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View Full Version : My relationship w my best friend is so toxic i dont know what to do anymore



machiatto123
04-25-2020, 01:19 AM
Assalamu Alaikom!

i would like to share u my story and wud like to ask for advise. Ive been praying to Allah and crying on what i should do. If it is best that i get away from her or just stay.

we’ve been friends for 4 years because of mutual friends and we became close because we have same personalities. We became closer immediately. We’re close to each other’s families. We always had each other’s back. U can say we are more than just friends. I think? We are now roommates in MedSchool away from home. We care for each other too much. Or i think at least her. I sometimes feels she got obsessed with me like she gets upset with me when i talk or chat with my other friends. She hates every single guy classmate that i happen to mention to her. She loathes them. Instantly. Now im afraid of telling her stories about my groupmates that may involve a normal guy. I feel like she is taking control of me. I cant even talk to our other classmates that she hates for i dont know what reason because she would hate it and would just get upset. She wasnt like this in the first place, she was so easy-going and a happy go lucky.She always tells me what to do. When we arrive at our dorm i always do things for her so she wouldt get upset. And sometimes when she does, i just tell her how i feel and then shell say “Im sorry. Its all my fault”. Then well be ok and we go back to normal like we watch movies, laugh, eat, study. Then we fight then the cycle goes on. I always tell her that i want to live in another dormitory away from her but she wouldnt let me. Its soo hard. I dont want to see her cry too. She’s the kind of person that u want to take care of. Shes so clumsy and i just want to take care of her. She gets easily sad, i dont know. But we always fight then shes the first one to apologize. I always tell her that i want to go to another room at least but she wont let me. I know i dont need her permission but when she cry so hard i cant help but hug her and tell her i’ll be with her. Its just soo toxic. Med school is as stressful and toxic as it is and i have to deal with this. We’re supposed to lift each other up. idk what were doing now and its taking a toll on my academic performance, but i dont see it affecting hers. I just want to focus on myself and the same time be friends with her like normal friends. I want her to go back to her old self. I feel bad for talking like this but i just need someone to talk to and tell me something. I cant even tell my friend bc id feel like betraying her.

please i need help. Im always crying when she cant see it . This is too hard. I dint expect this to happen. To go this far. It’s draining. I want to focus on myself. I want to go back.

shukran!
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Al-Ansariyah
04-25-2020, 05:41 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by machiatto123
Assalamu Alaikom!

i would like to share u my story and wud like to ask for advise. Ive been praying to Allah and crying on what i should do. If it is best that i get away from her or just stay.

we’ve been friends for 4 years because of mutual friends and we became close because we have same personalities. We became closer immediately. We’re close to each other’s families. We always had each other’s back. U can say we are more than just friends. I think? We are now roommates in MedSchool away from home. We care for each other too much. Or i think at least her. I sometimes feels she got obsessed with me like she gets upset with me when i talk or chat with my other friends. She hates every single guy classmate that i happen to mention to her. She loathes them. Instantly. Now im afraid of telling her stories about my groupmates that may involve a normal guy. I feel like she is taking control of me. I cant even talk to our other classmates that she hates for i dont know what reason because she would hate it and would just get upset. She wasnt like this in the first place, she was so easy-going and a happy go lucky.She always tells me what to do. When we arrive at our dorm i always do things for her so she wouldt get upset. And sometimes when she does, i just tell her how i feel and then shell say “Im sorry. Its all my fault”. Then well be ok and we go back to normal like we watch movies, laugh, eat, study. Then we fight then the cycle goes on. I always tell her that i want to live in another dormitory away from her but she wouldnt let me. Its soo hard. I dont want to see her cry too. She’s the kind of person that u want to take care of. Shes so clumsy and i just want to take care of her. She gets easily sad, i dont know. But we always fight then shes the first one to apologize. I always tell her that i want to go to another room at least but she wont let me. I know i dont need her permission but when she cry so hard i cant help but hug her and tell her i’ll be with her. Its just soo toxic. Med school is as stressful and toxic as it is and i have to deal with this. We’re supposed to lift each other up. idk what were doing now and its taking a toll on my academic performance, but i dont see it affecting hers. I just want to focus on myself and the same time be friends with her like normal friends. I want her to go back to her old self. I feel bad for talking like this but i just need someone to talk to and tell me something. I cant even tell my friend bc id feel like betraying her.

please i need help. Im always crying when she cant see it . This is too hard. I dint expect this to happen. To go this far. It’s draining. I want to focus on myself. I want to go back.

shukran!
Walekumassalam
I understand ur prob. Sometimes best friends become so possessive about each other or may be one for the other. Nd we begin to think they are controlling our lives. That is just a sign of caring or u can say fear of losing.
But sis we should make friends with those who'll help us in our deen. On the day of judgement, only righteous companions will help us. We should make friends for the sake of Allah. That frienship would never break nor will it cause any hurt. So if ur current best friend is a practising muslim, then don't let her go. If not , then try to bring her to the straight path . that's what best friends are for. If she is a non-muslim , u should be friendly with her nd tell her about islam.
U can talk to her about the issues u have with her. Politely Tell her if she cares about u then she shouldn't be doing this. U can pray istikhara too as to decide whether u should keep her as a bestie or no. Nd at last , u can use the biggest weapon which is dua.

May Allah make it easy for u.
Jazakallah khair
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Studentofdeed
04-25-2020, 11:43 AM
@user123name has given great advice. When I was young, I was very possessive with friends and got incredibly annoyed when my nonmuslim friends were involved with girls because they would then forget about me. Try to be positive influence and be sure to express your feelings. IF you guys are close, then you should have no problems expressing yourself. If they are sicnere friend, then they will care about what you say. Everyone should be give second chances however if they mistreat you and disregared, then they are not the one for you.
ALlah make it easy for you and accept from all of us.
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