Breaks my heart being on muslim matrimonial websites

[anonymous]

Salaam

I am on various muslim matrimonial websites.

It breaks my heart seeing so many women 35+ never married or divorced with so many kids, either way it cant be easy for them or they must be content the way they are.

Has it been like this for quote some time now or is this an emerging trend and it going to grow to become worse i.e. there will be a massive surge in women hitting 35+ who are not yet married or who are divorced. What will happen in the coming decades, what will happen to the muslim population

pre 1970's there probably was no concept of delayed marriage or even the idea of divorce in the mainstream.... muslim population was able to grow.

with the rise of divorces in the muslim community since 2000, the population growth slowed down.

what will happen in 10, 20, 30 years time...? single women will outnumber single men? population growth will slow down even more?

[HowManyMore]

What about men who are +35, not yet married or have divorced?

[Studentofdeed]

Either I honestly think divorce should not stop someone from remarrying. I personally would not mind marrying a person who was divorced but I would like to find out the reasons. If It was not their fault and their were innocent of it then I would gladly marry them. Even our Rasool SAW married a widow woman who was widowed twice.

[HowManyMore]

but I would like to find out the reasons.

But I don't think you have a right to know them per se.

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[Studentofdeed]

Not necessarily. When you are seeking hand from a potential spouse you are allowed to ask about them. This is a category of special circumstances when you can reveal faults of a person. This is to either warn the person or let them know what they are getting into. However if someone refuses to disclose this information, it would make things only.more suspicious and scary

[Studentofdeed]

Salaam

I am on various muslim matrimonial websites.

It breaks my heart seeing so many women 35+ never married or divorced with so many kids, either way it cant be easy for them or they must be content the way they are.

Has it been like this for quote some time now or is this an emerging trend and it going to grow to become worse i.e. there will be a massive surge in women hitting 35+ who are not yet married or who are divorced. What will happen in the coming decades, what will happen to the muslim population

pre 1970's there probably was no concept of delayed marriage or even the idea of divorce in the mainstream.... muslim population was able to grow.

with the rise of divorces in the muslim community since 2000, the population growth slowed down.

what will happen in 10, 20, 30 years time...? single women will outnumber single men? population growth will slow down even more?

BUT i agree with you here. Age should not be an issue nor divroce. The stigma is there and ridiculous. If the person had a bad history it may be understandable, but at the same someone could he unlucky. Then marriage should not be prevented. Its silly and more cultural

[MazharShafiq]

Either I honestly think divorce should not stop someone from remarrying. I personally would not mind marrying a person who was divorced but I would like to find out the reasons. If It was not their fault and their were innocent of it then I would gladly marry them. Even our Rasool SAW married a widow woman who was widowed twice.

Good Decision . you should do this for Allah.

[HowManyMore]

Not necessarily. When you are seeking hand from a potential spouse you are allowed to ask about them. This is a category of special circumstances when you can reveal faults of a person. This is to either warn the person or let them know what they are getting into. However if someone refuses to disclose this information, it would make things only.more suspicious and scary

What you should be concerned about is the present. Say, if the woman you wish to propose to had committed adultery and that had led to the divorce — you would have no right to ask, "have you done this," and she would have no right to inform you about that.

[Studentofdeed]

I understand where you are coming from. Even then you cannot lie. You don't have to give details. And if someone asks, they can say "I maY have committed some mistakes but thats between me and Allah." Based off this information, the person repented and its between them and Allah however if someone decides not to marry, it can be cause of that person's mistake. Some people are scared that person may commit that mistake again. Adultery is pretty big and any spouse would be terrified of facing it

[HowManyMore]

I understand where you are coming from. Even then you cannot lie. You don't have to give details. And if someone asks, they can say "I maY have committed some mistakes but thats between me and Allah." Based off this information, the person repented and its between them and Allah however if someone decides not to marry, it can be cause of that person's mistake. Some people are scared that person may commit that mistake again. Adultery is pretty big and any spouse would be terrified of facing it

You don't have to say anything. It is best you don't say anything. If one knows he doesn't want to marry someone because of this or that - that is clear, fine. But it is not his place to go searching for faults and if someone has a need for that, I'd say he has trust issues. I don't even know how anyone would have time to worry about another person sinning in the future. I don't think that's an attitude with which a good marriage is built.

['Abdullah]

Salaam

I am on various muslim matrimonial websites.

It breaks my heart seeing so many women 35+ never married or divorced with so many kids, either way it cant be easy for them or they must be content the way they are.

