format_quote Originally Posted by
ashraf__
Hey people, I would like some islamic advice on how I can help a friend calm down and reduce his anger towards islam.
Long story short, this friend of mine was cheated on recently (3 years ago) his by his wife with his best friend who happened to be extremely religious. You know the praying 5 times and all. My friend was the kind of guy who goes to the mosque once a week. decent guy someone you can count on who.
Since then his life has been a disaster one after the, while his ex spouse and ex best friend are living the life. My friends ex got married to another rich guy and his ex best friend got married to a beautiful rich girl and their business sky rocketed net worth grew at least 10 fold.
At the same time my friend gets screwed at every corner. Its like bad luck one after the other.
Seeing all these the friend of mine is on the verge of giving up on islam. Usually I am not the kind to interfere in peoples personal choices but i feel that time I should
This friend of mine says he went to several islamic forum and complained about his situation and all he was told is to have patience and do more ruza and sadaqah. That just enraged him even more I don't want to follow that path. If you people are kind enough to give me some advice on how to deal with his from an islamic approach please feel free to share your thoughts.
Please if anyone has any methods
The Islamic approach... from what you said, he's heard enough about that already. And it's nothing he doesn't already know. He is aware of his duties as a muslim and I can understand his frustration when he hears it over and over. He feels this way and he feels horrible. That's okay and acceptable. But now he has to change his thinking strategy and learn to shift his perspective. He needs to heal. Constantly focusing on them and what they've done and how they're doing now is not going to make it any better. But he knows that too.
Three years is a long time but when we carry a grudge, it may as well be three hundred years. It will always hurt the same as long as we hold on to it. And it's so much easier to just blame someone or something else for whatever happens. Scapegoats are dime a dozen but they do more harm than good.
Please don't misunderstand that. I am in no way saying that your friend is to blame. I generally blame no one for anything. That's not my place. I let allah judge them. Then let it go.
And those two points are the key. Letting go of blame and letting go of a grudge.
Believe me, I've been cheated on and betrayed in the worst ways imaginable more times than I could shake a stick at. I am healthy though, الحمدالله
How you can support your friend is maybe by making it clear to him the the actions of another person do not change who he is. His ex and former best friend betrayed him in the worst way. No doubt and they will get theirs for it. Your friend needs to grasp the fact that they did it and it doesn't make him a bad person.
Okay, it looks like they could do all these things and get away with it. They seem so successful. Business is going good, money coming in...wonderful. we wish everyone the best and I mean that for real. We wish happiness for others. Yet are they really doing so great? Does your friend know what is going on behind their closed doors? No. He sees only what's on the outside.
Most people would rather cry in a Ferrari. What about laughing on the street corner?
Maybe you can gently remind your friend of what is really important in life? Maybe you can baby step it with him?
I'll tell you what though, just the fact that you, as his friend, are so concerned with how to support him, that is a blessing I wish I had!! I don't care about the money (though I'm broke as a joke!) But give me just ONE true friend and I'll be the richest person on the planet!
Try to get him to engage in things that remind you both of why we are all actually on this planet. Maybe you can think of a way to just be busy and divert his attention to stuff that will do you and others good. Do things to better your lives. Maybe learn a new language together, join a community project, meet different people, start your own networking groups if the covid has you restricted/on lockdown...come up with your own business ideas. You are not clouded by his emotions, which gives you the advantage in creative thinking.
The actual process of letting go and forgiving(!) has to come from him. Allah will help him with that. It's hard, he'll fall back but he can do it. I know it because I went through it too. You can only support him on the way there. Forgiving does not equal forgetting, but that's a different subject.
Our selves as humans and especially as believers are not based on the actions of others. Someone else's bad deeds do not determine who we are. The sins of another do not go between our relationship to Allah.
I pray for you and your friend. I understand that pain too well. May Allah give him ease of mind and heart and the strength to forgive and may you be rewarded for being such a good friend.