Effects of addition

[anonymous]

Here is another thread on top of the many others regarding this subject. I finally accepted the fact that I have an addiction problem after many years. Its been an on and off again situation for a very long time. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I was delusional in thinking I did not have a problem. When I hear about addictions, I think of drug abusers or alcoholics and that's what society typically focuses on.

I've pushed myself away from the stuff for months at a time only to run back to it. I find that after time passes by, I feel miserable without it. Even when I get the urge to look at haram and I force myself to stay away from it, the urge only worsens and does not ease up at all after letting days pass by. The longer I stay away from it, the worse my personality becomes. It's such a weird thing to have happen. When I commit this sin, I feel like my heart softens. I cry in my salah and I'm always feeling sorry about what I do. When I manage to stay sin free for months at a time, I notice I don't get these feelings. I feel like the opposite should happen. The closer I get to the deen, the softer my heart should be right?

I grew up in the 80s and was exposed at a very early age to this haram stuff for long periods of time. I can't help but feel that after so many years of being around this stuff that there is no help for me outside of the help of Allah. I've read thread after thread on various sites about this issue and I don't know what to do. I feel like i need to move to the mountains with no electricity or people. Isolate myself from the world. I can't talk to anyone in person about this for many reasons. The obvious one being that I want to conceal this sin. I don't even know the point of this thread to be honest. I think I just need to vent.

Just to be clear and without being too descriptive, this is zina of the eyes

[Alpha Dude]

When I manage to stay sin free for months at a time, I notice I don't get these feelings. I feel like the opposite should happen. The closer I get to the deen, the softer my heart should be right?

If someone is religiously inclined, immediately after having committed a sin, they will feel remorse.

As time passes, however, this feeling of remorse will dissipate.

This is the same for many things in life. To give an example: you might do a very intense workout and it might be so gruelling that you say to yourself that you won't do it again. But as time goes by, you start to forget just how difficult it was and eventually, you think to yourself that you could do it again.

Once your remorse has diminished, you get consumed by the desire to do it again.

That is I think the psychological aspect to it.

Then, there is the shaytanic aspect. The longer you are away from a sin, he too will spend time diminishing your remorse for it. The closer you get to deen, the harder he will make it for you.

It is a normal uphill struggle. We have to try hard to stop ourselves from sinning and when we do slip up, we pick ourselves up and try again to stop sinning and this struggle should continue. We can never be 100% pure and sinless. It is in our nature to sin and Allah is the most forgiving.

[HowManyMore]

I feel like the opposite should happen. The closer I get to the deen, the softer my heart should be right?(...)

(...)The obvious one being that I want to conceal this sin. I don't even know the point of this thread to be honest. I think I just need to vent.

I find that understandable. Isn't it that hardship is there to bring us closer to Allah?

Maybe you have a kind of an empty place in your life and only this one thing seems to fill it? In which case it would probably be best to find something else for that place.

https://youtu.be/2a1FsTG0aH0

You can also change your environment. Moving is a lot, but you could change a job, spend more time at home or spend time with different people – something like that. You can also seek counselling. And isn't it that revealing your sins is okay when you're seeking help? Without that, who would ever make it?

[anonymous]

Thank you guys. It is hard to express the difficulty with this issue to anyone who has not experienced it. With my example above, for alcoholics, drug addicts, or even people who smoke tobacco, I always figured simply telling them to stop should be enough. Little did I realize just how wrong I was.

i live alone and, outside of work, I don’t really have hobbies or anything to keep me occupied.