False hopes?

[wayfarer91]

Somebody recently said to me that they stopped making dua because it felt that dua was giving them false hopes for something, and preventing them from moving forward.. And this thing really hit me for some reason.

I can't stop fixating about their point of view and have been reluctant to make dua at all. Even stopped offering namas with enthusiasm.. It is just bizarre how true their approach seems.. Because dua does give u false hopes as everyone keeps on reiterating thst dus is accepted in one of three ways..... 2/3 ways is just false hopes.

[Imraan]

Somebody recently said to me that they stopped making dua because it felt that dua was giving them false hopes for something, and preventing them from moving forward.. And this thing really hit me for some reason.

I can't stop fixating about their point of view and have been reluctant to make dua at all. Even stopped offering namas with enthusiasm.. It is just bizarre how true their approach seems.. Because dua does give u false hopes as everyone keeps on reiterating thst dus is accepted in one of three ways..... 2/3 ways is just false hopes.

oh sister this post is so wrong, everything we do is for the pleasure of Allah swt. We have been commanded to pray, to offer salaah, to fulfil the rites of a muslim, to be mindful of our conduct, the calamities we face, the blessings that come our way................. not the opposite....

good or bad, we say alhamdulillah (which we do when we offer salaah) and keep on going.

don't be a rebel against salaah either, "stopping with enthusiasm?", sure you used the right wording there?.

how do you think I feel been praying for so long, my hole has been getting deeper and deeper, i believe it will eventually ease and i'll rise above it... "nothing lasts". I still pray...... it's our actions, our worship and our firm beliefs that makes us muslim, that keep us sane, that sets our expectations.... what do you think...

maybe it depends on the hopes for that "something", is it realistically achievable? i mean theres no harm in 'not giving up', anything you ask for here but you don't get, insh Allah you'll get it in the hereafter, but you got to ask for it, not ask for it, then give up and not want it anymore... keep going.

[Ümit]

Somebody recently said to me that they stopped making dua because it felt that dua was giving them false hopes for something, and preventing them from moving forward.. And this thing really hit me for some reason.

I can't stop fixating about their point of view and have been reluctant to make dua at all. Even stopped offering namas with enthusiasm.. It is just bizarre how true their approach seems.. Because dua does give u false hopes as everyone keeps on reiterating thst dus is accepted in one of three ways..... 2/3 ways is just false hopes.

İ totally agree with İmraan. You act as if Allah owes you something.
You are just a servant of Allah. Anything you do is to please Him.
Amything Allah gives you is out of mercy...good or bad, ypu should say "alhamdulillah".
He doesnt need to give you anything.
False hopes? İ think you are creating those false hopes in your head.
Praying for something does not mean automatically getting it.
Like İmraan said...you do not want to pray for something? Then quit wanting it.

[Studentofdeed]

Sister remember...I have said this countless times. There is no such thing as false hopes. We fail to realize that whatever Allah does is the best for us. We may want something or someone but Allah keeps it away from us because its not good. For example someone told me there was a girl who desperately wanted to marry someone later she said alhamdullah because she realized the guy was only pretending to be religious. Even though she was depressed and upset then she later was quite grateful. Its the same case the only difference is Allah has not blessed you with the wisdom or the knowledge of why you haven't received it. Allah may even have something better for you for sure. Keep making dua but put in your work. Its a two way street

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[wayfarer91]

So should we ask Allah for things that are only realistically achievable? Doesnt that again take the cake that we should only make dua for things that are possible.. Not things that are totally out of our control or the things people keep on emphasising is not possible

[wayfarer91]

Nowhere did i say that Allah owes me anything, you ask for things from ur parents, does that mean the parents owe the child anything? or does the child ask their parents out of love, or the hope that they love us uncondiitionally and won't say no to us?
The point the friend made just clicked, we lived in the same building, and recently they tried to commit suicide as well, and their point of view really brought me down.

[Ümit]

Nowhere did i say that Allah owes me anything,

Nowhere did I say that you said that.
I said "You act as if Allah owes you something."

you ask for things from ur parents, does that mean the parents owe the child anything?

no, of course not...but I did not say that.

or does the child ask their parents out of love, or the hope that they love us uncondiitionally and won't say no to us?

