Loosing a near family member

[Anette]

The 6:th of July last year I lost my mother in London during a holiday. She died in front of my oldest daughter and my oldest son, which followed their grand parents on a long planned trip they all looked forward to. It all happened very quickly and very unexpected. Due to the bombing in London the day after it took some time before I got my living family back that’s include my grieving father and even longer before my mother was returned to our country.

Can I ever get through the pain of loosing a near family member? Does the pain ever stops? How can I help my children and my father? Are there any words in Islam that can give me comfort in this pain?

[- Qatada -]

Hey. I'm really sorry to hear about that..


Its really hard to lose people that you really love, and people that you really care about.. But no matter how long we live, we will have to die in our life. So we should make the most out of it, to prepare for the next life.


We (as muslims) believe that if a believer dies, they will be able to meet up with their family and friends (if they were muslims aswell) in paradise, and they would be there forever with each other. Nothing bad would happen, there would be no sadness, and they could have whatever they want forever.


But to go to paradise, a person has to be a muslim and obey the commands of Allaah Almighty..

And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers. (3:85)


In the Qur'an it is said:

"O mankind, there has come unto you a direction from your Lord and a healing for the heart and for those who believe in guidance and mercy" (Quran 10:57).


"We have sent down in the Quran that which is healing and a mercy to those who believe" (Quran 17:82)


You can download recitations of the Qur'an off this link insha Allaah: (God willing):


Qur'an Recitations.
http://quran.jalisi.com


And read the translation of the Qur'an off this link insha Allaah (God willing)
http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/quran/



Even though it is a healing for the believers, it may still benefit you. :) The Qur'an is in a form of poetry, and you may want to listen to:

Chapter Mary (part 1)

Chapter Mary (part 2)

Chapter Mary (part 3)


With the translation:

Chapter Mary - English Translation.


If you need any more info. please do ask. thanks.


Peace.

[MetSudaisTwice]

salam
i am sorry for your loss anette
mashallah great reply bro fi sabilillah
jazakallah
wasalam

[hidaayah]

greetings..
this is very sad annette...and as muslims we believe that we are here for just a few days ..everyone has to move ahead..people will come and go..and everyone and everything belongs to Allah (God) and will return to him...this world is just a temporary place...we need to be patient..
peace

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[S_87]

Hi Anette.
sorry to hear your loss :( the pain does not completely go away but one thing you should do especially for your father is encourage him to talk about your mother. the happy times. if hes grieving inside he would want to talk?

another thing is her belongings. if they arent cleared up, clear them up. leaving all her things, would only bring back pain and a sense of false hope she will come back. she is gone and cannot be brought back, but you are still on earth..and are going through a journey.. this is a good time to ponder over why we are on earth. our faith. life. one day we are all going to die ...
hope everything goes ok for you and your family :wub:

[MetSudaisTwice]

salam
the saying goes, time is a great healer inshallah
wasalam

[Anette]

We (as muslims) believe that if a believer dies, they will be able to meet up with their family and friends (if they were muslims aswell) in paradise, and they would be there forever with each other. Nothing bad would happen, there would be no sadness, and they could have whatever they want forever.

We also believe that we will meat our family and friends in paradise after this life.

I will look at Qur'an Recitations.

Thank you for your kind words and guidlines.



Peace

[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

Sorry to hear, death to a close family memeber is always a very emtional time even though we all know it is inevitable, we cant imagine it until it has happened.

[Umm Yoosuf]

Sorry to hear about your lost. Indeed death is a inescapable thing. As a Muslim I believe that believe this present life is only a trial preparation for the next realm of existence. It is merely a test and with it trails and test come a forth.

As a Muslim, I know that everyone will one day die and no-one will be left on earth.


"Every soul shall have a taste of death" (al-Imran 3:185)”

There is no escape from death. Allah (SW) says:
"Wherever you are, death will find you out. Even if you are in towers built up strong and high." (al-Nisaa 4:78)

As a Muslim I know that I will return to Allah (God) one day and be accountable for my deeds.

"We did create man from a quintessence of clay; Then We placed him as a drop of sperm in a place of rest firmly fixed then We made the sperm into a clot of congealed blood; Then of that clot We made a lump; Then We made out of the lump bones and clothed the bones with flesh then We developed out of it another creature. So blessed be Allah the best to create after that, you will die. On the day of judgement you will be raised up again." (al-Muuminun 23:12-16)



"Life is nothing other than a road,
that leads to the Garden,
or to the Fire.
Its night's are a man's workshop,
And its days are his market place,
So time is surely the servants capital."

