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Imraan
12-20-2020, 09:11 PM
Assalam walaikum

I came across the following:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "A believer is not stung twice (by something) out of one and the same hole."

حَدَّثَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ، حَدَّثَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنْ عُقَيْلٍ، عَنِ الزُّهْرِيِّ، عَنِ ابْنِ الْمُسَيَّبِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَنَّهُ قَالَ ‏ "‏ لاَ يُلْدَغُ الْمُؤْمِنُ مِنْ جُحْرٍ وَاحِدٍ مَرَّتَيْنِ ‏"‏‏.‏

Reference : Sahih al-Bukhari 6133
In-book reference : Book 78, Hadith 160
USC-MSA web (English) reference : Vol. 8, Book 73, Hadith 154

Can we have a discussion about this please, more so related to marriage etc. I could do with some advice and guidance on how we apply this hadeeth to our life especially when seeking a spouse and how far and how much we can apply it.

I know we must tie our camel, take precautions, stop everything if there is doubt etc.

For example if someone fails to follow steps in a marriage first time round and it fails due to ignorance, are we safe to apply this hadeeth (and what we learnt from our mistakes) going forward for any proposals and marriages for one self and anyone else who asks for advice?

Please remember me and my family in your dua's

Jazak Allah Khair in advance.
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Islami.Mu'mina
12-20-2020, 11:05 PM
This is actually a new hadith I've heard of.. It's actually really interesting tbh. Many times as a Muslim, I am always thinking about being patient when I get a problem (such as being oppressed) and try to patiently solve it. But I usually don't think about how I can avoid falling into the same trap again and how I can stand my grounds before getting oppressed.

Usually we learn that we should always be patient and calm while asking Allah for help, but this hadith is somewhat different from what I've usually learned. It shows that its also important to toughen up and be smart so you will not be vulnerable once again, dealing with your trial.

You can also think of it with your own desires too, not just cases of oppression. There are things that trigger our desires which eventually, we become weak and act upon them. You should always learn from the mistakes you made and find your way around them rather than falling for that trap once again

I can relate to this with my doubts. I've noticed when I don't keep myself busy enough, or I start doing certain sins, I start going through phases where I get doubts that drive me crazy and make me emotional. Eventually I'll learn to overcome them and be at a state of peace, but I fall for the same trap right again. Each time I'd keep telling myself that I would stay away from certain sins and I should stop wasting time, but I would fail. So this hadith would definitely teach me a lesson, I shouldn't fall for that trap. I did fall many times, but I'm awfully surprised it doesn't happen anymore. (after those few days where I tried leaving Islam). I think after I realized how low it FINALLY brought me down over time, I have now realized that I will never want to fall for the trap anymore.

As for marriage, it can be applied as well. Especially if your first one resulted in a divorce. I think the best thing would be to look at your mistakes. So lets say you were the oppressive one. You shouldn't fall into the trap of acting on your own decisions for the cost of someone's else feelings getting hurt.

If you were the oppressed on, you'd have to take it as a learning experience, understand why your abuser specifically targeted you and how you could stand your ground against this person , so that next time, you will learn to allow yourself to come so far into a relationship while constantly being oppressed. You can also learn the signs that an abusive person gives off

Of courses, divorces can always be a result of both sides being at fault. Maybe you were two different people who always miscommunicated and never were able to get along. In this case, you need to learn how to improve yourself as a person. Also, you should try to learn how to react correctly to situations and learn how to understand and communicate with different types of people. Learn how to commit to fixing an issue (unless the issue is completely unfixable, unfortunately that'll happen)

Of course, I would say that there are many times where people just do not find the right people. I think in your case as well. It is very important to get to know as much as you can about your potential spouse before getting married. You need to do it the Islamic way. The most important part is figuring out how much they value deen.. Not just outwardly. They may pray and do their namaz and look religious. but that doesn't mean anything in some cases. This isn't just a matter of asking how practicing they are (although this is important too). You need to have deep discussions about Islam and life from an Islamic perspective. This is so you can understand the type of mentality they have. So you can see how they APPLY their Islamic knowledge into the real world and change it into experience.. See how passionate (not prideful) they are their connection to Allah. You gotta see how they apply Islam into their character and their daily life..

The mentality is one of the most important things because if this person has the right mentalities (hopefully yours are right as well), they will get along with you and view life in a similar way as you. You will both try to solve your issues by understanding eachother, And most importantly, they will always try to keep improving themselves and their knowledge (not just the knowledge about deen, but the ones that come from life experiences that teach us lessons)

Those who constantly take life as a learning experience to fix their mistakes are ideal as opposed to those who don't understand the value of wisdom and change.