The decision yes of no eventually comes from the parents and it may depend on many factors. The child probably only sees his/her own behaviour as the deciding factor: "Good bahviour, wish granted...bad behaviour wish probably not granted unless I suck up to my parents".
however, other factors to grant or not to grant the childs wish may be just as important, such as: the complexity of the wish, the external conditions such as weather, financial conditions of the family, plannings of the family, etc, etc.

The same with you. you are just considering your own behaviour "I prayed every day for a whole xxxx" and therefore expecting your wish to be granted...but you never realize that there may be factors which you cannot influence and that make your wish impossible...or not yet possible. You do not know what Allah has planned for you.

The point the friend made just clicked, we lived in the same building, and recently they tried to commit suicide as well, and their point of view really brought me down.

Of course it clicked, because it is very convenient for you.You "did what you can" the wish is not granted untill now...so that means I do not have to bother again to pray for something because it has no use anyways.That is what shaytaan wants you to believe...and it makes sense to you, so you gladly take the bait.And about committing suicide...Do I need to tell you on how many levels wrong that is?

[Imraan]

So should we ask Allah for things that are only realistically achievable? Doesnt that again take the cake that we should only make dua for things that are possible.. Not things that are totally out of our control or the things people keep on emphasising is not possible

hmm, i personally think generally we have to be reasonable for what we ask for.

My requests, I have felt are reasonable as a muslim,

on top of the standard requests i.e. our prophet pbuh, all that have passed before us, our parents, relatives etc

historically cast my mind back 20 years, daily i would pray to complete my studies with success, to get a good job, to be saved from illness / calamity, pray for my family, pray for the deceased

now ....... its more praying for forgiveness, justice, protection, to have my own family, to be not left 'heirless' along with others that I have reason to which could bring peace to my life here

it is your life, you can pray for whatever you want. Whether you get it or not, well that is down to Allah swt granting it to you here in this world.

we all pray to be blessed with certain privileges.
Personally I would not pray for a lamborghini or a porsche, i know the likelihood of me getting is literally zero, so on that basis i am grateful and humble with what i have at the moment I'm just not that privelaged, i'll accept and count the blessings that i have already.

i do however pray against my oppressors every single day. Whilst on the surface of it, they look victorious in what they want to achieve, i dont really know if they are.
it doesnt make me productive as such in terms of moving on as the trauma lingers as a constant reminder, due to this reminder i persevere in dua... i believe as muslim people will be punished if they do wrong,
however i'll still do my bit, I feel I have a valid claim against them

bottom line sister.... whatever happens don't lose faith, stick to sunnah, don't give up either, even consider changing direction or the objectives
i think a famous mufti once said, if one door remains closed time after time, other doors will open insh Allah.

Islam teaches us to be optimistic, to have faith, to have tawakkul in Allah,.... good or bad, its all from Allah swt, theres wisdoms behind everything that happens uniquely to us as individuals...

as muslims we should be adopting these values and beliefs.

it is hard sister, believe me. i have to keep telling myself to stay resilient.. Alhamdulillah i'm still here. bit sad and dissapointed but i'm still here arent i. Still making dua.

my requests might seem impossible to some, however i still choose to pray for such requests because I know i have a valid claim and I believe that somewhere along the lines people will pay.

me not having a flash car, or anything that I do like which i may never get, its ok if i dont get. Allah swt willed it, ... things may or may not change in future, i dont expect it, but as a muslim i'll still fulfill my basic obligatory duties..

we might be at different stages in life too, that might have an impact on how the priorities of our needs change , im nearly 40.. dont know how much longer i'll live, maybe 80+, maybe i wont make it tomorrow, we don't know... but i'll still pray for what i need now....

will pray everyday sister for the love of islam and the way of life our religion gives us. you know what? i prefer it actually than following something else. wouldnt abandon it for anything..

trust me, you'll need everything it offers when you are in your grave, the barzakh, the bridge of seerat, day of qiyamaah....

[Islami.Mu'mina]

I feel you, I get anxiety making dua and especially when my faith gets low I just give up on it..