Knowing that whoever die’s belongs to Allah and He (Allah) has more right over His slave and takes him/her back when he please, I got to be patient. I have to come into terms with the realities of death.

Once one understands the whole concept of death. There’s nothing left to do but be patience and get on with life. And reflect on the life to come. And work to be a good Muslim. Also as a Muslim i look at the reward Allah has in store for me for been patient.

“Surely, Allaah is with those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient)”

[al-Anfaal 6:46]

“But if you endure patiently, verily, it is better for As‑Saabiroon (the patient)”

[al-Nahl 16:126]

“But if you remain patient and become Al-Muttaqoon (the pious), not the least harm will their cunning do to you. Surely, Allaah surrounds all that they do”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:120]


“but give glad tidings to As‑ Saabiroon (the patient).

156. Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: ‘Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.’

157. They are those on whom are the Salawaat (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones”

[al-Baqarah 2:155-157]

[Anette]

Thank you very much amani,

I speak to my father every single day and he is happy talking about my mother. They’ve been married for 40 years. But my oldest daughter does not want to think about it. She is pretending that grandmother is visiting Australia and that’s why she cannot talk to her. She can’t manage to bear the thoughts not having her beloved grandmother here. Maybe time will heal her soul.

Regarding the belongings is her overcoat still hanging in the entré. I have asked him about it but he doesn’t want to change anything. But maybe I should ask him again.

I’m done much thinking about the earth our faith and life and death.



Peace

[Anette]

I want to thanks everyone who have answered. It means a lot to me. It almost made me cry feeling the sympathy from people I do not even know, yet.

Jazak Allah Khieran

[Snowflake]

Hi Anette,

I'm deeply sorry to hear about your loss. I pray God gives you strength and peace in your heart to cope with this difficult time. But I promise you from experience that time really does heal every wound. As a muslim I believe that God has the right to take back at anytime, when He knows best, any soul that he has sent to this earth. We must never grudge Him for this right of His.
I don't know whether I should say this or not. But I am saying it the hope that somehow it will help you come to terms with your own loss by realising that even the worst of pains do eventually lessen. I hope to God that it doesnt look like I am undermining your pain in anyway... I lost my sister in trajic circumstances. She was murdered in front of her children. Shot in the head at point blank range. I can still remember the pain. i wanted to kill myself. The loss was unbearable and I became extremely suicidal for a while. But sis, although the pain never totally fades, it does become easier to bear. I found that as time passed I began having moments where I wasn't preoccupied with how much pain I was feeling. Then moments became minutes and minutes hours, hours days and eventually after a few years, I don't think about it unless something brings it back. And even then the pain is nowhere near as it was in the beginning. It will get better sis. I promise.

I wish you & your family all the best, God bless you all

Nadia

[aamirsaab]

:sl:
I am sorry to hear that news.
I myself know what it is like to lose someone close. So i wrote a poem about it which allowed my to say "goodbye" properly. It is hard to get through and a painfull experience but you have to remain strong - God puts us in situations, it is up to us to get out of it and pass on what we have learnt.

As far as your daughter is concerned, let her grow. She will understand in time.

[Anette]

But sis, although the pain never totally fades, it does become easier to bear. I found that as time passed I began having moments where I wasn't preoccupied with how much pain I was feeling. Then moments became minutes and minutes hours, hours days and eventually after a few years, I don't think about it unless something brings it back. And even then the pain is nowhere near as it was in the beginning. It will get better sis. I promise.

Nadia,

If I may say so you seams to be a very special person. You do not undermining my feelings or hurt me at any way. Thanks for sharing your sorrow. Instead your words gave me hope because if you can come through an experience you’ve been through it may be hope for me also. Seven month after it doesn’t hurt all the times but every day several times. I also have to be strong for the rest of my family this time.

Thanks

Anette

[Anette]

So i wrote a poem about it which allowed my to say "goodbye" properly. It is hard to get through and a painfull experience but you have to remain strong - God puts us in situations, it is up to us to get out of it and pass on what we have learnt.