- - - Updated - - -

I hope I don't have any typos or weird mistakes. I usually check over but I'm too tired now. I hope it helps though
Reply

SoldierAmatUllah
12-21-2020, 07:06 AM
MashaAllah Sister Islami Mumina,that's an awesome post!May Allah bless you & us with increase in our guidance & blessings,Aameen Ya Rabb
Reply

Imraan
12-21-2020, 08:35 AM
Originally Posted by Islami.Mu'mina
This is actually a new hadith I've heard of.. It's actually really interesting tbh. Many times as a Muslim, I am always thinking about being patient when I get a problem (such as being oppressed) and try to patiently solve it. But I usually don't think about how I can avoid falling into the same trap again and how I can stand my grounds before getting oppressed.

Usually we learn that we should always be patient and calm while asking Allah for help, but this hadith is somewhat different from what I've usually learned. It shows that its also important to toughen up and be smart so you will not be vulnerable once again, dealing with your trial.

You can also think of it with your own desires too, not just cases of oppression. There are things that trigger our desires which eventually, we become weak and act upon them. You should always learn from the mistakes you made and find your way around them rather than falling for that trap once again

I can relate to this with my doubts. I've noticed when I don't keep myself busy enough, or I start doing certain sins, I start going through phases where I get doubts that drive me crazy and make me emotional. Eventually I'll learn to overcome them and be at a state of peace, but I fall for the same trap right again. Each time I'd keep telling myself that I would stay away from certain sins and I should stop wasting time, but I would fail. So this hadith would definitely teach me a lesson, I shouldn't fall for that trap. I did fall many times, but I'm awfully surprised it doesn't happen anymore. (after those few days where I tried leaving Islam). I think after I realized how low it FINALLY brought me down over time, I have now realized that I will never want to fall for the trap anymore.

As for marriage, it can be applied as well. Especially if your first one resulted in a divorce. I think the best thing would be to look at your mistakes. So lets say you were the oppressive one. You shouldn't fall into the trap of acting on your own decisions for the cost of someone's else feelings getting hurt.

If you were the oppressed on, you'd have to take it as a learning experience, understand why your abuser specifically targeted you and how you could stand your ground against this person , so that next time, you will learn to allow yourself to come so far into a relationship while constantly being oppressed. You can also learn the signs that an abusive person gives off

Of courses, divorces can always be a result of both sides being at fault. Maybe you were two different people who always miscommunicated and never were able to get along. In this case, you need to learn how to improve yourself as a person. Also, you should try to learn how to react correctly to situations and learn how to understand and communicate with different types of people. Learn how to commit to fixing an issue (unless the issue is completely unfixable, unfortunately that'll happen)

Of course, I would say that there are many times where people just do not find the right people. I think in your case as well. It is very important to get to know as much as you can about your potential spouse before getting married. You need to do it the Islamic way. The most important part is figuring out how much they value deen.. Not just outwardly. They may pray and do their namaz and look religious. but that doesn't mean anything in some cases. This isn't just a matter of asking how practicing they are (although this is important too). You need to have deep discussions about Islam and life from an Islamic perspective. This is so you can understand the type of mentality they have. So you can see how they APPLY their Islamic knowledge into the real world and change it into experience.. See how passionate (not prideful) they are their connection to Allah. You gotta see how they apply Islam into their character and their daily life..

The mentality is one of the most important things because if this person has the right mentalities (hopefully yours are right as well), they will get along with you and view life in a similar way as you. You will both try to solve your issues by understanding eachother, And most importantly, they will always try to keep improving themselves and their knowledge (not just the knowledge about deen, but the ones that come from life experiences that teach us lessons)

Those who constantly take life as a learning experience to fix their mistakes are ideal as opposed to those who don't understand the value of wisdom and change.

- - - Updated - - -

I hope I don't have any typos or weird mistakes. I usually check over but I'm too tired now. I hope it helps though
Jazak Allah sister...
Reply

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Islami.Mu'mina
12-21-2020, 05:22 PM
MashaAllah Sister Islami Mumina,that's an awesome post!May Allah bless you & us with increase in our guidance & blessings,Aameen Ya Rabb




Jazak Allah sister...
Ameen and JazakAllahu khayran to all of you as well!
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