PDA

View Full Version : My Brothers Wife



Dawood
04-12-2005, 08:11 PM
Inshallah if anyone could help me out with this problem I will be very greatful. The problem is a very complicated one and is causing me a great deal of stress. My brother has been married for almost two years now to a very beautiful girl who is now 21 years old. Since our parents live in my home country, my brother and I are the only two of my family members here in the United States. So we are very close. Anyways, I used to visit his house about once every week to hang out and play with my little nephew. Due to the nature of his job my brother has is gone for about a week every month due to traveling, and since he didn't want to leave his wife and baby home alone he asked me to stay with them while he is gone. I was happy to help him out and things were going smoothly until a few months ago. One day when I was at my brothers house and he was away I was writting a term paper for one of my university classes when my brothers wife tried to seduce me. Anyways I refused her advances but she kept trying to seduce me many times after that. Even when she is breast feeding her baby she will expose her breasts infront of me to gage my reaction. I told my brother that I can no longer stay at his house and he wanted to know why so I gave him a fake excuse. But now all I can think about is what happened there at his house. The problem is that I want to tell my brother about this but I'm afraid that if I do he will divorce her and I don't want to cause that to happen. Also, my brother really loves his wife and thinks that she can't do any wrong.
Reply

Login/Register to hide ads. Scroll down for more posts
S_87
04-12-2005, 08:27 PM
:sl:

well firstl i advise you not to go into the house without your brother there
dont even stay in the room without your bro there
infact dont talk to her unless absolutely necessary
because you are not her mahram being free with her no matter how close you and your brother is, is simply not permissible . her attitude was also a very shameful one and a total lack of modesty.

now secondly we need to know why she did this.
so youll need to talk to her to see if she still aknowledges what she did.

i dont know if you should tell your bro if she is sorry for what she did? he has a right to know but this may break the marriage?
but just incase...
be prepared that due to shock he may not believe you and if he does some anger (even though you havent done wrong) may be taken out to you
also be prepared that you sister in law may try to deny what you are saying
this will dampen your relationship a lot so dont let it get you down.
Reply

Umm Yoosuf
04-12-2005, 08:50 PM
Assalaamu Alaykum Brother

The prophet said the "The brother in law is death"....(I can't remember the full hadiths forgive me). In the first last you shouldn't be alone with the sister.

I'd say don't tell your brother...you don't want to split to married couples up...just keep away.....and read hadits on this issue...it's a very dangours place to be in. Allah Knows Best.
Reply

S_87
04-12-2005, 08:56 PM
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "Beware of entering upon women." A man of the Ansaar asked, "O Messenger of Allaah, what do you think about the brother-in-law?" He said, "The brother-in-law is death." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath al-Baari, 9/330)
Reply

Welcome, Guest!
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up
Umm Yoosuf
04-12-2005, 08:58 PM
Alhamdulilaah. Barakallahu feek Ya Okhti
Reply

Saif
04-12-2005, 09:01 PM
Salaam,
first of all mashallah for resisting
secondly none of us are scholars so it may be wise to seek the advice of someone learned who might have some experience in dealing with issues like this- try www.askimam.com
lastly i think the person above is right you dont want to destroy your reputation or you're family if she denies that she ever did such a thing, keep quiet for now make sure youre never alone with her again and generally keep a low profile as this might get her attention away.
You've done well in staying strong so far-keep it up this test won't last for ever inshallah.
Reply

S_87
04-12-2005, 09:04 PM
:sl:

ok this is reverse but it may give advice for future ..

from www.islamqa.com-
answered by sheikh muhammed saleh munajjid

http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=en...e&QR=217&dgn=4
Reply

solid_snake
04-12-2005, 09:13 PM
I think you should tell your brother the truth ...... she wanted to seduce you ... she might have tried to seduce other men as well ...... tell your brother.
Reply

Brother_Mujahid
04-12-2005, 09:32 PM
check your pm bro dawood
Reply

Khattab
04-12-2005, 10:50 PM
Tell him, even if you refuse her advances she will look for someone else, there is something wrong in the marriage that needs to desperetly be talked about between the two. You may well save her the crime of zina if you tell your brother now. May Allah (SWT) give you the strength and emaan against such a test. And remember the stroy of Yusuf (as).

Tell him cause if it isnt you she will go with someone else.
Reply

Dawood
04-13-2005, 12:44 AM
Originally Posted by Khattab
Tell him, even if you refuse her advances she will look for someone else, there is something wrong in the marriage that needs to desperetly be talked about between the two. You may well save her the crime of zina if you tell your brother now. May Allah (SWT) give you the strength and emaan against such a test. And remember the stroy of Yusuf (as).

