I need guidance. I fear I’m in a haram relationship

[cylamir]

Salam. I have known this man for a few years. I am 21, he is 28. Our parents are from the same country but we grew up in a American city.

I am in love with him. I want to be married but sometimes I fear he is playing a game with me. But I can’t stay away from him.We do everything except have sex. We are always kissing and touching. He doesn’t pressure me to have sex. He says he respects my honor. The other things I do to please him. He talked me into it and now I can’t say no.

I know that he has haram relationships while I’m a virgin. He doesn’t do much to hide it. I keep most of it inside but whenever I do say something he tells me things like “close your eyes if you don’t like it”, “don’t disrespect me”, “you know you’re the love of my life”. He would freak out if I wasn’t 1000% loyal to him.

He has never hit me in anger. But he can be aggressive for no reason. He puts his hand around my throat and grabs me just to remind me I “belong” to him. He will be gentle and romantic and then aggressive and hurt me in seconds.

Last night we were at his best friend’s house and were sitting together. He started talking to me about how I’ll be a housewife and have his children. I usually love hearing this but I was doubting if he meant it. All he cares about is going out, drinking, hookah, cars. He takes for granted that I am here. I keep him company and give him attention.

I said “why aren’t we engaged?”. He gave me the usual “I’m working hard so I can give you the luxury you deserve”. I whispered was “I can’t wait forever”. He told me to repeat that and I did. He grabbed my face and squeezed me. I tried to look away but then he just spit in my face and said “you’ll wait however long I tell you”.I went to the bathroom to clean my face. His best friend apologized to me and said “you know he loves you”. I just pretended to be fine. He acts like I’m a Queen so how could he do that? May Allah guide us..

[anayaxabir]

oh my thats just horrible i really wish i can help but i wouldnt know what to do except ask allah for help and pray ill even make dua for you