Has it been like this for quote some time now or is this an emerging trend and it going to grow to become worse i.e. there will be a massive surge in women hitting 35+ who are not yet married or who are divorced. What will happen in the coming decades, what will happen to the muslim population

pre 1970's there probably was no concept of delayed marriage or even the idea of divorce in the mainstream.... muslim population was able to grow.

with the rise of divorces in the muslim community since 2000, the population growth slowed down.

what will happen in 10, 20, 30 years time...? single women will outnumber single men? population growth will slow down even more?

Many Muslims now a days marry in late 20's or early 30's. The main reason is perhaps pressure to get an education, get a job and establish a career before getting married and of course by the time one is done with the education and have a job, one will be in the late 30's. Its all about material things and running after things of this world. By that time, many would have fell into several sins such as addiction to porn, or illegal relationships or other evils which have a major impact on a healthy marriage life & later become one of the reason to divorce. Part of this also due to giving preference to culture over religion. Just a generation ago (40-60 years), it was common to get married by 18 but now it is so rare. We have made marriage difficult for ourselves by allowing culture to take our religious teachings.

Polygamy is considered as a bad thing while this was widely practiced by best generation of Muslims. In fact this can be a cure to many of our issues in Muslim and non-Muslim countries. But our society and western values have promoted polygamy as something unacceptable.

# of children has reduced - following the foot prints of Kuffar. Many Muslims now promote quality over quantity as if the guidance of kids is in their hands. Any irony is that they can't even handle two kids.

We have seen the result of following culture and Western values, it leads us to no where but to destruction in this world and Hereafter. May Allah help us understand our religion and turn back to Sunnah as solution to our problems in only in following the teachings of Islam.

[M.I.A.]

By that time, many would have fell into several sins such as addiction to porn, or illegal relationships or other evils

i personally can tell you that for me at least, iv come to the stage where it is not me that wants to hold onto my sins but rather my sins that want to keep hold of me.

i suppose i await a forgiveness from higher up.

Sahih International: Have you seen the one who takes as his god his own desire? Then would you be responsible for him? 25:43

Sahih International: Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, and Allah has sent him astray due to knowledge and has set a seal upon his hearing and his heart and put over his vision a veil? So who will guide him after Allah ? Then will you not be reminded? 45:23

nobody changes until they feel the influence of wrongdoing within their lives, at least one would hope thats the lowest we go.

[HowManyMore]

i personally can tell you that for me at least, iv come to the stage where it is not me that wants to hold onto my sins but rather my sins that want to keep hold of me.

i suppose i await a forgiveness from higher up.

Hopefully you haven't given up. What do you mean await a forgiveness? Doesn't it come with repentance?

[M.I.A.]

Hopefully you haven't given up. What do you mean await a forgiveness? Doesn't it come with repentance?

Forgiveness comes from breaking the shackles people have placed on you.
..So you have to ask, what would you do.. Running rampant anyway?

I would settle for a more favourable conversation when I enter the room.
Although I'm not much of a talker.
And haven't already planned to be harsh.

The old definition of giving up doesn't really apply anymore.. Desperately seeking a bag for these marbles.

[HowManyMore]

Forgiveness comes from breaking the shackles people have placed on you.

I've never heard of such from any scholar.

[M.I.A.]

I've never heard of such from any scholar.

...im flattered, but can't you tell the difference between a crazy man and a scholar!

No, it's just different wording for things that could have been said better.

Sorry if it doesn't make sense.

I vent and then leave most often.. But writing does calm the nerves.. i meant temper not nerves.

i live with people who are constantly planning and so sometimes just wanting nothing to happen is the most you would hope for.

allah swt is the planner, the sustainer, the provider, the protector and is sufficient for me.

[Imraan]

I think this is a predicament many people have faced. Many will face it in future, thus will change the selection process. We see it now, cross ethnic marriages etc which no one should contest either. Remember though people do feel restricted to marrying within the same ethnicity to make it easier at home and between parents. Personally I felt I had to because of my mom. In the end sods law, my ex wife done the exact opposite. I now think in hindsight I could have married someone who wasnt the same ethnicity as me and maybe, just maybe things may have been more positive. AllahuAalaam, all our tests are predestined for us. Having said that some cross ethnic marriages have worked in their own way at different levels and I envy all marriages that have flourished and brought Baraka in their homes.

Once you have barakah in the home, then you lose it, you feel the loss greatly.

The criteria for people changes over the years, people start rethinking, maybe theyve been searching for the wrong person. Maybe they need to filter in more potentials.

Anyway, I digress. For the future I think it will get worse, but remain hopeful that the idea of marriage from a religious perspective will prevail over what we see evolving in society today regarding cultures and the clash of.

