Dua dilemma

[Ash441]

Assalamualikum,

I have been asking for a particular dua for marriage to someone I like for over a year in every tahajjud prayer and on Fridays and in most of fard salats. I pray 5 times a day and kept the relationship during this time halal. I always asked for forgiveness too. After over one year of persistent dua I found out he is getting married to someone else. Some say that your dua will be answered as long as you don’t make haste. Do I continue to make this dua to ask for marriage to him now? Some also say you should not make dua that splits kinship etc. So am I allowed to continue to make this dua for him or do I just give up now. I am broken lost and confused. Please help.

[Murid]

:salam:
:bism:
What are you going throught is not easy. It hurts to find out such details.

What is interesting, as we muslims are not allowed to interact that long without direct marriage plans/proposal, why did you allow yourself to fall in such a trap?

Are you sure he is marrying another woman?

Did he broke off the engagement with you?

Are your parants familiar with your situation? Please talk to them.

What is especially interesting, that a lady praying tahajjud falls in similar traps. I do not know your cultural and ethnic background.
In some countries praying tahajjud is so common mashaAllah.

I would suggest to you to ask a lot of istikhara, either throught salah istikharah or shorter istikharah dua "Allahumma khirli wakhtarli".

Please increase tasbeeh, estegfar, salawat, recite mornings, evenings, duas before sleep and other.

Give sadaqah often, even small.
Praying salah duha helps a lot inshaAllah, as reciting surah Yasin mornings and evenings.

[Hamza Asadullah]

Assalamualikum,

I have been asking for a particular dua for marriage to someone I like for over a year in every tahajjud prayer and on Fridays and in most of fard salats. I pray 5 times a day and kept the relationship during this time halal. I always asked for forgiveness too. After over one year of persistent dua I found out he is getting married to someone else. Some say that your dua will be answered as long as you don’t make haste. Do I continue to make this dua to ask for marriage to him now? Some also say you should not make dua that splits kinship etc. So am I allowed to continue to make this dua for him or do I just give up now. I am broken lost and confused. Please help.

Wa Alaikum Asalaam,

My sister your Dua was answered by Allah which is why he has done what is best for you in this situation, hence you did not end up marrying the guy and he ended up marrying someone else. Surely this means that the guy was not meant for you and that he was not best for you in marriage. It maybe that Allah saved you from a miserable marriage that may well have gone wrong and ended badly. When we make Dua to Allah and ask of him then we are also putting our trust, faith and reliance in Allah that his reply will be what is best for us.

Surely we do not know what is best for us. Our knowledge is finite and limited whereas Allah's knowledge is infinite and unlimited. Therefore only he knows what is best for us in our lives so we must trust his decision in every outcome and also thank him that he did what was best for us.

Although you say you kept it "halal" but the only way that is possible is if all of your interactions with him were through your Wali (guardian) whether that is over the phone, text, email or in person. Also this is one of the reasons as to why Islam forbids relationships outside of marriage because there is no guarantee of marriage at the end of it and feelings become involved and when things do not go the way we intended then we can end up very hurt and even scarred for a long time.

So my sister as hurtful as it is we must know that whatever the outcome of our Dua's then it is what is best for us. So let us put our trust in Allah and know that he cares for you and loves you and only wants what is best for you. We should thank Allah and also repent to him for getting to know someone outside of marriage and developing feelings for them. If we did what is right by Allah and kept within the boundaries then such feelings would not have developed and if things did not lead to marriage then it would not have affected us as we kept our distance and had our trust in Allah's decision from the beginning.

Please refer to the following threads for further helps and advices:

How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship

How To Get Through Hardships & Trials!

May Allah find you a good pious partner who will be best for you. Ameen

[Puresoul]

This is really helpful thank you