format_quote Originally Posted by
xa_xa_ft
Hi All,
So ive ben getting to knw someone for marriage anyways so now he wants to come see my dad.
I dont knw why but im so anxious about the future - like will this work out or will something go wrong? Will it happen or not etc?
What do i do im so Anxious ... spmetimes i think i shouldnt have spoken to him for long as now i will be sad if it didnt happen but i had to get to knw him.
Sister
have you followed the sunnah?
your decision about him, has it been made using your heart or your mind? - if it is with your heart then you have already failed. sorry..
is it realistic? we need to let go of our imagination and leave wonderland and come back to reality, yes we need reminding all the time.
are you both compatible? how are you guaging this, through messages, through calls? have you met him with the presence of your parents?
do you think there is any deception at play? yeah looks and appearances can be deceiving, people do use 'smokes and mirrors' to give the target audience the impression they want, but its not the case for everyone.
have you overlooked any faults in him, even faults in yourself for this particular man because your heart tells you to. are you in love with him? even infatuated with him? this is wrong sister...
sorry for being pessimistic but you have to be realistic and you also need to speak to your dad as well, keep your parents in the loop whatever you do.
how long have you been speaking to him? not too long i hope that you cant even let go of him even if he is the wrong choice. this is where our inexperienced minds fail
the dynamics in marriage can go extremely off tangent if you pick the wrong person, equally it can be in favour of an eternal flourishing relationship where you cannot find any doubt even if you looked for it for whole lifetime...
we live in different times now, expectations are different and it is important to know these core expectations before marriage, do not assume anything. assumptions can lead you to your downfall.
islam teaches us to be kind, to be forthcoming, show good even to the 'bad', try to lead by example, try to live by the sunnah even when things do not go your way, show compassion even to the ones who oppress you.... can you do all that?
gather all facts, put your feelings aside sister, do your isthikhara, insh Allah you will be led to know if this path is for you or not because it will be determined by its ease in your pursuit for this man insh Allah...
you do not owe anything to him and he doesnt owe anything to you.
my advice is based on what i have felt in the past, my journey to this very day and what i have learnt. yes it makes me a pessimistic glass half full kind of guy but no matter what... you might be stronger than me in terms of mind, body and soul, able to handle anything that comes your way but still dont fall into a hole because you didnt do it the sunnah way
"tie your camel... and then leave it in Allah swt 's hands.........." .. you know this hadeeth dont you sister? sure you do, theres a discussions about it on IB, check it out.
i hope i havent given you bad advice sister and i am not judging the brother either, i dont know him nor do i know you.... but marriage is important and special care should be taken when selecting a spouse, especially when you want your first spouse to be your first and last, till your last breath!
Please remember me and my family in your prayers. Jazak Allah Khair.