He is no burden!

[Anette]

Salaam,

I'm asking here because I do think I could get really wise answers.

My mother and father were married for 40 years before my mother died last year. Since then I'm really worried about my father. It is not like he isn't able to take care of himself, but he is so lonely.

He is afraid of being "a burden" and I am so not thinking of him as "a burden". He is my beloved father. I talk in the telephone with him every single day. I invite him for dinner but he has "so much to do".

But I'm not really sure he has so much to do. He is retired and has no work to go to, no friends in the city other then old working mates that he nearly ever meets. Our other family live 4 hours from here. But he do not want to "be a burden" that he never is.

The only way to get him to come for dinner is if I ask him to do me a favour, to help us with something - then he always comes ready to help out. I told him that it is way I am asking him for favours, because I really want him here with us instead of being alone home in the big house eating his supper by himself.

We trying to find a house that is nearer to him, he is not young anymore. I would like to help him out with the garden and so on but right now we living on the other side of the city.

My question is; should I continue trying to make him come to us more often? Maybe I should continue asking for little silly favours so he doesn’t think he's a burden? Maybe he is really fed up with me asking him to come?

This is so hard for me, I thinking of him alone, home without my mother and it makes my heart break.

I'm also is interest regarding who you handle this in a Muslim society? When you loose one of your parents how do you take care of the other one?

[Silver Pearl]

Hi Anette,

Continue to tell your father to come round; I know that parents think they are a burden upon their children when they grow old.

May be I should continue asking for little silly favours so he doesn’t think he's a burden?

Yeah do that, that way he will feel that he is helping rather than being a burden.

I hope everything works out and keep us updated :)

[Anette]

Thanks for your advice I think I will continue asking him to do little favours.

:thankyou:

[akulion]

Tell him that you took care of me when i was little did you think of me as a burden?

He will obiviouysly say "no"

then say "now that you are old i dont think of you as a burden either because i love you more than life"

and he will always be happy :D insha'Allah

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[Anette]

Tell him that you took care of me when i was little did you think of me as a burden?

He will obiviouysly say "no"

then say "now that you are old i dont think of you as a burden either because i love you more than life"

and he will always be happy :D insha'Allah

Somehow I think these are the words he needs to hear. Why is it so hard to tell what the heart is saying?

I will follow your advice and tell him with words also.


Thank you!

[Saifadin_Qutuz]

hur mor du Anette? :)

yes, listen to what the people have said, and also, try to visit him and have sime fun time. And help out too..
Remind him of the good past.

And after all, put God in ur mind and belief and he shall certainly help, and I, in my part, shall help in prayers :)

hej do

[Khaldun]

Hi

Why not go over to him instead of inviting him over, and run the risk of a rejection?

*Anfall är bästa försvar.* ;D :okay:

[Umm Yoosuf]

Salaam,

I'm also is interest regarding who you handle this in a Muslim society? When you loose one of your parents how do you take care of the other one?

I would too would say go over to his house at times. And invite the family around too.

The parents’ rights are great indeed, honouring them goes along with the concept of Tawheed (oneness of God), being grateful to them is part of being grateful to Allaah, and treating them well is one of the best of good deeds, and the dearest of good deeds to Allaah.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents…”
[al-Nisa’ 4:36]

“Say (O Muhammad): Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful to your parents…”[al-An’aam 6:151]

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.

24. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’”

[al-Isra’ 17:23, 24]

“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years __ give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination”

[Luqmaan 31:14]


From ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: I asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): Which deed is best? He said: “Prayer offered on time.” I said: Then what? He said: “Honouring one’s parents.” I said: Then what? He said: “Jihad for the sake of Allaah.” Bukhaari (527) and Muslim (85)

So in Islam having good relationship with once parents and obeying them and been good to them is a MUST. One has to build that relationship.

Coming to your question..i guess one has to keep fulfilling what Allah has commanded them i.e respecting the parent and attending to their needs. Since one parent has left this world all the child can do is be there for the other parent (just like you are doing)....and likewise pray for the dead parent too.

I hope that helps:)

Maybe some of the other members can add a bit more:)

[Takumi]

Annette,

May God bless you for you concern for you father. You are following the most basic tenets of good behavior: being dutiful to your parents. I pray that your children will show the same actions towards you and I'm truly delighted that you're showing your children (if you have any) a good example. Kudos!

I don't know your full circumstances, but rather than asking him to come, why don't you go to him? My own father, is shy to take any money from me, for the same reason that you have given.

I still give. I don't know how your communication with your father is, but, as I live in Western society, I really admire their open communication with each other. I've learnt to express my feelings better, taking myself away from my culture.

May I suggest that, you make it a point to call and tell him that you love him as frequently as you can. Words are powerful.

When he's around, hold his hand and tell him that it's because of him that you've grown up so well, being his child, it's his right that you take care of him. Also, tell him that you're happy if he's around you.

I fostered 5 children. Nothing gives me much pleasure than my kids telling me "I love you" or "we're really proud to have you as our dad" or "it's because of you we are well brought up"

I know you're doing that already, but showing extra will not hurt.

I admire your spirit. May God bless you and your family.

[Kittygyal]

tell ur dad ur dere 4 em :giggling: :?
may god bless u n ur dad :uhwhat
u shud go n meet em as he is old r maybe u shud try 2 tlk 2 em everyday....
am not sure on this issue so plz if i've sumet that iz not gud plz do tell me plz :statisfie

[Anette]

Takumi, your words make me so happy. I can see why your children are glad to have you as their father.

I'm very impressed by all the Scandinavian words in this thread. :) It feels like I'm coming home. I could never guess there were so many talking my language.

Jannah, thank you for the verses it answer my question regarding how Islam look at parents who are left alone in this word without their life companion.

You all give me so much response that helping me to get little peace in mind.

I would have visit my father much more often but for the time my car don't work and his is, so it has been a bit easier for him to come here but I will take the bus or the bicycle it is no problem. You're right I ought to go to him more often.

[Saifadin_Qutuz]

heh, you would be amazed...

I have spent most of my childhood in Sweden.... :)