format_quote Originally Posted by
Shams11
Thank you very much... what would be the righteous decision? Things with my husband are far past point of no return, and I did feel I had a future with this man, but considering he (unlike me) didn’t officially end things with his spouse before becoming involved with me... it sounds like there isn’t really a good way forward with him specifically, even if he claims to have changed and not want to have extramarital sex anymore but still see me all the time?
From an islamic point of view, he should either a) help you convert first, then pledge his full commitment to you, wed you by nikkah (and even the ceremony in accordance to the land you live in for completeness), so that takes care of the zina (adultery/fornication/unlawful sex) issue and give you your rights islamically and you should give him his... this then becomes the lawful marital journey for you both religiously speaking or b) given he shows no signs of committing to you marriage wise, he should leave you (or you leave him as its not going anywhere productive according to our religion... waste of time, his and yours). This male/female contact is just wrong, there has to be a MOTIVE behind why he wants to spend time with you, it cant stay like this forever though can it?
If you were a MUSLIM @
Shams11 the righteous decision would be to leave him and move on, you've already sinned with him, does he deserve a chance?, is his character worth trusting? does he deserve to be given a opportunity to exploit your vulnerabilities, is he likely to stick to an agreed plan, you have to decide based on what his character is like although people can change from one extreme to another, this 'friends with benefits' type lifestyle isnt allowed in our religion. Some might even say if you really like him and he likes you, get married and repent for your past with a hope Allah swt straightens things out for you... islamically when looking for a spouse its better to seek out someone who is god fearing, has good character as opposed to someone just meeting the physical need in the past you talk about. Is there any compatibility between you two? do you think you can live with him, is he in control of his actions, is he a hypocrite?............... are you? (sorry but sometimes when we really want something we try and self justify it just so we can accept the path that we are on is correct)
Don't know what to say from a christian point of view.. sorry. But the framework around marriage and being with the opposite gender can't be that different right?
I know this interfaith stuff is difficult, too many conflicts unless you can live with it but in the eyes of our lord, you both have to answer for it.... i have a pakistani muslim friend married to a french christian by civil marriage only, they have one daughter, they've had issues but they've been married 9 years,. they're still together... but in terms of religion, how valid is their marriage in both the christian faith or islamic faith i can only hazard a guess which I think i know the answer to. Everyone will have to answer for their decisions at some point..... judgement day
If in doubt of anything substantial or religiously worthwhile......... abandon and move on!
In terms of religion it's down to individuals anyway.... 'how deep is your faith and how pious do you want to be?' ... better to leave the world a pious person, you wont live forever!