Do not keep this attitude because it is horrible and it'll drag you down into a deep trap. Allah wants you to make dua to Him and rely on Hiim

You just gotta keep trying, when Allah doesn't give you what you want it may be for a better reason. I know a convert who always wanted to marry a pious man. She ended up marrying a very bad man for a few years but this is the step that led her to finding her new partner. She has been married the new man for a few years now and she said this is exactly what she wanted..

You lose hope often.. It happens.. But you have to keep trying, because if you still show that you believe in it being accepted, this shows your pure trust in Allah. You keep trying no matter what and ask for anything you really need and want as long as it isn't haram

[wayfarer91]

Now u are acting as if Allah works within the limits u mentioned above.. Parents cant control the weather/or external factors but Allah can.. He is the Omnipotent.

And ididnt even act like Alllah owes me anything. No need to get so rude.. The person iam talking about was clinically depressed and i guess things got to them. But it does click you, even though Allah is Almighty one cant help but question "till when" for the kashmiris in india. Or us, who want nothing special of sort.

Your point is quite vague.. You pretend or believe that Allah's power is limited to certain things, but haven't we been taught that Allah say "be" and "it is" kun fayakun
Sometime ago, a relative of mine wento umrah, despite all odds working against hr.. She knewnAllah will make way and He did.
But what the person told me of false hope somehow got to me..

[wayfarer91]

@Imran
But was it reasonable of Zakriya to ask for a son at 80 while his barren wife was also in her old age? This is something i am not convinced of. I believe in dua, but that point the person made just clicked for some reason, perhaps they were asking for a similar thing i believe.!

[Imraan]

@Imran
But was it reasonable of Zakriya to ask for a son at 80 while his barren wife was also in her old age? This is something i am not convinced of. I believe in dua, but that point the person made just clicked for some reason, perhaps they were asking for a similar thing i believe.!

That was not a everyday request nor an easily acheivable objective scentifically speaking, many would agree.

However I'm pretty sure our prophets would never give up on fulfilling the rites commanded by Allah swt if they never got what they asked for.... Even though pre islamic times there were no duties like salaah.

But they did follow monotheism... Im sure they continued to call out.... And we are supposed to benefit from those examples..

I seen a similar case, where people lost someone on eid day, they stopped celebrating eid altogether many years... Whether they still maintain that stance I don't know.

The point I'm making is
If we lose someone, something or don't get something we want, dont let it affect your imaan, tawakkull (the amount you have) or even your ibadaah..

I know its frustrating, if you have to vent it out here and amongst your real life social circle.. like I did, so be it, my spirituality has Improved.. Insh Allah yours will too....

Your actions, your faith, your morals, your values, determine how close you are to Allah swt.

He doesn't command bad from you... Does he? .. It is all good...
Alhamdulillah

Your job is to try and stay strong and to try and reflect that strength within your friend.
If your friend is depressed then they definetely need help / your consolation.

As disheartening as it could be, still need to persevere..
We are also taught to refrain from saying things like
"why didn't I get it, why is it not happening the way I wanted" etc etc.
Not sure if there is a hadeeth about that.

You know what?...... I stopped complaining.
All I do now is tell people about my situation and I ask for their duas. I also help myself too through ibadah and prayer...

I think the phrases and thoughts "why me, why now, why me," has slowly faded away.
I do feel that some of it is down to my free will.. Course some of it is, has to be!

[SoldierAmatUllah]

As Salaam u Alaikum Wr Wb,


Allah GIVES Always even though it's the darkest hour,the sunrise is Fixed!

He & His Prophet 'SallAllahu alayhe wasallam has spoken truth.

Dua removes calamities & trials.It brings comfort to the hearts that I have made dua & pleased Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala Who is keeping me to dua & Ibadah for a great time ahead although it's dark clouds now.

Nothing is impossible for ALLAH Ta'ala.You want riches,you ask Him.A loving spouse,we beg Him.Health after deadly illness we seek His aI'd we want beauty,we implore Him.You are oppressed,you ask Allah for justice.You fear hellfire,you seek His Protection.We want Jannah& He is ready to give us through our imaan,duas,tawakkul&ibadah.

