Relationship

[MDJ]

Dear people,

I am in a relationship for about 3 months with a muslim guy. I am an atheist. Before we started the relationship we were just friends and visited each other occasionally. He knew that I wasn't a muslim. Although he started the relationship by kissing me. I was a bit shocked, because I didn't expect that. He's very attractive, but I wasn't in love at first. It came later for me.

Everything about islam is new to me. I've heard a few things in the past from friends, that's all. I also started reading articles online about islam and found out that a relationship is not allowed. Now he feels a bit guilty, I think. He wants to get married, but than we should do that the 'islam way'. I should convert myself to Islam. That's not an option for me. For now, maybe later. But I can't promise it. He knows my opinion about that, but still the relationship continues. We really love each other. And I'm not the type of girl who goes from relationship to relationship, drinks a lot of alcohol or dresses offensive. I'm not really experienced in relationships, I had one al while ago. I want true love, same as he wants. But we can't come together on the point of islam. I told him that I accept him the way he is. I will learn from him about islam, but not convert for now. I can't change my life I had for years right now and i might need more time. But still, I can't promise that I will convert. Also just convert to get married and do nothing with it after doesn't feel good and that's not the meaning for getting converted.

A marriage is for me an option. Not for islam, but a civil marriage.

At the moment, his family doens't know about this. But what will happen if he will talk to them? Will they accept that we have a relationship and that I will marry him (civil marriage)?

[Murid]

:salam:

Dear MDJ, I will be straight with you. Islam seems from what you said not your boyfriends priority if he dates, consumates the relationship etc.

In Islam there is only "dating", knowing each other in public places or with family members because of marriage.

We as muslims should have priorities. Our topmost priority should be the religion and behaviour/good conduct.

You have a good stance that you want to be sincere regarding religion.

For example a very wealthy, good looking, well educated Arab I knew choose a years long "girlfriend" which sinceraly converted instead offers at home regarding mostly wealth, as he said.

There is a very good example of the lady Jamima Goldsmith. Sadly the marriage ended with dovorce.

For good advices a lot of information is needed (anonymus, without names needed) and maybe best it is to be over PMs.

For example careers, country, ethnicity, does he practice anything at all (are you sure, as we do not have girlfriends and kiss around), are you sure you will spend your life with him, with whom will you live, are you OK having muslim children.

Regarding marrying an atheist-it is not allowed and a lot of problems can come out, maybe at least he finds a practicing muslimah, and there are many other spiritual problems that can come out, like sihr, evil eye, mess etc. you and he can not treat.
You must know that there is a lot of magic among some muslim communities.
If you want to inform about Islam, a lot of zeal in learning is needed, depending where do you live, your town. In London area, I think you can learn the basics (with a lot books reading) in some months.

Hijab, in meaning of headscarf is not a must.
You should leave alcohol completely.

I think that for all parties the best is that you protect your chastity (especially his family) until you learn about basics to be practicing and considering to convert/marry because the marriage with an atheist is not allowed.

Stay away from psysical contact and meet him only in public spaces (if you want that he marries you).

Do not believe him and his intentions that much. There are non practicing and evil folks with only muslim names.
Some love changing girlfriends etc. Also, some semipracticing can fall in love to the ears and start misbehaving etc.
You must know that similar can be possible in marriage too for such a person, especially among some ethnicities and in the west.

[Murid]

PS
An introductory video (did not review it in depth)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=B8tcIy91OpU

You can check the Cambridge Central Mosque and Cambridge Muslim College for lectures. The playback speed can be increased.

It is hard for an atheist, because you do not recognise God. I do not have experience with atheists.

I can give some examples, how perfect is the nature around us, how the universe needs a Creator, how it is natural for humans to pray, believe in God, have a religion and it was practiced for thousands of years.

Islam is the religion from the first man and woman. Adam was a prophet and there were thousands of other prophets. We believe in Jesus as a prophet. The final prophet is Mohammad :saws:.

Islam needs ibadah/practice to get succour and even wordly benefits too. It is not that easy to convert without practice, you will not feel the beauty of Islam without learning/practice and may leave it, the marriage may lead to divorce etc.

Another video:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RHS097FaPj8

A nice book as a start:
https://www.amazon.com/New-Muslims-F...f_=as_li_ss_tl

You should learn reading Arabic letters.

Regarding the oft recommended book Secrets of Divine love, I must say that visualisation techniques in the book and, as I undrstood that humans have divine qualities is totally wrong in Islam, but else in the book seems OK.

Mustafa Umars books seem to be OK as a starting bridge:
https://www.amazon.com/Mustafa-Umar/...ne_cont_book_1

After you'll inshaAllah improve the prayers.
You can not over night and weeks learn the Arabic reading and surahs and prayers in the prayer/namaz/salat.