As far as your daughter is concerned, let her grow. She will understand in time.

Thank you aamirsaab,

I did actually the same thing. It is the first, the only and the last time I ever wrote a poem. I dedicated it to my mother.

Sometimes I believe that God been so kind to me all my life before because of what was waiting for me.

Thanks for the advice concerning my daughter because it really hurt me the way she is feeling. I will have faith in time and in God.

/Anette

[Muhammad]

Greetings and :sl: ,

I am also very sorry to hear about your loss Annette and Nadia. It has already been mentioned how our lives are a test for us and that we need to be patient and persevering in times of difficulty. The following verses of the Qur'an mention this:

[2.155] And We will most certainly try you with somewhat of fear and hunger and loss of property and lives and fruits; and give good news to the patient,
[2.156] Who, when a misfortune befalls them, say: Surely we are Allah's and to Him we shall surely return.
[2.157] Those are they on whom are blessings and mercy from their Lord, and those are the followers of the right course.

So when we hear someone has passed away, we are taught to say "Surely we are Allah's and to Him we shall surely return" to remind ourselves of the reality of this temporal world and that one day we will all meet our Creator.

Another thing that Islam teaches is that we make plenty of supplication to God for those who have passed away, especially our parents; asking God to forgive them and admit them into Paradise. This is among one of the three things that benefit a person after his death, since all deeds that he did come to an end when he dies, yet the fruits of those deeds such as raising pious children are what allow his reward to continue increasing.

Remembering death is something that we are encouraged to do since it reminds us of our end and motivates us to prepare for it. This is the reason why Muslims are encouraged to have graveyards within the city rather than far out, so that we constantly remember our purpose in life and the Day that we shall meet God.

I pray God gives us the strength to pull through our times of difficulty and guides us all to the truth, Aameen!

Warm Regards.

[Anette]

Another thing that Islam teaches is that we make plenty of supplication to God for those who have passed away, especially our parents; asking God to forgive them and admit them into Paradise. This is among one of the three things that benefit a person after his death, since all deeds that he did come to an end when he dies, yet the fruits of those deeds such as raising pious children are what allow his reward to continue increasing.

Thank you Muhammad,

Your words gave me comfort. Especially the quoted part of your kind words. Even if I have a different religion it give me comfort to think about what we can do for increasing her reward even now.

/Anette

[Snowflake]

Nadia,

If I may say so you seams to be a very special person. You do not undermining my feelings or hurt me at any way. Thanks for sharing your sorrow. Instead your words gave me hope because if you can come through an experience you’ve been through it may be hope for me also. Seven month after it doesn’t hurt all the times but every day several times. I also have to be strong for the rest of my family this time.

Thanks

Anette

Awww tnx sis, it's been a while since I've heard that : ) Tnx to you for understanding why I shared my experience with you. I'm glad my words gave you a little hope sis. You're right that you have to be strong for your family, and especially children... they are like little life-bouys that keep us afloat when we are sinking. I'm glad to hear that you've found that time does indeed help with the healing process. Plz do feel free to talk to me anytime you wish to.


Best wishes

Nadia

[Tasneem]

Wow...Well i kinda know what you are feeling

My Great Grandma dies wheni was in fourth grade
I miss her sometimes.She was always so kinds
My sister was just born and we were going to see
Her...to let my little sister see her(For the first time)
And you know i was sleep and my mom woke me up and told me....
Told me...she died

But i dont know why...i just felt said but i did'nt cry or anything
I just felt sad...But the saddest thing of all is that (As far as we know)she was not even muslim and the thought of her in the grave makes me sad,lonley, and afraid

SaLaMz

[Snowflake]

Greetings and :sl: ,

I am also very sorry to hear about your loss Annette and Nadia. It has already been mentioned how our lives are a test for us and that we need to be patient and persevering in times of difficulty. The following verses of the Qur'an mention this:

JazakAllah khair bro. I find it helps to come to terms with one's suffering just by realising that there are people out there who are worse off and whose suffering never seems to end. Time heals because that is the will of God to help His creation in this way, otherwise we'd go insane.


:w:

[Anette]

Excuse me for OT

Nadia,

I do not want you to think that I ignoring you but I cannot send private messages - yet, I'm a limited member.

Thank you for asking. I will return the answer as soon I'm allowed to. :thankyou:



Peace & goodwill