Tell him cause if it isnt you she will go with someone else.
The thing is I think I had a role in this since I let myself get too close to her. Sometimes we would talk when my brother was around and also when he wasn't around. I never thought of her in that way but I guess I should have been careful because she grew attached to me. So I don't really blame her. I blame myself. Also, I have to keep in mind that if I tell my brother he might divorce her and what kind of effect would that have on my baby nephew?
Reply

solid_snake
04-13-2005, 12:49 AM
Originally Posted by Dawood
The thing is I think I had a role in this since I let myself get too close to her. Sometimes we would talk when my brother was around and also when he wasn't around. I never thought of her in that way but I guess I should have been careful because she grew attached to me. So I don't really blame her. I blame myself. Also, I have to keep in mind that if I tell my brother he might divorce her and what kind of effect would that have on my baby nephew?
but what if she seduced another man and succeded? when your brother finds out and asks did you ever think she would do such a thing? did she ever try to seduce you? well, what are you gonna answer then? If she tried to seduce you and failed, she might want to seduce someone else and succeed.
Reply

*charisma*
04-13-2005, 01:40 AM
Asalamu alaikum brother

First off i believe you should tell your brother what happend no matter what the reaction could be because there must be trust between you and your brother and between him and his wife. she obviously cant contain herself and your brother needs to know this because she couldve done it to anyone else and cheated on your bro.

alhemdulilah that u stopped it before anything really serious could have happend. but i think that ur brother should know because no one is perfect and she isnt either he needs to realize that shes gonna need more than second hand supervision. for now i think that u should stay away from her and it could get ugly meaning she could turn it around on u.

inshallah that wont happen. but keep the trust between you and your brother strong and let him discuss this problem with his wife to strengthen thier trust as well.

i believe that she might have felt lonely or something and she just needs her husband to be around her more.

inshallah this will all turn out for the best
i will make dua for u and may Allah make this easier on both you and your brother ameen.


fi aman Allah
w'salaam
Reply

Sheikh Haroon
04-13-2005, 10:31 AM
Salaam Brother Dawood.

Yes, i too think that you should tell your brother. With hikmah of course. Tell him, she may have been drunk or something. It is unfair on your brother that she do something like that, and he should be warned, because if that is what she is doing to someone he trusts, what would she be doing with someone he doesnt trust? Keep away from her, she is a devil :brother: and get the matter sorted out, using as much intellect as possible.

Regards
Reply

Brother_Mujahid
04-13-2005, 10:59 AM
a person is allowed to lie for one reason, to bring together two people for the sake of Allah.

If a person hides another persons sin Allah will hide your sins on the day of judgement

there is probably more blame on your brother for leaving his wife. so no it is not your fault nor hers but possibly more of the brothers. He should be taking his family with him if hes going to be away for a week or two.

A father and husband are like shephards over their flock of sheep. you can't put someone else in charge and expect nothing to go wrong.
Reply

Umm Yoosuf
04-13-2005, 11:59 AM
Assalaamu Alaykum

I can't beleive brothers and sister are advicing brother Dawood to tell his brother what happened. Can you not see these to couples are married. They have a kid. Brother Dawood was in the wrong by been alone with the sister. And yes shaydan was the third person temptation took place. Have mercy brothers and sister. Brother Dawood take this up with a shaykh Insha Allah who will give you a much more wiser answer then we are giving. May Allah forgive me for that whever wrong I said.

Wa Salaamu Alaykum
Reply

Far7an
04-13-2005, 12:03 PM
Originally Posted by Jannah
Dawood take this up with a shaykh Insha Allah who will give you a much more wiser answer then we are giving.
Indeed, good advice MashaAllah and you if dont feel comfortable visiting a sheikh, there are many sites on the internet which provide this service, you can remain anonymous.
Reply

MetSudaisTwice
04-13-2005, 12:16 PM
Brother you should never have beem in the same room as this sister, whenever there is a male and female in the same room Shaytan is the third person among those two. The Prophet (saw) did not even allow his wife Aisha(ra) to be alone withher own father Abu Bakr(ra).
Reply

Far7an
04-13-2005, 12:22 PM
Originally Posted by metsudaistwice
The Prophet (saw) did not even allow his wife Aisha(ra) to be alone withher own father AbuBakr(ra).
Oh really? I have not seen this before, can you please provide your evidence for this, barakallah feek.

