format_quote Originally Posted by
Umoo
Hi all, I have the following problem. I'm a Muslim living in the Netherlands and I find it difficult to follow the religion here. You see, when I follow all the rules within islam I have to isolate myself. My direct relations are not that religious: my friends and schoolmates are Dutch and my family not strict with the religion. By isolating myself I cant really participate in activities my Dutch friends are doing, such as attending a bar or club and am more likely to avoid them. Therefore I am not developing my social skills, leaving myself being insecure around people. And since the rules are quite strict within islam, I feel I have to choose between the two extremes: either the choice of following the rules, being a better person and being closer to Allah OR dont follow the rules and develop my social skills, confidence and success in Dutch society. My question is, how do you guys deal with this? Do you somehow find a balance (which in theory I think is not possible)?
Asalaamu Alaikum,
Firstly we must realise that true success only lies with obeying the commandments of Allah and through the example of his Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam):
“And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger and fears Allah and is conscious of Him – it is those who are the successful ones.”(24:52)
“Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire – of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return.” (3:14)
“Allah has promised the believing men and believing women gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they abide eternally, and pleasant dwellings in gardens of perpetual residence; but approval from Allah is greater. It is that which is the greatest success.”(9:72)
“This is the Book about which there is no doubt, a guidance for those conscious of Allah – Who believe in the unseen, establish prayer, and spend out of what We have provided for them, And who believe in what has been revealed to you, [O Muhammad], and what was revealed before you, and of the Hereafter they are certain [in faith]. Those are upon [right] guidance from their Lord, and it is those who are the successful.” (2:2-5)
“These are the limits [set by] Allah, and whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger will be admitted by Him to gardens [in Paradise] under which rivers flow, abiding eternally therein; and that is the greatest success.” (4:13)
By doing our best in our daily lives to obey Allah and avoid anything that may anger or displease him, then know that if we leave something that may not be good for us or may even cause us harm then Allah will give us much more in return. He will open up doors for us that we never imagined possible:
Abu Qatadah (Ra) reported: The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better.” (Aḥmad)
However our enemy shaythan is always trying to make us go onto the wrong path. In this case he tries to convince us to befriend and spend time with the wrong type of people and "friends". However keeping such company will go against us on the day of judgement:
Woe to me! I wish I had not taken so and so as a friend! (25:28)
Close friends will be enemies to one another on that Day, except the righteous (43:67)
Integrating into the societies that we reside in does not mean we have to do what they do and go into places they go into especially if it may involve doing harasm and going into places where there is haraam taking place. There is also a saying that "we become whom we keep as company". Even if we think we won't become influenced by keeping such company, then it is inevitable that it will happen gradually and eventually. We will begin to think like they do and do what they do even though it is not compatible with our Deen. So we must not mix with the wrong type of company and in their places of social interactions, thinking if we don't then we are deprived and will become socially inept and will not become "successful". Who gives success? Them or Allah? Do we think that Allah will not give success to those who obey him and try their best to please him? We must be careful not to become deceived by shaythan and his tricks to deter us from the right path.
Therefore It is better to be alone and walk the road on our own rather than to put ourselves in such a danger. However we do not have to walk alone nor be alone. There is a lot we can do to connect to Muslims, even if they are not found within a reasonable proximity of where we reside. Even if it means we have to travel to such places then so be it. Those who make more effort to safeguard themselves then Allah is aware of it and he will be er allow an atoms worth of good to be wasted.
So try your best to connect to your local or regional Masjids/Islamic centres as much as you can, by attending prayers, lectures, courses, circles and events. This is the best way to connect to other Muslims and create a Muslim social network. There are also many online courses and events that you can register to whether nationally or internationally. You can also connect to other Muslims in your country on Facebook groups or other social media channels. You can always come onto forums like this more often to feel connected to a Muslim community and find other like minded whom you may befriend.
Make it a goal to become financially independent as soon as possible, so that you can move to an area where there are more Muslims and Masjids/Islamic centres. It is not an excuse for us to lose our Deen due to being in an area full of Non Muslims if we had the ability to move and migrate to an area with more Muslims:
Indeed, those whom the angels take [in death] while wronging themselves - [the angels] will say, "In what [condition] were you?" They will say, "We were oppressed in the land." They [the angels] will say, "Was not the earth of Allah spacious [enough] for you to emigrate therein?" For those, their refuge is Hell - and evil it is as a destination.(4:97)
So ask of Allah to help you to connect to other Muslims and make every effort to do so as he helps those who help themselves. Then put your trust and reliance in him. It maybe that he is testing you so be firm on staying on the Deen no matter what. To help yourself on a daily basis then connect to the Qur'an and read it's meanings daily even if it is a page. Also Pray the Tahajjud prayer every night even if it's to awaken 15 minutes before Fajr begins and know that the help of Allah comes to those who connect to him through the Qur'an and in awakening in the latter part of the night when most people are asleep to ask of him for their every need.
May Allah keep us on the right path and away from the path of those who cause his anger nor of those who went astray. Ameen