I swear nothing is impossible for ALLAH.We need to be dutiful first& believer that He Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala is the God of the miracles in deen/dunya.Everything is in His reach.

Perhaps we are hasty,not serious and nor concentrating while making dua nor having a firm sound belief.

A good dua brings tranquility in the heart.I have my low & high days & I benefit from dua.When I abandon dua,I feel more low in imaan&health.
BUT dua brings beautiful response.Trust me I have been through this"what's the use of dua"

Allah sends His Help in various forms which we perceive not.Allah promises us in Surah Talaaq:Ayah 2-3

"And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him..."

And He is Forgiving Generous All knowing & Most Beneficent to His creation esp the practicing Muslims even when people slip in imaan,He brings about help while we are in despair!

Allah helps dear sister.It's just a matter of time.
Just remember,dua brings security / tranquility to heart & opens various other options.When that thing is making us low that we are making dua for,look at the fact that theres so many other good dreams you should ask Allah for.Like if you are looking for a husband and you know this person you wanna wed& dua isn't bringing him,then allow yourself to look at the fact that there are so many better pious&blessed guys who can come in your life & that ALLAH doesn't wrong the ones who are truthful to Him,although it looks nothings left but victory comes sister it comes with dua & positive large outlook.

We need to broaden our horizon,our hopes our obedience & surity in Allah's Kindness because He is He is He was & He will always be


Love ALLAH Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, make dua,know the relief that's waiting for you with reward of both the worlds for keeping to Deen & He doesn't withhold any blessings but only to give in the future in many folds.

All the best!

[Ümit]

Now u are acting as if Allah works within the limits u mentioned above.. Parents cant control the weather/or external factors but Allah can.. He is the Omnipotent.

it is obvious that you are deliberately twisting my words...the question however is
Do you not understand what I am saying, and therefore twist my words or?
Do you understand it very well and still decide to twist my words.

If its the first case, it is a bad habit and you should stop that.
if its the last case, that is even a worse habit...please stop that.

You know very well I did not make the ridiculous claim that parents can controll the weather.
What I meant with that is that if for example the child wishes to go to picknick somewhere, the parents will look at the weather conditions and depending on that, they will grant the childs wish or not.
the same with other external factors.

Of course you knew this, but I get the feeling...nvm...

And yes, till a certain level, Allah works in certain limits.
Before you twist my words again, let me explain that.
Allah made a certain plan for you, long before you were born, and it is called Qadr.
In your Qadr it is written what you will get, what you will not get, but also things like, what you will get if you put enough effort (work, dua, achievements, etc) in it.
If you make dua about something that is not in your Qadr, you will not get it...that is your limit.

Again, I am not saying that Allah is limited...I am saying He works within the limits that He Himself has put for you...which is your Qadr.
And since we do not know what is written in our Qadr, we do not know our limit...so we could pray for anything.

And ididnt even act like Alllah owes me anything. No need to get so rude.. The person iam talking about was clinically depressed and i guess things got to them. But it does click you, even though Allah is Almighty one cant help but question "till when" for the kashmiris in india. Or us, who want nothing special of sort.

You are the one making dangerous statements and accuse Allah for giving you false hopes, and not hearing your wishes, and all that, and I am being rude?

Your point is quite vague.. You pretend or believe that Allah's power is limited to certain things, but haven't we been taught that Allah say "be" and "it is" kun fayakun
Sometime ago, a relative of mine wento umrah, despite all odds working against hr.. She knewnAllah will make way and He did.

I already explained this, see points above.

But what the person told me of false hope somehow got to me..

again, of course the point your friend made clicked for you, because it is very convenient for you. it is very easy to say "don't make dua, because it has no use anyways"

[wayfarer91]

you are the one who twisted my words by saying I am acting like Allah owes me anything,,
and then went on to twist my words further, infact chaning my words by saying Allah gives me false hopes>. where did i say that? i wrote DUA , nowhere did i write Allah,,

please learn to read and comprehend, you can comment again, when u have learned some manners or etiquettes on how to communicate on a platform

[BeTheChange]

Reminder: Please be polite and respectful when conversing with each other insha Allah. There is no need for personal digs. We are all here to learn. Jazaka Allah!