I would think at this point we should stop making comments and let our brother seek advice from a sheikh.

Just a small reminder, that our feelings have no hukm in shariah.
Reply

Brother_Mujahid
04-13-2005, 03:16 PM
Originally Posted by metsudaistwice
The Prophet (saw) did not even allow his wife Aisha(ra) to be alone withher own father Abu Bakr(ra).
that sounds bizzare, hes her mahram
Reply

aamirsaab
04-13-2005, 05:17 PM
k first off it wasnt dawood's fault. he was simply in the wrong place - that happens 2 all of us one in a while.
so he has committed no crime
however, his sister in law has. but, there are probably countless reasons for her behaviour. if it were me i would try and talk to my brother. i understand the implications of this and that they would be extreme. however, if you truly love your borther and wish no harm 2 come to him then talk to him about it. dont start saying, however, oh she came on to me the other day - that wont work.
start the convo off nice and smoothly. i nfact, make dua for your sister in law so that she remians on the right track (btw, dua's do work :))

When was the last time she tried 2 come on to you?
if she tries it again then you should say that it isnt right - she is already married and has a kid and the husband is ur bro...that is really serious neways and could be considered an offense. it is also seriously haram that she even think about it.
Reply

Umm Yoosuf
04-13-2005, 09:55 PM
[QUOTE=metsudaistwice]Brother you should never have beem in the same room as this sister, whenever there is a male and female in the same room Shaytan is the third person among those two. The Prophet (saw) did not even allow his wife Aisha(ra) to be alone withher own father Abu Bakr(ra).[/QUOTE]

:sl:

Really Brother? Have you got hadiths :)
Reply

Mou'minah
04-17-2005, 01:43 AM
:sl: ^^ I've never heard that before as well..I'd like to see the Hadith for that too :D
Reply

SalafiFemaleJih
04-17-2005, 07:21 AM
Asalamaulikum wr wb,

where is dis world leading to?

May Allah swt protect us from EVIL Ameen.
May Allah swt keep us away from whispers of shaytan Ameen.

Ya Allah have mercy on us, protect us, forgive us, and grant us with jannatul firdaus Ameen.

walaikum salaaam wr wb.
Reply

swanlake
04-17-2005, 01:43 PM
:sl:

Whilst we are not scholars...i would ask myself..if i was that husband, would i want to know if my wife isnt acting proper?? What if i as a her husband get deseases from her? if she came on to my brother, who else would she give the come on? who is next? my father? my best friend, neighbour? Normally it is the betrayed person who is the last to find out.

Br Dawood, put yourself in your brother's position and see if you would want to know about this. I sure would want to know.
Reply

ahm
05-05-2005, 01:10 PM
:sl:

I don't think she's been with other guys. I think she's been lacking attention from her husband, especially after the baby. The next closest male being her brother-in-law, so she became attached to him. I think you need to tell your brother to spend more time with her, she has rights on him. I don't think you should tell him what happened (especially if she is housebound and rarely leaves the house, there's no reason for more undue suspicion). I think you should tell his wife that she was "mistaken" and that she's just missing her husband - that way you'll save her some embarrassment, and help her get close again with her husband.

Meanwhile, do not be alone with her.

:w:
Reply

Danish
05-05-2005, 02:47 PM
:sl:
bro metsudaistwice, when hyprocrites accursed Aish (may allah bless her) of adultery, Prophet allowed her to goto Abu Bakar's (may allah bless him) house...is there any authentic hadith for that statement of yours?
Reply

Abubakar
05-12-2005, 01:37 PM
:sl:

Brother Dawood

Firstly you should not be alone with her as you have however innocently encouraged her by over familiarity.

DO NOT tell your brother what has happened. Excuse yourself by telling your brother that he should be giving his wife more attention and you are getting in the way. This is the truth.

If we are honest it is often a failing of us men that we do not give our wives enough attention. Maybe more time together will either highlight the devide between them and they can then do something about it or it will draw them together.

Peace
Reply

anwara
05-17-2005, 03:57 PM
you should have slapped ur sister in law and should have said that ur going to tell her husband, parents.
:sister:
Reply

Far7an
05-17-2005, 04:07 PM
Assalamu alaikum

Some interesting thoughts shared.

Thread closed.
Reply

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 19
    Last Post: 09-27-2009, 07:00 PM
  2. Replies: 87
    Last Post: 05-02-2009, 05:18 PM
  3. Replies: 21
    Last Post: 10-02-2008, 08:14 PM

IslamicBoard

Experience a richer experience on our mobile app!