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View Full Version : Can my parents force me to stay married?

12-11-2021, 07:31 PM

My question is can I get divorced if my parents are forcing me to stay married? The background story of my situation is that my husband and I were married through an arranged marriage. My husband and I were together and spent a month together when I went back home to Bangladesh. I had to leave after a month because of corona and haven’t been able to visit him for approximately a year and a half again because of corona and because I had to get a job to sponsor his spouse visa. I am also a student in university. My husband was sweet at first but even then he got into an argument with me 2 days into our marriage over him having Facebook. Keep in mind I don’t have Facebook or any forms of social media. I expressed that I feel uncomfortable with him keeping it since he primarily kept it to talk and meet girls that were outside of Bangladesh such as US and London. He got upset when I told him he should delete it since he’s married and there is no need for it. He argued with me and when he couldn’t give me a valid excuse to keep it he said that he wants to keep it for “news” and then stormed out of the room and didn’t talk to me for an entire day. The following day he got angry with me because I found pics of his ex on his phone, on his email that was connected to his phone and I even found some intimate pics she shared of herself with him. He even told me that she called him the day before our wedding to ask why he didn’t tell her so he was still in contact with her. I questioned why he still has her pics since he told me on our wedding day he doesn’t care for her and she lied to him and kept making false promises to him that she would come from London and see him but she didn’t and it was almost a year she did that to him and due to that he got upset and wanted to get married. So he got married to me. Seeing these pics being newly married of course crushed me and I told him that he was wrong for keeping them to which he got upset and starting yelling that I shouldn’t be upset with him since I’m American and I probably had tons of boyfriends. I got mad at this point and told him that I was a virgin and he seen that as well since my hymen broke on our wedding night so how could he make such a statement. I was then so upset that I needed to leave so I called my younger brother who was there in Bangladesh and was proceeding to tell him to come pick me up. As I was calling him my husband threatened that if I call him it would end bad for me he was whispering this while my brother answered my call. My brother sensed something was off and he asked if he should come pick me up and is everything ok so to keep peace I joked it off and told him I just was seeing if he would actually come pick me up if I called him anytime of the day or night since this happened at 2:00 AM.

After I left Bangladesh from staying a month over there, my husband started arguing with me as soon as I came here. At first he complained that I left him even though I could’ve stayed with him. I explained that I had to leave because I had to apply for his spousal visa and because of corona. He then would bash up my family such as my sister saying things to make her look bad. Even if she would come over he would say “oh you found your sister so now you’re going to go sit on her lap, screw over your husband for your sister” then he would get upset anytime she would come over. He would make a big deal that I didn’t call him. It was to the point that she felt like she was ruining my marriage so she stopped coming over. Then he would bash my mom, dad and my younger brother. He met them all and he knew I was close to them so he would say they’re not good people since they took me away from him even though my parents told him before our marriage that we won’t be able to stay too long after the marriage because the corona situation was getting worse day by day and both him and his family agreed to the terms. Afterwards, he would constantly belittle me by calling me terrible, rude names in Bengali. Talk very rude and nasty towards me in Bengali and he threatened to hurt me and beat me 3x and also stated I should drink poison and die. He even told my parents lies about me and my uncles as well. I haven’t told my in laws or his aunt or uncle even though I could’ve. I told him from the start to not include my parents or relatives in our marital fights and arguments since it’s very immature and embarrassing. But he doesn’t care and still tells them everything in the attempts to seem like the good one and he makes me out to be the bad one.

I endured his emotional and verbal abuse for about a year and 3 months when I finally decided to tell my parents that I want a divorce. He was telling me off a day we got into an argument since he likes to gossip about his friends and strangers (even though I explained that gossip is bad and sinful) he doesn’t care and still does it. He got upset with me and stated he should’ve received gold but instead he received bronze by marrying me. He makes and talks snide hurtful comments like this all the time and is super controlling to the point that I can’t even have my family members around when I talk to him because he gets upset so I always have to talk to him in my room. I told him that day that if he got married to bronze and I’m not good for him then he shouldn’t have married me. I was in tears. I endured talk like that for so long and broke down and told my parents but they didn’t care. After September of 2021, keep in mind we were married since March of 2021 and his behavior was the same since then. I keep telling my parents that I don’t want to stay married to him because I tried to be a good wife and to keep him happy but it’s just not working out. I sent him thousands of dollars to help him out when he told me he was struggling but even then he would say things in Bengali saying I don’t amount to anything, I’m poor which doesn’t even make sense if I’m sending him money and helping him out and if I can’t keep him happy and be a good wife to him than no other man is out there that will keep me happy. He is emotionally and verbally abusive. My parents literally thought he was telling the truth since he would call them every time we got into a fight. They only started to believe me when I recorded our convos so they can hear him yelling at me, his rude tone of voice and what he would say to me but even then my father still wants me to stay in this marriage because of how he will look bad to my husbands parents and how bad he will look to community. I cried multiple times to my parents because my hear hurts so bad. I’m hurting and I begged my father and cried to him on multiple occasions, showed him proof of his son in law treating and talking to me disrespectfully and threatening me but he brushes it off like it’s nothing. I keep asking if he will allow me to get divorced but he said no and now is forcing me to stay married and is also forcing me to bring my husband here to the US even though I applied for my spouse and gave his support through working all on my own. I’m also scared that my husband will hurt me when he gets here since he already threatened to hurt me once he gets here. My dad keeps saying that my husband is joking about hurting me and he’ll “fix up” once he’s here and that he’s not allowing me to divorce my husband and is forcing me now to stay with him even though I told him I don’t want to stay.

Can he force me to stay married? Can I get a divorce if I’m unhappy and my husband is emotionally and verbally abusive towards me? I kept trying to give my husband a chance and I kept thinking he will get better and be nice to me but he remains the same and sometimes it seems he gets worse. I stayed hopeful for so long but I’m so drained. Please advise if it’s wrong for me to get divorced? Can my parents deny me a divorce from my husband?

Thank you and may Allah swt guide us all.

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12-11-2021, 10:17 PM

I did not read the whole text, only about the topic name and last paragraph.

I do not understand your question, does it make common sense?

Please seek marriage counseling and advices with both families and friends.
When you decide and have a plan for future, go for a khula or stay if you want.

Your writing sounds to me very strange. I'm very against every kind of abuse, but it sounds very naive.
I'm not a native English speaker.

Anyways, everyone of ypu should have some other priorities, increase nawafil and duas and be kind, loving and nerciful to each other!

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