I think for the future in order for most marriages to work or even increase the likelihood of sustaining one, individuals need to focus on the islamic aspect of it more than culture, they need to educate themselves on the expectations instead of hoping things will fall in place and then commit to the marriage. In an ideal world those people seeking marriage would have taken the initiative to learn all the crucial points and then sought out like minded people. A knowledgable god fearing husband and wife have a better chance, off course!

I hope for the sake of islam and humanity people do change their attitudes. People have a better chance at living life in peace insh Allah!

[M.I.A.]

peace, that is what we seek.

in our lives and hearts.

work towards it inshallah.

[Studentofdeed]

I agree...these primitive cultural tribal concepts need to be thrown out

[Studentofdeed]

Another thing that greatly angers me is hypocricy. Lot of people complain there are not alot of good brothers and sisters for marraige. But when they are told of someone..they are like but..they are born in THAT country?! They aren't Arab, or Pakistani. Or they are reverts. Seriously?? IF you have these ignorant mindset that these people are not potential partners because they were born in a land which they have no control over or have ties to some ethnicity that isnt close to yours, that somehow makes them inferior, then these people DESERVE to be single. Yes you are allowed to reject someone if you arent compatibile because of interests or you dont find them attractive or they arent religious, but if everything is okay but they just happen to be another race? Wow then you are arrogant. You are no different from those people before Islam who used to be obsessed with their bloodlines.

['Abdullah]

i personally can tell you that for me at least, iv come to the stage where it is not me that wants to hold onto my sins but rather my sins that want to keep hold of me.

Intelligent is he who suppresses his nafs and works for that which is to come after death, and the weak is he who allows his nafs free reign and continues to build hope in Allah.

If we keep satisfying our permissible desires (beyond our rights and needs), the nafs will soon become tired of these desires and aspire to other desires which are doubtful until there comes a time when it will eventually desire haraam. We fall into the trap of leaving a desire only for the sake of a new desire. The result is that one’s life becomes a never-ending cycle of new desires and following one’s passions.

However, the only way to reach spiritual heights and gain closeness to Allah Subhanahu Wa Taa'la is to sacrifice even the permissible desires. One should sacrifice a desire only for the sake of Allah and not for the sake of the nafs in the form of a new desire. Only by sacrificing the permissible desires will the nafs remain under control. Either the nafs controls the person or the person controls the nafs.

i suppose i await a forgiveness from higher up.

Sahih International: Have you seen the one who takes as his god his own desire? Then would you be responsible for him? 25:43

Sahih International: Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, and Allah has sent him astray due to knowledge and has set a seal upon his hearing and his heart and put over his vision a veil? So who will guide him after Allah ? Then will you not be reminded? 45:23

What you described above is the Shirk - submitting oneself to the desires and not to Allah. This is the Shirk which many of us fall into without even knowing it. Desire for a house, then a bigger house, then a new car, then latest model of the car better than my neighbor, spending more money on weddings to show off, etc. Once Nafs gets out of control, it leads one to hell fire, unless one repents and ask Allah for the help.

nobody changes until they feel the influence of wrongdoing within their lives, at least one would hope thats the lowest we go.

That's what Quran says ( Interpretation of the meaning of the partial verse 13:11):
...Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron. [Quran 13:11]

[M.I.A.]

What you described above is the Shirk - submitting oneself to the desires and not to Allah. This is the Shirk which many of us fall into without even knowing it. Desire for a house, then a bigger house, then a new car, then latest model of the car better than my neighbor, spending more money on weddings to show off, etc. Once Nafs gets out of control, it leads one to hell fire, unless one repents and ask Allah for the help.

intent is everything really, i personally see most things as tools.. and it very much depends on how you intend to use them that is defining of character.

a ten bedroom house is impressive.

but its even more impressive if 13 people live in it.



” Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Raheem
Qul ‘A’udhu Bi-Rabbil-Falaq
Min Sharri Ma Khalaq
Wa Min Sharri Ghasiqin ‘Idha Waqab
Wa Min Sharri-Naffathati Fil-‘Uqadi
Wa Min Sharri Hasidin ‘Idha Hasad “

” Say : I seek refuge with ( Allah ) the Lord of the daybreak, From the evil of what He has created; And from the evil of the darkening ( night ) as it comes with its darkness; ( or the moon as it sets or goes away ). And from the evil of the witchcrafts when they blow in the knots, And from the evil of the envier when he envies. “


to be fair we just want tall gates and fences..so nobody has to be inspired.

i suppose we have come full circle with respect to the thread, most people have enough time to make many life choices..
being aware of them (the choices we make) is an important part of religion i suppose.