format_quote Originally Posted by
anonymous
I would always repent for my sins (i think it was autmated, like lip service), i would repent after commititng zina everytime, but how sincere is it i mean i repeatedly committed zina...
but soon before engagement we stopped the zina...and yeah during the engagement i would repent... we knew it was wrong... we wanted to do the right thing, it was a self rightous act and that doesnt justify it,
how on earth did i fall in this hole..
this is what happens when you leave marriage late and you cant find a suitor, you fall for someone while no mahram involved and do stupid things in the background... to make them love you ...
its all a fake love i tell you, found the real person in him after marriage... marriage is very hard
You should stop dwelling on the past. It is a technique that the Shaytaan uses to guide you to despair and hopelessness. You are only human, Allah didn't create you to be perfect, accept that and move on from your past mistakes. Allah loves it when we repent from our mistakes and seek His forgiveness and guidance. Remember that Allah loves to forgive and don't doubt His Mercy.
Think of your life's difficulties as an expiation for your sins. Perhaps all the hard times that you go through are happening in order for your sins to be wiped out and replaced with good deeds.
I used to dwell on my past, and sometimes I do wish I could go back and make some changes, but when I really think about it, everything that happened to me in life, no matter how miserable it was (it really was), I realize if it didn't happen, I wouldn't have the Iman that I have now. That's not to say my Iman is perfect, it isn't at all, but it is so much better now than it has ever been. So think of your life as a really rough road that you had to traverse in order to lead you here, seeking guidance.
It isn't clear on what has happened to your marriage, but if you're no longer together, move on and try to dedicate your life to serving Allah. Realize that nothing in this world, relationships or materialistic things, is worth it, for we die only with our deeds. Go do Ghusul, and pray to Allah. Beg Him to guide you and ask shower you with goodness in this world and the hereafter. Beg Him to increase your Iman, to fill your heart with it as if it was a river that is trying to burst out of a mountain. It won't happen overnight, but be consistent and eventually, Inshallah, you will start to see a change. You just have to want it, for Allah guides those who want to be guided.
I don't believe love is fake, I believe love is learned. We fall in lust with others, we don't truly love them until we learn about all of their good qualities. Even with Allah, you know He exists, but you don't really love Him until you learn more about Him and His attributes. Once you learn how much He loves you, and how much Mercy and Goodness He has given you, you start to fall in love with Him. This is why Islam prioritizes the remembrance of Allah. The more you remember Him, the more you love Him and surrender yourself to Him.