[Ümit]

you are the one who twisted my words by saying I am acting like Allah owes me anything,,
and then went on to twist my words further, infact chaning my words by saying Allah gives me false hopes>. where did i say that? i wrote DUA , nowhere did i write Allah,,

please learn to read and comprehend, you can comment again, when u have learned some manners or etiquettes on how to communicate on a platform

No thanks,
Good luck in life with that attitude and level of reasoning.

Wa alaikum salaam

[MazharShafiq]

Reminder: Please be polite and respectful when conversing with each other insha Allah. There is no need for personal digs. We are all here to learn. Jazaka Allah!

Exactly agree with you.

[Imraan]

Assalam walaikum

Just adding this link added sometime in the past 24 hours. Insh Allah it will help... I hope



Please remember me and my family in your prayers.. Jzk

[wayfarer91]

Thanku fo sharing.. But the question remains, how do we know whether what we are asking for us is good for us or not? I know people praying for 15 to 20 yrs for something and they haven't got it yet. Like a spouse or children or a house or a good job.

[*charisma*]

Thanku fo sharing.. But the question remains, how do we know whether what we are asking for us is good for us or not? I know people praying for 15 to 20 yrs for something and they haven't got it yet. Like a spouse or children or a house or a good job.

You should ask for things which are halal. What you consider "good" is relative to you. You will never know ultimately whether what you ask for is good for you or not, that knowledge is with Allah solely. As a matter of fact, this thing you ask for really has nothing to do with making your life better/happier more than it does with your relationship with Allah. Allah can grant you exactly what you want, but it may not bring you an ounce of happiness. It may do the exact opposite and bring you misery and turmoil. It may even lead you to hellfire, even if you perceive this thing to be something which can relieve you of pain. You make du'a because du'a is an act of worship and it reflects your true perseverance, trust, and love for Allah. If you are fixated on having something in this world so strongly, then you are attached to the world more than you should be.

[Imraan]

Thanku fo sharing.. But the question remains, how do we know whether what we are asking for us is good for us or not? I know people praying for 15 to 20 yrs for something and they haven't got it yet. Like a spouse or children or a house or a good job.

I think we'll never know if something is good for us or not before hand. The only way to deal with this is
'if I never get it or got it, it's probably not good for me, I'll move on'
Or
Walk the path presented before you and find out after if something was good for you or not.

No space for crystal ball concept in our religion Im afraid.

In regards to spouse... I think generally the advice would be:
Keep praying
If you meet a potential, perform isthikhara
If things aren't working still and you still find yourself single and some doors you just can't open, then you need to look within yourself and make a few adjustments maybe. I. E. Normally criteria and expectations within reason off course. Insh Allah other doors will open.

In regards to children, I am aware of this problem in certain couples. Generally the advice would be... Again keep praying, keep trying. There is medical assistance out there.. IVF etc. Haven't looked into permissibility but I think some Muslim couples have used that facility.
If then it is still not working then couples have adopted children.

Job.
Life is difficult out there, economy is in crisis in certain areas. Push n pull factors still exists. For something like this it is down to qadr, fate and how much effort you put in and the choices you make, they're not easy circumstances to take in, especially when you don't achieve your goals. I wanted to be a pilot, opportunities were there 20 years ago, I just didn't get the grades and my family circumstances would have made it difficult. So ditched that idea and moved on. 'Wasn't meant to be', If something doesn't work, move on, something else will come insh Allah.

House... Im guessing to 'buy'. Well, so many factors involved. You have to reach a stage financially speaking before anyone can consider buying a property. I very much doubt someone saving hardcore for 20 years is still unable to buy a house. They should be able to buy a house with little or no mortgage if they've been saving for that long. Compromise should not be a factor to rule out.

I know life is full of challenges and we need answers, just like the way you are asking. These things also make people vulnerable, some people end up doing all sorts like going to fortune tellers etc because they are not content with their life...

Sorry sister I couldn't have been more help.

Question should be on 'how content someone is' rather than why someone hasn't got 'xyz' privelages in dunya. I personally think that's the best way forward. Makes acceptance easier and also allows individuals to strive for their goals too.