste death and in the end our souls will meet our maker when we present ourselves for judgement)..................... There is no escaping that day and there is nowhere anyone can hide to prevent it!